Friends of friends

[Miss Chicken]

How do you cope with friends of your friends if you don't like your friend's friend?

One of my friends (I will call her Jane), has a friend (I will call her Doris). I think Doris is a real pain in the arse but Jane has known her since they were children. Jane is always telling me how lonely Doris is.

Doris is so negative. She has been unemployed for more than 10 years. Last week she was complaining because she has been summoned for jury service. She was saying how hard doing jury service is going to be.

What is so hard about turning up at 10.00am and leaving at 4pm which she will be able to do unless the jury has retired to reach a verdict.

She will get up to $50 a day on top of her unemployment benefit. She will get a daily meal allowance of $10.95 plus her bus-fares will be reimbursed.

She said I was lucky because I could get out of jury service if I was summoned which is true as I could get a medical certificate to exempt me. However I did jury service a few years ago when I was a part-time student and full-time Mum and I had little trouble fitting it in.

She is always complaining about not having enough money. Here is a chance to get a bit of extra money but she is still complaining.

I can't understand why Jane likes this woman and because Jane insists that Doris be allowed to accompany us when we do things together this is putting a strain on my friendship with Jane.

Any advice?

EDITED TO ADD: Most of all I hate it when Jane drags Doris along to the cinema with us. Doris will talk during the movie and if, she laughs at something she snorts.

 

[RoJoHen]

It was my best friend's birthday yesterday, and we went out drinking. A lot of his work friends met up with us, and I have to say, they are all giant douchebags. I spent most of the night bored and annoyed. I made a rule a while ago that I would never go out with him when his work friends were there, but I had to make an exception since it was his birthday. I usually just try to ignore them.

 

[Biffette]

Seems as if Doris may have a deep psychiatrical problem. In these situations where Doris is being quite disagreeable, how do you handle it? What are your actions/reactions to her and Jane?

 

[Miss Chicken]

Doris isn't bitchy or mean or anything like that she is just unlikeable and I believe that many people find her to be so.

I have tried to get along with her, but her negative outlook just drags me down. If its a nice summer day she is complaining how hot it is, if it is nice autumn day its too cold.

I admit she doesn't say negative things about people.

She really clings to Jane.

The other day I was on my way to the cinema to see "Knowing" when I unexpectedly ran into Jane. I told Jane that, for movie club members, it was only $7.00 to get in for the next few days and she decided to join me. Later Doris complained because Jane went to the cinema without her.

I tend to bite my lip when I am with Doris. I do try to get her to see the positive side of things. Jane says she has always complained and that she (Jane that is) got used to it years ago.

 

[Biffette]

In this particular case I suggest that you politely recuse yourself from outings with Doris whenever possible. It seems to me that Jane is aware of your feelings. Don't make a big deal out of it, either. That will just make Jane feel that she has to choose between you and Doris. She *does* have to make that choice, but she has probably already subconciously made it, one way or another.

 

[sidious618]

Personally, I like one on one hang outs for the most part and thus usually avoid this problem.

 

[CorporalClegg]

I try my best to ignore them, but there have been a few times in my life where I've just had to say, "You know what? I really don't like so-and-so, so if you're going to hang out with 'em, I'll be somewhere else."

 

[Pindar]

Some of my friends have a mutual friend who is a total prick, I hate him.

I have made this quite clear to my friends and never go out with all of them.

It's never been a problem, not for me anyway.