FNS-Headlines

[Kilana2]

FNS Sports

Commentator Hux reports live from the "100.000 bricks of Latinum" stadium on Risa (name given by Zek) about the intergalactic soccer Champions League Final.

Finalists are: DS9 allstars vs. Voyager allstars

Team Voyager
Harry (goal keeper)
Janeway (team captain)
The Doctor
Seven of Nine (defense player)
Neelix (midfielder and Team cook)
Tuvok (defense player)
Joe Carrey
B’Elanna (attack: forward)
Samantha Wildman
Tom Paris
Chakotay

Substitutes: Lon Suder, Seska, Vorik, Maje Cullah



Team DS9
Garak (goal keeper)
Miles Edward O’Brien (team captain)
Odo
Kira
Worf (attack: forward)
Kasidy (convinced to participate)
Bashir
Rom
Quark
Nog
Jake

Substitutes: Weyoun (likes playing games), Gul Dukat, Winn Adami, Leeta



(Sisko refuses to play, prefers Baseball, but attends the match)


Current score is....... Oh shit, blackout, newsfeed interrupted.

 

[hux]

Entertainment News

The new hit musical "Resistance is fruity" has caused upset among many families who have lost relatives to the Borg over the years.

"It's a fucking disgrace" said Margaret Smith, mother of assimilated Starfleet officer Keith Smith. "My son wouldn't find this kind of third rate, college humour funny at all.....he'd be appalled"

The show is sold out for the next three months

 

[Kilana2]

Hux finishes his report from the Champions League Final:

Voyager has lost against DS9 after 120 minutes and penalty shoot-out. Harry Kim wasn't able to kill a single shot, while Garak was invincible.

Result: 0:5 for DS9

Angry Seska attacked the referee for several wrong decisions.....Red Card!!!!

 

[HIjol]

(FNS) Sad News today, as FNS Obituaries report Harry Kim, late of the Star Ship Voyager, and Ineffectual Forward for the Defeated "Voyager All-Stars" Soccer/Football (not really) Team, was found dead, just hours after the Team's abject defeat at the feet of the "DS9 All-Stars". Early reports indicate he suffocated, due to a soccer (not football) ball encasing his head. A Forensic Expert, Kes Neelix, also indicated that a note at the scene may be a clue in what is being described as a "Homicide that was long overdue". The note read, in part, "...learn how to play the f*cking game or get off my Star Ship!".

 

[Kilana2]

DS9 - new station - opening ceremony:

Garak to read Grimm Brother's fairy tale `The Valiant Little Tailor´ for present children.

 

[at Quark's]

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH BORG QUEEN "You can't beat us. Join us." SEE PAGE 5.

 

[HIjol]

FNS Community Outreach ~ Surplus Auction

Captain Montgomery "Scotty" Scott (ret.) announced the start of the annual "Surplus Star Ship Auction" today.

Each year, Star Fleet offers retired, outdated and surplus space vehicles for auction to the general public, with the proceeds going to a number of charities, among them, The Captain's Fund, The William T. Riker Home for Wayward Women, and Holodiction Anonymous.

Deposits must be registered at the Purser's Office in the Boothby Building with Commander Quark, and all monies must be paid before taking possesion of a winning bid.

Dilithium and Insurance available at the Quad. See Nog or Brunt.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

The FSI (Ferengi Stock Index) hit a 200 year low today on the announcement of Rom as the successor to the Grand Nagus. The Federation President responded to this news by laughing and saying "Ha ha ha ha ha, screw you and screw your profits."

 

[hux]

News

An ex Starfleet drop out was arrested today after being caught trying to hold up a pharmacy at phaser point. The man has a serious drug habit and police also found a large stash of disturbing pornography at his apartment

Mr W. Crusher was sentenced to three years. On his way into prison, the criminal was heard shouting......"I could've been someone....I was special.....I was special!"

 

[HIjol]

I

News

An ex Starfleet drop out was arrested today after being caught trying to hold up a pharmacy at phaser point. The man has a serious drug habit and police also found a large stash of disturbing pornography at his apartment

Mr W. Crusher was sentenced to three years. On his way into prison, the criminal was heard shouting......"I could've been someone....I was special.....I was special!"

Yes!

Roddenberry Name Still Caries Weight

FNS ~ 6 Times Great Grandson of Star Fleet Visionary Gene Roddenberry has proposed a new HoloEntertainment Program for Federation Entertainment Box Office. In the spirit of his illustrious and naughty grandfather, Wesley "Special" Roddenberry announced the concept of a fictional show, loosely based on the beginnings of Stat Fleet and the Federation. The new weekly serial, to be named "Star Trek", will begin casting next month.

It may be remembered that entertainment Great, Gene Roddenberry envisioned much of what Star Fleet is today, based on his Twentieth Century tale of Warp and Women, "Wagon Train to the Stars".

Early Critics predict a huge success. Based on the Series Treatment synopses released thus far, "If Wesley can find the right Lead, and the Babe of the Week and Alien of the Week costumes are camp enough, he might just have something!", said Critic Thomas Riker.

 

[Kilana2]

Shortly after the end of the Dominion War, Vorta Yelgrun tried to escape from his high security prison on Alcatraz. Disguised as rockstar Iggy Pop he tried to make a living with the dealing of Ketracel White. His cover was blown when he was stopped by law enforcement officers and unable to sing `The Passenger´.

FNS announces:

Vorta's lack of musical talent proves to be his undoing.

 

[hux]

News

Vulcans informed that Vulcan home world not destroyed in alternative timeline

Vulcans ask......"why don't we go back in time and fix this"?

Federation president responds....."Don't be ridiculous. We would need a far more important reason to go back in time and change things than that....if, for random example, a lack of Humpback Whales ever turns out to threaten the Earth....that sort of thing"