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DS9 12x13 – "A Bear of Very Little Brain, or How Kukalaka Saved the Universe"

DS9Continuing

DS9Continuing

Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
 
Meanwhile...

TNG 17x13 – “GREATER THAN THE SUM”

Crusher confronts Picard about his reluctance to start a family; he admits it is because he already lost one family (TNG 5x25 “The Inner Light”). Starfleet has provided Enterprise with a multi-vector agent, but there is no way to deliver it except by physical injection, and these Borg attack on sight. It would be a suicide mission. Picard says it must be him, as the Borg want him back more than anyone. Except for Hugh. LaForge is against using Hugh as a trojan horse all over again, but he insists. The entity still doesn’t want them fighting, so Chen has to mind-meld with Picard to let him talk to it. He explains about life and procreation, and how the Borg are not life. The entity allows Enterprise to proceed... and Hugh sacrifices himself to deliver the MVA. Einstein is destroyed, and Crusher is able to save most of Rhea’s crew. Chen requests to stay aboard Enterprise.

TTN 1x13 – “BENEATH THE EYE OF ERYKON”

For millennia, the Eye of Erykon has loomed over Orisha, destroying whatever civilisation developed. In orbit, the energy tesseract hits Titan hard. Only Torvig literally plugging himself into the computer saves the ship. Torvig, Ra-Havreii and Jaza all separately figure out that the tesseract is Orisha itself, moving through space and time. In an attempt to protect themselves from Erykon, they created it. As the planet falls apart around them, the away team are rescued by Y’Lira in the shuttle. She rode the tesseract back to the present, but Jaza insisted she leave him behind to render Titan’s remains safe. Now they know it is not Titan but another Luna-class ship, the Charon – the original distress call that brought them here. Y’Lira helps Ra-Havreii dismantle the tesseract tech to stop the shifting and save the Orishans. A thousand years in the past, Jaza is content. The Prophets have found him a new home.

VOY 10x13 – “BLACK”

Since Janeway’s death, Chakotay has been isolating himself, drinking hard, unforgiving with the crew. They whisper their worries, but he won’t talk to anyone. Only B’Elanna might be able to get through to him, but no-one knows where she is. When an Orion Syndicate ship steals kemocite from Deep Space Five, Voyager chases them down. Kim makes quick work of their shields, and Chakotay orders that if they so much as twitch, destroy them. The merciless order horrifies Paris. When the Orions seem to suffer a coolant leak, Chakotay orders the ship destroyed anyway, forcing Paris to belay the order. It becomes a stand-off on the bridge, but Kim obeys the order, and Chakotay has Paris relieved of duty, insisting that the Orions brought it on themselves. Counsellor Cambridge advises Chakotay that if he doesn’t want to end up alone on that bridge, he should direct his obvious anger where it belongs – at Kathryn Janeway.

.
 
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TEASER​


FADE IN:


1 EXT. DEEP SPACE NINE


Standard establishing shot.


2 INT. DS9 - BASHIR’S OLD QUARTERS


Starting on BASHIR, standing and gazing wistfully out of the window at the blanket of stars outside.


BASHIR
I’m going to miss this view.​


He turns around, and we move with him, revealing...

The rest of his quarters, almost completely packed up as if to leave. CRATES filled with his belongings, furniture broken down and loaded onto anti-gravs. EXTRAS (dressed in TNG crewman-style utility jumpsuits) guide the anti-gravs out into the corridor, while Bashir observes sadly.

CANDLEWOOD and NOG are also present, tricorders out as they scan the walls of the quarters - for what, we do not know.


NOG
You’re moving to practically
identical quarters, Doctor.

CANDLEWOOD
And how different can the view
really be? It’s still stars.

BASHIR
(re the window)
But it’s not these stars. The
pattern is familiar to me now,
after eleven years and a
photographic memory.

NOG
Well, you can always move back
once we’re done. Though I really
don’t see the difference.​


Candlewood has clambered up onto one of the anti-gravs, which wobbles slightly under the additional weight. He uses it to help him reach an AIR CONDITIONING panel high up in the wall, which he scans again with his tricorder.


CANDLEWOOD
Definitely higher-than-safe
concentrations of duranium
particulate. I mean, it’s not like
you’re going to die any time soon,
at least not from this. But it’s
probably a good idea to move out.

BASHIR
But I still don’t understand why.
It’s never given me any problems
before and yet suddenly I can’t
sleep for the grinding noise
and the strange smells.

NOG
I promise you, Doctor, we’ll figure
out what the problem is with
your life support systems and
you’ll be back to your favourite
stars before you know it.

CANDLEWOOD
Help me!​


Candlewood is trying to get off the anti-grav, but it’s wobbling too much. Bashir steps forward to help. As John jumps down, the anti-grav tips and something falls off...

