Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 161: Moments in Time, Tears in the Rain

[Smellincoffee]

...yeah, that title is just a Blade Runner-way of saying, "This lot is pretty random".
First up, last week's winners!

JirinPanthosa's "Penny's Virgin Cuban Libre"

KASSIDY: Oh, you thought that was synthehol? Sorry.
DAX (Over com): Dax to Sisko, the Admiral delegation has arrived.


Honorable Ensign's "Small Steps"

Dax: Needs milk. And water. And coffee. I should add something to this empty cup.

Leadhead's "Clear and Obvious Signal"

Sisko: No...no second date?

Badthought's "Don't Go Changin'"

Odo: You're a hologram that can be anything I want, and I am a shapeshifter that can be anything you want. This could be an exciting relationship, but wouldn't it just be random photons and a pool of goo?


Triskelion's "Starving Artist"

Jake: All I said was I'm a writer who has evolved beyond money.
Nog: Even in a non-currency economy, the pie is still never free, Jake.


And now, this week's run!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Giving prostate exams were Julian's least favorite duty.

Kira: Well, this game of Twister has gotten awkward all of a sudden.

Bashir suddenly realizes his residency in the Friendzone.

Kira: Scotch on the rocks.
Quark: You don't have to manhandle me to ask for scotch, Major.
Kira; It's more fun this way.

Dax: Why did they include the Black Death in a medieval fantasy?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BASHIR: Why do Melora and Serena keep using the #MeToo hashtag?!

KIRA: Why yes, Emissary. I am quite interested in a 'religious' experience.

WOMAN: He took two entire years before he stopped hitting on you?
BASHIR: I swear, if you start using the hashtag...

KIRA: You disgusting troll! Don't you understand it's not true libertarian capitalism if the head of state is capable of just showing up and seizing your business, or if there is an economic authority that can seize all your assets just for failing to be sufficiently cruel to your employees? And how can you not understand that betraying all your customers is sacrificing long term profitability for a short term thrill? Your entire society is a SHAM, Quark! Your obsession with profit sabotages that very profit! You are a dictatorship where those favored by the dictator justify their wealth by iconifying free enterprise!
QUARK: Psht, that's what a FEMALE would think.

DAX: What the hell Kira? I'm starting to think you don't even LIKE holoprograms involving lots of casual sex with random men.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Jadzia: (sighs) Worf's right. Renaissance faires are without honor.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Alexander Siddig comes to the shocking realization that Nana is a Visitor....from Venus....when the fly trap suddenly snaps violently closed.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: Next!!!!! Let's keep the line moving people. I gotta date with the Alamo in 20 minutes.

KIRA: Look. I keep telling you. Do not sneak up behind me.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: So, we're supposed to sit here and wait till a handsome prince rescues us from the dragon?
KIRA: Ogre.
DAX: Whatever.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Bashir, thinking: I wonder when the next session over the English Channel will be. Miles and I have lots of fun shooting down Jerry's. And then I can enjoy some sweets with Garak as we wile away the hours discussing theater. Oh, wait, I'm with women.
Kahn, thinking: I hope he's not imagining a threesome.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR (thinking): Yep, I'm definitely going with the leopard skin seat cushions

 

[Drob]

Dax: The holodecks just not the same without Shrek.

 

[Qonundrum]

"Waaah! Daddy, the ungrateful jerk just gave me the finger!"
(offscreen) "I see no finger raised, much less given to you. What would you do with an extra finger anyway?"

 

[Qonundrum]

"Just think, in a few centuries, these heavy, neck pain causing curtain holsters we wear on our heads will then be worn by men to indicate they are incapable of learning. Talk about a stupid appropriation. At least they'll have invented curtain rods by then."

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Okay, he's unconscious and needs immediately attention. Think -- what did I learn in Barjoran Cadet school? Right! Make out ith him.
No! That doesn't sound right. what if he needs medical attention?
Make out even harder and maybe a little fondling.
No! Didn't I learn anything else in Cadet school???"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Kira: "Sorry, sir. Old habits."
Sisko: "Air. I need air..."

Bashir: "I wonder if there's a force field around this-found it."

Bashir (thinking): "Huh. Inane chatter really does cause your brain to bleed. On the plus side, I've got a topic for that paper..."

 

[Qonundrum]

Julian subsequently wished he hadn't told Dax about his mistaking "23 and Me" as a dating site...

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kira: Quark, I said shaken and not stirred! SHAKEN! Like this!
O'Brien: There's easier ways to get a drink, major.

Dax: Do you suppose men's pointy-toed shoes will ever come back into fashion?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Terry: "'You have to wear the weirdest hats' I told her. 'We'll never have to wear weird hats on MY show', I told her. I was wrong."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Dax: So why did you slay that dragon?
Kira: Well he said I looked like a highway billboard.
Dax: Well with these hats....
Kira: He was talking about my ass.

 

[Qonundrum]

Kira: Something's wrong. I can't tell. Tell me what it is.
Dax: For one thing, telling us that wearing Madonna's bras on our heads would somehow turn on Worf--
Kira: They were to turn OFF Bashir!
Dax: Didn't work. He thinks I grew a second pair and now hangs around me twice as much.
Kira: At least they're not UHF antennas. Remember when Boothby reminded us of his favorite Martian?
Dax: Shhh, anyone under 30 won't get either reference.
Kira: Like they'll get our show as well.
Dax: And? We watched the 1960s show.
Kira: Good point. Actually, good points.
Dax: You had to do there, didn't you... (sigh)

 

[tharpdevenport]

Dax: "...and so five hours later Julian, playing Link, finally found me in the castle and I thought the stupid holodeck program was over, but then it restarts and saying I -- the princess -- was in another castle! He made me go through it again!"

Kira: "I thought that was how Mario Bros. ended."

Dax: "Believe me -- he doesn't care."