G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Discussion in 'Science Fiction & Fantasy' started by Aragorn, Aug 5, 2009.



  1. Excellent

  2. Above average

  3. Average

  4. Below average

  5. Poor

  1. SeerSGB

    SeerSGB Admiral Admiral

    Oct 13, 2003
    RIP Leonard Nimoy
    Yeah, I don't get it myself. He's a frakking terrorist, so what if he looks like he's part of the KKK, that's sort of the point he's evil, he's pissed off, and he's coming to kill you.

    Whatever happened to letting bad buys be as bad as they could get in movies?
  2. God Magnus

    God Magnus Commodore Commodore

    Jul 10, 2001
    A world where criminals operate above the law...
    I'm going to give the movie one huge chunk of credit. In those action scenes we didn't have shaky cam everywhere. I could actually tell who was who and what was happening. That's a good sign!
  3. Roshi

    Roshi Admiral Admiral

    Nov 22, 2004
    I saw the movie last night and it's not as bad as I initially thought it would be. Far, far superior to Transformers 2.
    It was nice seeing shit blowing up in Paris.
  4. captcalhoun

    captcalhoun Admiral Admiral

    Apr 29, 2005
    i voted excellent. it's not completely excellent, but with a choice between 'above average' and 'excellent', i went excellent.


    Okay, they changed stuff, like all this nano-mites crap that means the majority of the villains aren't doing it for the cash, the ideaology or whatever, they're brainwashed. okay, Cobra Commander's not the old used car-salesman from the comic book, BUT they are a lot like the characters in the comics i'm most familiar with.

    Snake Eyes is freaking badass. he - as a child - says one line, 'Master...Master...' but other than that says nothing, as he's taken a vow of silence.

    Scarlett's hot and a badass. Her crossbow fires laser-guided explosive-tipped arrows.

    Duke's badass. He's a real soldier through-and-through, hence a gag from Ripcord that he wasn't born, he's government issue. never seen Tatum in anything before, but he was good. i liked the character.

    Heavy Duty's good, he's British and is tough and lugs around a BFG (not the Quake wep, a literal bfg) and takes charge well.

    Ripcord's kinda the comic relief, but not in a bad way. he makes wisecracks like McClane in Die Hard and is a stand up guy. I liked him. (when he's been given morphine me makes a joke about Heavy Duty's 'life-like hair' and when HD grabs his wrist he quips he has a 'kung-fu grip' as well as the aforementioned GI joke.)

    Hawk is great. Quaid really sells the idea of this guy being a tough nut general who doesn't stand messing.

    Cover Girl is wasted as Hawk's aide. and literally by the bad guys.

    Breaker's good. I liked him and he's the very Q-like man with all the tech gear.

    Arnold Vosloo's good as Zartan and he does wind up shape-shifting and he does use disguises.

    Sienna Miller's good as the Baroness. Very much a femme fatale in the way you expect and way hot.

    Ecclestone's good as James McCullen. Very much a Bondian villain and winds up as 'Destro' at the end.

    Storm Shadow's approriately badass and very much the cold ninja killer. Sadly, no redemption plot for him in 2...

    Doctor Mindbender gets a name check and brief appearance, but you only know him as Mindbender from the name.

    The Doctor, the man who will be Cobra Commander. Very nasty, very much a comic book villain in appearance and methods. I liked him (in a 'good villain' way)

    The Pit's very impressive. as is MARS' underwater facility. (Think Bond turned up to 12) There's a cameo appearance from Brendan Fraser as 'Sgt. Stone' who appears to be a PT instructor type and very no-nonsense. There's a brief glimpse of an Asian woman who does martial arts, possibly Jinx? at least an allusion/homage in the same way the X-flicks did in the first 2 movies with Shadowcat and Jubilee.

    They're very much a team and no one character's the hero - unlike the X-flicks where Wolverine rode roughshod over everyone else. Duke's captured and it falls to a chick, an Arab and two black guys to rescue him.

    Yes, they're international. No, they're not based in Brussels. Actually, Egypt. No, they're not 'Global Integrated Joint Operations Entity' or whatever bullshit backronym it was, they're simply 'G.I. Joe'. And, despite the internationality, it doesn't really affect the story.

