Good Advice: Being Polite to Sell Your Message

[AstroSmurf]

I adore Phil Plait. I also admit that I am totally in love with this man and his beautiful brain. If he wasn't already married I would most likely be attempting to court him with my best bib and tucker.

Who is Phil Plait, you ask? Phil is an astronomer, lecturer, and author. He is also creator of the fascinating website called Bad Astronomy which debunks the horribly skewed science used in pop culture. He also spent ten years working on the Hubble Space Telescope. Now he works as an educator and has written two books, dozens of magazine articles, and daily bits for his fascinating blog at Discover.com. He is a skeptic, and loves fighting misuses of science while presenting the wonder of real science. He is a man after my own pulmonary system.

Like Phil, I am a devout skeptic. By nature I question EVERYTHING. It is who I am. I have also spent most of my life spewing a "self annihilating message" to people who are hard wired with the motivation for faith. I accept my voice falls on mostly deaf ears. But, after a while, I admit that I find myself becoming enormously frustrated with people, especially when I find their arguments to be nothing more than piles of monkey crap. I will even lose my temper from time to time and lower myself to name calling and mud slinging. It is just human nature to balance frustration with an angry outburst.

Do I have a point, you ask? I do. Mr. Plait's latest submission to his blog is about learning to be polite to help carry your message... or as he puts it "Don't Be A Dick". Check out the video of his lecture. I think you will find it funny yet informative. I thought I would share.

But what is this good advice you spoke of? The advice is this. Being polite carries more weight than screaming and being an all around jack ass. Not only are people more inclined to listen to what you have to say but they will also be more open to it as well. Or as my mama would say, "You get more flies with honey than vinegar."

So what do you think? Is Phil right? Does being polite open more doors? And I am also curious about what people think of politeness in general. Do you think it is a social construct that hides people's true intentions or is it a much needed social lubricant that keeps folks from ripping each other to shreds?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I think it goes without saying that if you directly assault someone's deeply-head beliefs, you are not going to get far. Right or wrong, the basic human reaction is to resist and deflect, ignore whatever message is contradicting your belief system.

If some takes a more polite and even-handed approach, I think most people are thoughtful enough that they will at least chew on it, even if they don't immediately agree with it. I think it's more effective to present someone with thoughtful questions rather than nail them with confrontational answers.

"Why do you believe this?" is a much more effective tool than saying, "Believing in that is stupid and you're stupid for believing it."

 

[Arrqh]

Oh heh, I posted a threat about this elsewhere not realizing this was here.

I think Phil is absolutely right. I really enjoyed his talk in general, but what really struck me was when he said that we don't need warriors, we need diplomats. My brain tingled a bit at that. All attack gets you is defensive actions and people hardening their existing opinions... you can never reach anyone that way. Emotion is important, but you can't win an argument if that's all you're basing things on... any argument, at its core, must be based on reason and all vitriol will do is cover that up.

That said, flies totally prefer vinegar

 

[RJDiogenes]

It's pretty much always better to be nice to people, rather than combative. Of course, it also depends on the circumstances. If I'm arguing with a friend, it's easy to be nice, since my motivation is to improve their understanding or outlook. But if I'm arguing with someone who is campaigning to replace law with religion or include mythology as science in schoolbooks, then it's easy to get upset.

 

[trekkiebaggio]

I think it's good advice, generally if you're polite then people are less likely to get angry. It's similar to one of the rules of bouncing (is it bouncing or bouncering?) Patrick Swayze's character says in Roadhouse - be nice.