Establishing the Star Trek XII (fake 2012) Line-by-Line thread

[GhostFaceSaint]

Ok, don't post any lines yet because we all need to establish some parameters and come up with some rules. I will state here that we will have a regular redo of the Star Trek (XI) LbL thread up soon but of course this isn't that thread.

First I will create a very short one month poll here on weather this should be purely comedy or a more serious sci-fi drama. I will also ask that everyone post some short synopsis and come up with favorite elements from each synopsis cherry-picking elements that each of us like, then banging out some more synopsis which will be named by the author, we will vote on in a month at another new thread where, once the vote on a plot is finished, we will start going through the story line-by-line.

Some rules for the future thread should be a question of how many acts there will be, also will there be a climax to each act, asking if anyone wants to post action or non verbal descriptive lines to lay more foundation as the thread goes.

Remember wether this is serious or cemedy I don't want this to be brainless, I abhor that and so does M' so respect our wishes please. Ok, I recommend that before you vote here discuss what you want this line-by-line to be, think carefully then vote, whatever the vote is will be respected and the direction for the XII LbL thread.

Thanks and have fun!
GhostFaceSaint

PS feel free to add a list by your synopsis of character to appear and even who you would like to play them (ideally).
Also the poll above is a public one.

 

[SalvorHardin]

Damn it, I accidentally voted already.
Though it's probably the vote I will give anyway, I'd still like to read peoples thought first.

Sorry

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

One thing I would like to state as an example would be Shakespeare always had elements of comedy blended into his plays to break up tension and I think we should follow that and XI's example.

 

[SalvorHardin]

Ok I'm not much of a writer and haven't given much thought to what I'd like fro XII but I would like for it to have an opening act unrelated or loosely related to the rest of the movie.

For example, we open with a shot of the Enterprise orbiting some alien planet.
Then we cut to the landing party with Kirk, Spock, McCoy, a female yeoman, Cupcake and another security officer.
They are doing some good ol' exploration, find some ruins of some long gone civilization... that sort of thing.

Then maybe Uhura contacts them to let them know of a starfleet message or they find something in the ruins and have to run back to the ship.

And then we cut to the Star Trek logo and the rest of the movie and main plot.

I hope you get the picture.

 

[Rush Limborg]

I'd like some interation between Cupcake and Kirk--especially since the "Farmboy" Cupcake took such pleasure in "teaching manners to" is now his commanding officer.

Also, I'd like to see his REAL name. Kirk can still call him Cupcake, just to irk him, but hey--we just KNOW that ain't the name he goes by....

I'd also like to see a lot more of fightin' Sulu--with his fold-out sword, of course.

And of course, we NEED a nu-Yeoman Rand. Perhaps FINALLY we can develop the relationship with Kirk that should have been....

 

[SalvorHardin]

Also, there must be no love triangles whatsoever in the movie.

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

I want to lay the foundation for my potential plot to Star Trek XII. It should mix comedy and drama.
Five acts each with a climax and the resolving climax at the end of act five with no cliffhanger. Here I will reveal the first act.

Act one
Starfleet academy where we meet the antagonist; Admiral Odin we will call him for now, where Kirk among other Captains are hearing that the Klingon Empire is on the verge of declaring war on the Romulan Empire over the Rura Penthe incident where forty-seven Klingon war birds were destroyed by an escaping super ship of Romulan origin. The federation doesn’t want a war in this quadrant of the galaxy and is offering to mediate between the two Empires to try and prevent a massive intergalactic confict that would see billions of lives die.

On Admiral Odin are main antagonist. We establish that he is well respected and a hero to Kirk, a real father figure to him. Odin has been ordered by Admiral Nogura who is the head of Starfleet and the President of the UFP to head a task force into neutral Cardassian territory to; planet X we will call it for now, with Ambassador Sarek to negotiate a peace treaty between the three major powers. Admiral Odin could be played by, perhaps some previous actors of ST captains who we would be attached to emotionally: Patrick Stuart or William Shatner, we could choose characters of gravitas like Christopher Lee or Ian McKellen, or perhaps someone younger like Viggo Mortensen or Liam Neeson. I am going to lean on Shatner for this role for now.
Continuing act one.