    Basically, if you're in doubts as to whether to see it, think of it as a modern Bond movie, but with a team saving the day, not one man.

  5. Captain Craig

    Captain Craig Vice Admiral Admiral

    Dec 7, 2003
    Nice review! Too bad about Cover Girl.
    I'll be seeing it tonight at a sneak at 7:30cst.
    Report to follow.
  6. captcalhoun

    captcalhoun Admiral Admiral

    Apr 29, 2005
    oh, and there is a 'YO JOE!' at the end from Heavy Duty. and haters of the D6 accelerator suits should be happy, they won't return according to last month's Total Film. too uncomfortable and too impractical.

    why it's Ripcord and not, say Stalker, also makes sense in the story. Why he's black, not white? colour-blind casting i guess.
  7. Darth_Pinche

    Darth_Pinche Captain Captain

    Nov 9, 2007
    grabbing my gun and bringing in the cat
    I am now pumped to see this!
  8. ALF

    ALF Commodore Commodore

    Mar 12, 2005
    Wha- no Shipwreck?? He's my fave!

    Keep those reviews coming... this all sounds promising. Isn't Destro in this??
  9. Aragorn

    Aragorn Admiral Admiral

    Dec 30, 2002
    Destro is the main British bad guy you see in all the trailers (aka the guy from Dr. Who, Heroes and 28 Days Later).
  10. Gryffindorian

    Gryffindorian Vice Admiral Admiral

    Jan 9, 2002
    I read the comic-book adaptation and thought it was mediocre. We'll see about the film.
  11. Thrall

    Thrall Commodore Commodore

    Jun 12, 2007
    A Quesada Free Zone.

    Oh thank God.

    Honestly though, I hope it does well if for nothing else so we can have Flint and Lady Jaye in the sequel. I wonder if Zartan looks like Alice Cooper. And isn't Breaker the one who ends up banging Zartan's sister?
  12. jep316

    jep316 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Jul 28, 2004
    The Venture Compound
    Really ..you know the more I think about it the more the reason for not having Cobra Commander in a mask makes no sense...they didn't want CC to look like a member of the KKK?..hello remember Darth Vader and the Empire?...they were completely made to make you think of Nazi's..the troops were called Stormtroopers and Vader's helmet was partially made to look like the helmets worn by German soilders..and that didn't hurt Star Wars too much did it?:lol:
  13. StarTrek1701

    StarTrek1701 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Feb 24, 2008
  14. Captain Craig

    Captain Craig Vice Admiral Admiral

    Dec 7, 2003

    As a modest Joe fan I knew going in I'd have different expectations than a die hard Joe fan. I was prepared even with my modest knowlege to rip it up. I found it rather enjoyable despite some changes and relationship dynamics they elected to show.

    Why Cobra Commander can't have one of his two most famous masks but they still honor Destro's is stupid. It's like honoring Optimus Primes look and taking creative liberty with the others just because you can, not that it makes any sense. They did it just to do it, have the fingerprints on something new regardless if its better, which it is not.

    Snake Eyes owns the movie.
    Scarlett was great.
    Baroness was awesome.
    Duke was good.

    What humor is in it isn't overplayed. Yes a couple seem cheesy and you know they were included as the *wink/nods* to fans so when they come just roll with it. Its only a few and the movie does take itself seriously. This is not an action comedy. Its a action flick with some small bit of comedy.

    Its wide open for a sequel and I say some characters fates are left to creative rewrite for a sequel.

    I wouldn't mind seeing it again and I can't say that for Transformers 2 and I'm a HUGE Transformers fan.
  15. Aragorn

    Aragorn Admiral Admiral

    Dec 30, 2002
    I wonder if Paramount is thinking about a Transformers/GI Joe crossover.
  16. captcalhoun

    captcalhoun Admiral Admiral

    Apr 29, 2005
    sommers has said no.
  17. Jono

    Jono Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Dec 22, 2001
    Gave it an above average.


    Story was fine for what it was. Acting was fine and for most of the film it looked good.

    There were some noticeably average CGI, the ones that spring to mind are the polar bear and the CGI effect on Destro at the end. The accelerator suits looked good for most of it, at some points they stuck out in an odd way. Give it Transformers 2's budget and

    I have to say I felt the chase scene through Paris went too long without enough variety, you could have shaved a few minutes off and it would have been tighter and probably more enjoyable.

    Given the flashbacks of Duke/Baroness and Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow during the movie I did find myself wanting to see some of the other Joes and Cobra's but storywise in the end I can see that other then making it a bit longer they wouldn't serve much purpose for the most part.

    I liked the characters, with one exception: the Baroness. She looked good and the acting was fine it was just what happened with her character towards the end. It seemed what they did was just so they could have love interests for both the two main Joes. From what I remember it was usually Scarlett and Duke, but I didn't mind the Ripcord/Scarlett love interest.

    Rex to Cobra Commanded seemed a bit too vague as well. It just seem to be, "You thought I was dead, but I was and now I'm back and I'm evil! Why? Because that's what you do when you come back from the dead!"

    That all said, I would look forward to a sequel.
  18. Thrall

    Thrall Commodore Commodore

    Jun 12, 2007
    A Quesada Free Zone.
    I take back everything I ever said about it. It was fucking awesome. Easily the best action movie of the year. I didn't think Stephen Sommers had it in him to direct a good movie. I guess everyone gets lucky once in a while.


    -Snake Eyes pwns this movie. Forget Darth Maul. Ray Park chews scenery without ever speaking a word.

    -The action is just non-stop awesomeness. It's over-the-top, without being stupid or completely aimless. There's just too many "HOLY SHIT" moments to count. And the plot is pretty damn good too. The Ninja fights are just amazing.

    -The casting and acting are great. Siena Miller and Rachel Nichols are jaw droppingly hot. Duke is the perfect Army guy. And Marlon Wayans manages to somehow not ruin this movie. Too bad Dennis Quaid didn't have more to do though.

    -I admit the Iron Man suits work. They work because it's not all about the suits. They're just a small part of a larger picture of the type of tech The Joe's use.

    -I like The Duke/Baroness pairing. It's got a Batman/Catwoman or Daredevil/Elektra vibe to it. Lots of angst, which seems to be the popular theme nowadays.

    -The international theme works as well. It makes sense that they would need more then one country to fund all their marvelous toys.


    -The Pit is like the coolest homebase ever. Screw The X-Mansion.

    THE BAD:

    -Too many flashbacks IMO

    -I like my Baroness evil. I didn't like the brainwashing theme and good guy turn at the end. I kept waiting for her to betray Duke at the end and was saddened that it didn't happen. Having her get away would have given Duke more reason to stay on and keep fighting.

    -The Destro and Cobra Commander origin was a bit much IMO. It was like the one super-cheese ball/Typical Steven Sommers moment in the movie. Still better then Darth Vader's "NOOOOOOO!!" though.

    -Not a fan of Ripcord/Scarlet. Scarlet should either be with Snake Eyes or Duke. No exceptions.

    -No Eurotrash accent from The Baroness?

    -Cobra Commanders secret identity was painfully predictable.

    -Not a good start for CC as leader by getting captured right after he has his big Villain Origin moment. Then again, it's par for the course for the cartoon version.


    -I still hate CC's redesign. But it's barely there, so it's not as annoying. I hope for the sequel they give him his classic look.
  19. Data Holmes

    Data Holmes Admiral Admiral

    Apr 21, 2001
    zone.33 lounge at club Planet Noir
    Above average.

    And am I the only one who thinks the baroness turning sides was always part of CC's plan, it was just that she was going to be the one to set up Destro's injury/accident. She'll be the one to break out CC and Destro in the second one, with Storm shadows help... ;)
  20. Skywalker

    Skywalker Admiral Admiral

    Feb 24, 2005
    After the positive reception this seems to be getting here (which means far more to me than movie critics), I'm seriously considering checking this out. I could use a good, fun, escapist action adventure. :techman: