Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 137: Keeping up with the Cardassians

[Smellincoffee]

(I suppose that thread title was inevitable at some point. It's featured in enough captions. )

First up, last week's winnahs!

Nerys Myk's "Single Malt"

DUKAT: Scotch. Scotch. Scotch. I love scotch.

Jedman's "Priorities"

Sisko: "Mr. Worf! PLEASE explain your actions to me!!"
Worf: "I killed the Chancellor in honorable combat to save the Klingon Empire from itself."
Sisko: "Chancellor? Who cares about that targ you idiot? You destroyed a priceless stained-glass picture of my late wife!!!"

JirinPanthos's "Diplomatic Incident"

VORTA IN FRONT (thinking): REALLY have to go to the bathroom, not sure how to bring it up.

Leadhead "Quoted for Truth":

Kira: How many Jem'Hadar ships are there?
Dax: 276.
Kira: We can take them. No main characters on any of those ships. Ready phasers!

Triskelion's "Sudden but Inevitable Betrayal"

Sisko: Do you think the ceiling will cave in?
Lieutenant: Did you not read the Starfleet Officer's Manual?
Sisko: Oh, right. So when do you think the ceiling will cave in?

Leviathan wins the bonus round, with a Crossover special!

After a brief but eventful wartime career as a helmsman, Troi returned to counseling.


Nerys Myk wins the Changeling award!

DAX: I loved this game when I was a kid


And of course, Triskelion makes it a double:

​

Dukat: No little umbrella? What is this, a Bajoran labor camp?


=============
And now, those wacky Cardies:

 

[Nerys Myk]

No luck ladies I've searched the wardrobe database. We're stuck with these Ferengi hand me downs as costumes.

 

[Nerys Myk]

I'm not seeing a resemblance

 

[Finn]

Cardie to the right: They look uncomfortable with us here

Cardie in the middle: Too bad they put Seska on that Maquis ship. They would have loved her here.

Cardie to the right: Shut up! They aren't supposed to know we had someone on that ship

 

[tharpdevenport]

Garak: "Sorry, wrong shuttle. Commander LaForge is in another one. Lucky for you this happenes to be a crossover episode."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Gilora: How long is this going to take?

Dejar: Stop bothering me! I'm just trying to hack into the Federation database to see where all the Pokémon are.

Ulani: Hurry up! Captain Sisko will be back on the bridge any minute!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

ODO: What, Romulans? Is this a TNG crossover?

GARAK: Why yes, I will sign on to your mission that is clearly doomed to failure. I miss Cardassians that much.
TAIN: I thought as much.

CARDASSIAN: I don't understand. Chief O'Brien is clearly attracted to me, as he is extremely irritable around me, but he won't make the first move.
OTHER CARDASSIAN: I know! Every single Bajoran on the station I've talked to is extremely attracted to me, and yet, nothing!
CARDASSIAN: Everybody outside Cardassia is irritable toward us, and therefore attracted to us. What does it take to get them to act on it? URGH!

KIRA: Hey, wouldn't it be ironic if the fake Kira body was actually your daughter in some giant mixup where I was supposed to be killed?

DUKAT: I don't understand it! We gave the slaves five minute breaks every eight hours, and they still look unhappy! They still don't appreciate their Cardassian masters!
KIRA: Urge to kill...rising...

 

[Nerys Myk]

GARAK: Romulans!!!!
ODO: Hrumph, are they still a thing?

 

[Jedman67]

Thanks for the win!

"Hi Bruce!"
"It's Caitlyn!!"

Romulan: "Are there any Changelings on board?"
Odo: "Yes....."
Romulan: "We need to do a blood test to be sure."
Odo: "You're doing it wrong!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Middle Cardassian: "Okay, it's been three days since we guest stared in an episode -- how's our Twitter pages doing?"

Left Cardassian: "No activity."

Right Cardassian: "What? Impossible! Check again."

Left Cardassian: "No change. Also nothing on Facebook or your blog nobody has ever heard of."

Middle Cardassian: "Maybe they haven't see it yet. Did you check my Myspace Page?"

Left Cardassian: "LOL< you have a MySpace page?"

Middle Cardassian: "Shut up!"

Right Cardassian: "What about other places?"

Left Cardassian: "Nothing, wait, here's something ... a some fan stories."

Middle Cardassian: "Oh, good, tell us more."

Left Cardassian: "Ummm, no. Seems we're all lesbians in them. And they drew pictures for their avatars."

Middle Cardassian: "That's it! Fuck the internet! I'm important!"

 

[Leviathan]

Pictured here is a rare glimpse of step 312 of the 14 hour long Obsidian Order Secret Handshake.

 

[Leviathan]

Kira: Um...are those masks from Return of the Jedi?
Dukat: yes....my god...let's get the hell out of here before the Internet finds out.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Romulan: License and Registration.

Garak: Tain! You want me to help you on this mission?

Tain: Yes, you'll interrogate your friend Odo while we take a slow-as-the-plot-requires speed to the Founder's Homeworld.

Gilora: (thinking) Yeah, these Starfleet people are bright. Put the only member of the team who hasn't been all smiles and laughs at the control panel.

Kira: I never thought I'd say this, but thank you. The Intendant had it coming.

Kira: We hiked in the sun for 3 days and there was a shuttle pad right here?!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Rom 1: "Do you realise your left indicator has been flashing for the last five light years?"
Odo: "I am an officer of the law on police business."
Rom 2: "You're out of your jurisdiction, Constable. Licence, registration, and stool sample."
Garak: "This never happens when Julian drives."

Garak: "What's the matter? The Obsidian Order got you pushing too many styluses? Huh? Had enough?"
Tain: "Make it easy on yourself, Garak..."
Odo: "Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers, you ain't."

Dejar: "Keep a look out, I've almost finished downloading the human pornographic database."
Gilora: "Other species, huh? Kinky... Get me O'Brien's comm code while you're at it."

Entek: "Will you carve, or shall I?"

Kira: "I didn't think the Jem'Hadar did recreation..."
Dukat: "Well... there's nothing wrong with a little sunbathing."
Kira: "They're overdoing the suntan oil, though."
Dukat: "They've clearly watched one too many gladiator movies."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: Wait, you're saying Jones got here on the submarine?

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Odo, thinking: I should have asked Laas how he turned into fog when I had the chance.

 

[Leviathan]

Garak: ...I think we should call it YOUR GRAVE!
Odo: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Romulan: If we dont shoot them they're going to start quoting every episode and demand we screen the movie.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Garak: "You know, if you wanted to use this holosuite, you could have just come out and asked us NICELY!"
Odo: "I don't believe the Romulans have a word for "nice", Mr. Garak."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Odo: "Aggravated Fashion Assault"? Is that even a real charge?
Garak: I'm just breaking in this leisure suit for a friend! Check out his cuffs!

Garak: Nice sweater. Did you occupy the Cosby show?

Dejar: I'll change Iliana Ghemor's Spacebook status to "Doing Bajoran Guys." Oops - don't have to.

Iliana: Oh, did you program me to have her annoying personality too?
Tekeny: Nope.

Dukat: Wow that's a lot of mole hair.
Kira: Focus!

 

[Finn]

CMO's Log: Odo just signaled that Garak still has no idea they are in the holosuite and he's loving the whole Romulan charade. He must miss these days. Anyway, we have about thirty minutes before Odo will transport him to the bar for his surprise birthday party.