GemHaters
Captain
She hopes so...
How Many Of You...?
- Thread starter GemHaters
- Start date
She hopes so...
An example of adaption I have to do would be political points. I enjoy a good political stoush but I realize I will actually lose friends who I value if I respond to their "it's obvious, everyone must believe this" comments with my counter opinion. This isn't because they can't handle different opinions but because they would not enjoy the conflict, the conflict would introduce a stress to the friendship. Because of this I don't have a political based friendship with them, it's based on other interests and values.
So it goes like this..
Friends: "The carbon tax is WONDERFUL it will save the planet!"
Me: "Got any beer?"
Now years ago I would have told them exactly what I thought of the carbon tax and I would have told them my opinion every single time it came up. And this would have stressed them out to the point where they would see me as a confrontational person (which I am by nature) whose company they did not enjoy.
Thing is, I'm not married to these people. We aren't in a romantic relationship. There's no reason I have to feel as free to be upfront about all my opinions and beliefs with them as with a partner. If a partner and I had massive political conflict we would break up because I would need a lot more commonality on the topic of politics. I realize now that it's unrealistic to need that commonality with every friend.
When I was younger I approached every conversation like it was my PERSONAL MISSION to make sure nothing incorrect was said. I was that kid that corrected all the dummies in school on factlets that they got wrong, completely derailing conversations. When I was a teenager I would seize upon anything said that I disagreed with and turn what was a casual comment on the other persons part into a huge debate. That's if they wanted to debate, most people would just back away slowly. It took me a long time to realize that not everyone is wired like me and that I can have friendships that aren't based on my whole personality, maybe just an interest or shared humor.
It's great to go out with people, eat some food, laugh, discuss some fandom interest or whatever and be able to just bleep over our differences. It's nice not to feel like I have to correct everyone with my Awesome Truths.
Blah blah blah, that's a little of my social journey, LOL.
So it goes like this..
Friends: "The carbon tax is WONDERFUL it will save the planet!"
Me: "Got any beer?"
Now years ago I would have told them exactly what I thought of the carbon tax and I would have told them my opinion every single time it came up. And this would have stressed them out to the point where they would see me as a confrontational person (which I am by nature) whose company they did not enjoy.
Thing is, I'm not married to these people. We aren't in a romantic relationship. There's no reason I have to feel as free to be upfront about all my opinions and beliefs with them as with a partner. If a partner and I had massive political conflict we would break up because I would need a lot more commonality on the topic of politics. I realize now that it's unrealistic to need that commonality with every friend.
When I was younger I approached every conversation like it was my PERSONAL MISSION to make sure nothing incorrect was said. I was that kid that corrected all the dummies in school on factlets that they got wrong, completely derailing conversations. When I was a teenager I would seize upon anything said that I disagreed with and turn what was a casual comment on the other persons part into a huge debate. That's if they wanted to debate, most people would just back away slowly. It took me a long time to realize that not everyone is wired like me and that I can have friendships that aren't based on my whole personality, maybe just an interest or shared humor.
It's great to go out with people, eat some food, laugh, discuss some fandom interest or whatever and be able to just bleep over our differences. It's nice not to feel like I have to correct everyone with my Awesome Truths.
Blah blah blah, that's a little of my social journey, LOL.
Well, being myself has gotten me to where I am today...
...so maybe it's time to start pretending to be somebody else
I can get along with most people ok, and have no problem with acquaintances, but haven't made a true friend in a while.
Someone said I looked like Weyoun, I could pretend to be him!
Well his obsequiousness could be second to none
you'd surely do well with the Founders 
That's setting the bar too high, especially if you're a private person.
Well, I guess I agree that I have a difficult time making friends as myself, but that's because I am a very quiet and private person, and many people take that as me being aloof or not wanting to socialize with them. Sometimes there are jokes that I want to make or sarcastic observations, but often I hold them back because most people would not think it funny, or worse, they would think my sarcastic comments are serious. Actually, that happens to me ALL the time, maybe because I'm so quiet and studious, people expect me to be uptight and serious, so when I throw out an unexpected sarcastic comment they don't realize I'm joking and just think I'm rude or weird.
