G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

[Aragorn]

There's always stuff in trailers that don't make the final cut.

The Negotiator had a clip that gave away which side Kevin Spacey was on but it wasn't in the movie.

Major League has a line that people quote A LOT but it wasn't even in the movie -- "That ball wouldn't have been out in a lot of parks." "Name one." "Yellowstone."

 

[Flying Spaghetti Monster]

I just got back. I have been a Joe fan since.. forever. If I was doing a movie I would have kept it darker and more serious, a'la Batman Begins but...

Knowing what the tone of this film was, I loved almost every minute of it. I grinned thorughout the movie. I friggin had a blast.

I looooved Scarlett
, she was always my favorite. Interesting though that despite how "tough" she is supposed to be, she needed help in the opening scene, she got beat up by the Baronees (even with that cool suit) and she needed rescue in Paris.

 

[Trekker4747]

Below Average, and mostly because there was so much shitty CGI.

Have you ever seen Van Helsing or The Mummy Returns? The CGI in this movie makes those look like The T-Rex in Jurassic Park. Bad CGI is what Sommers is known for, so I went in expecting it.

PSSSST. Special Effects have improved since 2004 and 2001.

 

[Michael Chris]

Just watched this movie. Worse than Wolverine. Worse than Terminator Salvation. I'm all for braindead popcorn flicks, but don't lobotomize the audience in the process.

Now I'll never claim it's Citizen Kane, but there is no way in Hell it's worse then Wolverine or Terminator:Salvation. For one, it knows it's a bad, stupid movie and has fun with it. The others actually thought they were good. And this is coming from someone who usually hates Stephen Sommers films.

I quite enjoyed Terminator: Salvation. G.I. Joe, however, was I think the worst movie I've ever seen. Just an abhorrent mess that should be thrown in one of those nuclear waste canisters, shot into space, and burned in the sun.

 

[JRS]

I know G.I. Joe mainly from the comic books, that where published under the name Action Force in Finland. I had dozens of these comics and wish I had kept them. So in short: I was a fan and loved the comics..interesting characters, action and good stories.
When I went to see the film today, I expected to see a crappy film. I was pleasantly suprised..the film was very good...no brainer action film.

The Good:
+ Baroness. She was the best character in the whole film and I think Miller suited( in all the meanings on the word) to the role perfectly.
+ Scarlett, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow..these three where interesting characters and casting was successful. Rachel Nichols looked great as a readhead.
+ Destro was better than I though he would be..so was Cobra Commander.
+ Action..action...and...more...ACTION. Liked the action scenes, for the most part they where thrilling and fun to watch.
+ Music was nice.
+ Editing was pretty good...for the most part, you could see who was shooring or beating up who.

The Bad:
- Duke..he came off bit too stiff for my taste.
- The Underwater sub to sub fights where bit boring after a while.
- Some too cartoony CGI..though, I can live with it.
- Baroness becoming "good" so suddenly...I hope she will go back to dark side in the sequel.
- the silly plastic mask of Cobra Commanders in the end..

In overall GI JOE is a good enough actioner and no brainer. It was nice to see these characters come to life on the screen. I actually want to see a trilogy at least..with the same cast and some new characters,too

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

GI Joe was one of my favourite shows growing up and I love the comics so I was so excited for a movie to finally be made.

I went into the movie 'forgetting' everything I knew about GI Joe and that made the movie way better. If you go in and expect it to be exactly the cartoon/comic, you'll be pissing and moaning when you walk out. If you go in there and just take it for what it is and not expect it to be the same, you'll enjoy it more.

Some CGI moments were questionable. In this day and age, a polar bear in a movie shouldn't look like the ones in the Coke commercials.

Sienna Miller is the luckiest woman alive playing the Baroness.

Storm Shadow had me wetting my seat. Damn. Just daaaaaaaaamn.

Cobra Commander was actually a lot better done than I would have thought. He was great until he put on his fail mask. That plastic looking piece of shit better be improved in the next movie.

Snake Eyes was naturally awesome and the fights between him and SS had my heart racing.

Destro wasn't bad but he looked weird at the end with his signature silver head. It just looked bigger than the rest of him.

Everyone else was great in the movie, minus some very minor crappy acting my Channing Tatum, and Cover Girl got owned too easily.

 

[captcalhoun]

i love you...

it's like the guy on Yo Joe said, GI Joe changes about every 10 yeaers, first it was the 12in real soldiers, then it was the 12in Adventure Team, then it was 3 3/4in ARAH, then Sgt Savage. Now, it's this. it's like how Transformers has changed from G1 and 2 to BW and BM, to RiD, Armada/Energon/Cybertron to Bayformers and Animated.

 

[Thrall]

Just watched this movie. Worse than Wolverine. Worse than Terminator Salvation. I'm all for braindead popcorn flicks, but don't lobotomize the audience in the process.

