Favorite/Hilarious Quotes From TOS?

[Keith1701]

What are your favorite quotes from this series? Any hilarious ones?

My favorite:

Kirk: "You'd make a splendid computer, Mr. Spock."

Spock: (Looks touched) "That is very kind of you, Captain."



Guess which episode that quote is from!

Yes of course that is a good for sure.....

 

[Gov Kodos]

Bailey: I happen to have a human thing called an adrenaline gland.
Spock: It does sound most inconvenient, however. Have you considered having it removed?

 

[Chris3123]

SPOCK: She found humanoid appearance revolting, but she felt she could get used to it.
MCCOY: Oh, she did, did she? Now tell me, did she happen to make any comment about those ears?
SPOCK: Not specifically, but I did get the distinct impression she found them the most attractive human characteristic of all. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that only I have—
KIRK: She really liked those ears?
SPOCK: Captain, the Horta is a remarkably intelligent and sensitive creature with impeccable taste.
KIRK: Because she approved of you.
SPOCK: Really, Captain, my modesty—
KIRK: ...Does not bear close examination, Mr. Spock. I suspect you're becoming more and more human all the time.
SPOCK: Captain, I see no reason to stand here and be insulted.
- The Devil in the Dark

MCCOY: There's just one thing, Mister Spock. You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim alive that you weren't on the verge of giving us an emotional scene that would have brought the house down.
SPOCK: Merely my quite logical relief that Starfleet had not lost a highly proficient captain.
KIRK: Yes, Mister Spock. I understand.
SPOCK: Thank you, Captain.
MCCOY: Of course, Mister Spock, your reaction was quite logical.
SPOCK: Thank you, Doctor.
MCCOY: In a pig's eye!
- Amok Time

 

[Ssosmcin]

This line never ceases to get a chuckle out of me, particularly when I watch it with my wife or feminist sister.

"Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. It is the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim."

 

[kamilligram]

I think my favorite quote is in the episode where Spock and Kirk visits the mafia planet. When Kirk adresses Spock as "Spocko". I'm laughing just by thinking of it

 

[Tiberius]

I cracked my girlfriend (Lt Rowy) up by repeating Kirk's line from The Immunity Syndrome... "Creeping Paralysis!"

Just those two words, over and over again. She couldn't stop laughing.

 

[Nurse Marmalade]

Three words: mechanical rice picker.

Yes! I showed one of my non-Trekkie friends COTEOF and she died laughing at that.

I also love McCoy's lines about being a doctor, not a(n) _____. And his Spock-baiting is always fun.

 

[BrotherofShran0]

From Journey to Babel ...

MCCOY: Spock, I've always suspected that you were a little more human than you let on. Mrs. Sarek, I know about the rigorous training of the Vulcan youth, but tell me, did he ever run and play like the human children, even in secret?
AMANDA: Well, he, he did have a pet sehlat he was very fond of.
MCCOY: Sehlat?
AMANDA: It's sort of a fat teddy bear.
MCCOY: A teddy bear?
SAREK: Excuse me, Doctor. It has been a rather long day for my wife. Captain.
KIRK: Ambassador.
(Sarek leads Amanda away.)
MCCOY: A teddy bear.
SPOCK: Not precisely, Doctor. On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive, and they have six-inch fangs.

 

[Nurse Marmalade]

^ Bro of Shran, are you my same buddy from the other boards? Your number seems wrong here (it's 0, not 01) but I'm pretty sure it's you!

*waves*

More good quotes:

"I signed aboard this ship to practice medicine, not to have my atoms scattered across space by this gadget."

"I'd give real money if he'd shut up!"

"God, I liked him better before he died!"

All by Dr. McCoy...feisty as usual, but I like him that way!!

 

[boco]

classical:
Scotty: When are you going to get off that milk diet, lad?
Chekov: This is vodka.
Scotty: Where I come from, that's soda pop.
[Scotty raises his glass]
Scotty : Now this is a drink for a man.
Chekov: Scotch?
Scotty: Aye.
Chekov: It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad.

Alice 1: You desire something else, lord?
Chekov: What a shame you're not real.
Alice #251 : We are real, my lord.
Chekov: Oh, I mean 'real girls'.
Alice #1 : We are programmed to function as human females, lord.
Chekov: You are?
Alice #1 , Alice #251 : [In unison] Yes, my lord.
Chekov: Harry Mudd programmed you?
Alice #1 , Alice #251 : [in unison] Yes, my lord.
Chekov: That unprincipled, evil-minded, lecherous, kulak, Harry Mudd programmed you?
Alice #1 , Alice #251 : [In unison] Yes, my lord.
Chekov: This place is even better than Leningrad.


Kirk: There's an old saying: when you have a Klingon by the tail...
Chekov: Klingons have tails?

Chekov: It is... it is a sparkle dancer!

"Star Trek: Spectre of the Gun (#3.6)" (1968)

Capt. Kirk: [Sylvia is kissing Chekov passionately] Eh, Mr. Chekov?
Chekov: What can I do, Keptin? You know we're always supposed to maintain good relatoins with the natives.

 

[Nurse Marmalade]

Chekov: It is... it is a sparkle dancer!

Sparkle dancer?! Where on earth is that from...I don't remember that at all!

 

[boco]

well, is not exactly TOS classical: it's New Voyages:blood and fire 2009

 

[Nurse Marmalade]

^ Oh, I see. Never mind!

 

[gottacook]

Kirk (having been presented with an unpalatable meal; aggrieved): Green leaves?!

(whereupon McCoy explains that the captain needs to shed a few pounds - from one of the very earliest episodes produced, "The Corbomite Maneuver." I have taken to saying this at home to entertain my daughters when we're having salad.)

 

[JWD75]

McCoy : "Shut up Spock we're rescuing you."

 

[Duncan MacLeod]

Spock: Thank you, Captain McCoy.

 

[MarsWeeps]

Captain Pike (to Talosian) - "I'll break out of this zoo somehow and get to you. Is your blood red like ours? I'm gonna find out!"

Captain Pike (to Talosian) - "You stop this illusion or I'll twist your head off!"

Captain Pike (to Talosian) - "I'm willing to bet you've created an illusion this laser is empty. I think it just blasted a hole in that window and you're keeping us from seeing it. Want me to test my theory out on your head?"

I've often wondered if Pike would have mellowed out a bit if he had remained in TOS.

 

[Rojixus]

Spock: THE WOMEN!!!

 

[NathanielM]

Captain Pike (to Talosian) - "I'll break out of this zoo somehow and get to you. Is your blood red like ours? I'm gonna find out!"

Captain Pike (to Talosian) - "You stop this illusion or I'll twist your head off!"

Captain Pike (to Talosian) - "I'm willing to bet you've created an illusion this laser is empty. I think it just blasted a hole in that window and you're keeping us from seeing it. Want me to test my theory out on your head?"

I've often wondered if Pike would have mellowed out a bit if he had remained in TOS.

Okay so how is this hillarious?

Illogical! Illogical! Norman Coordinate. <beep beep beep>

 

[Rojixus]

Well, a quote could either be a poster's favorite or one they consider hilarious, didn't say anything about it having to be both.