DS9 Caption Contest: ...thaaaat's not a *good* sound...

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Computer: Congratulations. You now have the high score in Tetris on this console.

Garak: What's this do?

Computer: Self-Destruct Sequence Initiated.

Lovok: (thinking) This ship really is a deathtrap.

O'Brien: O'Brien to Sisko. Nothing in this conduit either.

Sisko: Keep looking Chief. Don't you dare show your face in Ops until you find my baseball!

Bashir: He's a Cardassian!

Sisko: How do you know that?

Bashir: The Mustache is fake. Means he's gotta be evil and we haven't met the Dominion yet.

Bashir: SURPRISE! Happy Birthday Kira!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Quark: Odo, I just need to Google something here...you're a changeling, so how can you have a headache?

Bashir: I said I was sorry, Jadzia!!! I didn't know you like your raktajino with extra sugar!!

Tain: Is that what I think it is?

Lovok: Absolutely disgusting. No true Romulan would do such a thing.

Pilot: I think I'm going to be sick.

Garak: You all have such limited imaginations. See what the Dominion has done with the ancient art of goatse?

"O'Brien to Ops. I don't know why you sent me down here...Mr. Goodbar isn't here either."

Man: What are you looking for?

Bashir: You have a secret stache somewhere, and I'm going to find it!

Man: Is that all you've got?

Bashir: Oh, I learned from the best. S'tache, one of my professors at Starfleet Academy.

Man: Just go ahead and kill me now.

Bashir: Then we'd have to stache the body in the waste disposal unit...I can't help myself!!!

 

[joededman]

Bashir: I'm telling you that this man is a direct descendant of Gomez Addams.
Sisko: Gomez Addams was a fictional character!
Bashir: Well so are we. What's that got to do with anything?

 

[f14peter]

SISKO: "How are things going with your patient Doctor?"

BASHIR: "Very difficult to tell Commander. While my scans detect an old skull injury that could be attributed to being struck with a small round spiked object, he keeps muttering on about the early 21st Century, being in a coma, he's broken out in chants of 'Houston!' and insists I call him Moonpie."

SISKO: "That sounds like he's delusional, anything else?"

BASHIR: "According to him, he's the best swooper in the league - whatever that means - and have you ever heard of somebody known as Jon-A-Than? Apparently an acquaintance of his"

 

[Triskelion]

Bashir: We'll fix you right up, just be a little patient.
Mustache Steve: What? I'm a full grown patient!
Bashir: I mean, just be patient, not "a" patient. You are a full sized patient, of course.
Mustache Steve: Why should I be an any other sized patient?
Bashir: Just be patient with us, and we'll fix you right up.
Mustache Steve: I am your patient, what else would you expect me to be?
Bashir: Of course you are my patient. It's not for me to expect you to be anything else.
Mustache Steve: Well I should think you were more patient.
Bashir: But then who would the doctor be? The patient?
Mustache Steve: The doctor would be the most patient. Just be a little patient. Oh - I see what you meant now.
Bashir: Are you calling me a little patient?
Mustache Steve: Yes, aren't you a little patient?
Bashir: Not only am I not a little patient, I'm not patient at all, and I'm certainlyl not your patient!
Mustache Steve: Well you are certainly not in danger of losing any patients.
Bashir: Yes, glad you realize that! I am the doctor and I will decide who is the patient around here! And anyone who doesn't like it can kiss my patient posterior!
Mustache Steve: You heard him, everyone! Kiss my posterior! Doctor's orders!
Bashir: That's not what I meant! Now - just be a little patient, and we'll have you patients in and out of outpatient surgery before you know it.
Mustache Steve: I am glad I am in outpatient, because I am in no danger of running out of impatience.
Bashir: You're a very silly patient and now I will be seeing more patients during each patient's appointment, thus increasing the number of impatient patients in this impatient patient-packed outpatient ward.
Mustache Steve: Fine, I'll be a little patient!
Bashir: ALL! I'M! ASKING!
Mustache Steve: - if you be a little doctor.
Bashir: I AM A LITTLE DOCTOR!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Patient: "Give it to me straight, doc -- am I going to live? What does it say?"

Bashier: "What? Oh, this isn't a tricorder, this is a transphasic interdimentional suppository. We think it was the mustache."

 

[Smellincoffee]

24 hour warning!

(Today I went to an archaeological park. )