Father's Day coming up. What was your father like?

[jamestyler]

It's hard to say. My dad wasn't a bad guy, but he wasn't around for much and seemed to be less attatched to everything as time went on.

His mother died when he was young and his own father made it clear he had little interest in him, up until he died. My dad tried to make up for his own childhood but couldn't quite get over that and ended up just being lost as a parent. He didn't really click int the role until after a breakdown, got divorced and moved to the US.

So... yeah. Not always the most attentive father, but he wasn't a bad guy.

 

[Etched]

My Dad is a wonderful man and I never forget how lucky I am to have him. He's never done anything particularly extraordinary, he's just a simple country boy who's worked hard all his life but he's always been there for me and my three siblings, even when we've made his life hell - and we really have at times. He's kind and gentle, honest to a fault, utterly reliable and never afraid to show his affection for his family. People are always telling me how lovely my Dad is, he's just a nice bloke.

Sure there are times he drives me insane, he can be utterly infuriating, but I wouldn't swap him for the world.

 

[scottydog]

For those of us who had bad fathers, or fathers who struggled with addiction, I'm glad we had our mothers or other family members to help raise us properly.

Another thing that really helped me was hanging out at my best friend's house. His dad was emotionally available, happy, and involved with his kids. I really looked up to him and considered him my surrogate dad.

 

[SmoothieX]

My old man is terminally ill and in rough shape. He's been wittling away a day at a time for 2 years know. Other than something for him to pass the time or make him feel comfortable, most materials gifts seem pointless. I plan to set aside a weekend just to drive down there and spend time with him.

 

[iguana_tonante]

You father is Tom Selleck???

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ Nah, gotta be Keith Hernandez.

 

[FPAlpha]

It's a mixed relationship i guess.

On the one side i love him for the helpful person he is and that he's always willing to listen to me and to give advice but there were times i hated his guts for being bigotted, beating me as a kid and sometimes plain unfair (it's ok if he does it but me it's hell on earth).

However he certainly has put me on my feet so to speak and for that i'm grateful. I've forgiven him most of his severe mistakes but some i haven't forgotten.

I guess once i realized that my dad was just a human beings with all his faults and mistakes he made (and still makes) much of the fear was gone and i could stand up to him quite easily.

Though i know for a fact that should i get into a crisis he would be there for me even after the biggest fight a few minutes ago.

Could have had a better dad but then i could have gotten a far worse father.

 

[1001001]

Oh boy. It's...complicated.

My dad worked a lot, and was a great provider. We never wanted for anything, and I had some great opportunities thanks to him. Nice house, private school, car on my 16th birthday, etc. I am very grateful to him for that.

But....

Dad was/is a "functioning alcoholic". He was volatile in his temper, and we were always walking on eggshells around him.

He loved my mother very much, and sometimes I think we just came along with the package. Dad was an engineer, and I'm a psychologist. He was raised southern-Baptist on a farm. I grew up Catholic in Los Angeles. I think he is proud of me, but doesn't "get me". Most of my relationship with my Dad consisted of "Hey Mom, tell Dad I said 'hi'."

When my mother died, pretty much the wheels came off completely. I have seen my dad once in the last ten years. He has never met my son, and has repeatedly declined to come out here to California (he lives in Connecticut) to see us. He remarried 7 months after my mom died to a woman I still have not met (and apparently never will). We talk on the phone once every couple of months, and he sends the kids presents for Christmas and birthdays, but that's about it. We are not close by any definition.

When my sister died last year, he did not come out to spend time with her while she was in hospice (he gave them my number to deal with it all). He did not come for her funeral.

I have made my peace with it all, even if it's an uneasy peace at times. It's his problem, his loss. Not mine. I have a great life. A great family. I also have a grandfather (my mom's dad) who has been everything to me. He is the man I look up to, the man I want to make proud of me.

Ultimately, I have tried to be the father he wasn't to my own kids. I've never spanked them ever. I do things with them. I take time off work when they're sick. I suppose every generation tries to do better than the one before them, which makes me wonder what his childhood was like (very grim, I think).

 

[Balrog]

My Dad is a good man. He is honest as the day is long. He is a very passionate man. He loves to laugh and tell jokes. He's very quick-witted. He sees humor in every situation. He is very intelligent and had a large vocabulary. He suffered a stroke a few years back, and because of his vast vocabulary if you didn't know him before the stroke you would have never known he had one. He loves jazz music and history, and I cherish the conversations we've had about both. He's also a great storyteller. I am proud that I've had him as one of my role-models.

Was he a perfect dad? As I have learned being a dad, no one is. He had his struggles and his demons. But he did his best to give us the best.

