HoneyDoo list is pissing me off!!!

[Stiletto]

Since I got married three years ago, I've been working on things for my wife. She always seems to have one more thing for me to do, usually just as I am finishing her last request. Gardening.... cleaing out the garage... getting the pool ready for summer... that kind of stuff. I've noticed that I haven't played my guitar in months, or played on the computer for any real amount of time lately. Sometimes when my friends ask me to go out with them, I've already gotten something planned that is on her list. I feel like a pussy sometimes! And to top it all off, my male friends and I just laugh and shake our heads that life is like this and there's nothing to do about it, and it usually works as an excuse that is acceptable.

I'm not having it!!!

I'm sure I'm not the only guy that has this list from their wife. Heaven forbid if I were to leave her a list of things for her to have done while I'm off at work. Go ahead, try it!!! I'm sure even the most nondemanding wife would be outraged by it.

It just seems like something that society makes males have to meekly accept.

Any thoughts???

 

[auntiehill]

How about telling your wife, "NO, I want to play my guitar today?"

My hubby asks me all the time about things I want done around the house that, because of my health, I can't or shouldn't do. I tell what I want done, and maybe one of them will get done in 3 months time. But if there's something I'm after him to do, I help him with it as much as possible.

Sometimes, he says "I've got other plans this weekend," and that's OK. I do all the errands, like banking, bill paying, laundry, cooking and cleaning. He does the yard work and anything requiring heavy lifting or power tools. I work from my home office, so I can get all the small things done, but he's at work 9-10 hours a day, so he doesn't have much time at home.

Surely you can work on some kind of compromise. For instance, I do the gardening, but he will go buy the mulch and set the bags out, since I'm not supposed to lift heavy things. So I can just drag the bags out and get to work. He mows and I sweep up the driveway afterwards. I cook dinner but he is charge of getting the dishes done. I round up the recycling but he is in charge of taking the trash out.

If you did these things together, it would get done a lot faster. And you should always have the option of saying, "Not today. Maybe later."

 

[Sephiroth]

*sigh* there is only one thing you can do *breaks out the pump gun* make me proud, son

 

[Hermiod]

What are your garden and your pool for ? If you don't have time to enjoy them then they are just things to be maintained and you may as well get rid of them.

In fact, if you spend your whole life working then why even be married or even alive?

 

[JonathonWally]

Make her a list too.

 

[TheWifeOfBrian]

Stand up to her. NICELY! I don't mean "beat her senseless and set fire to the sofa" but sit down with her and explain that you require some time to do your thing too.

Odds are she simply doesn't realize that she's overwhelming you.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

It just seems like something that society makes males have to meekly accept.

Society isn't making you do anything. You choose to. You don't have to.

No one should let their partner treat them like a slave. (Outside of role playing of course. ) Honey-do lists are bullshit. If there are things that need doing, then do them, but work it out nicely.

 

[Garrovick]

I'm not even married or have a live in GalPal, and I have HoneyDoo list that nags me daily.

Chores are chores

 

[TheWifeOfBrian]

I'm not even married or have a live in GalPal, and I have HoneyDoo list that nags me daily.

Chores are chores

Ah but the OP's complaint seems to be above and beyond the daily routine.

 

[An Officer]

A pool to get ready, eh? It's a life of sacrifice, I see.

 

[Garrovick]

I'm not even married or have a live in GalPal, and I have HoneyDoo list that nags me daily.

Chores are chores

Ah but the OP's complaint seems to be above and beyond the daily routine.

Nope, it's part of being married. I was married once. 20 some years ago.

 

[RJDiogenes]

You must rebel. Start small by wearing a "Don't Tread On Me" tee shirt, and then move on to dumping all the Tea into the pool.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Just be really crap at doing everything ~ female pride will take over and she'll end up doing it herself As my man does when I ask for help with cooking, cleaning, running errands... I've just figured out what he's done there .
Just say 'I'll do it tomorrow, tonight I'm playing guitar with my mates'. Add a big grin and crossed fingers behind your back

 

[SicOne]

Just be really crap at doing everything ~ female pride will take over and she'll end up doing it herself As my man does when I ask for help with cooking, cleaning, running errands... I've just figured out what he's done there .
Just say 'I'll do it tomorrow, tonight I'm playing guitar with my mates'. Add a big grin and crossed fingers behind your back

K'ehleyr's spot-on. Husbandly incompetence proudly displayed will insure she doesn't ever ask you to perform that task again. After the legendary Nine Quarts Incident, Mrs. SicOne has never asked me to check the oil on her car ever again. But that wasn't pretend; it was the real deal stupidity (well, lack of knowledge and I didn't read the owner's manual, really).

Though you're kinda screwed because you've been performing competently for a few years now, so she'll know you're shamming if it's stuff you've done well in the past.

Unless you fake a stroke or something like that.

 

[SicOne]

Since I got married three years ago, I've been working on things for my wife. She always seems to have one more thing for me to do, usually just as I am finishing her last request. Gardening.... cleaing out the garage... getting the pool ready for summer... that kind of stuff. I've noticed that I haven't played my guitar in months, or played on the computer for any real amount of time lately. Sometimes when my friends ask me to go out with them, I've already gotten something planned that is on her list. I feel like a pussy sometimes! And to top it all off, my male friends and I just laugh and shake our heads that life is like this and there's nothing to do about it, and it usually works as an excuse that is acceptable.

I'm not having it!!!

I'm sure I'm not the only guy that has this list from their wife. Heaven forbid if I were to leave her a list of things for her to have done while I'm off at work. Go ahead, try it!!! I'm sure even the most nondemanding wife would be outraged by it.

It just seems like something that society makes males have to meekly accept.

Any thoughts???

"Honey, sweetie, of this extensive list you have given me, which ONE TASK do you absolutely need me to do before I get on with MY day?"

 

[RoJoHen]

I would ask her what project she is working on that she can't do some of the stuff on the list.

The list should be "Thing we need to get done," not "Things my husband has to do."

My parents always have one project or another around the house, but they work on them together.

 

[sidious618]

Here's an idea: don't do everything she tells you to do.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

After the legendary Nine Quarts Incident, Mrs. SicOne has never asked me to check the oil on her car ever again.

Sounds like the legendary Garage Fire Incident which is why my dad has never asked *himself* to cook turkeys in a fryer ever again. (Kind of a shame, really, since we know what we did wrong - too much oil - and turkeys cooked in a fryer taste wicked good... )

 

[nevermore]

How about telling your wife, "NO, I want to play my guitar today?"

Here's an idea: don't do everything she tells you to do.

These. I mean, it sounds like she's at home all day? Is she disabled, or is there something that monopolizes her time to the point where she can't contribute to these tasks?

On the other hand, if she's not a housewife, do you leave all the small chores (cooking, cleaning etc.) to her, or do you help with those as well as doing all the big tasks? Maybe she's dumping it all on you to get back at you for sticking her with all the crap work.

 

[Jan]

Are you serious or just blowing off a little steam? The the things she asks you to do routine maintenance or something that you also benefit from?

If you're serious, how about talking to her about it? That's the adult, mature thing to do.

Jan