Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon #136: One, Two, Three, Four, I Declare the Dominion War

[Smellincoffee]

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd we're back! I was going to call this one "WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT!" in honor of Independence Day, but studies show that people don't respond to negative titles. First up, last week's winners!

Nerys Myk introduces us to The Benny Sisko Show, which doubles as the Changeling Award!

Theme from "The Andy Griffith Show" plays.


Leviathan's "Perverse Incentive"

Jadzia: Wait...i'm DEAD in the other timeline?!? oh...umm...ah, we're losing the link...guess this isn't gonna work. Darn.

f14Peterman snags Holy Product Placement, Batman!

JAKE: "Hi kids! I just love Bajor-O-Smacks, I eat them every day! In fact, when combined with anything that's the slightest bit healthy, Bajor-O-Smacks is part of a healthy breakfast!"

Triskelion tells us, "Don't Sass the Old Man!"

Benjamin: What...is "time"?
Joseph: I will kick you square in the ass.

Leadhead snags the It Ain't Plagiarism, It's Public Domain Fanfic! Award

Jake: My first two books.
Sisko: (reading) "Jake Sisko and the Cardassian's Stone" and "Jake Sisko and the Runabout of Secrets."
Jake: The Prisoner of Lazon II comes out next month.

Doubling as the Emissary's Choice, the Laughing Vulcan manages to reference one of the best father/sons movies ever!

Jake: " 'If you program it, he will come..' Who's he? When's he going to come?"
Ben: "I don't know. I just... have to do it."
Jake: "Weird clocks, B'Hala, The Orb of the Emissary... I have to admit, that of all your obsessions, I like this one the most"
Ben: "At least we get to play ball while we wait."

And now, this week's options, an extravaganza:

Bonus:

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Cue trailer music: "Ahhhhhhhhhh, I can't stand it, I know you planned it, ..."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW, Smellincoffee!

Dax: What do you mean, 'lock onto the lead vessel'? What part of 'surrounded' don't you understand?

Dukat: No little umbrella? What is this, a Bajoran labor camp?

Sisko: Do you think the ceiling will cave in?
Lieutenant: Did you not read the Starfleet Officer's Manual?
Sisko: Oh, right. So when do you think the ceiling will cave in?

Worf: Why, why do Klingons keep buying glass furniture?!

Founder: Should I just scratch out this "Jean Luc Picard"?
Sisko: That's fine.
Founder: And this part where it says, "I for one welcome our new cyborg overlords?"

Engineer #1: Oh no, I'm being sucked out into space!
Engineer #2: Um, technically, you're being blown out into space.
Engineer #1: Oh that's right, it's working with you that sucks.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the Double!

Dax: "What's the red light mean?"
O'Brien os "We're out of screenwash."
Dax: "Damned space bugs!"

Dukat: "While I do appreciate the opportunities for advancement and material gain that a war may bring, I have to say that as a Cardassian, I do miss the rewards of a good conversation with one's adversaries, the ability to debate, the more subtle art of diplomatic warfare."
Weyoun: "I would never have guessed, Dukat."
Dukat: "Would you believe I once had the opportunity to drink with that Chief O'Brien, on that rickety Klingon Bird of Prey? He actually complained about Cardassian beverages, particularly Kanar. A fine Kanar should be dark as midnight, thick as roofing tar, and just a touch cloying, refusing to go down the throat without a fight; all properties that Mr O'Brien found distasteful."
Weyoun: "How undiplomatic of him..."
Dukat: "Quite. Then he introduced me to an Earth beverage called Guinness..."

Sisko: "I think the Jem'Hadar have us cornered. We may be in trouble."
Lieutenant: "This reminds me of a movie I once saw. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid? Right at the end, they're hiding out in this shack, the entire Bolivian army outside..."
Sisko: "I hate you right now."

The original Klingon Death Howl left a little to be desired...

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Founder: " 'To the Federation, sorry for blowing up your ships and invading your planets, we promise to be best buds from now on, loads of love, the Dominion' is that okay?"
Jaresh Inyo os: "You forgot the kisses, at least five or it will look like a profanity."
Founder: " 'x x x x x x x' and 'x'. There we go. Who's next, the Klingons? You'll need more kisses, right?"
Martok os: "Damned straight!"