 

[Kail]

Never really knew my Dad. He left us when I was 3, but from what I do know, we were better off. I really think growing up without a Dad is making me a better Father. I try and do things with my son I never got a chance to do.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ Conversely, I grew up without a mother, and I always wondered what I'd have turned out like if that had not been the case. (My mom got sick when I was 2 and later died, so she never got the chance to raise me.)

Me, I know for a fact that I don't want kids and so I will most likely never be a father myself. I wouldn't want to be one, really. I would totally suck at it. I don't know the first thing about being a dad. I don't think I could handle the responsibility...I much prefer being an uncle. Then I can fulfill the vital social role (that all families need) of the Drunk Uncle(tm).

 

[kimc]

My dad worked a lot and my mom was home so consequently I'm closer to her. However, the last few years we've been getting to know each other. Better late than never.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

My Dad was a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic who abandoned us emotionally and financially and who is now in jail for assaulting a police officer while intoxicated in Nevada, which he has to leave the state for once he gets out in a couple weeks. So I'm not looking forward to him coming back to California and trying to worm his way (and his drinking) back into our lives. I won't allow it.

Since my Mom just passed away on June 6th, it's like my sisters and I have no parents now, so obviously I'm pretty pissed at him. I don't really care about him, but it still upsets my sisters, and that's the part that pisses me off; that he can still hurt them.

 

[Finn]

He's a good guy; a retired Air force Colonel who is very likable, gets amused easily, even at my expense (he always meant well). He can be really goofy. One Memorial Day, when I was in the parade in my hometown as part of my Cub Scout troop, I passed one of those traffic islands where I eyed a "really weird man with a camera". It took me a while to realize that it was Dad. He can be fun to talk to, go out for rides and walk in the woods. My favorite elementary school teacher (who taught Marlee Matlin) would refer to him as the Major (Dad's rank when I had her). She'd probably say it again the next time I see her. My fiancee likes him so all is good.

As for my future father in-law. He's a good man who can be goofy, handy and in some ways easier for my fiancee to talk to since they have issues that she can relate to better than with her mother. He's an architect. The weekend I first met my future parent in laws, I told him that once upon a time (around junior high school days), I had considered becoming one. He gave me an expression that told me it would have been a bad idea, as if I'm better off. Oh, and he loves to play golf. Last summer, he cleaned his clubs with the power water washers that are supposed to be used for windows.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I admit I am pretty spoiled in this regard. There has never been any large scale (or, for that matter, even small scale) fighting or abuse or strife in my family. I would be totally unprepared to deal with it if any came up.

That being said, any time the discussion turns to fathers, gotta mention Christopher Titus.

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEJq66AxgtM[/yt]

 

[Gaseous Anomaly]

My Dad was an honest hard working man; I just hope that I can be half the man that he was to me.

 

[An Officer]

My father was involved in an anti-government movement before my birth and left the country for political reasons when I was 8 weeks old. He was in his late 20's around the time I was born, and left my then 17 year old mother to fend for herself after she had run away from school and her family in order to elope with him.

Quite a sorry beginning... I strongly believe he would have been a very poor influence in our lives if he had stayed. I cannot respect a grown man who pulls a young girl out of school and away from her loved ones, immediately impregnates her, then leaves her with a newborn child on the other side of the country with no support from anyone. More than morally questionable and verging on the pedophilic.

He now has two wives (simultaneously) and 15 children at the last count - that was about 10 years ago, you might easily add another 10 to that number. He has tried to contact me a handful of times and has told me it is my responsibility to take part in the education and maintenance of his children - this while I was still a student, living at home and dependent on my mother.

The less said about my father, the better.

 

[scottydog]

.... any time the discussion turns to fathers, gotta mention Christopher Titus.

That's hilarious! A little bit too real to me, but still hilarious!

To GA and others, I'm glad you had such good fathers. Not all of us were so fortunate, but I'm so happy that many of you did.

 

[RandyS]

My father was a prick. As far as I know, he still is. We haven't spoken in seven years, and I don't miss him.

 

[KimMH]

My adoptive father served in the U.S. Army after the Korean conflict. His platoon visited an orphanage on weekends and helped support it financially. He resolved then to adopt a Korean child and after marriage did so.

My father is one of the calmest, most serene people I know. I have never heard him raise his voice to my mother and only very occasionally at any of us kids. He loves God, and his family and his country. He has always lived his ethics and is highly emulatable in every way. I am very blessed to have him in my life and know that if everyone had such a wonderful father the world would be a much better place.

I appreciate the chance to tell you about my dad, he tends to be rather unsung.