But honestly, I don't really care about all of that, because I find that I have the opposite problem from the OP; more often I have trouble making friends because I don't like the other person, not because they don't like me. I prefer my friends to understand my quiet and anxious nature, but the vast majority of folks really don't. They are loud, outgoing, opinionated, don't know when to keep their mouth shut, like to spend their time drinking or partying, and are dismissive of my desire for personal space and alone time. Maybe other people my own age are just too immature for me. I actually get along best with those about 20 years my senior, but it is hard to build close friendships with those folks because I am at a different stage in my life and can't really relate to what's going on in their lives.
So in conclusion, I have very few close friends because I have a very difficult time finding anyone that I can connect with that is in my age range. I have some older friends that I see every once in a while, but it's hard to spend a lot of time with them because they want to talk about their kids and husbands and their aging parents and such, and I just can't relate to those topics. I have some friends my own age that I see every once in a while, but it is hard to spend a lot of time with them because they always have to include alcohol or they don't understand why I hate parties with large crowds of people and loud irritating music. So basically, I just haven't found anyone that is on the same level as me yet. I'm sure I'll find them someday, and when I do I will be their friend forever.
But honestly, I don't really care about all of that, because I find that I have the opposite problem from the OP; more often I have trouble making friends because I don't like the other person, not because they don't like me. I prefer my friends to understand my quiet and anxious nature, but the vast majority of folks really don't. They are loud, outgoing, opinionated, don't know when to keep their mouth shut, like to spend their time drinking or partying, and are dismissive of my desire for personal space and alone time. Maybe other people my own age are just too immature for me. I actually get along best with those about 20 years my senior, but it is hard to build close friendships with those folks because I am at a different stage in my life and can't really relate to what's going on in their lives.
So in conclusion, I have very few close friends because I have a very difficult time finding anyone that I can connect with that is in my age range. I have some older friends that I see every once in a while, but it's hard to spend a lot of time with them because they want to talk about their kids and husbands and their aging parents and such, and I just can't relate to those topics. I have some friends my own age that I see every once in a while, but it is hard to spend a lot of time with them because they always have to include alcohol or they don't understand why I hate parties with large crowds of people and loud irritating music. So basically, I just haven't found anyone that is on the same level as me yet. I'm sure I'll find them someday, and when I do I will be their friend forever.
I'd say I've found this to be case my whole life. Generally with me it isn't a personality thing, but an interest thing. I've always been into cult tv, movies, sf, y'know the kind of thing we talk about here. Nerdy stuff. Most people aren't so I've found it hard making friends because I'm not into the crap they are into and they are not into the crap I'm into. I've kind of resigned myself to it after all these years. Kinda sad, though.
I actually find that the more I don't care about what others think of me the easier I've found it to make friends. That said, I'm not someone who wants ten billion friends so I don't really go out of my way to make new friends but I do enjoy talking to new people until they become boring which usually happens after ten minutes.
I have had no real problem finding people who are interested in the same things as I am.
My two best friends are not in to Star Trek but they do like other sci-fi and fantasy that I like (Babylon 5, Highlander, Dr Who etc). They are really into vampire stories while I am not.
Occasionally we suggest TV shows to each other. I recently have got one of my friends interested in Lost Girl (but she doesn't seem to like Game of Thrones
). In return she suggested The Almighty Johnsons to me.
When I was doing my library tech course I was pleasantly surprised to find that my classes included many sci-fi fans. At that stage I was buying Voyager and DS9 on VHS before the episodes were shown on TV. First I and my sons watched the videos, then we handed them to my neighbour Dave, once I got them back to him, I took them to class and handed them around (first to Theresa, than to Jack and then to Beth). We often sat around at break time discussing sci-fi.
Maybe there are more nerds among library technicians?
My two best friends are not in to Star Trek but they do like other sci-fi and fantasy that I like (Babylon 5, Highlander, Dr Who etc). They are really into vampire stories while I am not.