Now I'll never claim it's Citizen Kane, but there is no way in Hell it's worse then Wolverine or Terminator:Salvation. For one, it knows it's a bad, stupid movie and has fun with it. The others actually thought they were good. And this is coming from someone who usually hates Stephen Sommers films.

I quite enjoyed Terminator: Salvation. G.I. Joe, however, was I think the worst movie I've ever seen. Just an abhorrent mess that should be thrown in one of those nuclear waste canisters, shot into space, and burned in the sun.

Go watch Fantastic Four and get back to me. GI Joe is Oscar-worthy compared to that.

PSSSST. Special Effects have improved since 2004 and 2001.

True. But tell that to Stephen Sommers. His CGI was always bad.


What I liked most about this movie was that it tries to break the mold. "Realism" and "Less-Is-More" has been the big thing for a while now. Everyone from James Bond to especially Batman has embraced this approach. Sommers was openly honest in that he hates realism and wanted to make the most ridiculous, over-the-top, silly, completely unrealistic, comic booky action movie he could make. And I think he did just that, for better or worse. He said he wanted to make this like a modern Roger Moore Bond Movie. Now go back and watch those films, and you'll notice they're alot like this movie in how cheeseball, ridiculous, and over-the-top they were. So you either like that type of thing or you don't.

 

[Too Much Fun]

Come on, people, let's not give Rachel Nichols a free pass just because she's a babe. Her acting in the scene where Ripcord hits on her was embarrassing. Check out the look on her face when she starts to 'soften' on him...terrible, stiff, amateurish mugging. Almost as bad as Duke getting 'mad' when he finds out who Cobra Commander is. SON OF A BITCH! . And please don't tell me I'm expecting too much out of a 'dumb' action movie. She and Tatum where the only ones I thought gave truly awful performances. Wayans was annoying too, but he was just playing the stereotypical comic relief guy, so I can't really fault him for that.

 

[Agent Richard07]

What I liked most about this movie was that it tries to break the mold. "Realism" and "Less-Is-More" has been the big thing for a while now. Everyone from James Bond to especially Batman has embraced this approach. Sommers was openly honest in that he hates realism and wanted to make the most ridiculous, over-the-top, silly, completely unrealistic, comic booky action movie he could make. And I think he did just that, for better or worse.

You know what? I didn't find the movie all that over the top. What were supposed to be fantastical elements came off as believable for the most part. Now the Schumacher Batman films? Those were over the top. Even Nolan's microwave device from Batman Begins was more over the top than pretty much everything I saw in G.I. Joe.

 

[Aragorn]

So a jet shooting a missile over Moscow and then turning around to catch up to a missile in DC isn't over the top?

 

[Agent Richard07]

So a jet shooting a missile over Moscow and then turning around to catch up to a missile in DC isn't over the top?

I just thought of it as a fast plane done in the spirit of a movie with lots of fun and creative high tech as opposed to something "dumb". Besides, the space shuttle can cover that distance in about 25 minutes, so I can at least watch a super aircraft in a G.I. Joe movie do something similar without being bothered by it. A car driving up the side of a building with a grappling hook? Or a guy surfing back down to earth on a door? That's a different story.

 

[LeahBoBo]

AVERAGE

And I'm being kind. I thought this movie was horrible. It did not hold my attention at all. The best thing I can say is I got to see it for free. I would have been upset otherwise.

 

[Bad Bishop]

i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)

Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.

It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.

I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.

Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"

Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "What?!"

Baron: "You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"

Etc., etc.

 

[Thrall]

i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)

Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.

It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.

I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.

Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"

Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "What?!"

Baron: "You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"

Etc., etc.

Kind of late to the party aren't we? I've already said I took back my criticism of Sommers because I loved the film.

But Scorsese's GI JOE? Fucking epic. Especially if you throw in Mark Wahlberg as Duke and Leo as Flint. Best. Movie. Ever.

 

[Bad Bishop]

Kind of late to the party aren't we? I've already said I took back my criticism of Sommers because I loved the film.

I didn't know. Apologies, but I haven't read all 11 pages of this thread. I'm glad you enjoyed the movie. So did I.

 

[Nowhere Man]

Above agerage. I loved the cartoon in the 80's and I thought this movie was pretty good. I thought this movie was going to suck hard, but it didn't. I thought the charachters were pretty close Snake Eye's and Storm Shadow was cool, Duke was awsome and Cobra Comander was awsome. I hope they change the mask though. This movie was full of action, but left room for back story. I'm looking foward to the sequel.

 

[Trekker4747]

i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)

Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.

It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.

I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.

Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"

Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "What?!"

Baron: "You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"

Etc., etc.

Jesus!

People always take stuff like "I hate director X" to the extreme.

Just because people don't like a certain director doesn't mean the movie had to be the complete polar opposite! No one said the movie had to be high-art, but if it had a slightly more talented director it could've been less forgetable.

 

[captcalhoun]

59% drop over this weekend, but it's made 190.5mill worldwide...

 

[John Clark]

Just saw it this morning

It was a fun enough popcorn flick in my opinion.