How would you approach this?

[matthunter]

Or would you just leave it?

So, I have a friend - at least, I think of her as a friend. A while back - inadvertently - I hurt her.

See, I'm her boss. She got pregnant and I wasn't supportive enough. I was terrified for her because I knew there were workplace changes coming and I didn't think she was going to still be in a job afterwards (not my calll, I'd back her in an instant but I'm not that influential) so the news took me on the backfoot and I didn't give her the full support she needed.

OK, I'm a twat. She called me out on it and we patched things up.

Trouble is I'm a paranoid POS who thinks I'm not a good person. Lately she's going through more work stress (possible redundancy, life changes) and is posting memes on FB along the lines of "some people are just toxic, best to get them out of your life".

I intellectually know she has other people in her life she could be referring to, but my diseased brain keeps telling me she means me.

It took a lot for her to confront me last time (even though I thought I was protecting her by not telling her how bad the work situation was, I now see she needed my approval of her life choices more). Because although we're friends, I'm also her line manager... So would she tell me directly if I'm being a twat now? Or are her FB posts a way of hinting at it? Or is it just my own self-loathing telling me this?

 

[PSGarak]

While the inequality in work positions makes things a little more tricky, I don't think you'd be out of line in having a private conversation, either in person or on messenger, whatever works best with the two of you. "I've noticed on FB lately you're struggling with a lot of things. Is there anything I can do to support you right now? Is there anything I'm doing that's contributing to your stress?"

The questions focus on her rather than your feelings and give her room to open up if she is having any issues with you. What I think would be ill advised is trying to get her to reassure you. Social anxiety is a beast, I know. But if you can keep the focus on her instead, you'll find out what you need to know without forcing her to broach the subject (if there is an issue.) It shows that you have learned from your past mistake and are committed to being a good friend.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

@PSGarak 's reply is perfect. If you go to her and the message is "reassure me" and "my feelings" you will be just one more burden. Make it about her feelings and only her feelings. "Are you going through some shit? what can I do? Hey let me buy you lunch!" and that's it. Don't mention AT ALL your thinking it's about you because then it WILL be about you as far stress goes.