Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 146: Return of the Sisko

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back, everyone, 'tis time for a new contest!

​

Triskelion's "Different Kind of White"

Weyoun: What is it?
Dukat: It's a kind of game that involves linear causality with unforeseen outcomes.
Weyoun: - The hell are you smoking??

Mr Laser Beam's "Dominion Rhapsody"

Jem'Hadar chorus (singing):
Is this the wormhole? Is this just fantasy?
Caught in Ketracel-White, no escape from reality...

Weyoun (singing):
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see...

tharpdevenport's "Make Rom Do It"

Sisko: "False alarm, Chief, Odo's toilet backed up again. By the way, I just came up with a new job for you....."

publiusr's "Good Thing Luke Planned to Get Caught Anyway"

Where do I put that thermal detonator for Jabba again? Ugh

JirinPanthosa's "Tradiitiiiooonn!"

The first time they played Changeling Hide and Seek, it was to prepare for a war with the Dominion. Then they just decided they liked it and made it an annual tradition.

T'Ressa Dax's "Ministry of Truth"

Dukat: There is no Dominion fleet massing in orbit around Cardassia Prime. Nothing to see here, move along.

Nerys Myk's "Triple Franchise Score", doubling as EC!

ANNOUNCER: And now a word from Cardassia's newest ally.
CARDASSIAN: I gotta a bad feeling about this.
And now, this week's set!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Sisko: Let me be clear: the Federation has an unshakable commitment to Bajo- (whoosh)
Opaka: *sigh* Maybe the Klingons wouldn't be SO bad as allies...

Quark: You realize we're going to drop dead of tomorrow, if not from hunger then from some disease from these bugs!
Sisko: I can only hope.

Sisko: BOKAI WAS A CLEAN SWINGER! TAKE IT BACK!
(Thanks to JirinPanthosa for that laugh last time)

Sisko: Now, remember, Jake, make sure they're in your auxilary sensors before you move back in front of them. And use your signals.

With Bill Cosby in disgrace, Avery Brooks hoped to reboot the "Ghost Dad" movie.

 

[Finngle Bells]

Miles: What I would give for a couple of grapplers like Archer used?
Sisko: Who's Archer?
Miles: Just a silly holonovel Geordi came up with back on the Enterprise.
Worf: *snickers* riker

 

[Santa Kang]

Maybe just put on the turn signal when you want to change lanes.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

OPACA: Don't forget to scientifically research a way to neutralize the nanites and bring me home! ...Guys?

BEN: Ahh...this is paradise.
QUARK: I just got the greatest business idea! We should pave it, and put up a parking lot!
BEN: If we did that, where do people go to see trees?
QUARK: We could put them in a museum! Charge people a strip and a half for entry.

DUKAT: YOU WANT TO BE MY ENEMY? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MY ENEMY!
SISKO: We've been enemies for years. I've got a pretty good idea.
DUKAT: ...You thought we were enemies? I thought we were more like friendly rivals.
SISKO: We were enemies you psychopath!
DUKAT: ...Well now you're hurting my feelings. Well no matter. YOU MAY OR MAY KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MY ENEMY BUT YOUR MEMORY WILL SOON BE REFRESHED!

CARDASSIAN: Crap, they figured out that they don't have to fight in a perfect 2D plane! Retreat! We need to regroup!

SISKO: Huh. I'm traveling far into the future. That means...everything is going to get reset. Which means nothing I do counts! I've got some Vulcans to punch.

 

[Santa Kang]

QUARK: Are you like, gonna bogart that joint?

 

[Leviathan]

Admiral Ross: IT'S A TRAP! IT'S A TRAP!!!!!
Sisko: <sigh> He approved that whole battle-plan just so he could make that reference joke.

 

[tharpdevenport]

In the 24th century, Amway representatives had developed new tactics.....

 

[Smellincoffee]

Quark: What did we send the boys off to find, anyway?
Sisko: A blue flower with red thorns.
Quark: Why?
Sisko: So they'll have something to do and won't ask so many questions.
Quark: But what will they do with the flowers once they find them? Are they edible?
Sisko: Maybe Nog and Jake will need your help finding the flowers, Quark.