...it is Bashir’s teddy bear, KUKALAKA (last seen DS9 8x19 “Cathedral”). Bashir rushes down to pick him up again.


BASHIR
Careful!

CANDLEWOOD
What’s that?

NOG
Oh, it’s just a toy.

BASHIR
He is not a toy. He’s Kukalaka.

CANDLEWOOD
(deadpan)
You still have your teddy bear.

BASHIR
(glower)
I’m also still your senior officer
so wipe that look off your face.

CANDLEWOOD
(hands up)
Pure admiration, Doctor. I’m just
glad of the ammunition the next
time someone calls me childish.​


Bashir reverently places the scuffed and well-loved bear back onto the anti-grav, giving him pride of place on top of a crate. It’s heartbreaking.


BASHIR
Crewman?
(one turns)
Take good care of him, please.
He’s important to me.​


The crewman nods, and then guides the last anti-grav out into the corridor... and Kukalaka is gone. Bashir swallows.


NOG
Doctor... he’s going straight to
your new quarters. You’ll see him
again in a matter of minutes.

BASHIR
Not minutes. I have a full shift
in the Infirmary first. But you’re
right - as long as Kukalaka is
there, anywhere will be home.​


Bashir gives his old quarters a last nostalgic look around, then draws up and walks out into the corridor. Nog and Candlewood watch him go, trying to hold his head high...


CANDLEWOOD
Okay, that was weird, right?
Please tell me it’s not just me.

NOG
At least you didn’t have to break
into your own step-moogie’s room
and steal the thing back for him.​


With a curious look from Candlewood - he’ll get the full story later - the two junior officers also head out.


3 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR


As Nog and Candlewood emerge into the corridor, they look one way and see the train of anti-gravs heading away. Then they turn and head the other way.

But instead of following them, we FOLLOW the train of moving trucks, and the four lower decks crewpersons guiding them. The slightly rocky anti-gravs wobble their way down the corridor and around a corner...

...with KUKALAKA laying on the back of the last crate and watching the corridors move by. The lights and bulkheads pass overhead, random station residents pass by on their own ways to work, barely pausing to glance at him.

Eventually the train reaches a turbolift. The first two crewmen enter, squeezing two anti-grav platforms into the turbolift so that the door can only just close.

Once it has, crewman #3 presses the door control again, then leans against his own anti-grav while he waits for the next lift to come. He sighs. This thing is taking forever.

After a matter of only seconds, the door OPENS again onto a new turbolift carriage, and crewmen #3 and #4 manoeuvre their own anti-grav platforms into the tight space...


4 INT. DS9 - TURBOLIFT (CONTINUOUS)


CREWMAN #3
Habitat ring, level six, section
twenty-two.​


The computer BEEPS, and the turbolift starts moving.

Kukalaka watches the lights of the turbolift zoom past. From his horizontal perspective, he can just make out the crewmen leaning against the anti-grav, rocking it. Crewman #3 sighs again...


CREWMAN #3
I hate this job.​


Crewman #4 does not respond. He’s heard it a hundred times.

The turbolift slows, finally coming to a stop. The crewmen rouse themselves as the door opens, and they begin to move their loads out into the corridor.

But as they jostle their way out, the anti-gravs wobble and tip dangerously, until...

...Kukalaka falls off again, tumbling to the deck. The crewmen do not notice, continuing out into the corridor. And the door closes.


5 KUKALAKA


remains lying on the deck, staring at the closed doors.

The turbolift zooms away, to its next destination...

DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNN!!!


BLACK OUT


END OF TEASER​
 
ACT ONE​


FADE IN


6 KUKALAKA


He is inside a long narrow passage, little more than a vertical Jeffries tube through the core of the station. This is one of DS9’s trash chutes, and the teddy bear is falling down it and away from us in dramatic SLOW MOTION.

The wind buffets his furry little form as he falls, other bits of trash fluttering in the air inside the chute as they plummet together. Occasional lights illuminate his beady little eyes as they stare helplessly up at us...


FREEZE FRAME


After a moment frozen, the image begins to


RUN BACKWARDS


at HIGH SPEED. Kukalaka and the bits of trash fly back UP the chute, towards the camera...

We SLAM through the chute’s hatch and out into the CORRIDOR again, jump up into the hand of a JUNIOR OFFICER, who walks backwards down the corridor with a friend.

The pair back into the TURBOLIFT that brought them here, where they stand chatting MOS for a second until they lower Kukalaka back to the deck where they found him.

Then they back out of the turbolift again, and we ZOOM IN on Kukalaka on the deck of the turbolift, until we slow back down to


NORMAL SPEED and MOVING FORWARD


7 INT. DS9 - TURBOLIFT


Kukalaka is on the deck...

The door opens and the two JUNIOR OFFICERS enter. They are engaged in chat and don’t notice the bear listening in.


OFFICER #1
I have to say, I’m not loving this
new shift pattern.

OFFICER #2
You don’t say.

OFFICER #1
I do say. Loudly, repeatedly, and
to anyone who wants to hear.

OFFICER #2
Except for the one person who
could do anything about it.

OFFICER #1
Commander Evik. He hates me.

OFFICER #2
He doesn’t hate anyone. You’re
just tired and grumpy.
(notices Kukalaka)
What is that?​


Officer #1 sees Kukalaka, and scoops him up off the deck.


OFFICER #2
Somebody must have dropped him.

OFFICER #1
Exactly.
(calls out)
Does nobody clean up after them-
selves anymore?! We’ve got jobs
of our own to do, you know!​


The turbolift stops, and the two Officers WALK OUT into...


8 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR (CONTINUOUS)


...and walk along, Officer #1 carrying Kukalaka. They stomp along the corridor to the nearest TRASH CHUTE set into the wall of the corridor.

Officer #1 opens the hatch with a forceful CLANG, and THROWS Kukalaka into it...


OFFICER #1
And stay there!​


...and CLANGS the hatch closed. Officer #1 stomps on along the corridor, Officer #2 following with a deadpan sigh...


OFFICER #2
This is gonna be a great day.
I can just feel it.​


9 INT. DS9 - TRASH CHUTE


Kukalaka falls down the chute, as we first saw at the top of the act, with the bits of other trash fluttering in the air around him. He falls further and further...


10 INT. DS9 - WASTE EXTRACTION


The very bowels of the station, pretty much literally. This is where all the refuse of the station ends up - including biological refuse. Architecture-wise it is not unlike the ore processing plant from DS9 3x07 “Civil Defence”.

Several trash chutes emerge from the roof into this room, each dropping their contents into a skip, which when filled rolls along a track and off to elsewhere.

Junior engineer K’UHLLO (Damiani male-ish, last seen DS9 “Entanglement”) is here, standing by one of the chutes and working its control panel. He scans the chute with a tricorder, and harrumphs with discontent at the results.

Then Kukalaka PLUMMETS out of the mouth of the chute, and lands face-up in the skip beneath it. Lying there on the pile of trash thrown out by all the varying species of the station, he stares up at K’Uhllo, and K’Uhllo stares back.


K’UHLLO
Hello. Where did you come from?​


Kukalaka doesn’t answer, so K’Uhllo leans precariously over the lip of the skip and plucks the bear off its bed of slimy and generally gross rubbish. The Damiani engineer looks at it this way and that, then gives a shrug.


K’UHLLO
Okay, so you’re a bit torn and
frayed and slimy and dirty. But
you don’t deserve to be thrown
into waste extraction. Come on,
I’ll take you to someone who’ll
want you.​


K’Uhllo packs up his equipment, hauls the bag of gadgetry onto his shoulder and, carrying Kukalaka, heads out.


11 INT. DS9 - PROMENADE


Doctor Bashir leaves the bar after his lunch break, and takes the short walk across the Promenade to the Infirmary.

On his way, he notices K’Uhllo walking towards us, bag over his shoulder. Bashir waves a friendly hello. K’Uhllo offers a polite nod in return. Then Bashir enters the Infirmary.

PAN AROUND K’Uhllo until we see the back of him...

...and Kukalaka riding on his back, hanging off the strap of the engineering toolkit bag, invisible from Bashir’s perspective. K’Uhllo continues to stroll along, unawares.


ALIEN #1
Gnnnaaahhh!!!​


K’Uhllo turns in surprise to see a huge, hulking ALIEN #1 of the occasional background GORORM species - large and bulky, and POINTING right at K’Uhllo in amazement. K’Uhllo stops in confusion... as do many others on the Promenade.


K’UHLLO
Sorry, can I help you?​


ALIEN #2 wanders up to join Alien #1, rather less excited.


ALIEN #2
(what’s going on?)
Tejabu kanewa?

ALIEN #1
(look at it!)
Gnah! Gnah epestu na!​


K’Uhllo actually speaks this language - a little anyway.


K’UHLLO
Rupey Gororm-eh?

ALIEN #2
(pleasantly
surprised)
Weh! Gororm-eh-ru. Su basta
Gororm-eh?

K’UHLLO
(quibble)
Sipur. Tejabu kanewa?

ALIEN #1
(still pointing)
Gnah epestu na! Desh Quamal!​


K’Uhllo realises the alien is pointing at Kukalaka, hanging off his bag strap. He unhooks it and hands it out to them.


K’UHLLO
Na?

ALIEN #2
(unimpressed)
Nopurati.

ALIEN #1
(insistent)
Quamal! Desh Quamal!

K’UHLLO
You want it? I was going to give
it to charity, but if it means
something to you... please.​


Tentatively, reverently, Alien #1 reaches out and takes the dirty teddy bear off K’Uhllo. He gazes at it in awe.


ALIEN #1
Quamal... Desh Quamal.
(to K’Uhllo)
Decuru itequama! Itequama!​


Alien #1 backs away, bowing quickly and often, thrilled to be given this gift. Neither Alien #2 nor K’Uhllo quite understand what the big deal is, but if he’s happy...


ALIEN #2
(shrug)
Decuru.

K’UHLLO
Teyash.​


The two aliens turn and walk away, Alien #1 still in awe. K’Uhllo turns with a bemused smile and continues on his way down the Promenade.


12 INT. DS9 - GUEST QUARTERS


Aliens #1 and #2 enter their guest quarters aboard the station. #1 is still super-excited, #2 still confused.


ALIEN #2
Bin sheshukata? Tejabu kanewa
ipelaca?

ALIEN #1
Desh Quamal! Bach-tesh.​


Alien #1 leads #2 to a chest of drawers. He places Kukalaka gently on top of it, making sure the bear is comfortable.

Then he opens one of the drawers and equally gently pulls out a BOOK, clearly old and important, TRIANGULAR in shape.

He lays the book on the counter next to Kukalaka and opens it along one edge, folding it out a layer at a time until it becomes a HEXAGON of paper, each fragile triangular page decorated with a mix of sketches and alien writing.

And there on the last page is a drawing of what looks very much like Kukalaka himself - a teddy bear-like shape with dark and unblinking eyes, a figure in this race’s religion.


ALIEN #1
Quamal. Desh.​


Alien #2 finally gets it. He looks back and forth between the image in the book and the real-life teddy bear sitting beside it... and the resemblance really is striking.


ALIEN #2
Quamal... desh. Desh!

ALIEN #1
(to the heavens)
Itequama...

ALIEN #2
Itequama! Itequama!​


Both aliens are now equally enraptured...


13 INT. DS9 - BASHIR’S NEW QUARTERS


Bashir walks through the door into this unfamiliar set of quarters (which are basically identical to his old rooms). He is tired after a long day’s work, and is looking forward to just relaxing...

...Not helped by the sight of all his belongings still in their crates, piled up in the middle of an otherwise empty and undecorated room. Bashir sighs - not what he needed.

But there’s nothing else for it. He slumps across the room to the nearest crate and begins digging through it. There are spare uniforms, bedclothes, tubs of toiletries.

Bashir picks up the uniforms, carries them through into the bedroom, comes back. He pulls out a small pile of books, carries them across the living room to place onto a shelf.

On his way back, he pauses to look out of the window.


BASHIR
Definitely not the same view.​


He goes back to unpacking. But after a while of lifting stuff out of the crates and moving them across to drawers and into the bedroom, he stops and thinks for a moment.


BASHIR
Where’s Kukalaka?​


Not too worried yet, he checks all of the other crates. He lifts things up, looks underneath, consternation growing with each failure to find his beloved teddy bear.


BASHIR
He’s not here. I specifically told
them to be careful with him!​


He keeps searching for a few moments more, but it is clear the bear is not present. Furious, he slaps his combadge.


BASHIR
Bashir to Security.

EVIK (comm)
Go ahead, Doctor.

BASHIR
Red alert, Commander. I have a
missing persons report.

EVIK (comm)
Understood, Doctor. If you can give
me the name of the individual in
question, and their last known
location, I’ll get my officers
on the case immediately.

BASHIR
He was last seen in my old
quarters - habitat ring level
four, section twelve. His name
is Kukalaka.

EVIK (comm)
Unusual name. What species?

BASHIR
He’s my teddy bear.​


An awkward pause.


EVIK (comm)
I’m sorry, could you repeat that?
I’m not sure I heard you right.

BASHIR
He’s my teddy bear, and he should
be in my quarters, and he’s not.
(plaintive)
Where could he be?​


Off Bashir’s troubled brow...


14 INT. DS9 - GUEST QUARTERS


Kukalaka is fixed to the wall, in a crucifix pose with a spotlight shining on him.


ALIENS (o.s.)
(prayer)
Itequama... itequama...​


PULL BACK until we see the two huge hulking aliens on their knees before Kukalaka, doing the full “we’re not worthy” with hands to the heavens then heads to the deck.


ALIENS
(prayer)
Itequama... itequama...
itequama... itequama...​


As the aliens continue to pray to their god...


FADE OUT


END OF ACT ONE​
 
ACT TWO​


FADE IN


15 INT. DS9 - SECURITY OFFICE


Bashir paces back and forth in the security office. Lt Cmdr EVIK sits behind the desk, and Cmdr RO stands with arms folded, watching Bashir pace.


RO
You realise this amounts to filing
a false police report? To wasting
security’s time? You could face
consequences for that, Doctor.

BASHIR
This is important, Commander!

RO
Doctor... you called red alert
over a missing toy. A toy. What
the hell were you thinking?

BASHIR
(stops pacing, sags)
Alright, yes. Kukalaka is a toy.
Doesn’t mean he’s not important.
He’s been with me since I was a
child. All through the Academy.
The Dominion War. The Gamma
Quadrant mission. I am not going
to lose him now just because some
crewman can’t do his job properly.

EVIK
There’s a clear chain of custody
from your old quarters on level
four to your new ones on level
six. The movers took two turbo-
lifts, and did not interact with
anyone else on the way.

BASHIR
Have they been back and checked
the turbolifts?

EVIK
Yes, Mister Candlewood traced the
exact carriages they used, and
there was no sign of it.

BASHIR
But he has to be somewhere!

RO
I sympathise, Doctor. I’ll get
Major Cenn to put a message in
the station bulletins for people
to keep an eye out. But I cannot
authorise any more than that, and
you are not to make any similar
reports in future. Understood?

BASHIR
(defeated)
Understood, Commander.​


16 INT. DS9 - BASHIR’S OLD QUARTERS


Bashir’s old room is now a building site. Plastic covering is draped around the walls, air conditioning grills are open and a handful of engineers work on bits of machinery that have been pulled out and dismantled.

Bashir approaches Nog, who is in the thick of this. Both are wearing face masks which muffle their voices, to help protect their breathing from all the work going on.


NOG
Sorry. Haven’t seen it. You watched
it leave the room on the back of
that anti-grav before either of us
left the room. And we’ve stripped
this place down to the stem-bolts.
So it’s definitely not still in here.

BASHIR
Do you at least know what’s wrong
with my quarters yet?

NOG
(muffled)
Not a clue.

BASHIR
(didn’t hear)
Pardon?

NOG
(pulls mask off)
I said, not a clue. Everything
seems fine so far. But the sooner
you stop asking me about teddy
bears, the sooner I can get
an answer for you.

BASHIR
(sigh)
Alright. Thanks, Nog.​


Nog COUGHS a few times from the dust in the air, then replaces his mask and goes back to work. Bashir leaves.


17 INT. DS9 - GUEST QUARTERS


Alien #1 lies in bed, sickly and feverish. Alien #2 hovers over him, taking care of his friend but also angry.


ALIEN #2
Sapurare gassum-twa! Gil-besh-
od funtey-gama.

ALIEN #1
(croaky)
Gnah. Sheshu urey-pa.

ALIEN #2
Imbur “Quamal” feh.

ALIEN #1
(appalled)
Jimuu! Itequama Gororm-eh.​


Unconvinced by his friend’s denial, Alien #2 gets up from the bed, stalks across the room, glaring at Kukalaka still pinned to the wall, and grabs the Holy Book. He brings it back to Alien #1, and unfolds it to the same page as before - the image of what appears to be Kukalaka.


ALIEN #2
Desh Quamal.​


Alien #2 unfolds the book another page, and reveals another drawing on the next page... again of KUKALAKA, but this time looking much more menacing. His formerly black shining eyes are now an angry red. Alien #2 points at this.


ALIEN #2
Quamal depicacu!

ALIEN #1
(shakes head)
Ba. Ba.

ALIEN #2
Weh! Quamal depicacu. Imbur-
na. Esh-a, ipelaca!

ALIEN #1
Ba!

ALIEN #2
Weh!​


Determined, and against his friend’s protests, Alien #2 folds the book back up, stomps back across the room. He puts the Holy Book down, pulls Kukalaka off the wall. He waves it angrily at Alien #1 on the way across the room...


ALIEN #2
Depicacu!​


...and then exits into...


18 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR


...where he stomps to the nearest trash chute, opens it and THROWS Kukalaka into it, before SLAMming the hatch shut and stomping back to his quarters.


19 INT. DS9 - WASTE EXTRACTION


...and Kukalaka shoots out of the open bottom of the chute, LANDING again in the skip of station trash, SQUELCHING into the left-over muck and garbage. K’Uhllo looks down at him, baffled.


K’UHLLO
You again? I guess those Gororm
didn’t want you after all.​


He reaches down into the slimy skip and fishes out the poor unwanted bear with a grimace. The Damiani engineer COUGHS a few times, wipes his silvery eyes with his free hand, then talks to Kukalaka again.


K’UHLLO
That’s what comes from working in
waste extraction all week. You’re
not looking too healthy yourself.
But come on - I’ll take you to
charity after all.​


K’Uhllo hefts the mucky bear into his gear and onto his shoulder again, and heads out.


K’UHLLO (cont)
Somebody’s bound to want you.​


CUT TO:


20 INT. DS9 – PIF’S FAMILY QUARTERS


(Last seen DS9 11x08 “Puppy Love”) TIFF curled up in one of the fur-covered doghouses, his paws clutching tightly at Kukalaka, his head resting on the bear’s chest as he WHEEZES in deep sleep. Tiny legs kick in his sleep, paws pulling the bear tight so it can’t escape.

PULL BACK until we see the full room, with its numerous things to climb on and jump off of - steps that go nowhere, huge pillows and cushions and beanbags strewn about. But all is quiet, as all six puppies are curled up in sleep. Parents PIF and SETT are likewise curled up together in a beanbag, but still awake and gazing over at their sleeping children with love.


PIF
Aww... look at him. He loves it.
Thanks for finding it.

SETT
Tiffo found it. The moment he saw
it in the charity shop, I knew he
wouldn’t be stopped.

PIF
I would have been happier if
they’d washed it first, though.
It’s a bit grimy...

SETT
He wouldn’t let me give it a wash.
He wanted to cuddle it straight
away, couldn’t bear to wait.

PIF
Well, as long as he’s happy. Shall
we go to bed?

SETT
Go ahead. I’ll be in in a second.​


Pif clambers out of the beanbag and off screen. Once her husband has gone, Sett clambers out as well, and quietly pads over to her babies. Gently, so as not to wake him, she nuzzles little Tiff’s sleeping head.


SETT
Sleep tight, Tiffles.​


Then she too heads off screen. But we stay on Tiff, fast asleep, his little legs twitching as he runs in his dreams.


21 INT. DS9 - BASHIR’S NEW QUARTERS


Bashir lies in his own bed, the half-decorated room dark around him. He tosses and turns in the bed, unable to sleep for thoughts of his missing teddy bear. He sighs, stares at the ceiling, out of the window at the unfamiliar stars. Without Kukalaka, nothing feels right.

He finally throws the sheets aside and gets out of bed. Rubbing his eyes and stretching out his neck, he walks through into the living room, looks again at the half-unpacked crates of his belongings. He knows Kukalaka is not in them, but he can’t stop himself from checking again. He opens the nearest one and begins looking through...


22 TIFF


Still asleep, his little legs kicking and his closed eyes flickering as he dreams...


23 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR


Tiff RUNS down the deserted corridor, utterly terrified as something big and scary and unseen CHASES him in big heavy THUDDING footsteps. Still running, Tiff looks behind him at what is chasing...

There’s nothing there, but the heavy THUDDING footsteps continue, growing louder and closer... Tiff continues running...


24 TIFF


Still asleep, WHIMPERING under his breath now as he dreams.


25 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR


Tiff looks behind himself again, and sees only an empty corridor. But around the corner, the THUDDING footsteps grow nearer and nearer, until something emerges...

It is KUKALAKA. But this teddy bear is a GIANT, big enough to fill the corridor as its huge furry feet THUD on the deck and its black beady eyes shine threateningly. The bear ROARS, a fearsome sound that strikes terror into poor innocent puppies. Its black eyes BURN RED, and BOLTS OF ELECTRICITY shoot from its furry fingerless paws.

As it pinpoints Tiff cowering on the deck, it ROARS again and begins to THUD down the corridor towards him. Tiff turns and runs again...


26 TIFF


The dreaming puppy’s legs continue to kick in its sleep...


27 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR


The corridor reaches a dead end - Tiff looks both ways, but there is nowhere else for him to run. All he can do is back up tight against the bulkhead, a tiny defenceless green-furred puppy at the mercy of the huge, roaring, thundering teddy bear bearing down the corridor. Nowhere to run, no escape, no way out...


QUARK (o.s.)
Hey! Leave him alone!​


As Tiff looks up in amazement, QUARK steps out of nowhere (it’s a dream, we don’t need logic) and stands in front of the puppy, brandishing a stick towards the oncoming bear.


QUARK
I said leave him alone! This puppy
is under my protection!​


It’s Tiff’s hero, Ambassador Quark to the rescue! The giant Kukalaka ROARS in frustration, but Quark stands his ground.


QUARK
Leave this place and do no harm!​


Realising that Quark will not be defeated, the bear slowly turns around, his fur SQUEAKING against the metal walls as he manoeuvres in the tight space, and begins THUDDING back the way he came. His roars are now vanquished grumbles. On the deck, the rescued Tiff begins YIPPING excitedly...


28 INT. DS9 – PIF’S FAMILY QUARTERS


...while back in the real world, the sleeping puppy also YIPS himself awake. He realises where he is, and what he’s holding - Kukalaka himself. Disgusted, Tiff immediately THROWS the bear out of his bed, gets to his feet and YELLS...


TIFF
Mom!!!!​


BLACK OUT


END OF ACT TWO​
 
ACT THREE​


FADE IN


29 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR


Pif trots happily down the corridor, with Kukalaka carried in his jaws, until he reaches the nearest trash chute.

He stretches up on his hind legs, PULLS open the hatch with both paws, SPITS the bear out of his mouth down the chute, and lets the hatch SLAM shut as he returns to all fours.

He turns and trots back down the corridor, gurning at the nasty, dirty taste left in his mouth...


30 INT. DS9 - WASTE EXTRACTION


...and Kukalaka shoots out of the chute again, landing in another pile of garbage. K’Uhllo stares at it, amazed...


K’UHLLO
Oh, come on!​


Frustrated, still coughing, K’Uhllo grabs the bear again...


31 INT. DS9 - STATION PRE-SCHOOL


K’Uhllo stands at the door of the station’s pre-school room (last seen DS9 8x16 “Baby Steps”), handing Kukalaka over to GAVI the regular pre-school teacher (Bajoran male, last seen DS9 10x07 “Instinct”). Gavi is rather confused...


K’UHLLO
Please take this.

GAVI
Umm, okay, thanks...? The school’s
not actually open for the morning
yet, Ensign. We’re only just
setting up...​


Gavi gestures to demonstrate, and we see a WOMAN helping to set up the room, ready for the children - open-front cabinets and shelves line one wall, tables under the windows, and mats and pillows strewn on the floor.


K’UHLLO
I know, but I keep finding it
thrown away, and it’s too cute
to get destroyed.
(cough)
I just want to feel like it went
to a good home. I’m sure the
children will love it.​


Gavi takes Kukalaka, holding the dirty bear uncertainly...


GAVI
It doesn’t look very clean...

K’UHLLO
(cough)
Sorry, gotta run! Thanks!​


And K’Uhllo heads away, coughing his way down the corridor, leaving Gavi nonplussed and holding the bear...


32 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


The door opens and Bashir slumps through, arriving to begin his morning shift. He is downcast and unrested after a sleepless night worrying about Kukalaka. Nurse RICHTER is already there, sees the state of him.


RICHTER
Morning, Doctor! Oh... still no luck?

BASHIR
I’m afraid not. I’ve asked around
- security...​


CUT TO:


33 INT. DS9 - QUARK’S BAR


Bashir is sat at a table, talking to JUNIOR OFFICER #1, the one who first threw Kukalaka down the trash chute. They are not really paying attention to what Bashir is asking; they are more interested in their own rant.


OFFICER #1
I am fed up of people just leaving
stuff lying around. So I decided
to stop giving a damn. If I ever
do find anything left on the deck
these days, I just throw it in the
trash. Don’t even look what it is.​


Bashir is disappointed, and a bit disquieted...


CUT TO:


34 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


Bashir continues his explanation to Richter...


BASHIR
...Engineering...​


CUT TO:


35 INT. DS9 - QUARK’S BAR


NOG is on his lunch break, and is getting a bit exasperated with Bashir’s nagging while he is trying to eat his food.


NOG
Look, K’Uhllo has been on duty
in waste extraction all week, and
he hasn’t reported anything to
me. And I have too much to do to
go digging around in the trash.
If you want to do it, feel free.​


Bashir slumps again in disappointment...


CUT TO:


36 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


Bashir continues...


BASHIR
...I even asked at the bar.​


CUT TO:


37 INT. DS9 - QUARK’S BAR


Bashir stands at the bar, talking to QUARK himself...


QUARK
You know, Doctor, if you’re looking
for something warm to cuddle up to
at night, I’m sure I can put you in
touch with the right kind of people...​


Bashir rolls his eyes and walks away.


CUT TO:


38 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


Bashir slumps into his desk chair, thoroughly disheartened.


BASHIR
(continuing)
...and nobody seems to know what
I’m talking about. Or care, for that
matter.

RICHTER
I’m sorry. You could always make
a new one from the replicator.

BASHIR
Wouldn’t be the same.
(rallies)
So what’s on the agenda for today?

RICHTER
Had an odd number of respiratory
infections to deal with overnight.
It’s probably just allergy season
or something, but...

BASHIR
On a space station? Not likely.
Show me the records...​


39 INT. DS9 - STATION PRE-SCHOOL


The room is now half-full with young children of pre-school age, running around madly as such creatures do. The door opens and five PUPPIES come barreling through. Gavi notes Pif standing there, seeing them off.


GAVI
Morning, Pif! Only five today?

PIF
Tiffo wasn’t feeling very well.
Poor little guy. He had a bad
dream... but then he was looking
kinda peaky this morning. Our
little Tiffles has the sniffles!

