DS9 CapCon 160: Captions for Swingin' Lovers

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back, everyone!

First up, last week's winners..

Leviathan's "Getting Meta!"

Crazy Bareil: Wait...I can see the title...I'm dead aren't I? You're going to tragically kill me for continuity! I'll take your main characters with me dammit!


Bry_Sinclair's 'No Disintegrations"

Kira: You were alone with Dukat in a corridor, with a phaser, and you didn't shoot him!
Garak: I...I...
Kira: I'll give you one chance to right that, otherwise you'll see why no one wants to play Roladan Wild Draw with me.

Leadhead's "Lost Episode"

Kira: I'm glad you didn't come here a month ago, Dukat would've had too much fun with it.
Intendant: Dukat? The pacifist monk?

Lastly, and doing double duty as the EC...

Leviathan's "Unheeded Advice"

Kira: ...now be VERY careful. This gun is how we lost the last Ziyal.


And now, Captions for Swingin' Lovers, the title shamelessly borrowed from a Frank Sinatra album.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Jake: "Going Dutch" isn't dirty! It's just cheap! COME BACK!

Mirror Dax: Call me "Old Man" one more time. I dare you.

Kasidy: I know you replicated that gumbo, Ben. Now, if you can clean up my criminal record, maybe I don't have to let your father know.

 

[Herbert]

Sisko: Okay, here's my Picard. <does faceplam> What did you think?
Kasidy: Well, you're both.............bald......

 

[JirinPanthosa]

ODO: You know the piano is also me.

SISKO: I'm placing an official reprimand in your file for dressing like a normal person. You know very well Old Man, all civilian clothes must be tacky, covering to the neck, and contain metal-tone horizontal stripes!

KASSIDY: Oh, you thought that was synthehol? Sorry.
DAX (Over com): Dax to Sisko, the Admiral delegation has arrived.

JAKE: What? All I said was out of diplomatic respect for my Ferengi friend's culture, we should observe Ferengi customs for gender attire! Racist.

MIRROR DAX: No, I DON'T know why every single person from your universe exists in this one except Jake! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Sisko: You're leaving me because of the Emissary thing?
Yates: I'm leaving you because Seth McFarlane has a better job for me.

Odo: You're a hologram that can be anything I want, and I am a shapeshifter that can be anything you want. This could be an exciting relationship, but wouldn't it just be random photons and a pool of goo?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Bashier: "I've got bad news, Dax. You're not a Trill. That thing in you is a giant tapeworm. And those spots are from drinking Trill coffee which is not safe for humans to drink. They're cancer spots."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Mirror Jadzia isn't Dax, is she?

Jadzia: THIS is how a real man shaves, Benjamin!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: Coffee and keep it coming.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Dax: "There's coffee in that nebula." See, I could have been captain, and I wouldn't hesitate to kick the asses of some mangy bikers.

 

[Leviathan]

Neat! a Win and an EC - thanks!

Dax: Computer, hangover damage report...
Computer: One chair burning, chicken detected, ensign Doug is missing, Nog has lost 1 tooth, and there is a tiger trapped in waste extraction.
Dax: <sigh> please calculate how many sequels it will take to resolve this.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Dax: Needs milk. And water. And coffee. I should add something to this empty cup.

 

[LeadHead]

Kira: It's actually me Odo. Julian calls it revenge for using his holosuite program without permission.

Dax: Worf, the party was EPIC! But please, don't go in there until I've had time to invent a new cleaning beam.

Kassidy: Ben, are you okay?

Sisko: I just can't believe it. How does the bullpen give up 4 runs in 2 innings?

Nog: Why are they leaving?

Jake: I don't know, she got up and started to leave when I mentioned piloting a runabout and Screeching to a stop.

Sisko: So.... no second date?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Sisko: "I guess this means you don't kiss on the first date."

 

[Leviathan]

Nog & Jake learn that while it was considered Poetry by the 24th century, girls still did not enjoy a recital of "Beavis and Butthead".

 

[Herbert]

Sisko: You look hot with short hair.
Alt Dax: I cut if off with this knife, just like I'm going to do to yours.
Sisko: Uh hello?...bald?
Alt Dax: I wasn't talking up there

 

[Leviathan]

Sisko: What? I'm sorry if you're offended, but a symbiont would totally lose a fight with a Gou'ald.

 

[f14peter]

DAX: "ooooohhhh, my head, what the hell happened last night? COMPUTER!"

COMPUTER: "<chirp>"

DAX: "Did I really dance the claw with Nog last night?

COMPUTER: "<chirp> affirmative"

DAX: "Did I really tell my future mother-in-law to f%$k off last night?"

COMPUTER: "<chirp> affirmative"

DAX: "Did I really dry-hump Lt. Atoa's muscular thigh in front of everybody last night?"

COMPUTER: "<chirp> affirmative"

DAX: "Did I really french kiss every Dabo-Girl at the party last night?"

COMPUTER: "<chirp> affirmative"

DAX: "Did I really twerk Morn last night?"

COMPUTER: "<chirp> affirmative"

DAX: "Okay, just wanted to make sure if I made a complete ass of myself and had a good time"

COMPUTER: "<chirp> affirmative"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Daxinatrix: "You ordered the circumcision?"

 

[Triskelion]

Kira: How about a few bars of "You Give Me Fever"?
Odo: Oh, that's a much better choice than my "You Put the Crabs in My Crab Nebula"

Dax: Computer, what happened to my Folger's Crystals?
Computer: Chief O'Brien replaced it with Dilithium Crystals.
Dax: When nerds drink.

Kassidy: ...and you are gaining weight and I don't like the stubble on your head and the kitchen floor needs mopping and did you throw your socks in the reclamator at the same time like I told you and my mother is coming to visit so no gluten for a month and -
Sisko: You DO know I am strategizing a war against the Dominion for the survival of the quadrant, don't you?
Kassidy: ...and we're having a dinner party for my crew and I bought some new curtains to match the tiles in the lavatory do you prefer cerulean checks or mauve spots and stop slouching you're supposed to be a man and.....
Sisko: I wonder if I can get the Dominion to replace you with a shapeshifter?

Jake: All I said was I'm a writer who has evolved beyond money.
Nog: Even in a non-currency economy, the pie is still never free, Jake.

Sisko: Federation credits aren't currency!
Dax: They're cryptocurrency, which is tantamount to the same thing!
Sisko: What Han Solo rode in the beginning of "Empire"?
Dax: Tantamount - not a bloody taun-taun, you space knob.
Sisko: Well anyway we in the Federation have evolved beyond economic competition!
Dax: Oh, someone should tell that to the Bajorans who survived the Cardassian Occupation.
Sisko: I did. I said they should have offered to pay the Cardassians in smiles.
Dax: What did they say?
Sisko: They gave me this haircut.
Dax: Figures.

 

[Herbert]

Dax: Coffee? No, this is Romulan Ale. I need a fifth of it every morning to get the old motor started.
Sisko: We need to talk, old man.