I can relate to the above article. I have always viewed myself as an introspective, introverted, and fairly timid and anxious person since I was a child. Do you feel your personality is petty much the same since childhood? Have you changed significantly and if so how?
Have You Always Been You?
- Thread starter The Boy Who Cried Worf
- Start date
I can relate to the above article. I have always viewed myself as an introspective, introverted, and fairly timid and anxious person since I was a child. Do you feel your personality is petty much the same since childhood? Have you changed significantly and if so how?
No, I'm a new and better version of me, constantly evolving and improving.
A
Amaris
Guest
For most of my life I have been introverted. More recently (as in the past 3-4 years or so), I have become much more extroverted, although that process has been a bit bumpy, in that while not losing my personality, but accenting the more rough and abrasive aspects of it. That, however, is starting to turn once more, moderating itself into a more balanced extroversion, while still keeping the underlying self.
J
Jetfire
Guest
I killed my original self. 
Well, in some ways I'm the same, but in others I'm not. I don't think it was the result of a change so much as an "awakening" or a realization of potential, but at age 11 I experienced a "personality shift"- at least I always call it such. 
I used to be a very logic-based child, inclined towards mathematics and hard science, very controlled and analytical and pretty much Obsessive Compulsive about neatness and everything being in its place. At age 11, my mind shifted, and I became the opposite - inclined towards literature, art and "soft" sciences instead of hard science and maths, more intuition based, far more relaxed. However, if I think about it, I don't see it as actually having changed who I am - I was always very imaginative and flexible in a loose, decidedly non-orderly way internally- no matter my outward manner (I had literally hundreds of imaginary friends, although admittedly quite a few were supporting characters...). It's just that I operated inside a cage of my own mind and now I don't. I think the apparent shift was simply the result of a survival strategy. I'm very sensitive to my surroundings- sensory overload is a real problem, sometimes, and the way my memory works doesn't help. I'm convinced the reason my mind was so oddly tight, controlled and logical as a young child- and why I was so obsessed with neatness and keeping things in place- was to protect it. I needed the "shields" kept up, the control in place. If I had opened up and "been myself" at younger ages it would have destroyed me. You know like those autistic children who are really fast developers, really complex little minds, then they just suddenly lose it, shut down, even go catatonic? I was diagnosed with aspergers, but I never had any serious problems (I've always wondered why these other children, whose development histories mirror mine so closely, didn't get through it the way I did -same development rate, same milestones, same sudden drop at the same time...only I bounced back and they didn't
). Anyway, I had to maintain a tight controlled orderly mind to keep processing everything...and at about 11, my mind had grown sophisticated or powerful enough to deal with it all, and I dropped those shields and let myself be.
I actually had a powerful recurring dream that I think supports this. Throughout my childhood, I had a dream about a tsunami - I was in a bay, and trying to climb a ladder up a sheer cliff to escape. The tsunami always washed over me before I reached the top; until one time I made it. That was around about the time of the shift...so naturally I look back on that now as obvious symbolism, my mind telling itself/me/whatever that it was ready, that I could drop those barriers and open my mind without "drowning" in it all.
One of the problems of the whole thing is that it left me with a subconscious bias that I have to work to overcome - basically, that overly careful, controlled people who act too deliberately "logical" and neatly are childish and yet to "grow up", as opposed to just different. Amusingly, I assume it's the exact same bias some people have towards those who are "childish" in more regularly accepted ways- they probably consider the traits I view as "mature" childish, and those I view as childish mature.
There are a few other changes, but again at heart I think I was the same then as I am now. I've always been good with people I meet in person - good at reading them, good at seeing through them, for some reason having them like me, and yet also socially awkward and a bit infuriating to those who know me. I've always lacked any instinct for aggression, which is actually now a problem because thanks to circumstances I've wound up with a deep core of bitter anger that I don't know what to do with or how to release, because I don't have any valve for doing so. And I've always had a strong connection to the natural world- in a purely philosophical sense; don't ask me to actually hold an animal, because I'll flinch from the budgie's punishing beak or the hamster's fearsome claws...