Kirk takes aboard the Enterprise Ambassador Sarek where Kirk explains to the officers that the USS Enterprises role is purely to wave the flag for the fleet. We will see everyone from the cast of XI reintroduced. Admiral Odin aboard his old Dreadnought the USS Ardor is seen with the rest of the fleet. Kirk orders the Enterprise to go to warp and Sulu gives an estimated ETA to planet X as five days at warp 6, so we establish that planet X is isolated deep in Cardassian space.
Character points, Spock should eat dinner with Uhura and we should establish that Uhura and Spock have their own quarters but Uhura is discussing moving into Spocks. I think that Spock should discuss the merits of the mission and his doubts about achieving its goals with Kirk over a game of chess.

The Climax the Enterrpise comes out of warp to discover that the Cardassians have attacked the Klingon fleet of warbids with the help of another fleet of Dreadnought class Federation Starships who reveal themselves to be under the banner of Admiral Odin. Kirk contacts Odin aboard the Ardor from the bridge demanding an explanation. Odin replies he did what was necessary with the Cardassian’s by destroying a significant threat to interstellar peace in the form of these huge Romulan and Klingon armadas, first with the Klingons and now they must intercept and destroy the Romulan armada now on its way. Sarek calls Odin a traitor. Odin orders Kirk to go to warp to ambush the Romulans who are uncloaked and on their way to planet X. Kirk pretends to agree, attempts to order the shileds on the USS Ardor down which fails and the USS Ardor opens fire on the USS Enterprise. Kirk knowing that he is overmatched by odins fleet orders all loyal federation Starships in his fleet to go to emergency warp at once laying in a course to the Romulan armada on the way. Many go to warp with the Enterprise but some are destroyed in the attempt to flee. The old Dreadnoughs can only travel at warp 6 while Kirk’s fleet travels at Warp 8 escaping the Dreadnoughts and buying Kirk and crew some time to figure out what to do next, so far away from contacting the UFP and help.

So the next part of the story, act two will establish that somehow Kirk must reveal the treachery of Admiral Odin to the Romulans, prevent a war with the Romulans and perhaps also a civil war within the federation. Kirk and crew must warn and negotiate with a violent race of conquerors in barely a days time IE use diplomacy with Sarek‘s help. I want us to establish some things about the Romulan culture while we are at it.

So here is the beginning of my idea. Discuss.

 

[SalvorHardin]

^ I'm not sure.

I don't like the idea of enemies from within much.
I'd like the Federation to be as benevolent & united as possible.

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

By the way SH, I would like to see any thought you have on a plot it doesn't have to include any dialog, just a description of events and actions is all that is needed, you could describe a character you would like to see or a situation.

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

I'd like some interation between Cupcake and Kirk--especially since the "Farmboy" Cupcake took such pleasure in "teaching manners to" is now his commanding officer.

Also, I'd like to see his REAL name. Kirk can still call him Cupcake, just to irk him, but hey--we just KNOW that ain't the name he goes by....

I'd also like to see a lot more of fightin' Sulu--with his fold-out sword, of course.

And of course, we NEED a nu-Yeoman Rand. Perhaps FINALLY we can develop the relationship with Kirk that should have been....

Yeoman Rand would probably only be fifteen or sixteen right now though that doesn't mean we can't introduce an older sister.

 

[SalvorHardin]

By the way SH, I would like to see any thought you have on a plot it doesn't have to include any dialog, just a description of events and actions is all that is needed, you could describe a character you would like to see or a situation.

I gave an idea i have for the opening act a few posts up.

Ok I'm not much of a writer and haven't given much thought to what I'd like fro XII but I would like for it to have an opening act unrelated or loosely related to the rest of the movie.

For example, we open with a shot of the Enterprise orbiting some alien planet.
Then we cut to the landing party with Kirk, Spock, McCoy, a female yeoman, Cupcake and another security officer.
They are doing some good ol' exploration, find some ruins of some long gone civilization... that sort of thing.

Then maybe Uhura contacts them to let them know of a starfleet message or they find something in the ruins and have to run back to the ship.

And then we cut to the Star Trek logo and the rest of the movie and main plot.

I hope you get the picture.

As i said I'm not that good at these things but rest assured, as i think about it and ideas come I'll add them here

Yeoman Rand would probably only be fifteen or sixteen right now though that doesn't mean we can't introduce an older sister.

Or we can always disregard whatever canon there is on the subject and make nuRand older

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

I could see her as the young teenage cadet who has a huge crush on Kirk, who may or may not notice her given her young age.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Well...Chris Pine's Kirk seems to turn whenever a pretty gal walks by:

(In the Academy) "Heloooooooooo, LADIES...."

(In Sickbay) "Hi, how are ya...."

So, I'd say if he knows Rand's chasing him, there's a GOOD chance he'll react.

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

If thats the case a Yeoman Rand Captain Kirk relationship should be a source for comedy as Kirk tries not to get involved with Rand who is jail bait while Rand does everything in her power to get noticed by Kirk.

EDIT

I do think we will need to add in some more females crew members though so any story we come up with should also have Nurse Chapel.

Anyone have any ideas on female crewmembers aside from Saavik who would be a toddler right now.

 

[SalvorHardin]

If thats the case a Yeoman Rand Captain Kirk relationship should be a source for comedy as Kirk tries not to get involved with Rand who is jail bait while Rand does everything in her power to get noticed by Kirk.

Hmm... maybe we could also have an alien Enterprise officer that looks like pedobear

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

From Vulcan, with fangs!

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

Seriously though, Cadet Rand with a crush on Kirk could be great for us to write about. She could easily get into some sort of trouble that Kirk has to rescue her from only amplifying her crush and worsening his situation.

 

[Rush Limborg]

^It may be interesting to have her save him--or is that too cliche'?

Well...have him save her, as you said...and then have her do someting that would super-impress him--something to make her worthy of him, if you will....

 

[Nowhere Man]

How about the Klingons managed to make sense of some of Nero's scribles or rambles(we didn't see on screen, but it can be retconned)they were able to get some good intelligance from him and plan an invasion. Opening scene involves Kirk and crew doing some old fasioned scienceing like mentioned before . This opening scene is unrelated to the rest of the movie other than Uhurah calling them back to the ship. Another subplot would be Spock prime helping refugees get transported to "New Vulcan", when a group of non ridged Klingons take them hostage( non ridged Klingons have infiltrated the fed. Disguised as Humans, while the ridged Klingons are part of the invasion force).the Klingons turn the refugee camp or "New Vulcan" into an internment slave camp. Like the Romans, they give the vulcans a choice to either join thier military or be slaves. Meanwhile the big 3 and a couple of red shirts are sent to the surface to rescue The refugees. Scotty and the rest of the crew are with the fleet are fighting Klingon ships in orbit over certian fed. Planets. We can say that maybe this is not the whole Klingon empire , maybe so maybe not, let's say that "New Vulcan" is near Andoria and therefore Some Andorians are joined with the Klingons. The andorians on the surface are convinced by Kirk to switch sides. Let's also say admiral pike leads the fleet in space with the enterprise bieng the lead ship. The movie is like Star Trek4 in the sense that the crew is split up and btowards the end Kirk rejoins his crew and the final battle concludes. Last, but not least one of the lesser charachters says Kligins, not Klingons. That's a must.

Sorry for the double post, had to add one more thing. Have nurse Chapel as the acting chief medical officer until Bones gets back. In the end yoeman Rand hands Kirk a clip board and there is some sort of joke TOS stlye ending with Kirk slaping scotty's belly lightly. Scotty is able to bring back Amanda in the transporter and after the credits there is a scene of the enterprise E and Data Picard are seen discussing how to bring Spock prime back(cliffhanger)

 

[Traveller]

I want to lay the foundation for my potential plot to Star Trek XII. It should mix comedy and drama.
Five acts each with a climax and the resolving climax at the end of act five with no cliffhanger. Here I will reveal the first act.

Act one
Starfleet academy where we meet the antagonist; Admiral Odin we will call him for now, where Kirk among other Captains are hearing that the Klingon Empire is on the verge of declaring war on the Romulan Empire over the Rura Penthe incident where forty-seven Klingon war birds were destroyed by an escaping super ship of Romulan origin. The federation doesn’t want a war in this quadrant of the galaxy and is offering to mediate between the two Empires to try and prevent a massive intergalactic conflict that would see billions of lives die.

