DS9 Caption Contest 120: The Amazon Squad

[Triskelion]

O'Brien: Boy I'd love to plow her back forty.
Kira: WHAT DID YOU SAY CHIEF??
O'Brien: I SAID I'D LOVE TO PLOW YOUR BACK FORTY!
Kira: YOU'LL TRY TO PLOT AN ATTACK SORTIE?"
O'Brien: NO, I'D LIKE TO PINCH YOU ALL OVER AND GIVE YOU A SPANK!
Kira: YOU'LL STRIKE IN A PINCER MANEUVER FROM THE FLANK?
O'Brien: ........I WANT TO HIT THE ENEMY LIKE A ROCKET-PROPELLED GRENADE!
Kira: YOU WANT TO OUTFIT ME LIKE A STOCKING-CLAD FRENCH MAID?
O'Brien: YES AND TRUCK YOUR WARPLANES OUT!
Kira: YOU ARE QUITE THE STRATEGIAN, SIR!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Kira: Don't worry, I set it on stun... eventually.

Ezri: Prepare to be joined, with my phaser beam!

Jadzia: I hope you're not holding back because I'm a woman.

Worf: I'm holding back because holosuite safety protocols NEVER WORK.

Helm: I'm a Science Officer, yet I'm always torn away from my work to helm a warship.

Jadzia: I know your pain.

Kira: Computer, activate emergency sneeze control program.

 

[tharpdevenport]

IMAGE DELETED BY MOD

IT'S A ROCK, PEOPLE.

Nope, nope, nope. - Shatna

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kira: That'll teach them to post pics of that stupid rock!

Ezri: That rock will be space dust when I'm done with it.

Jadzia: And those posters won't have any hands either!

Jadzia: That rock's still there. Target phasers and FIRE!
Officer: Ma'am, you do know I'm just the helmsman, right?

Kira: It's no fun being a moderator...

 

[T'Girl]

Admiral (on screen): On Earth there is a musical instrument composed of two concaved brass plates that produces a brilliant clashing tone when struck together.

Kira: I'm not sure I understand Admiral.

Admiral: Hit the cymbals Major.

 

[Triskelion]

Bajoran: What if we mined the entrance of the wormhole?
Kira: Is that your professional opinion, sandwich cart lady?
Bajoran: Or we could manufacture Ketracel White and freely distribute it to the Jem'Hadar to free them from their bondage to the Founders?
Kira: Where's my tuna on whole wheat, by the way?
Bajoran: What if we lob a Romulan warbird at their home planet and let the quantum singularity drive gobble them up?
Kira: Hold the mayo! I mean it this time!
Bajoran: Did you know shapeshifters have to revert to their liquid state every day? Couldn't we just run an hourly transporter scan on all officers not on duty?
Kira: With a pickle!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dax: Thrusters, reverse thrusters, clutch. Got it?
Helm: What's that other button?
Dax: It lowers the disco ball.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Helm: Commander, I'd just like to point out what a Trill it is to serve under your command.

(long pause)

Jadzia: Court-martial in 5...4...3...

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dax: Today we're going to target your feelings of anxiety.
Patient: PLEASE STOP POINTING A GUN AT ME.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Ensigh: "I don't understand -- I thought we'd defeated the enemy. Who could possibly be so powerful we can't beat them? The Founders?"

Dax: "Beat 'em."

Ensigh: "The Cardassians?"

Dax: "Beat 'em."

Ensigh: "The Jem'Hadar?"

Dax: "Beat 'em."

Ensigh: "The Breen?"

Dax: "Beat 'em."

Ensigh: "Then who?"

Dax: "Google AdSense."

Ensigh: "We're fucked. Sending out on all known frequencies as 'We surrender'."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Twenty six hour warning! Caption `em while they're hot!

 

[Triskelion]

Ezri: Anyone know if the Jem'Hadar have genitals, and if so, where they keep them? Not everybody keeps them in the same place.
Jem'Hadar Second: Yours aren't in a specimen bottle in a lab?
Ezri: Nice try! <zap>
Jem'Hadar Second: !@#$% tribble knuckle!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Dax: "Ensign, why the hell didn't those anti matter mines go off when the enemy fleet passed by?! I thought I said set them for twenty-six hours!"

Ensign: "Sorry, commander, the time was confusing!"

Ensign: "Commander, we're being hailed by Google AdSense."

Dax: "Goddamnit. Send this reply, text only: Cock. Penis. Cock penis. Penis cock. Penis cock balls. Ball cocks. PenisrockBallCocks. Cockety! Cock! Cock! Cock! Penisrock!"

Ensign: "Transmitted."

Dax: "Communist Google AdSense hasn't forcefully censored everything yet."

 

[Smellincoffee]

My PC's wireless adapter is apparently on strike, so I'm limited to my Kindle Fire at the moment. New contest will begin by Sunday at the latest!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: Looks like the new contest won't begin till Sunday.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Kira: Chief?
O'Brien: Yeah, major?
Kira: You gonna help out here?
O'Brien: Oh, sure! Uh, "you're doing a great job, keep up the good work!"
Kira: Thanks, Chief.

Dax: Yeah, I totally got my degree in psychology so I could spend all day sitting with a gun in a pile of rubble!

Dax: You call that a knife? YOU CALL THAT A KNIFE?!
Klingon: Uh, no. I call that a bat'leth.
Dax: Oh, sorry, my mistake then!

Blueshirt: Uh, commander? Do you have to keep standing over my shoulder?
Dax: There's no way I'm gonna miss the odometer rolling back over to all zeroes! Only one more light year!

Kira Nerys, Personal Log: Federation Standard is such a confusing language. Apparently, both "flammable" and "inflammable" mean exactly the same thing!