I used to be a very logic-based child, inclined towards mathematics and hard science, very controlled and analytical and pretty much Obsessive Compulsive about neatness and everything being in its place. At age 11, my mind shifted, and I became the opposite - inclined towards literature, art and "soft" sciences instead of hard science and maths, more intuition based, far more relaxed. However, if I think about it, I don't see it as actually having changed who I am - I was always very imaginative and flexible in a loose, decidedly non-orderly way internally- no matter my outward manner (I had literally hundreds of imaginary friends, although admittedly quite a few were supporting characters...). It's just that I operated inside a cage of my own mind and now I don't. I think the apparent shift was simply the result of a survival strategy. I'm very sensitive to my surroundings- sensory overload is a real problem, sometimes, and the way my memory works doesn't help. I'm convinced the reason my mind was so oddly tight, controlled and logical as a young child- and why I was so obsessed with neatness and keeping things in place- was to protect it. I needed the "shields" kept up, the control in place. If I had opened up and "been myself" at younger ages it would have destroyed me. You know like those autistic children who are really fast developers, really complex little minds, then they just suddenly lose it, shut down, even go catatonic? I was diagnosed with aspergers, but I never had any serious problems (I've always wondered why these other children, whose development histories mirror mine so closely, didn't get through it the way I did -same development rate, same milestones, same sudden drop at the same time...only I bounced back and they didn't
). Anyway, I had to maintain a tight controlled orderly mind to keep processing everything...and at about 11, my mind had grown sophisticated or powerful enough to deal with it all, and I dropped those shields and let myself be. I actually had a powerful recurring dream that I think supports this. Throughout my childhood, I had a dream about a tsunami - I was in a bay, and trying to climb a ladder up a sheer cliff to escape. The tsunami always washed over me before I reached the top; until one time I made it. That was around about the time of the shift...so naturally I look back on that now as obvious symbolism, my mind telling itself/me/whatever that it was ready, that I could drop those barriers and open my mind without "drowning" in it all.
One of the problems of the whole thing is that it left me with a subconscious bias that I have to work to overcome - basically, that overly careful, controlled people who act too deliberately "logical" and neatly are childish and yet to "grow up", as opposed to just different. Amusingly, I assume it's the exact same bias some people have towards those who are "childish" in more regularly accepted ways- they probably consider the traits I view as "mature" childish, and those I view as childish mature.
There are a few other changes, but again at heart I think I was the same then as I am now. I've always been good with people I meet in person - good at reading them, good at seeing through them, for some reason having them like me, and yet also socially awkward and a bit infuriating to those who know me. I've always lacked any instinct for aggression, which is actually now a problem because thanks to circumstances I've wound up with a deep core of bitter anger that I don't know what to do with or how to release, because I don't have any valve for doing so. And I've always had a strong connection to the natural world- in a purely philosophical sense; don't ask me to actually hold an animal, because I'll flinch from the budgie's punishing beak or the hamster's fearsome claws...
I've definitely become less shy. All through high school I was very introverted. I decided to use college as a fresh start since noone there knew me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still more of an introvert, but I'm much less so now. I definitely like the new me better.
And to echo what someone else said, I've also become a lot more mellow over the last couple years. Everyday things used to affect me greatly. About two years ago something fairly momentous happened to me and I had to force myself to "let things go". As a result, hardly anything affects me for a significant portion of time. Sure, I still get mad when the situation warrants it, but I've learned to get over it, stop worrying, and let life go on.
Having said that, my interests and the way my brain works have primarily stayed the same throughout my whole life, as far as I can tell, so there may be something to the report, but I wouldn't say it's an all-or-nothing thing.
And to echo what someone else said, I've also become a lot more mellow over the last couple years. Everyday things used to affect me greatly. About two years ago something fairly momentous happened to me and I had to force myself to "let things go". As a result, hardly anything affects me for a significant portion of time. Sure, I still get mad when the situation warrants it, but I've learned to get over it, stop worrying, and let life go on.
Having said that, my interests and the way my brain works have primarily stayed the same throughout my whole life, as far as I can tell, so there may be something to the report, but I wouldn't say it's an all-or-nothing thing.
