Contest: ENTER DS9 Caption Contest 132: Suspicious Minds

[Smellincoffee]

Annnnd we're back, and finished with that April foolery for another year. First up, our winners!

tharpdevenport's "Could Be Worse. Could be Dysentery" award

Where will you be when you're diarrhea comes back?

The Laughing Vulcan's "Rescue 911"

Sheridan: "He's hamming it up again. Do we aim for the wig?"
Corrigan: "Aim for the ego, it's an easier target."

Leadhead's "Will Rogers Diplomacy" award*

Dukat: I am Gul Dukat, Commander of the Second Order, I am on a crucial mission to 20th Century Earth.
Guy: Right, right. How about you let me hold the gun for awhile?

Triskelion's "Voyager Special"

Sloan: What would Chakotay do?
Deputy: .....................................................................................
Sloan: Good one.


JirinPanthosa's Rediscovery of Benny Russell

Lastly, the EC goes to Nerys Myk's Frisco Five-Oh!

CORRIGAN: Put your hands up and step away from the whales!
SHERIDAN: Wait...is that Hooker?

And now, this week's selections!

 

[bbjeg]

Odo: I'm skipping the investigation, just tell me what you're up to.
Quark: What makes you think I'm up to something?
Odo: ...
Quark: Regardless of my troubled pass, I happen to be a good bartender from time to time.
Odo: ...
Quark: That side of me is long gone.
Odo: ...
Quark: OK, I'm smuggling weapons, but it's for a good deed.
Odo: ...
Quark: Because giving me Latinum is good... so, my usual cell.
Odo: Let's go.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"I'm going to kill you, Miles O'Brien!"

Quark: "The cheif? I'm Quark; Miles if three quarters down the hall."

Quark: "And then I told her he was three quarters further down."

Odo: "Are you insane, quark? Julian hasn't been hurt yet this week!"

Quark: "Oh. We better find her. I hope we're not too late..."

 

[Smellincoffee]

O'Brien: I'll be glad when the Enterprise departs. I hope Captain Picard never realizes the real reason I transferred. Thank heavens for a captain with hair!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Commander's Log: The U.S.S. Prometeus is a very strange ship. It's commanded by a Lieutenant Junior Grade, the Ops officers are allowed to sleep on the job, its corridors and quarters look like they were torn out of a runabout.

Sisko: Chief are you sure you should be cross-connecting those circuits?

O'Brien: Absolutely. Oh cra-

Odo: Quark, I need to talk to you.

Quark: Are you going to arrest me?

Odo: No.

Quark: Rude banter it is, then.

Natima: It's not you, it's me and this phaser.

Rugal was okay with being removed from his own family until he found out he'd be staying with the O'Briens.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Seyetik os: "Let there be light!"

...

Bashir os: "Bashir to Sisko, I've just completed my psych evaluation of Dr Seyetik. You might want to keep an eye on him. He reads as a strongly bipolar sociopath with borderline suicidal tendencies."
Sisko: "Great timing as ever, Doctor..."

O'Brien: "What idiot gave Molly a Klingon polaroid camera for her birthday? I'm blind!"

Quark: "This isn't one of those face-to-face conversations is it?"
Odo: "I just want some information, Quark."
Quark: "Because, with that neck-stretching thing you do, you take face-to-face a little too literally, and that freaks my customers out. Morn had to go into therapy the last time. Therapy!"

Natima: "That jacket is an offence. I'll either shoot you or your tailor. Who's your tailor?"
Quark: "Garak."
Natima: "I'll shoot you."

Rugal: "You told me Gul Dukat betrayed and murdered my father!"
Sisko: "Your father was seduced by the Pah Wraiths. He ceased to be Skrain Dukat and became Gul Dukat. When that happened, the good man that was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view."

