DS9 CapCon 135: Jake-O, *I* Am Your Father

[Smellincoffee]

Tonight, it's a Very Special Episode of the CapCon contest...featuring the Sisko men!

First up, last week's winnahs:

Weiserthanyou wins the Salvor Hardin award, for recognizing that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent!

Ferengi Hober Mallow: See? My shield absorbs your atomic blaster's shot, and the atomic generator is the size of a walnut.
Siwennan Tech Man: Bullshit. This is DS9, not Foundation. Go back to Asimov's world!

TommyR01D makes us realize it's best not to wonder who has the hairy feet:

Provided Gaila could get them some swords, the Ferengi were ready to present their Hobbit adaptation.

JiriPanthosa merits the "Genre-Savvy" Award!

O'BRIEN: Wait, you're in a dream coma, and I'm a figment of your imagination?
BASHIR: I don't know what to do.
O'BRIEN: Have you tried coming to an emotional revelation about yourself? That's usually the cure for dream comas.
BASHIR: Brilliant!

Leadhead wins the "Get that Man a Kanar!" award:

Weyoun: Captain Sisko, I must thank you for bringing Patrick into these negotiations. I've never had so much fun watching Damar try to figure out what to do.

bbjeg reveals that Bashir isn't the only officer with a secret identity:

Melora: I'm Batman.

For the "DAMMIT, BILL!" entry, TwoJakes!

Weyoun: How long has that bicycle been up there?

==============================
Und now, this week's entries!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BEN: Jake, you're a teenager now. So it's time for you to learn the protocol of leaving a sock on the doorknob for certain holoprograms.

BEN: So you're telling me, my mother was raped by a prophet so I could be born.

JAKE: This is my third helping of ice cream. Why?

JAKE: This is my novel. The title is, "Four dimensional beings say my father has a destiny and he died, no way this timeline doesn't get reset, so you can do whatever you want with no consequences."
BEN: I like it!

BEN: You see? I told you you'd like baseball.
JAKE: I don't know. It's kind of a slow moving game.
BEN: It might be slow moving, but it's a treasured past time.
JAKE: Are you sure they stopped playing it just because we were all evolved and stuff and lost interest in popular entertainment? They kept playing all the faster moving sports a lot longer.
BEN: The end of baseball was a terrible loss for the human race.
JAKE: Yeah, can I just play football? Or tennis? Or basketball? Or there are some cool Bajoran sports.

DAX: Oww, stupid back pain. I should have died a lot younger.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Bashir: Jadzia, I had the WEIRDEST dream about you and Dukat. D'you remember him?
Dax: Dukat?! ...well, he did have a certain bad-boy charm.
Bashir: Good lord, woman, I dreamed he killed you.

Jake: Why did you stop the program just as Neo and Trinity were leaving the Rave, dad?

Sisko: What did you and Nog do today, Jake?
Jake: We didn't replace the Bajoran sacramental wine with kanar, that's for sure.

Corina: And these are the sequels. They're derivative, but he was hoping to sell the hologram option to Nog.

Sisko: And THAT is the wicket.
Jake: I really don't get this game.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Theme from "The Andy Griffith Show" plays.

 

[Smellincoffee]

:-D I chose that shot just because of the recent thread on DS9 and Mayberry.

 

[Triskelion]

Julian: Are you sure you're not sitting on the clicker?
Jadzia: I'M NOT SITTING ON THE CLICKER!!!

Jake: Did you have to program all that doo-wop music too though?
Ben: You wanted authenticity.

Jake: The Andy Griffith show? Who's Andy - Constable Odo?
Ben: Eat your grits, son.

Ben: "The Princess Bride" or "The Left Hand of Darkness"?
Girl: Choose one.

Jake: What's that sign?
Ben: Fastball.
Jake: What's that sign?
Ben: Curve ball.
Jake: What's that sign?
Ben: Itchy ball.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Ben and Jake leave Virtual Carpet World after choosing a plaid weave.