I used to be a LOT more extroverted when I was younger. I'd talk to anyone about anything, well most anything. Almost always had a 'best friend' in my class, and some in other classes as well from years before. I had people who liked me and a few who didn't, but I could always talk to someone.
Then by the time I was around 11 or 12, around the time I started middle school, things started to change a bit. I still had my one best friend, but I think if he hadn't gone to the same school as me that wouldn't have continued. I had acquaintances at school, people I'd be wiling to work with, but it was more of a professional relationship than as friends. I became more introverted, talked less, studied more.
I think a combination of a few things happened around that time and I haven't really done anything since then to correct them. I think I got burned one too many times by people my own age that I thought were 'friends' but weren't. I'd be excluded purposely because my Mom was the one who ran the Camp Fire group. I don't even know that they did on purpose but while everyone else in the group had a 'best friend' I was alone. I was on an OM team that purposely excluded me from doing parts of the presentation in competition as well despite all the work I'd done in helping to prepare the project.
It was also around that time I started having thyroid issues, which I can understand can lead to certain physical issues and I think I became more aware of my 'issues' being both short and the sudden weight gain and realizing how different from others I REALLY was because of my Turner's Syndrome because while others were hitting growth spurts I was still only making little gains in height.
Lastly around that time I became disillusioned with the church and it's teaching. I saw the hypocrisy of it all in the way the children in Sunday school treated me as well. I wasn't poor by any means, but we certainly weren't the richest family in town either and the kids with rich parents liked to lord that over me, make me feel bad for wearing the clothes I did or not going to the 'nicer' elementary schools. I liked my clothes, my school, that my Grandma lived only two blocks from our house even if it wasn't the nice part of town. I started questioning why people who were supposed to 'treat others as they wanted to be treated' would act like that and started questioning further teachings as well. I realized I had no real reason for believing outside of that it's what I'd always been told. I'd never liked the 'because I told you so' answers to difficult questions and I think it was around this time I became a closet atheist. I've never come out and directly told anyone in my family my real feelings about this, though they do know my aversion to most things 'church'.
I don't know...I think the outspoken, loudmouthed part of my still comes out at times but usually only around people I really trust. Half the time when I do let her out I get burned again. I keep certain parts of myself under wraps, you could say, and it's easier just to be away from the possibility of being hurt by simply not talking to people. I think it's the reason I've never done well with roommates and probably why I've never had a boyfriend or relationship of any kind. I need a certain amount of time to 'collect' myself and keep in control and with roommates there's almost never time for that.
It never used to be like that when I was little. I never needed to hide who I am like I do now, so I guess I have changed in personality in a way. I've become more guarded, more introspective and heck of a lot quieter than I used to be before I was twelve. I wish I could change it so that I could actually be open to the possibility of a boyfriend but I think I've been so burnt by other attempts at friendships and relationships in general I just don't want to take the chance of seeing someone treat me like that again.
So I guess the answer is...no, I haven't always been me.
Then by the time I was around 11 or 12, around the time I started middle school, things started to change a bit. I still had my one best friend, but I think if he hadn't gone to the same school as me that wouldn't have continued. I had acquaintances at school, people I'd be wiling to work with, but it was more of a professional relationship than as friends. I became more introverted, talked less, studied more.
I think a combination of a few things happened around that time and I haven't really done anything since then to correct them. I think I got burned one too many times by people my own age that I thought were 'friends' but weren't. I'd be excluded purposely because my Mom was the one who ran the Camp Fire group. I don't even know that they did on purpose but while everyone else in the group had a 'best friend' I was alone. I was on an OM team that purposely excluded me from doing parts of the presentation in competition as well despite all the work I'd done in helping to prepare the project.
It was also around that time I started having thyroid issues, which I can understand can lead to certain physical issues and I think I became more aware of my 'issues' being both short and the sudden weight gain and realizing how different from others I REALLY was because of my Turner's Syndrome because while others were hitting growth spurts I was still only making little gains in height.
Lastly around that time I became disillusioned with the church and it's teaching. I saw the hypocrisy of it all in the way the children in Sunday school treated me as well. I wasn't poor by any means, but we certainly weren't the richest family in town either and the kids with rich parents liked to lord that over me, make me feel bad for wearing the clothes I did or not going to the 'nicer' elementary schools. I liked my clothes, my school, that my Grandma lived only two blocks from our house even if it wasn't the nice part of town. I started questioning why people who were supposed to 'treat others as they wanted to be treated' would act like that and started questioning further teachings as well. I realized I had no real reason for believing outside of that it's what I'd always been told. I'd never liked the 'because I told you so' answers to difficult questions and I think it was around this time I became a closet atheist. I've never come out and directly told anyone in my family my real feelings about this, though they do know my aversion to most things 'church'.
I don't know...I think the outspoken, loudmouthed part of my still comes out at times but usually only around people I really trust. Half the time when I do let her out I get burned again. I keep certain parts of myself under wraps, you could say, and it's easier just to be away from the possibility of being hurt by simply not talking to people. I think it's the reason I've never done well with roommates and probably why I've never had a boyfriend or relationship of any kind. I need a certain amount of time to 'collect' myself and keep in control and with roommates there's almost never time for that.
It never used to be like that when I was little. I never needed to hide who I am like I do now, so I guess I have changed in personality in a way. I've become more guarded, more introspective and heck of a lot quieter than I used to be before I was twelve. I wish I could change it so that I could actually be open to the possibility of a boyfriend but I think I've been so burnt by other attempts at friendships and relationships in general I just don't want to take the chance of seeing someone treat me like that again.
So I guess the answer is...no, I haven't always been me.
I was like JonathonWally but now I'm new and improved to the best model possible! 
I think I've become more extroverted in some areas. When I was growing up, I had very few friends. Now, I have a lot, and the number seems to be growing all the time.
There's a reason there's a joke in Toronto fandom that I know everybody - I used to protest that that was impossible, but whenever a name comes up in conversation, I've inevitably met them, if not spent time hanging out with them. So I've stopped protesting and accepted that I do, in fact, know everybody.
So if you ever get a visitor from Canada, or you're talking to someone at a convention, and you ask them if they know Lance, don't be surprised if the answer is yes.
(I've attended multiple cons in Washington DC, Boston, Los Angeles, Atlanta and Montreal, and I've also been to cons in San Jose, Ann Arbor, Chicago, Chattanooga and Winnipeg, and I have friends in all those cities, as well as friends in various European countries, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand and Israel. So yeah, there are a lot of people in fandom who know who I am.)
Though I still want to know who arranged this: a couple of years ago, I was at a convention, and I was in line for Adam West's autograph. Now, I'd never before attended any convention that he'd been at, but I got to the front of the line, picked the photo I wanted signed, and told his assistant my name. Once Mr. West had signed the photo of the person in front of me, his assistant turned to him and said, "And this is Lance." He replied, "I know Lance! Everyone knows who Lance is!"
Anyway, that's a long-winded way of saying that I went from having two friends when I was 16 to having hundreds now, all over the world. I must have done something right.
Oh, and my sense of humour has gotten a lot dirtier over the past 25 years, and I'm much more prone to say whatever pops into my mind if I think someone will find it remotely funny. (I did restrain myself today, when I was outside with a bunch of co-workers and one of them was giving another a backrub. One of the directors made a joke about the backrubs costing five dollars, and my mind immediately came up with "but will I get a happy ending?" I didn't say it, as I try to maintain a professional deameanour at work, at least around everyone but ChrinFinity... but 30 seconds later, said director made the same joke. I guess I should have said it after all.)
There's a reason there's a joke in Toronto fandom that I know everybody - I used to protest that that was impossible, but whenever a name comes up in conversation, I've inevitably met them, if not spent time hanging out with them. So I've stopped protesting and accepted that I do, in fact, know everybody.
So if you ever get a visitor from Canada, or you're talking to someone at a convention, and you ask them if they know Lance, don't be surprised if the answer is yes.
