Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 138: Grumpy Old Men

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back, folks, to another merry week or so of captioning. First up, last week's winnahs!

JirinPanthosa's "Hard to Get"

CARDASSIAN: I don't understand. Chief O'Brien is clearly attracted to me, as he is extremely irritable around me, but he won't make the first move.
OTHER CARDASSIAN: I know! Every single Bajoran on the station I've talked to is extremely attracted to me, and yet, nothing!
CARDASSIAN: Everybody outside Cardassia is irritable toward us, and therefore attracted to us. What does it take to get them to act on it? URGH!

Triskelion's "Below the Belt"

Garak: Nice sweater. Did you occupy the Cosby show?


Finn's "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

CMO's Log: Odo just signaled that Garak still has no idea they are in the holosuite and he's loving the whole Romulan charade. He must miss these days. Anyway, we have about thirty minutes before Odo will transport him to the bar for his surprise birthday party.

Leviathan's "IT'S A TRAAP!"

Kira: Um...are those masks from Return of the Jedi?
Dukat: yes....my god...let's get the hell out of here before the Internet finds out.

Leadhead's "Shattered Mirror"

Kira: I never thought I'd say this, but thank you. The Intendant had it coming.

Congrats, Leviathan!

Garak: ...I think we should call it YOUR GRAVE!
Odo: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Romulan: If we dont shoot them they're going to start quoting every episode and demand we screen the movie.



And now, four grumpy old men take on another grumpy old man!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Jadzia: I know you're mortally wounded, but I just gotta catch this Charizard...

 

[Smellincoffee]

Jadzia: I know you're mortally wounded, but I just gotta catch this Charizard...

Kang, weakly: A wild Charizard? Foolish weakness! Catch a Charmander and strengthen him in battle! Then you will have a Charizard worthy of the name.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Koloth: Your fly is down.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KOLOTH: You can sleep when you're dead.
DAX: What? Have you heard something?

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Koloth: No, I don't believe there are any epic operas or poems about cramps.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KOLOTH: No, this isn't the judge's wig Trelane wore in The Squire of Gothos!

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Jadzia, slightly out of breath: Alright. Who's ready to kill some alien scumbag?
Lela: Ready as ever.
Tobin: I'd feel better if I could bite your nails.
Emony: Let's tumble into action!
Audrid: Yep.
Torias: Trill Five, standing by.
Yedrin: Let's take down the Albino.
Joran: Killing is like a sweet melody.
Curzon: Time to avenge Kang's son!
[long pause]

Jadzia, puzzled: Why are there eight of you?

Koloth: Smoke monsters? Damn it, this is the wrong JJ Abrams production!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KOR: Ooh. I do love a woman with incredibly long arms. I can't wait to see what else you can do with them.

DAX: Dax to Koloth. We have the advantage, they have really terribly designed helmets that they can barely even see past.

KOLOTH: In case you recall, Jadzia. A hundred years ago I was a lot more of a dick.

DAZ: My readings indicate we're all way overdressed for this weather.

Jake liked to use DOOM mods for wilderness exploration programs on the holosuite.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Dax knew once she took down Man-At Arms, her path to He-Man would be clear.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: It's from PETA. They want to know if it's fake fur.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

Kor: Only if Kirk could see me

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dax: Confirmed, the Albino's security forces are watching dirty movies on their visors. Recommend silent kills to avoid raising any alarm.

Dax: Okay, I've fixed it so notifications are silent.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"No, Sam, I don't know why we both leaped this time! Let's see what Ziggy has to say."

 

[Triskelion]

Kor: I love bloodwine!
Frankensteina: Then today's your lucky day.

Dax: Yo! Luke! Stop waving that thing around with your blast shield down! What are you, an idiot? We got people and expensive equipment over here, dumbass!

Dax: But...we...actually do...keep...our genitals...in...the....same...place....
Koloth: My bad.

Dax: Here's your problem. This has no battery. Also, it's a Hello Kitty walkie talkie. Also, there is only one of them.

Koloth: Well at least the banjo music stopped. Hey where you going?
Kor: To get the duct tape.
Koloth: Why?
Kor: For my duct.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Why do young dabo girls like old Klingons? The tongue reaching to the bottom of the ale tankard might be a clue...

Jadzia muttering: "A new holoprogram, Julian says. Based on one of the greatest movies of all time, Julian says. A battle against desperate odds, Julian says. The Death Star versus the rebel base on Yavin, Julian says. Why do we have to be the Empire? I hate being the Empire! It's the wrong empire too. I shouldn't be a Klingon, I should be a stormtrooper!"

Koloth: "Stop whining, Dax. It's only a flesh wound. I merely nicked you. I'm sure your doctor can sew your legs back on."

Dax: "Damn, missed it!"
Kang: "The Charmander has no honour!"

Koloth: "50,000 round of ammunition and we didn't hit a thing."
Kang: "We hit something, look... blood."
Kor: "Good, if it bleeds, we can kill it."

 

[Leviathan]

Thanks for the win!

The epic surrender of the tree people of Boreal IV was worthy of song and story.

Dax: ...so Wikipedia cautions against wearing fur in jungle assaults and recommends camouflage. Huh. How about that.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Jane Goodall, OS: STOP! WHAT HAVE THE GORILLAS DONE TO YOU?
Kang: Gorillas? Argh! We were after the guerillas.
Kor: Wait, what?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Jane Goodall, OS: STOP! WHAT HAVE THE GORILLAS DONE TO YOU?
Kang: Gorillas? Argh! We were after the guerillas.
Kor: Wait, what?

Jane Goodall: "Gorillas in the mist."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Kang: "What is it?"
Jadzia: "The, uh, Chancellor sends his greetings. And a duckface selfie of him and Lwaxana Troi."

or

Jadzia: "What do you mean, your "in thirty minutes or it's free" policy doesn't extend this far?"

Koloth: "Oh, by the way, if you hear any strange noises in the middle of the night, do not be alarmed."
Jadzia: "Great. Now I'm going to have nightmares."
Koloth: "Victory is mine! Henceforth, I shall be known as: "Koloth.: Klingon warrior AND master of reverse psychology.""