Prologue: The indication **this** indicates a telepath rather than the spoken word. Into the tale.
The preacher in Hyde park was giving it his best. "What profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" he cried out among the dozen or so street speakers there that day.
Jai the Ferengi stuffed his hands in his pockets and grumbled. "Get me the world and I'll consider the issue." Earth was suppose to be the center of the Hoo-man universe. The place was a sterile foam padded park! Profit was chief on Jai's mind today; not that this was remarkable. Profit was usually on Jai's mind.
A young Human woman wearing very little, as is typical for London in high summer, crossed his path. Jai watched her go past hungrily. Okay, not always on his mind.
Jai stopped at a park bench and dug around in his pocket for a slip of latinum before sheepishly remembering that they didn't change to sit in the park. He hoisted himself on the bench to rest his feet and think. A cargo of fruit wasn't going to last forever he had to find someone on this lousy planet that liked yorna berries. It was going to cost him a fortune to fumigate his ship as it was. If he ever saw that Hoo-man West again he was got to shoot him!
**You have yorna berries?**
Jai whipped around to face a female, defiantly fe-male critter with deep black skin a nice pair of tat-tas in the bare and a some what bovine head. It reminded him of something. "I didn't know I was talking aloud."
**You weren't, but I can smell them on your clothing.**
"My clothing, my ship, my bedding my thoughts! Those things stink up everything."
**Yes they do. How much to you have?**
"20 standard tons lady."
**That should be about enough, and perfect for my needs.**
"So let's talk latinum."
**Lets.**
Two days later Jai was relaxing on his ship just off Aquarius station. Free orbit didn't change docking fees. The yorna berries moved for latinum, no credits to exchange. Better yet he got the price he asked for, a glorious profit. He was idly flipping through the news channels and thinking about a decent cargo. He sipped his coffee, and he was enjoying his freshly cleaned ship. He needed to have that done more often, even if it did cut into his profit. He inhaled another nose full of fresh ship and damn hear inhaled his beverage.
Jai slammed the comm: "Ah yer Earth control, I gotta get home, my Momma needs the doctor bill paid or the surgeon will repossess her heart!"
The controller shook his head, crazy Ferengi. "Take heading 221/5 you are free to maneuver Jai's Advance."
"Than -- Jai out." He quickly got his ship on the course indicated and slammed the impulse throttles to the stops. The millisecond he was out of the gravity shadow he hit the warp drive. "Why, why, why is it always me?" He turned the monitor to face him again. "Earth President and Party Bathed in Yorna Juice: Secret Service Seeks Supplier." Said the headline. The accompanying picture showed the politicians in question dyed head to foot in yorna juice and looking totally disgusted. Only their eyes shown white in the middle of the dark burgundy stain. The article went further into the particulars of the incident and it hit Jai where that nose came from. "Ane, lousy, nosy, joke playing ANE." Well, he didn't have to worry about Earth being a sterile park, he wasn't going back any time soon.
Profit -- Garry Stahl, December 2010
I borrow Jay's Jai the Ferengi in his usual role and a mention of Richard Merk's Absalom West and his nemesis of a cargo. My answer to the challenge of "What profit a man to gain the world and lose his own soul." Well profit usually suggests Ferengi, Ferengi suggests my favorite Daffy act-alike contender, to wit:
The preacher in Hyde park was giving it his best. "What profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" he cried out among the dozen or so street speakers there that day.
Jai the Ferengi stuffed his hands in his pockets and grumbled. "Get me the world and I'll consider the issue." Earth was suppose to be the center of the Hoo-man universe. The place was a sterile foam padded park! Profit was chief on Jai's mind today; not that this was remarkable. Profit was usually on Jai's mind.
A young Human woman wearing very little, as is typical for London in high summer, crossed his path. Jai watched her go past hungrily. Okay, not always on his mind.
Jai stopped at a park bench and dug around in his pocket for a slip of latinum before sheepishly remembering that they didn't change to sit in the park. He hoisted himself on the bench to rest his feet and think. A cargo of fruit wasn't going to last forever he had to find someone on this lousy planet that liked yorna berries. It was going to cost him a fortune to fumigate his ship as it was. If he ever saw that Hoo-man West again he was got to shoot him!
**You have yorna berries?**
Jai whipped around to face a female, defiantly fe-male critter with deep black skin a nice pair of tat-tas in the bare and a some what bovine head. It reminded him of something. "I didn't know I was talking aloud."
**You weren't, but I can smell them on your clothing.**
"My clothing, my ship, my bedding my thoughts! Those things stink up everything."
**Yes they do. How much to you have?**
"20 standard tons lady."
**That should be about enough, and perfect for my needs.**
"So let's talk latinum."
**Lets.**
Two days later Jai was relaxing on his ship just off Aquarius station. Free orbit didn't change docking fees. The yorna berries moved for latinum, no credits to exchange. Better yet he got the price he asked for, a glorious profit. He was idly flipping through the news channels and thinking about a decent cargo. He sipped his coffee, and he was enjoying his freshly cleaned ship. He needed to have that done more often, even if it did cut into his profit. He inhaled another nose full of fresh ship and damn hear inhaled his beverage.
Jai slammed the comm: "Ah yer Earth control, I gotta get home, my Momma needs the doctor bill paid or the surgeon will repossess her heart!"
The controller shook his head, crazy Ferengi. "Take heading 221/5 you are free to maneuver Jai's Advance."
"Than -- Jai out." He quickly got his ship on the course indicated and slammed the impulse throttles to the stops. The millisecond he was out of the gravity shadow he hit the warp drive. "Why, why, why is it always me?" He turned the monitor to face him again. "Earth President and Party Bathed in Yorna Juice: Secret Service Seeks Supplier." Said the headline. The accompanying picture showed the politicians in question dyed head to foot in yorna juice and looking totally disgusted. Only their eyes shown white in the middle of the dark burgundy stain. The article went further into the particulars of the incident and it hit Jai where that nose came from. "Ane, lousy, nosy, joke playing ANE." Well, he didn't have to worry about Earth being a sterile park, he wasn't going back any time soon.
Profit -- Garry Stahl, December 2010
I borrow Jay's Jai the Ferengi in his usual role and a mention of Richard Merk's Absalom West and his nemesis of a cargo. My answer to the challenge of "What profit a man to gain the world and lose his own soul." Well profit usually suggests Ferengi, Ferengi suggests my favorite Daffy act-alike contender, to wit:
