ENT Caption Competition #004 Let's Talk About It

[Tenacity]

Today's triumphant winners

The Hygienic award goes to Laura Cynthia Chambers

Archer: "All right, who was the last person to use the galley? There's crumbs everywhere. Do you want to attract space ants?"
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The Voyager Reference award goes to Herbert

Archer: The Phage? What's that?
Alien: uh, nevermind. How many people are on this ship?
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The Workplace Safety award goes to CorporalCaptain

T'Pol: I see the problem. Shocking. You mean you humans actually designed these to operate without force-field protection? That would explain Ensign Mayweather's screaming.
Reed: Who?
T'Pol: Your former helmsman. I thought it was cowardice, so I simply shoved him out into space. Apparently, though, these space suits actually require helmets. In fact, they lack seven of the twelve basic safety protocols deemed essential by Vulcan High Command. Most illogical
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The Avoiding A Trip To H.R. award goes to IMC Headquarters

"Commander? Why are you staring at the bulkhead?"
"Just being respectful."
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The Don't Quit Your Day Job award goes to G. Curto

Archer: I don't care what your Ferengi booking agent said as you are definitely going to have to shave your head and tape down your antennae if you want to join the Blue Man Group!

 

[Nerys Myk]

REED: I wonder which poor sap has to eat with the Captain tonight.
VO: Will Lt. Reed please report to the Captain's mess.
REED: Damn...

 

[Tenacity]

Monk: Yes, we Vulcan will employ our civilized demeanor and urbane sensibilities to lead the galaxy to ... oh my fukking gods, what is that horrid stench?

T'Pol gestures to her right.

Monk: Ahh of course, the Humans have arrived.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

REED: They're wrong. These fear ganglia taste more like chicken than squid.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

ARCHER: Yeah, we have a purging of all emotional efforts, too. We call it Axanar.

 

[Tenacity]

REED: They're wrong. These fear ganglia taste more like chicken than squid.

Sato: Supposedly they can talk.
Tucker: Yeah, so can my mother's cat.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

T'POL: They urinated in your begging bowl.
TUCKER: You told us that's their custom.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

T'POL: So if each of your wives has three husbands, and each husband has three wives, and if there are children produced from this arrangement, are the other wives considered stepmothers, and are their husbands considered stepfathers? And if one or more wives divorces you, and pair up with the wives of the other husbands who left them, and if those husbands left their wives to pair up with the other husbands, what nomenclature do they adopt in relation to you and the children?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

T'POL: So, in order for Denobulans to divorce, it is conditional that the one petitioning take on an additional two spouses prior to the permanent separation, and these two spouses must marry an additional three of any gender to make it legally binding?

 

[Noname Given]

T'Pol: Trip, meet my father.

T'Pol's Father: Commander Trip, as you've impregnated my Daughter, Koon-ut-kal-if-fee will now commence.

Archer: I wonder what "Koon-ut-kal-if-fee" means in English?

Trip: In this case, probably "Shotgun Wedding".

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Thanks for the win!

Sato: "(sigh) Grace first, then we eat."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: And this is their most sacred object, the bowl they use to cut their hair...
T'POL: Ahem...
TRIP: Crap!

 

[CorporalCaptain]

TFTW, @Tenacity

Archer: Yeah, Vulcans are a lot smaller than we expected!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

TRIP: Tell me the truth Hoshi. Can you really figure out an entire language in minutes just by hearing a few words?
HOSHI: No. *snrk* Already knew that language, you think only engineers can Hollywood?

ARCHER: Ensign Sato, we have a new alien language we have to decode.
HOSHI: Oh, that's so hard, I've never seen that language before! I'm not sure I can do it. Wait, wait, I think I can possibly summon the strength. It should take at least ten hours.
ARCHER: You have two.
HOSHI: Oh, no, that's such a hard deadline! *snrk* I'll see what I can do.

PHLOX: Oh yes, I always do the things that my species do that are considered disgusting by humans in my office, it's a way to keep them from interrupting me.


T'POL: This is the Captain. Remember we have an image to uphold, so once every few sentences, say something smug.

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: And you don't find it odd that the only two aliens on the ship are always seated at the same table?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TUCKER: Have you got a TARDIS hidden in here somewhere?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TUCKER: Are you out of your Vulcan mind? Seriously. Have you reached non-attachment yet?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TUCKER: Can you say, He did it. He's the guy...?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TUCKER: Did you just call me a dick?!
MONK: No. I merely stated we honor IDIC.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

T'POL: An Andorian and a Bolian walk into a bar...
PHLOX: Don't tell me...Romulan Ale is the punchline...
T'POL: (sighs)