DS9 Caption Contest 80; The woes of Miles Edward O'Brien

[Ln X]

August was a hectic month but fear not as I have found some spare time for this contest and then some. No longer will I be hosting the VOY caption contest and frankly it became a bit of a distraction when my heart was set on the DS9 caption contest.

And now having grovelled to you, we can move on to more pressing matters.

Sisko: According to this, you put in the request for Deep Space Four instead of our station...

O'Brien: Bollocks. That's months away on the other side of the Federation, and Molly's birthday is tomorrow. Keiko is going to kill me!

Sisko: I'd worry about the kid. We are due for a possessed child episode.

KIRA: What is this, fan fiction written by a horny 15 year old?
INTENDANT: Bashir dream sequence.

Weyoun: "Because of the Founders and their cloning technology, I can call you spoonheads, 'spoonheads' all I want, and no matter what you do to me, torture me, maim me, kill me, I'll pop up again fresh as a daisy. Spoonheads!"
Dukat: "Ah yes, but we can keep killing you. It's an equitable agreement, and everyone is more than satisfied. Damar. Do the honours for Weyoun... what is it now?"
Weyoun: "Thirty-seven."
Dukat: "Weyoun thirty-seven."
Damar: "Yes sir." pulls out phaser and vaporises Weyoun

Bashir: I thought you said Worf was being a pain in the ass, not that he had a pain in his ass.

Nog: Why are we doing this again?

Dax: Because Benjamin saw this Spacetube video, "Picard & Riker being cooler than everything for 10 hours," and, well, he does not like to be outdone.

Nog: So, we're just going to keep walking down this corridor for 11 hours?

Dax: That's the plan, yes.

Nog: Did anyone tell him it's just a 30 second clip played on a loop?

Dax: Yes.

Nog: And?

Dax: Worf is now in traction and is being fed gagh through a straw.

Nog: In that case, I look forward to the next 10 hours and 57 minutes!

(Note: the money I would give to see Worf being fed gagh through a straw!)

AND...cue K-Billy's Super-Sounds of the (23)70's....

A qHentIn teren'tI'no film...
Reservior Targs

The photoshop award goes to:

Weyoun: That's fifteen ninety-five.
Dukat: I don't think so. It's been over thirty parsecs.

The tag caption award goes to the following:

Worf: (over comm) Ops to Captain Sisko. A Dominion attack force is approaching.

Sisko: Not now, Mister Worf. We're doing our cool walk.

#Eye of the Tiger starts playing#

Congratulations to the winners, you captioning prowess has been duly noted.


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The theme of this caption is obvious; torture Miles Edward O'Brien anyway possible.

And now may this caption be a testament to a 9er's wit and sense of humour!

(Disclaimer: the fact that my first name is Miles should in no way inhibit your captioning prowess...)

 

[Ln X]

Gul Evek: Miles Edward O'Brien, you have been found guilty of aiding and abetting the Maquis, and committing crimes against the Cardassian Union. What do you have to say for yourself?
O'Brien: Piss off you yellow bellied fuckers.

O'Brien: Come on Molly, catch the ball!
Keiko: Good luck with that, to her we must be chucking fruit...

Another one of O'Brien's and Bashir's holosuite 'adventures'.

Sisko: 45 chief! How do you feel about that?
O'Brien: Worst bloody day of my life!

O'Brien: Get over it Julian and man up! It ain't bleedin real remember?

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win!

The Colm Meaney has been sent back in time to save the future

*whirring* Mission: Find Ben Affleck before he ruins the Batman franchise. Terminate target on sight..

 

[JirinPanthosa]

EVEK: We're here to arrest you, Miles O'Brien, and put you through a fixed trial with trumped up charges for political gain.
O'BRIEN: Oh, thank God. I was about to go on a vacation alone with Keiko!

O'BRIEN: You never told me you had a daughter from a previous marriage!
KEIKO: Yeah, I was really young and gave her away. I didn't think I'd see her again.
O'BRIEN: Does she have a learning disability, or...
KEIKO: The father was a Nausicaan. I WAS 17.