I like that you take up events from XI - that there are some consequences to those events. Also, having Romulans and Klingons (and Cardassians) in it is always good

On Admiral Odin are main antagonist. We establish that he is well respected and a hero to Kirk, a real father figure to him. Odin has been ordered by Admiral Nogura who is the head of Starfleet and the President of the UFP to head a task force into neutral Cardassian territory to; planet X we will call it for now, with Ambassador Sarek to negotiate a peace treaty between the three major powers. Admiral Odin could be played by, perhaps some previous actors of ST captains who we would be attached to emotionally: Patrick Stuart or William Shatner, we could choose characters of gravitas like Christopher Lee or Ian McKellen, or perhaps someone younger like Viggo Mortensen or Liam Neeson. I am going to lean on Shatner for this role for now.
Continuing act one.

Liam Neeson would be good. I doubt that they'd cast Shatner in RL because they think fans are so dumb they'd think he'd be a time-traveling Kirk.

Kirk takes aboard the Enterprise Ambassador Sarek where Kirk explains to the officers that the USS Enterprises role is purely to wave the flag for the fleet. We will see everyone from the cast of XI reintroduced. Admiral Odin aboard his old Dreadnought the USS Ardor is seen with the rest of the fleet. Kirk orders the Enterprise to go to warp and Sulu gives an estimated ETA to planet X as five days at warp 6, so we establish that planet X is isolated deep in Cardassian space.
Character points, Spock should eat dinner with Uhura and we should establish that Uhura and Spock have their own quarters but Uhura is discussing moving into Spocks. I think that Spock should discuss the merits of the mission and his doubts about achieving its goals with Kirk over a game of chess.

Agreed on Spock, Uhura, and the chess-game.

The Climax the Enterrpise comes out of warp to discover that the Cardassians have attacked the Klingon fleet of warbids with the help of another fleet of Dreadnought class Federation Starships who reveal themselves to be under the banner of Admiral Odin. Kirk contacts Odin aboard the Ardor from the bridge demanding an explanation. Odin replies he did what was necessary with the Cardassian’s by destroying a significant threat to interstellar peace in the form of these huge Romulan and Klingon armadas, first with the Klingons and now they must intercept and destroy the Romulan armada now on its way. Sarek calls Odin a traitor. Odin orders Kirk to go to warp to ambush the Romulans who are uncloaked and on their way to planet X. Kirk pretends to agree, attempts to order the shileds on the USS Ardor down which fails and the USS Ardor opens fire on the USS Enterprise. Kirk knowing that he is overmatched by odins fleet orders all loyal federation Starships in his fleet to go to emergency warp at once laying in a course to the Romulan armada on the way. Many go to warp with the Enterprise but some are destroyed in the attempt to flee. The old Dreadnoughs can only travel at warp 6 while Kirk’s fleet travels at Warp 8 escaping the Dreadnoughts and buying Kirk and crew some time to figure out what to do next, so far away from contacting the UFP and help.

I think Odin is revealed too early. We should only see a strawman here - and IMO a Vulcan would be perfect (but then the first party to arrive - and to be attacked - would have to be the Romulans):

* The Vulcans are emotionally compromised - they want to take revenge on the Romulans. Remember Spock's reaction to Kirk's offer to help Nero at the end of XI? I think Surak's teachings are being questioned by a lot of them now. It would tie in with the destruction of Vulcan, showing the consequences of that part of XI.
* The Vulcan could argue that he's doing what's logical - the Romulans have proven to be a threat that can strike at the very heart of the Federation (= destroying Vulcan, attacking Earth). This threat must be eliminated. The logical consequence is to prevent the Federation to placate the Klingons and Romulans, and giving the Klingons an advantage by weakening the Roms.
* Since the Romulans will certainly react to this betrayal with a declaration of war against the Federation, we'll suddenly find ourselves side by side with the Klingons. An alliance made in hell, but will please the Klingon fans out there
* Sarek/Vulcan Traitor-interaction should be fascinating - a battle of brilliant minds, each convinced their way is the right way and being able to argue logically for it
* That a Federation Admiral is supporting this scheme should be the big shocking revelation towards the end of the film. You close with a bang, not a whimper.

So the next part of the story, act two will establish that somehow Kirk must reveal the treachery of Admiral Odin to the Romulans, prevent a war with the Romulans and perhaps also a civil war within the federation.

And the threat of civil war would be so much more dramatic if it would be started by a whole people, the very people who were humanity's mentors when it made its first steps into space.

Kirk and crew must warn and negotiate with a violent race of conquerors in barely a days time IE use diplomacy with Sarek‘s help. I want us to establish some things about the Romulan culture while we are at it.

Oh yes, me too! And I want an official Romulan language i can read my Shakespeare in, dammit!