ENT Caption Contest #84: Many Vanishing Returns

[Skywalker]

Hello, all! In a common fit of madness, I suddenly decided to give this whole caption contest thing a whirl. Our caption contests have kind of lost steam over the past year or so, and I'm hoping we can pick things back up.

Contest #83 jumped ahead and did a random episode, but I'm going to go back to the order the previous contests followed. The last episode was "Singularity," so we'll be starting with "Vanishing Point." So, let's get started!

Settle down, Captain! I know you're antsy, but since everyone's had to wait so long between contests, I think it's only fair that they all win, don't you? Alright, then. Let's give them some new images to caption!

Have fun!

 

[R. Star]

Nice to see one of these over here again!

Hoshi: Why is it when I look into the mirror, I see an evil dominatrix Empress?

Hoshi: Men.. they'll try sex in any position.

Archer: We'll just ignore her even though she's right here.
T'Pol: This is most illogical.
Archer: This show is about three things. Me and your boobs!

Alien 1: Will you give that to me, my love?
Alien 2: Nooo! It's my PRECIOUS!

Archer: So... have you joined the Warp 5 club yet?

 

[jespah]

I need to work more on my Evil Queen routine. Ahem. Mirror, Mirror, on the wall ....

If I did that, the stuffing in my uniform would fall right out. Oops, you weren't supposed to know about that.

Why does it smell like Teen Spirit in here?

It tastes just like chicken!

Have we met? I was led to believe that there are only three people in this show. Oh, and there's a dog, too, I think.

 

[LeadHead]

Welcome to the caption contest team Jar Jar Binks!

Reed: (off screen) Do you think she knows it's a 2 way mirror?

Trip: I think I installed this thing upside down.

Archer: We need someone to volunteer for a boring, extremely safe mission.

Hoshi: Pick me! Pick me!

Alien: (in alien language) Wow! This is a great ship to visit. I think we should make peace with them!

Hoshi: DEATH TO EVIL ALIENS!!!!

Archer: So, you're nuts, huh?

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: So, do you like films about gladiators?

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "-and when I suggested the whole 'interspecies' thing as a scientific experiment she turned me down!"

Hoshi: "I'm shocked. No, really, this is my 'oh.' face."

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "Well, maybe 'logically' it should work but I'm telling you she needs to switch to SURE. The baking soda just isn't cutting it!"

 

[Skywalker]

Hoshi: "Parlez-vous à moi? ¿Estas hablando conmigo? Sprichst du mit mir?"

Trip: "Hell, Travis can keep his stupid little 'sweet spot.' This is where the real action's at!"
Hoshi: "Whatever you say, sir."
Trip: "Hmm, I wonder if I could convince T'Pol to try this out..."
Hoshi: "It's like I'm invisible, or something..."

T'Pol: "Captain, I'm afraid you must choose between us."
Archer: "Between who, T'Pol? You and Trip? Shouldn't he be here for this?"
Hoshi: "Oooookaaaaay, TMI..."

Bob the Alien: "Hey, Larry, what if we're not real? I mean, what if we're just someone else's hallucination?"
Larry the Alien: "Dude, that's it, no more weed for you. You always get all existential when you're high."

Archer: "Don't tell Hoshi I said this, but I'd totally hit that."
Hoshi: "Sir, are you drunk?"
Archer: "What did I tell you about asking questions, Travis?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Park (thinking): "No way this face comes in second best. It's the boobs. It's gotta be Jolene's boobs."

Trip: "Oh, come on! Why not?"
Hoshi: "In the first place, I'm not attracted to you that way. And in the second place, Christ, I can't even imagine how!"

Archer: "Tensions on the ship are sky-high. Fistfights are breaking out among the male crew members like Terrelian plague. It's got to stop. I'm going to have to insist that you two start wearing standard uniforms."

Archer: "You know, I actually visited China once."
Hoshi: "I'm Japanese."

 

[LeadHead]

Hoshi: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most. Underutilized character of them all?

Mirror: Technically? Travis.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Hoshi: "Crap! My 'come hither' look looks just like my 'go screw yourself' look."

Captain Archer runs a tight ship:
Archer: "Lookin' good, Ensign! Shipshape and Bristol fashion! Now, how about you, Sub-Commander?"
T'Pol (sighs): "Does this really matter? I always wear long sleeves!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Well, we could cut it off.

T'POL: True, but the hand would still be in the pipe.

HOSHI: He means the pipe, not my hand!

ARCHER: Uh, yeah...right. The pipe.

 

[Triskelion]

Good on ya, Jar Jar! I loved running this contest for a while before I ran out of time. It always took me a lot longer than it should have! Can I come back in? Good luck running it!

Shoes...shoes...shoes....

Trip: Little help?
Hoshi: Poco de ayuda?
Trip: I'm stuck.
Hoshi: Mimi kukwama.
Trip: Seriously, I think my spine is wrenched. Help me!
Hoshi: على محمل الجد، وأعتقد أن اللي عمودي الفقري. مساعدتي!
Trip: Stop translating!
Hoshi: Ĉesu tradukante!

Archer: Either Hoshi shares her stash or things are gonna start getting jakey around here. Either way.

Bob the Alien: Soon everyone on our home planet will know our names! We'll make headlines!
Larry the Alien: Tee hee, that one never gets old!

Archer: Are you talkin' to me?

Hoshi: I don't know! ALF?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Bob the Alien: I've hacked into their computer system and found something called TrekBBS. Let's go see.

Larry the Alien: I've found it too. But what exactly are 'Ponies'?

 

[Nerys Myk]

LINDA: What the...? How can a mirror get it wrong?

 

[T'Girl]

Trip: "Hmm, I wonder if I could convince T'Pol to try this out..."
Hoshi: "It's like I'm invisible, or something..."

Travis (standing immediately next to Hoshi): "I know how you feel."

Sheriff Turman (os): "Special Agent Cooper, are you done brushing your teeth yet."

 

[Nerys Myk]

TRIP: Aaaaaaaaaghhhh!!!!!

HOSHI: What a baby. I haven't even turned it on yet!

 

[Skywalker]

Archer: "So, you're a xenolinguist, huh? I know what means. The study of alien languages. Morphology, phonology, syntax... It means you've got a talented tongue."

 

[Triskelion]

<Knock knock knock> Hoshi?
<Knock knock knock> Hoshi?
<Knock knock knock> Hoshi?

Go away Malcom!

And that's when I told the Ambassador to get his own damned parking validation. I've got a sticker.

 

[Nerys Myk]

She does kind of look like Kaley Cuoco.