O'BRIEN: On the bright side, this is the least terrible thing that's ever happened to me.

KEIKO: Happy birthday Molly! For your present, Daddy is going to take you to your first Flotter program!

O'BRIEN: Is that...Keiko dancing naked?
BASHIR: Sorry. That's from MY subconscious.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Thanks for the award!

Gul: Oh, let's just say I'm after your Lucky Charms....

O'Brien: Now, sweetie--this is a ball.... You toss it...or you roll it....

After all those times where he'd inevitably find himself having a VERY bad day (to put it mildly)...O'Brien finally leaned the secret to staying sane: suck it up, bite the bullet, and look at the bright side....

Sisko: Okay, Chief, make a wish.

O'Brien: Okay, how about, no "torture O'Brien" for the rest of my tour of duty, here?

Keiko: Miles, don't tell it!

O'Brien: So what do you think of me wife?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KEIKO: I love you Evek, but I can't leave Miles!

O'BRIEN: Hey, let's not be too hasty

O'BRIEN: I'm naked, on a cold floor and feel like I've been hit by a truck. Must be Tuesday.

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Ln X!

Cardie: You're telling me my Tamagotchi just rolled onto the transporter pad and accidentally beamed away? Keiko Ishikawa?

O'Brien: So, you guys wear cups? Never mind, I'll know in a minute.

Miles: See, you just squeeze this real hard and the stabbies go away for another day.

Keiko, you're warmer than usual.

Miles: You think the cake looks good, but I bet you a strip of latinum it has seafood in it.

Keiko: Oh Miles. Squid is a high source of copper.

Julian: And endocrine disruptors!

Keiko: Try not to ignite the flame with your breath this year.

Jules: Kiss me, Hardy!
Miles: I think Nelson said "Kismet."
Jules: Kismet, Hardy! With tongue!

 

[R. Star]

Evek: Chief O'brien, you're charged with--
O'brien: Let me guess. Fabricated charges of smuggling? Torture? A show trial? My wife testifying against me?
Evek: No... you're speeding. Please don't pass warp 5 while traveling through Cardassian space.

O'brien: Hmm, I was always afraid Molly would like big balls too much when she got older.

O'brien: This is my third worst vacation ever!

O'brien: My wife is a demon who's out to make my life miserable captain! She's blackmailing me--
Sisko: You say this every other day, Chief... now's not the time.

O'brien: I don't know whether to be resigned to death, or happy you're going to die first.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Bashir: UGH...!

O'Brien: How we doing, Doc?

Bashir: Well--shaken...not stirred.

 

[bbjeg]

O'Brien: One of these days I'm going to beat Scotty's drinking record.

O'Brien: So what have we learned?
Bashir: Don't try to torture O'Brien.

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

O'Brien: Ummm... yes... well... 'Cardie' is an affectionate term, I mean... err...

O'Brien: Molly, can't we sit on furniture?
Molly: No! You have to sit on the floor to make me feel taller

When the holosuite programme said 'Nudity light', this isn't what O'Brien was expecting

O'Brien: Lovely cake but Odo get your nose out of my daughter!

Bashir: Aarrgghh! When you said laser tag...

 

[Bad Thoughts]

After a night of Scotch-infused chewing gum and Warp Core Breaches, O'Brien learns the hard way that the Cardassians still manufacture corrugated steel. "How retro!"

"Those ridges look fake. I think it's really Tom Riker!"

Keiko: Let's send her back.
O'Brien. Hold on. New Molly is kind of fun. Maybe you could go back in stead.
Keiko: Miles!
O'Brien: You know, to collect flowers or samples or something.

"Face it, Julian, Dax makes love like a Klingon."

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Thanks for the win

Evek: I've always been fascinated by human intercourse.
Keiko: You can forget it! I will never let a Cardassian lie with me!
Evek: What makes you think I meant you?
O'Brien: (thinking) Bollocks.

