DS9 Caption Contest 118: Houston, We've Had A Problem Here

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back everyone, to another exciting week of feeding our favorite characters inappropriate lines. This week's theme is things going boom that ought not go boom, but first ---- last week's (or months, since I was in Atlanta watching the Braves lose) WINNAHS!

Leyton: So we're at war with the Dominion. What can we do to increase security here at Command?
Sisko: Well, for starters, I'd have the building that houses all our top brass protected by something more than just a wooden gate. Or at least, you know, *close* the gate!

O'Brien: Nice hat.
Man: Whoa dude, nice Trekkie pin. Spock's alright.
O'Brien: Sure. Sure is.
Man: Don't be a Herbert, man.
Kira: No. No Herbertmen here.

Joseph Sisko: (off screen) Look kid, do you know the difference between Cajun food and Creole food?
Sisko: (thinking) Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes...
Lieutenant: No.
Joseph: Sit down, everyone. I've got some great things to tell you.
Sisko: (thinking) This is why I don't visit.

LEYTON: To military coups!
SISKO: Yes. To military...whaaaa?!

Bashir: I've done some research and have learned the key things to remember about this period. Let's see...Soylent Green is people...We have nowhere to go, we cannot survive outside the city shell...we can get our choice of vacation: Medieval World, Roman world, and of course, West World...and they did it to themselves, damn them, damn them to hell.
Sisko: Should we be on the lookout for giant radioactive prehistoric reptiles?
Bashir: Probably.

Martok: And all this happened after the 49ers lost the Super Bowl?

Last, and certainly the the least dignified:

SISKO: Dammit Dad. Put some pants on!!

And now, this week's theme -- station-shattering ka-booms!

May the odds be ever in your favor!

 

[Gepard]

Jake: Had....to steal...script. Couldn't....allow production...of The Muse....

Onaya: He gave his life for a worthy cause.

 

[Nerys Myk]

NOG: Still think the Ferengi can't be badass?

EVERYONE: YES!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: What happened?

ONAYA: He realized how badly he needs an editor.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Say hello to my little ears."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KIRA: The station is exploding!
BASHIR: *Yawn* Boring.

NOG: Alright. Our mission is to hunt down on the captioners who keep making lens flare jokes! This rifles will be the bait.

KEIKO: Well, there's Miles drinking coffee in the afternoon like he always does. Guess I'll have to accept he's dead, deal with my emotions, and confront the utter...emptiness...
(Later)
KEIKO: Commander! Miles isn't dead, he never drinks coffee in the afternoon!

JAKE: I finally finished it. It took me all night, but I finally finished my Twilight fan fiction!
SISKO: I'll put him out of his misery.

The only Cardassian tradition the Bajorans held onto after the Occupation: Explosion Dance Party!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KEIKO: Well, there's Miles drinking coffee in the afternoon like he always does. Guess I'll have to accept he's dead, deal with my emotions, and confront the utter...emptiness...
(Later)
KEIKO: Commander! Miles isn't dead, he never drinks coffee in the afternoon!

SISKO: Maybe not your coffee, I serve Yuban Coffee...

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Kira: Another console just exploded!
Bashir: That's the third one just in this episode.
Kira: Should we do something about it?
Bashir: Major, haven't you learned the basics of the Starfleet manual?
Kira: What does that have to do with this?
Bashir: It is one of the principal guidelines! "Every exploding console can be reused again by one of the main characters" There's nothing to worry about.

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Nog: This is why i joined Starfleet!
O'brian: To walk around with a rifle in a dark room in a abandoned space station with a crazy Garak trying to kill us with another rifle?
Nog: Sort of.
O'brian: Sort of? What does that suppose to mean?
Nog: I wanted to look badass.

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Jake: I sow it, i sow it...
Sisko: What? What happened?
Jake: This papers... The writing...
Sisko: Is one of our old scripts isn't it? What's the prolem?
Jake: I sow som.. something.. it was...
Sisko: WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SEE?
Jake: All-Allama...Allamarai... 1...2...
Sisko: Damn you.

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

CARDASSIANS PARTY HARD
It's not easy to keep up with them.

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Sisko: So, when is the episode going to be ready?
Jadzia: Not sure, Keiko is taking care of the final editings now. She said someting about coffe.
Sisko: Coffe?
Jadzia: Don't ask me.

 

[Hutchy01]

Data's orgasms were getting more and more powerful!

 

[hux]

Kira: I've never noticed this before.
Bshir: What, the glowing ball of white light?
Kira: No, the roulette wheel in this console.

Nog: I came here to kick gum and chew ass. Ah crap, I said it wrong, didn't I?

Keiko: I can't believe people accuse me of being a total bitch. Anyway, back to spying on Miles.

Sisko: I had to shoot him. He was writing something called "Threshold."

Man: I told him not to have the vindaloo.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Bashir: Yet another day on Deep Space Nine.
Kira; That? It's nothing compared to the explosions I caused in the Resistance.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Keiko: How am I supposed to know what Miles is drinking when this footage will never be in HD?

 

[Hutchy01]

Sisko: Damn you Keiko from Watching to attacking!

 

[Triskelion]

Kira: Ok, who left the aluminum foil molecular structure in the burrito replicator pattern?
Bashir: My bad, dude.

Nog: Computer, I said play "The Highlander Theme". What is this?
Computer: "Mmm Bop."
Nog: What the...I don't even - PUT MY SONG ON!!!
Computer: Working.
Nog: Now what's this crap?!
Computer: "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."
Nog: COMPUTER! IF YOU CAN'T PLAY MY THEME THEN JUST PLAY SOMETHING REGULATION!
Computer: Working.
<Enterprise theme plays.>
Nog: OH FOR FLUX SAKE!

Keiko: What the flux?? He NEVER has coffee in the afternoon! I told him what I'd do to him if I ever caught him doing that again! That's it! Japanese food for a month!

Jake: It's reeeeeeal, it's reeeeeeal....
Sisko: What a nutbag.

Guy 1: I'm getting too old for this shit.
Guy 2: Yippee-kai-ay motha fu-!
Guy 3: You're fired!
Guy 4: Hey Sub-Zero, now you're just regular zero!!
...
What? We aren't doing the thing?

 

[Hutchy01]

Nog: Computer, I said play "The Highlander Theme". What is this?
Computer: "Mmm Bop."
Nog: What the...I don't even - PUT MY SONG ON!!!
Computer: Working.
Nog: Now what's this crap?!
Computer: "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."
Nog: COMPUTER! IF YOU CAN'T PLAY MY THEME THEN JUST PLAY SOMETHING REGULATION!
Computer: Working.
<Enterprise theme plays.>
Nog: OH FOR FLUX SAKE!

*Faith of the Heart

 

[Zonker]

When Kai Winn claims
That your Pagh's not good
Who you gonna call?
Pagh-Wraith Busters!