Joseph: The way I look at it, this watch is your birthright. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for seven years. Then, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.

Ben: Who's on First.
Jake: Don't start all that again.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BEN: Why does the inscription read "To Admiral Cartwright. Thanks for all the help. Best regards, General Chang. "
JOSEPH: Damn.....

 

[Leviathan]

Jadzia: Wait...i'm DEAD in the other timeline?!? oh...umm...ah, we're losing the link...guess this isn't gonna work. Darn.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: What's happening?
DAX: I think I shouldn't have put my coffee there.

 

[Finn]

Ben Sisko: Oh my god!...and you named them Frankie Robinson Sisko and Willie Mays Sisko. I'm so proud of you guys.

 

[f14peter]

JOSEPH: "Ben, here I want you to take this ..." (hands over locket)

BEN: "Oh Dad, it's Mom's locket ... this is so special ... I don't know what to say, I promise to cherish it as --"

JOSEPH: ".. and see if you could clean it up. I dropped it in the gumbo and I want to give it to my new girlfriend tonight"

JAKE: "Hi kids! I just love Bajor-O-Smacks, I eat them every day! In fact, when combined with anything that's the slightest bit healthy, Bajor-O-Smacks is part of a healthy breakfast!"

 

[Hutchy01]

DAX: Damn you Kerbal.

 

[Triskelion]

Benjamin: What...is "time"?
Joseph: I will kick you square in the ass.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Sisko: Thanks for the watch, dad.
Joseph: That's a hint, son. It's time to move on and go back to your station. You think I want to babysit you all summer?

Jake: What do you mean, 'cook the grits'? They're replicated.

Sisko: Cheerleaders?
Jake: I er, edited the program slightly.

Sisko: You! You play ball like a girl.
Jake: Whoa, dad, take it easy. Sexism, much?
Sisko: You're killin' me, Smalls.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: This is a very interesting ship, Jake. The hologrid is of a type never seen before or again, and for some reason, it has random windows in hallways.

Jake: Can we just stay here?

Joseph: Okay, Ben. I admit it, that's not Sarahs, I found it on eBajor. I thought you'd like it!

Jake:

Jake: My first two books.

Sisko: (reading) "Jake Sisko and the Cardassian's Stone" and "Jake Sisko and the Runabout of Secrets."

Jake: The Prisoner of Lazon II comes out next month.

LeadHead: Coudn't you wear and A's cap instead?

Sisko: Now, now, the Giants are having a Trek themed night in September!

Dax: It's working! The Captain and Jake's temporal signatures are synchronized!

Bashir: Jadzia, about that...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Sisko: "Computer, Brexit!"

ship explodes

Joseph 'Cartright' Sisko: "It's a Klingon timepiece. Some guy called West said that we should clean them."

Jake: "Kasidy's honey avocado face mask? I thought this ice cream tasted funny."

Ben: "These are the books that you wrote?"
Jake: "No, they're the contracts to the holoprogram rights to the books."
Ben: "I knew you spent too much time with that Ferengi kid."

Jake: " 'If you program it, he will come..' Who's he? When's he going to come?"
Ben: "I don't know. I just... have to do it."
Jake: "Weird clocks, B'Hala, The Orb of the Emissary... I have to admit, that of all your obsessions, I like this one the most"
Ben: "At least we get to play ball while we wait."

Dax: "If you're genetically engineered, how come you look so decrepit."
Bashir: "No one ever found that out in this timeline. I've been faking getting old for the last thirty years. The amount of latex I have to apply every morning..."

 

[Smellincoffee]

More than twenty but less than thirty hours left to post in this contest!

 

[Triskelion]

Ben: The Great Gatsby and Hard Times? Sorry , I don't read erotica.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WOMAN: And here's a recording to commemorate your visit.
JAKE: This is the oddest bordello I've ever been to.