Bonus:

Sisko: "Jem Hadar ahead of us, Cardassians behind us, I think we may be in trouble."
Dax: "You know, this reminds me of a movie I once saw, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid...?"
Sisko: "Dax, if you don't shut up, I'll shoot you myself."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Jadzia: "Captain, I don't think I need a red alert light right here in front of my face to know we're at red alert."

Sisko: "It's not a red alert light, it's an infrared light -- we're seeing how hot your boobies are."

 

[Leviathan]

TFTW!

After a brief but eventful wartime career as a helmsman, Troi returned to counseling.

 

[Seven of Five]

Sisko: This really isn't the best time to play Spot the Difference, Old Man!

 

[Finn]

Dax: Damn it!
Sisko: What?
Dax: I forgot to cancel my date with Boday tonight.

Lieutenant: I should have taken that assignment on Voyager. I'd be far from the Dominion....and my mother in-law

Worf: *Screams*
Third Klingon from the left: Is that...the death ritual?
Martok: No. I think he's announcing to Picard that he has done it again.

The engineer scrubbing a plasma conduit: Thank god!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "NNNNNOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooHe owed me fifty bars of gold-pressed latinum!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: I loved this game when I was a kid​

 

[Triskelion]

^Nice!

Sisko: Come about...
Dax: ...
Sisko: Bearing...
Dax: ...
Sisko: One Zero Two...
Dax: ...
Sisko: Mark Three.
Dax: ...
Sisko: On my mark....
Dax: ...
Sisko: Ready?
Dax: ...
Sisko: Mark!
Dax: ...
Sisko:...
Dax: ...
Sisko: Did you hear me?
Dax: Oh, were you talking to me? I was busy JOCKEYING THE SHIP THROUGH THE MOVING ENEMY SWARM IN REAL TIME.

Worf: Dibs on his "Crazy Eyes" thing!
K'nifey: Dammit! I'm tired of being "Blood Oath Guy!" I DO HAVE OTHER USES FOR MY HANDS YOU KNOW!
Worf: <Crazy Eyes> Diiiiiiiiiiiibsssssssss!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dax: Aw! A surprise party! Defiant to lead Jem Hedar Vessel: you shouldn't have!

 

[TheSeeker]

Sisko: "It's not a red alert light, it's an infrared light -- we're seeing how hot your boobies are."

Can we please stay away from these kind of comments? Everyone should be able to have fun in these threads and this kind of thing could make some of our female posters uncomfortable.

Thanks.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Dax: This will be just like playing Battelship! Only with real ships.

 

[Finn]

Worf: *Klingon Death Howl*
Gorwon: *whisper*
Worf: *Snaps his neck and repeats Klingon Death Howl*

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Dax had no idea there was a support group for all her exes.

DUKAT: True victory isn't just killing your enemy. It's getting your enemy to admit that your penis is bigger than theirs.

WOMAN: This is our barricade.
SISKO: I think I see your first problem.

WORF: I've killed the chancellor and now I am chancellor! Until somebody decides he doesn't like me and kills me! This political system WORKS!

VORTA IN FRONT (thinking): REALLY have to go to the bathroom, not sure how to bring it up.

BREEN CAPTAIN: Alright. We'll call it a draw.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: I just cleaned that window!!!!!

VORTA: Explain to me again why the Jem'Hadar are at the table?

 

[Bagofmostlywatr]

"Galley to Dax - dinner's ready"
"Not now, I'm on level 276"

 

[Finn]

(VO via subspace)

Riker: You mean Sisko gave Worf a nudge to take out Gorwon?
Miles: Yeah, that's what I heard from Dax
Riker: Oh, that's great!
Miles: I didn't realize you had such strong feelings against Gorwon.
Riker: No, it's not that. Deanna and I made a bet years ago about whether Worf would influence the Klingon leadership again or not. Deanna thought I was full of it. But I won.

 

[Triskelion]

Weyoun: The Founder has dotted the i's in "The Dominion" with little hearts.

Sisko: It was like this flying over Wolf 359.
Dax: Over Wolf 359?
Sisko: I'll never get over Wolf 359.
Dax: But Wolfs 1 though 358?
Sisko: Who?