Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon #151: It's Not Paranoia If They Really Are Out to Get You

[Smellincoffee]

Hey everybody! Caption time again! First up, last week's winners.

Triskelion's "...ehm, line?"

Quark: Go ahead! Make my 26 hour day!
Ziyal: Try again.
Quark: Welcome to Earth.
Ziyal: Wrong, try again.
Quark: I'm too old for this ShiKahr.
Ziyal: Puns aren't very sardonic.
Quark: THIS IS MY JUMJAAAAA STICK!!!
Ziyal: Too esoteric.
Quark: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Ziyal: What?
Quark: Ethan Hunt. Mission Impossible?
Ziyal: Try again!
Quark: Looks like you just punched your last runabout ticket, amigo.
Ziyal: Parroting someone else's irony is just trite.
Quark: I think he got the point.
Ziyal: Wrong weapon.
Quark: I'm your worst nightmare.
Ziyal: Wrong scenario.
Quark: Only you can prevent forest fires.
Ziyal: Now you're not even trying!
Quark: Consider that a divorce!
Ziyal: ...Who are you talking to?

Laura Cynthia Chamber's "I'm Going for Fearsome Here, But I Just Don't Feel It!"

Quark: "I think the expression on the staff needs to be a little more like this. What do you think?"

Special congratulations to JirinPanthosa, with a triple play:
Suspiciously Specific Denial

QUARK: I know what this looks like. It looks like I'm making a deal with a famous weapons smuggler.
DAX: No, it looks like you're negotiating cost with a spirits merchant.
QUARK: Oh, umm. Then, it is what it looks like! Yeah.

Also: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

QUARK: You know Mom, you keep getting stranger and stranger boyfriends

Also: The Corbomite Maneuver

ROM: Wait. You're trying to convince me she's male by erotically touching her ears?
QUARK: Umm...


And now, this week's entries -- from the land of Mordor, where the Shadows lie.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Figure: Do you have a few minutes to talk about Bitcoin?

Sloan: You fart in your sleep, doctor. Sorry, you're just not secret agent material.

Jem'Hedar: What? We like caves. They harbor unique ecosystems. It's not all "Kill and growl" with us, you know.

Nog: Chief, do we have extra uniforms on board?
Chief: ...no, Nog, why?
Nog: No reason.
Garak, sotto: Don't worry, it's dark in here. No one can see.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

TFTW from the previous contest, Smellin' Coffee!

Third Remata'klan: Before I go, how did you get the floor of this cave to be so flat? I'd love to hire them to redecorate.
Sisko: This? It took the Starfleet Corps of Engineers ten months in space suits to tunnel out all this. But don't bother hiring them. What we are going to do to you outside tomorrow ... it'll take five minutes!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

SHADOWY FIGURE: Let the hate consume you my child.
SISKO: ...DIE BASEBALL PLAYING VULCANS!
SHADOWY FIGURE: ...Okay, it's a start.

SLOAN: Yes, I have heard the Federation's POLITICALLY CORRECT arguments against genocide.
BASHIR: When are you going to stop using 'Politically correct' as a trigger word to justify atrocities?
SLOAN: It's been working for nearly 400 years.

THIRD: Look, we're dancing around the topic here. The Vorta is a wuss who doesn't want us to all murder him so he's ordering us to our deaths. You're the winner here, why are you complaining about this?

NOG: Let's go to ops. That way we can reuse more of the DS9 sets.
O'BRIEN: Good idea.
GARAK: We should get moving before the killer escapes to another Tarak Nor model station.

 

[Nerys Myk]

THIRD: Just be quiet, the current tenant isn't aware we're evicting her.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Landru?!?"

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Ambassador Kosh: I knew I shoulda took that left turn in Albuquerque!

Sloan: I'm sorry Doctor, you're under arrest for violating the Star Wars Sheets Act of 2352.
Bashir: But I don't have Star Wars sheets!
Sloan: Oh come now, Doctor, I know Hoth Sky Blue when I see it!
Bashir: Nerds.

First: What do you think - do I look like a matador in this outfit? I mean, you have to imagine me with the red cape and the little hat.

O'Brien: Nog! Quit looking at necrophiliac porn sites and help me with this real dead woman! Bloody millennials.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Thanks for the win!

Sloan: "I'm thirsty."
Bashir: "Again?"

Jem'hadar: "Okay, I walked the straight line, said the alphabet backwards, touched my nose and passed the tricorder test. Now can I steal your ship?"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Jem'Hedar: This isn't baseball, Sisko, this is war. There are RULES.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Spock Prime: "Oops."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Who's that?
O'BRIEN: Old friend of Picard's , from when he was a junior officer.

 

[Triskelion]

Sisko: You call that dancing?
First: Wait until I replicate the lederhosen!
Sisko: I had no idea the Founders bred the Jem'Hadar with a love for oompah music.
First: Now I'm going to the next part, but it's part of the dance, so don't punch me out, OK? IT'S PART OF THE DANCE

Kira: Odo's Goth Phase. <changes slide>

 

[LeadHead]

Quark thought Kira had gotten his revenge for putting her into a holosuite program. Quark was wrong.

Sloan: Good morning, Doctor. I must ask, with Life Support offline on half the station, how did you manage to not have to share your quarters for the next few days?

Bashir: I didn't, you're sitting on Odo.

Third: We have many important matters to discuss, Captain. I come in peace.

Dax: (mumbling in sleep) Kill all Jem'Hadar...

Third: What?

Sisko: Oh, crap.

Mission Log: Miles O'Brien. It's beginning to look like a mistake for me to have come on this mission with 4 crew no one has ever met before and two recurring characters. On the plus side, I think I have the best shot of getting out of here alive!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

O'Brien: "That's it. The next person who jumps out from behind a storage crate and yells "BOO!" is going to be court-martialed."

 

[Smellincoffee]

New contest tomorrow!