Occasionally we suggest TV shows to each other. I recently have got one of my friends interested in Lost Girl (but she doesn't seem to like Game of Thrones
). In return she suggested The Almighty Johnsons to me. When I was doing my library tech course I was pleasantly surprised to find that my classes included many sci-fi fans. At that stage I was buying Voyager and DS9 on VHS before the episodes were shown on TV. First I and my sons watched the videos, then we handed them to my neighbour Dave, once I got them back to him, I took them to class and handed them around (first to Theresa, than to Jack and then to Beth). We often sat around at break time discussing sci-fi.
Maybe there are more nerds among library technicians?
Have problems making friends when you act like yourself? Seriously, I have to pretend to be a completely different person in order to get along with people. It's really got me thinking that either I need to become someone different altogether, or realize that people just suck.
Unfortunantly I suck at acting, so I tend to be myself. Makes it harder to be friends, but the friends I do have I've known for many years. I might not speak to or see some of them for months but we can pick up like yesterday.
Seriously people should accept you for who you are, if they can't that's there problem not yours.
not at all actually...
i'm comfortable being me...
i'll admit i have some unorthodox views and tastes, and my job doesn't really lead to happy relationships lol... but i'm happy being me, the friends i do have just take me as i am, they know what i do and what i'm in to, so after a few questions and the regular "lucky bastard" jibe, we just get along as normal
M
i'm comfortable being me...
i'll admit i have some unorthodox views and tastes, and my job doesn't really lead to happy relationships lol... but i'm happy being me, the friends i do have just take me as i am, they know what i do and what i'm in to, so after a few questions and the regular "lucky bastard" jibe, we just get along as normal
M
I have trouble making friends because I'm a hermit. If I were to leave the house, people would discover how awesome I am and follow me home and never leave me alone again. Can't risk that.
Seriously though, everyone I know locally is either over 50 or under 19. It would feel weird hanging out with them. I generally get my fill of people from the 10+ hours I spend at school every day, anyway, so I don't feel friendless until someone comes over and is like "when people come over, where do they park?" and I have to admit that no one ever comes over.
Seriously though, everyone I know locally is either over 50 or under 19. It would feel weird hanging out with them. I generally get my fill of people from the 10+ hours I spend at school every day, anyway, so I don't feel friendless until someone comes over and is like "when people come over, where do they park?" and I have to admit that no one ever comes over.
What's a "friend?"
No problems here. Just be yourself and don't get all serious about it and you'll be fine. Not all relationships have to be deep-thinking and brooding. Sometimes you just have to go out with the buds, kick back some beers and shoot the shit. I do that. Then you have your work friends and colleagues, "couple friends", hobbyist friends, the list goes on. All are different types of friends who share a similar interest or interests and experiences in your life.
Me!
As far as the original question goes, I find it fairly easy to make acquaintances but more difficult to make friends. Well, I have a lot of people I call friends but at heart I'm really terrified of people rejecting me so it can be difficult to truly get close. I'm always convinced that if someone really gets to know me, they won't want to be my friend anymore.
I don't find it difficult to find people to get along with as myself, however. I think that I might cast a wider net than some people here, which makes me wonder about how people prefer different things. I think I just generally like people, even if we don't share interests, and enjoy spending time together anyway. I definitely understand why other people may not feel the same way.
^Kestra I know the feeling all too well. Rationally I know that you have to expose yourself to that possibility. Though your heart says do you really want to put yourself through that again. Unfortunatly my heart tends to win that argument. Odd because I would say I'm usually ruled by my brain. And tend to come off cold perhaps that is too strong a word but I don't readily show my emotions. Though I know some of my fire nds would say that's not true. I'm just more subtle in the clues I give off.
Humans are social creatures, some more so than others.
Humans are social creatures, some more so than others.
Me!
That's me in a nutshell.
I wasn't always liked that. Sometime in my early 20s I became overly paranoid of what people thought of me. I don't even know why.
You really are too nice for this place.
Have problems making friends when you act like yourself? Seriously, I have to pretend to be a completely different person in order to get along with people. It's really got me thinking that either I need to become someone different altogether, or realize that people just suck.
Nope. I never have problems. I'm always myself. If you like me, great, if you don't, to hell with you.
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