(I've attended multiple cons in Washington DC, Boston, Los Angeles, Atlanta and Montreal, and I've also been to cons in San Jose, Ann Arbor, Chicago, Chattanooga and Winnipeg, and I have friends in all those cities, as well as friends in various European countries, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand and Israel. So yeah, there are a lot of people in fandom who know who I am.)Though I still want to know who arranged this: a couple of years ago, I was at a convention, and I was in line for Adam West's autograph. Now, I'd never before attended any convention that he'd been at, but I got to the front of the line, picked the photo I wanted signed, and told his assistant my name. Once Mr. West had signed the photo of the person in front of me, his assistant turned to him and said, "And this is Lance." He replied, "I know Lance! Everyone knows who Lance is!"
Anyway, that's a long-winded way of saying that I went from having two friends when I was 16 to having hundreds now, all over the world. I must have done something right.
Oh, and my sense of humour has gotten a lot dirtier over the past 25 years, and I'm much more prone to say whatever pops into my mind if I think someone will find it remotely funny. (I did restrain myself today, when I was outside with a bunch of co-workers and one of them was giving another a backrub. One of the directors made a joke about the backrubs costing five dollars, and my mind immediately came up with "but will I get a happy ending?" I didn't say it, as I try to maintain a professional deameanour at work, at least around everyone but ChrinFinity... but 30 seconds later, said director made the same joke. I guess I should have said it after all.)
As a child, I was uptight, about almost everything, even food - I liked it plain and dry. Toys I thought were silly, I also thought other children my age were silly and stuck to being around adults. I was also stubborn - it was impossible to change my mind when it was made up - even from my earliest memories. I remember being around three and my mother wasn't able to dress me as she wished.
Goodness, I must have been a nun or monk in a previous life! I was quite austere as a small child. I guess I'm still the same in my core, somewhere, but I have tried to dilute that a little bit over time, and that's instigated a lot of changes, thankfully. I hope the progress will continue. I don't see why it shouldn't if I continue working on myself.
Goodness, I must have been a nun or monk in a previous life! I was quite austere as a small child.
I guess I'm still the same in my core, somewhere, but I have tried to dilute that a little bit over time, and that's instigated a lot of changes, thankfully. I hope the progress will continue. I don't see why it shouldn't if I continue working on myself.
I'm more confident. I suppose the other thing is that I have more 'masks' in my closet. Another shy, quiet, introverted type here but compared to when I was younger (say pre-18) I wasn't as comfortable around people in general, let alone the range of people I am now in terms of attitude, age, education etc...
I have a better sense of humour, more witty than I was as a kid too.
At the heart of it though I still need my space and my time to myself. I still read a lot, working on puzzles (even if they are more electronic) and finding ways to amuse myself that aren't reliant on anyone else being needed. Legacy of the only child thing.
I have a better sense of humour, more witty than I was as a kid too.
At the heart of it though I still need my space and my time to myself. I still read a lot, working on puzzles (even if they are more electronic) and finding ways to amuse myself that aren't reliant on anyone else being needed. Legacy of the only child thing.
I had very poor self-confidence as a child and was much more quiet and shy than I am now. I could only relax around close friends and then my (somewhat bizarre) sense of humour would come out. I was much more wound up as a child but I taught myself to chill when I was in my late teens. I noticed that I was letting every stupid little thing bother me and that this was a waste of time and effort. It took a while for me to calm down but I slowly became easier to live with.
One thing that hasn't changed is my lifelong refusal to be a sheep and blindly follow the flock. If anything, I've become more cynical as I've aged, because who wants to be like the majority of people out there? I'm perfectly happy being the weird, geeky kid in the corner of the playground now.
One thing that hasn't changed is my lifelong refusal to be a sheep and blindly follow the flock. If anything, I've become more cynical as I've aged, because who wants to be like the majority of people out there? I'm perfectly happy being the weird, geeky kid in the corner of the playground now.
I'm the same boy I used to be. Well, if you went back about 45 years, you'd find a kid who was a rough sketch of who I am now; over the years, details have been filled in and the composition refined, but I would call that growth, not change. I was always quiet and thoughtful, sensitive to the pain of others, though gifted with a bizarre and sometimes caustic sense of humor, and I was always a voracious reader, and motivated to write and draw my own stories; my interests in literature and art and astronomy and paleontology go back as far as my memory reaches. My range of interests has certainly expanded over the years, though. But I was always very recognizably me.