 

[Finn]

Conn Officer: It appears to be a cohrent tetyron beam coming from behind

Jadzia: No problem *punches a couple buttons*

Conn Officer: It's gone.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Sisko: Let's take this McSpacedock exit for some McRibs.
Captain: Crew, prepare for McSpacedock.
Dax: Commence McSpacedock procedures.
Lieutenant: Helm start McSpacedock sequence.
Helm: Starting McSpacedock sequence!
Sisko: Now that's a proper chain of command!
Cassidy Yates: We're not stopping for McRibs. My nephew's Bris starts in an hour.
Sisko: Cancel McSpacedock.
Captain: Belay McSpacedock.
Dax: Abort McSpacedock procedures.
Lieutenant: Helm, abort McSpacedock sequence.
Helm: Aborting McSpacedock sequence!

Nag me half to death at midnight because the fridge light doesn't work...
ALL RIGHT KEIKO, YOU'VE GOT YOUR FRIDGE LIGHT!
Computer, stand by for emergency beamout.

What'll it be? Shirley Temple?
No.
Nojito?
No.
Virgin Mary?
No.
Cinderella?
No.
Orange-Lime Relaxer?
No.
Virgin Cherry-Bubblecake?
No.
Purple stuff?
No - look Quark, those are all mocktails.
So?
So give me a man's drink!
One Klingon chocolate milk, coming up.

Quark: Hey baby, did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven?
Natima: You tell me. <ZAP>

My name isn't Gilligan, it's Rugal! Geez those guys.
Come on, Rigel, let's get some ice cream.
No sir, his name isn't Rigel, it's Ragu.
Rugal!
Drupal?
Rugal!
Reginald?
Rugal!
Freddie Krueger?
Rugal!
Groupon?
YES, MY BAJORAN PARENTS NAMED ME GROUPON.
Come on, Groupon, let's get some ice cream.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Odo: Quaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrk.
Quark: What did I do now?
Odo: Nothing. Just saying good morning.

Natima: Oh! You have a coffee stain. Let me --
Quark: THAT'S NOT A LAUNDRY PEN-
*ZAP*

Chris Hanson, OS: Have a seat, right over here.

Helmsman: Approching Coruscant.
Sisko: Coruscant!
Science ND: Coruscant!
Dax: It's only a model.

O'Brien: Now how am I going to tell Keiko that the Orb told me that Major Kira will have my child?

 

[HMS Ark Royal]

"All my time on this station, I have searched for it... The secret of closing DS9 Caption Quiz 98"

 

[Leviathan]

DS9's brief but ultimately unsuccessful flirtation with 'lens flare'.

 

[Hutchy01]

Welcome to the Harry Kim tanning salon!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

SISKO: We're witnessing a once in a lifetime event, the birth of a new star! Even blink and you could miss it!

O'BRIEN: This is a strange looking old box. What are these markings... 'Ark of the Covenant'? What could that be? I'll try opening it.

QUARK: What? All I'm saying is, people are willing to bet 10:1 odds that you won't go back and become a Founder before the end of the year, and if you would help me win the bet, I'll split the winnings! You're free to say no.

CARDASSIAN: Give me the money Quark! And I will give you back your mojo.

SISKO: Let's see, what's better for the child? Keep a traumatized minor with parents who hate him in a culture that despises him, or return him to a loving father who had him stolen away in a political move? This one's a real thinker.

 

[Hutchy01]

Who shot Quark's bar?

 

[Triskelion]

Natima: I don't know, DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?!

 

[Bad Thoughts]

SISKO: Let's see, what's better for the child? Keep a traumatized minor with parents who hate him in a culture that despises him, or return him to a loving father who had him stolen away in a political move? This one's a real thinker.

Sisko: While I discuss it with Dukat and Garak investigates, you'll be safe with the O'Briens.
Rugal: Sigh.

 

[Smellincoffee]

And thus Natima shot down Quark's advances.






(You may groan.)

 

[Triskelion]

jus

Rugal: Does Constable Odo realize that potted plants don't usually smoke cigarettes?
Sisko: We just play along with it. It cuts down on the crying jags.

 

[Smellincoffee]

All of the other children
Used to laugh and call him names
They wouldn't let poor Rugal
Join in any Bajor games

Then one foggy Atonement night,
the Sisko came to town...
He said Rugal, with your face so grey
Won't you drive my sleigh tonight?

 

[Leviathan]

Quark: ....so I let the producers know Denise Crosby was your niece before they negotiated your pay.