Farmer tells Rihanna 'get orf moi laaaaand!'

[Captaindemotion]

Well, not quite. But the under-dressed pop minx was told by farmer Alan Graham, also a councillor for the fun-loving Democratic Unionist Party to put some more clothes on, when she was filming yesterday on his field in Bangor, County Down (her inexplicable presence there can be, er, explained by the fact that she's in Norn Iron for the MTV awards, to be held in the Odyssey Arena, Belfast in the next week or so).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-15072380

DUP Alderman Alan Graham said he was fetching his tractor when he saw her and thought it was unacceptable.
The 'Rude Boy' star was filming a new pop video in his Bangor field.
"I thought it was inappropriate. I requested them to stop and they did," he explained.
"I had my conversation with Rihanna and I hope she understands where I'm coming from. We shook hands," he said.
Mr Graham admitted that he did not know who the 23-year-old sex symbol was when he got a phone call to ask for the use of his field in Bangor, County Down, for a pop video last week.
"I didn't know who was coming. If the name 'Rihanna' had been mentioned, well, no disrespect but it wouldn't have meant anything," he explained.

"From my point of view, it was my land, I have an ethos and I felt it was inappropriate.
"I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he said.

What are the odds? She manages to find about the only man in the world who not only hasn't seen her in her skimpies, but doesn't even want to! Still, look on the bright side. Yesterday was the first dry day in these parts in months. Any other day and she'd have needed her umb-er-ella-a-a-a ... I'm here all week.

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

"I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he said.

Perhaps he could acquaint himself with the view from outside his asshole.

Guess it's good for his conscience that he didn't have a contract in the matter. I imagine her crew will be more careful about "handshake deals" and securing permissions, since such interference costs them a little money.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Cripes, what was so photogenic about this field anyway? I heard you can't even go swimming in the sea at Bangor cause of the levels of bacteria.

 

[Captaindemotion]

"I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he said.

Perhaps he could acquaint himself with the view from outside his asshole.

Guess it's good for his conscience that he didn't have a contract in the matter. I imagine her crew will be more careful about "handshake deals" and securing permissions, since such interference costs them a little money.

Surely a look at Rihanna's torso is all that's required to prove that there is a God and his works are mighty!

 

[Robert Maxwell]

"I felt things were getting inappropriate"

Where Rihanna is concerned, that's pretty much a given.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Footage here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-15072380

I think it more disgusting that she was shown smoking. [joke]

I wonder how that guy got the job of wiping her cleavage. How do you apply?

ETA: "DUP Alderman Alan Graham said he was fetching his tractor when he saw her and thought it was unacceptable." That's a new name for it.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

"Fetch" is used in that context in the American Midwest and South, too.

"Fetch me my tea!" and so forth.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Ah, I was insinuating it was a variation on "bashing the bishop", "choking the chicken", or
"wrestling with the bald-headed chimp".

 

[TheGodBen]

"I thought it was inappropriate. I requested them to stop and they did," he explained.
...
"I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God,"

For some reason, I imagine that when he goes home this evening something like this will happen:

[yt]v=Yml_-Mx82wY[/yt]

I wonder how that guy got the job of wiping her cleavage. How do you apply?

I think you need to work in Reynholm Industries' IT department.

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

This could all have been avoided, of course, if the farmer hadn't agreed to the use of his property by strangers without asking for some information about who they were and exactly what they'd be doing.

It would have been sensible on the part of Rihanna's people, of course, to make the effort to be sure that he knew who they were and what the shooting would involve. My very limited experience in dealing with locations and property owners in this regard has taught me that much.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

I wonder how that guy got the job of wiping her cleavage. How do you apply?

I think you need to work in Reynholm Industries' IT department.

Isn't that where they keep the Internet in a special box?

 

[Captaindemotion]

You have to remember that the farmer is a member of the DUP. Their former leader, Ian Paisley, also founded the Free Presbyterian Church, which used to be referred to as 'the DUP at prayer.' The church once denounced line-dancing as being too raunchy and explicit!

I'm not sure if Mr Graham is in that church, but he's unlikely to be on the clap-happy pro-gay priests wing of the Anglican church, that's for sure. So if line-dancing is too extreme, one can only guess what he'd make of Rihanna!

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

How do these guys manage to propagate themselves - Artificial Insemination?

 

[Captaindemotion]

^ Well the joke used to be that Free Ps wouldn't have sex standing up, as it was too close to dancing!

 

[Pingfah]

"From my point of view, it was my land, I have an ethos and I felt it was inappropriate.
"I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he said.

I bet 10 quid Rihanna is already a Christian.

 

[TheGodBen]

Isn't that where they keep the Internet in a special box?

No, the Elders of the Internet still keep it in Big Ben, it hasn't been allowed at Reynholm Industries since the... incident.

You have to remember that the farmer is a member of the DUP. Their former leader, Ian Paisley, also founded the Free Presbyterian Church, which used to be referred to as 'the DUP at prayer.' The church once denounced line-dancing as being too raunchy and explicit!

That was the old DUP, the new leaders of the DUP are much more liberal and are into extra-marital sex with teens.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Isn't that where they keep the Internet in a special box?

No, the Elders of the Internet still keep it in Big Ben, it hasn't been allowed at Reynholm Industries since the... incident.

Ah right, I was worried for a time that they wouldn't be able to get it back in the box.

 

[That Weirdo In The Corner]

I wonder how that guy got the job of wiping her cleavage. How do you apply?

I think you need to work in Reynholm Industries' IT department.

Isn't that where they keep the Internet in a special box?

Not anymore Jen dropped it, only the Star Trek and porn sites survived.

 

[Captaindemotion]

Isn't that where they keep the Internet in a special box?

No, the Elders of the Internet still keep it in Big Ben, it hasn't been allowed at Reynholm Industries since the... incident.

You have to remember that the farmer is a member of the DUP. Their former leader, Ian Paisley, also founded the Free Presbyterian Church, which used to be referred to as 'the DUP at prayer.' The church once denounced line-dancing as being too raunchy and explicit!

That was the old DUP, the new leaders of the DUP are much more liberal and are into extra-marital sex with teens.

True. I just figured all this would be too complicated to explain in one post.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

I think I have successfully edited their existence out of my memory as I couldn't recall any of the names of leaders of the various Unionist parties at the time of the 2010 election, which was relevant to a question on Pointless today. Huzzah!