Gul Dukat: Apology accepted, Captain Sisko.

Just a good old boy / Never meanin' no harm / Beats all you ever saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they was born / Someday the wormhole might get `em, but the Gul never will
O'Brien & Bashir: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HOOOO!

Rafiki: He lives.....IN YOU!

Opaka: Don't let the door hit you on the way out...oh, fudge. That line doesn't work with transporters.

 

[Triskelion]

Sisko: Farewell, Kai Opaka, and...
May the Force be with you!
Opaka: THAT'S RIGHT YOU BETTA BE BEAMING UP OUTTA HERE W' THAT STAR WARS BLASPHEMIN' the Prophets up in here mumble tired Yoda shit grumble teenage Darth Vader Jar Jar.... HEY JAR JAR GO BACK TO NABOO WITH JABBA THE HUT!!! is what I shoulda said

Jake: Your stepmom is hot.
Nog: Stop staring at her clothes!
Jake: O...K?

Dukat: THE GREAT LINK IS PEOPLE!!! PEOPLE!!!
Sisko: I know, I was hoping it was a giant sausage too.
Dukat: DAMN JIMMIE DEAN!!! DAMN JIMMIE DEAN TO THE FIRE CAVES!!!!

Sisko: Mister Worf, avoid the ray guns.
Worf: For this I gave up cellular peptide cake?

Sisko: I can live with it. I can live with it. Computer, delete that whole salad and give me a banana split.

 

[The Hanuk Kai]

It was the moment when the Discovery Channel took the concept of "Dual Survival" too far:

Narration: Ben Sisko is a Starfleet commander and veteran of the Borg Wars, showing masterful skills cooking anything that comes out of a swamp. Quark mixes drinks.

 

[Triskelion]

(!@#$% cell phone screens)

Sisko: Your mom is hot.
Quark: Stop staring at her clothes!
Sisko: O...K?
Quark: Also, I am more disturbed by that than affronted.

 

[TheSeeker]

(!@#$% cell phone screens)

I was kind of wondering about your first pass on this one.

 

[Adventerprise]

Quark: "Hey, Captain-"
Sisko: "NotnowI'mmeditating."
Quark: "That's what you said the last twenty times I tried to start a conversation."
Sisko: "Really? And it hasn't sunk in yet?"

Brooks: "My Sisko senses are tingling...which means somewhere in the world, somebody's binge-watching DS9."

 

[alienFanatic]

Kai Opaka: (Unrolling a newspaper and taking a seat) "Whoa! Zlangco's Red Alert Burritos just aren't sitting right and...BY THE PROPHETS!"

Quark: "Captain, I still don't understand this new holosuite program of yours. First, what's an apple? And second, STOP CALLING ME EVE!"

At that moment, the only thing Sisko wanted more than a phaser was a Cardassian breath mint

Besides staging an invasion of the Alpha Quadrant, trying to infiltrate Starfleet, forging an alliance with Cardassia, and hogging all the Tulaberry Wine the most irritating thing about the Dominion was that they ALWAYS LEFT THEIR BRIGHTS ON!

Sisko: "Jake-O, I'm from the future! I know how it all ends! To stop the Pah Wraiths, save Dax, and accelerate the end of the Dominion War tell Worf to..."

 

[Dwayne Milius]

Kassidy: welcome back, ben. I am pregnant
Ben:...

 

[Santa Kang]

SISKO: Don't worry, we'll be back to check on you. Like Kirk did with Khan.

 

[Dwayne Milius]

SISKO: Don't worry, we'll be back to check on you. Like Kirk did with Khan.

Ahahahahaha

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dukat: Sisko, why am I not...loved?
I am that rare and awesome thing
I'm every inch a king
Yet I feel a twinge of doubt
As I go walk about
When my name is whispered through the pride
Is this thought of love, or regicide?

Sisko: Reggie who? Barclay?

Dukat: Tell me I'm adored.....please tell me...I'm adoooooooored?

 

[Leviathan]

Dukat: Tell me how many lights you see!