O'Brien: Molly, go back to your room! Your mother and I are playing our special game.

O'Brien getting through one month without suffering any woes was reason for celebration...it didn't happen very often though.

Bashir: --and then she was like, 'yeah, yeah, right there! Mmmm yeah baby, just like that!'
O'Brien: Julian! I know I asked for all the details, but that's a little too much.
Bashir: Sorry Miles. I thought with you being married you might like the 'blow by blow'.
O'Brien: (thinking) Smug bastard...he's right though.

 

[Ln X]

It was said that the audience ratings shot up when O'Brien's moobs were on display...

 

[Triskelion]

Head ridges are a "symbol of true masculinity?" I'll show that smug Klingon....

 

[Gil T.Azell]

EVEK: "Miles O'Brien, you've just won the Cardassian Clearing House Sweepstakes"
O'BRIEN: "What did I win?"
EVEK: "7 full Cardassian days of the worst Music 21st century Earth gave history, including so called artists like Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Lady Ga-Ga, Kesha,etc."
O'BRIEN: "Kill me now!"
EVEK: "That's why we call it the Cardassian Clearing House Sweepstakes"

O'BRIEN: On the bright side, this is the least terrible thing that's ever happened to me..

OS Hears the snap of Rubber gloves
O'BRIEN: "Oh bloody hell"

 

[jazzstick]

Miles: So what you're telling me Gul Marset is that I'm too Irish to enter the Cardassian system?

Look Molly, it's a rounded chunk of Muppet Flesh from Henson V!

Molly:Remember what Dr.Basher said, if he detects any alcohol in your blood you're fired from the station! It's a good thing you don't have to work right now because you would be fired! Tell me you're gonna stop drinking!
Miles: I'll be fine...

Keiko: Miles honey, please don't help Molly blow the candle out, you'll melt my face off!
Miles: Right!

Julian: Oh Miles, thanks for making the last precious breaths of my life rancid with your cabbage and beer farts!
Miles:Well...I feel better.

 

[shivkala]

TFTW, Ln X!

Miles: So what you're telling me Gul Marset is that I'm too Irish to enter the Cardassian system?

Marset: Then you didn't see the "N.I.N.A." laser billboard as you entered Cardassian space? That damn Ferengi told me it couldn't be missed!

Molly: Alright already, I faked the whole "Time's Child" bull to get you guys to pay attention to me! I admit it! What I didn't expect is just how gullible you two would be!

One Romulan Ale, Two Romulan Ale, Three Romulan Ale, Floor!

O'Brien: A party? For me? I wasn't expecting this! What's the occasion?

Keiko: Miles Edward O'Brien, you are...not the father!

O'Brien: That's...not something to celebrate!

Keiko: It is if that's the only reason I'm still married to your drunk ass.

Vorta in Command of a Troop of Jem'Hadar Soldiers: Sorry, Doctor, we were aiming for O'Brien!

Bashir: Don't worry about it! If you're friends with Miles, this stuff happens to you a lot!

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: A spot on your uniform? That's what you're whining about?
At Setlik III we had to wear the same uniform for over a month!
Through grime, mud, blood and dust. At the end those uniforms
could stand on their own.

BASHIR: I wish they had aimed a little higher.

O'BRIEN: Why?

BASHIR: To spare me having to listen to another of your war stories.

 

[LeadHead]

Gul Evek: Seriously? You lowered your shields and just let us beam aboard? Are you sure there's no other reasons why you're not an officer?

O'Brien: Worst date night ever.

Nog's first attempts to operate the transporter were less than successful.

Sisko: Happy birthday, Mister O'Brien.

Dax: (over comm) Dax to Sisko, incoming message from starfleet command regarding your questions about "mandatory retirement ages."

Sisko: Uh-oh. Take a message.

O'Brien: I am never going to be your wingman again!

Bashir: It wasn't that bad.

O'Brien: She shot us!

Bashir: At least this time it was on stun!