GAVI
Funny... I’m down quite a few this
morning. Seems like something’s
going around. Ensign K’Uhllo was
here earlier, and he looked even
greener than usual too.

PIF
Oh, I’m sure it’ll all be fine. I’m
taking Tiff to the doctor this
afternoon though, just to be sure.

GAVI
Okay, well, tell him I hope he
feels better soon.​


Pif nods and heads away, the door closing behind him. Across the room... is KUKALAKA, sitting on one of the open shelves. Two of the puppies - BIF and FETT - trot over.


BIF
Hey, Fett - look! It’s Tiff’s little
doll thing.

FETT
Mine!​


The rambunctious girl puppy instantly GRABS the teddy bear off the shelf in her mouth, and RUNS OFF with it. Bif (the one who works at the shop) gives chase...


40 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


Bashir flicks through the pages on a medical PADD, his doldrums distracted by a medical mystery.


BASHIR
Hmmm... this number of respiratory
infections is definitely way above
average.
(different padd)
And Doctor Aylam’s reports suggest
she’s been seeing similar results.
This may be something we need to
report upwards to Commander Ro.​


Before he gets the chance, the door opens and K’Uhllo enters, coughing and spluttering.


K’UHLLO
Doctor...? I really don’t feel
very well...

BASHIR
Come in, Ensign. What seems to
be the problem?

K’UHLLO
Got this cough I can’t seem to
get rid of.​


Bashir exchanges a knowing look with Richter...


41 INT. DS9 - STATION PRE-SCHOOL


FETT runs around the playroom with Kukalaka still in her teeth. BIF chases after her.


BIF
Fett, that’s not fair. I want to
play with it too. I’m telling dad!​


Fett continues to run, not caring...


42 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


K’Uhllo sits sideways on a bio-bed, still coughing. Bashir scans with a medical tricorder while Richter takes notes.


BASHIR
Okay... subject is a Damiani
cogenitor, age twenty-four
standard years. Ensign, can you
tell me when you first started
experiencing these symptoms?

K’UHLLO
(between coughs)
I felt it coming on for a while.
I’ve been pulling extra shifts
in waste extraction.

BASHIR
Yes, Nog said you’d been down
there all week. Must be lovely.

K’UHLLO
A lot of my crew are out sick, and
since I’m head of environmental,
I took it on myself. I figured it
was just over-work at first, plus
the air down there isn’t the
freshest, but now...

BASHIR
Did you notice anything unusual
down in waste extraction that
might account for your condition?

K’UHLLO
No - it’s all completely average.
(cough)
Unless you count that doll thing.​


Bashir pauses, his ears immediately perking up at that...


BASHIR
Doll...?

K’UHLLO
Yeah, this little furry toy. It
landed in the trash one day and I
thought it was too nice to throw
away, so I kept it and gave it to
people who might want it. But it
kept coming back to the trash.​


Bashir exchanges a look with Richter. He knows this ought not be his priority right now, but he can’t help himself.


BASHIR
Ensign, this might be important -
do you know where the doll is now?

K’UHLLO
(cough)
I gave it to the pre-school this
morning. They’ve probably thrown
it out as well by now...​


Bashir really wants to, but he knows he shouldn’t...


RICHTER
(indulgent smile)
Go on. I can handle this myself.

BASHIR
Thanks, Kristen.​


Excited, Bashir downs tools and dashes out of the room, leaving K’Uhllo somewhat confused (and still coughing).


43 INT. DS9 - STATION PRE-SCHOOL


Bif finally manages to SNATCH the ratty old bear out of his sister’s mouth with his own teeth, and goes running around the room with it. She gives chase in turn...


44 INT. DS9 - TURBOLIFT


Bashir JUMPS into the turbolift just before the doors close, clearly in a huge rush and ignoring the alarmed looks from the EXTRAS already in there. As the lift begins to move, he wills it to go faster, go faster...


45 INT. DS9 - STATION PRE-SCHOOL


Fett catches up with Bif and GRABS for the bear again. But he refuses to let go. Soon both puppies have their sharp little teeth sunk into the bear, GROWLING at each other as it becomes a tug of war, with Kukalaka caught in between...


46 INT. DS9 - HABITAT RING CORRIDOR


Bashir runs out of the now-arrived turbolift and PELTS down the corridor, nothing else on his mind but getting to Kukalaka. We go into SLOW MOTION as Bashir eagerly runs...


47 PUPPIES


FIGHTING, Kukalaka wrenched back and forth between them...


48 BASHIR


In the open doorway of the school, his face full of hope...


49 KUKALAKA


Caught in two sets of fighting teeth... and he RIPS in a big jagged tear down his belly, stuffing BURSTING out like fluffy white blood. The puppies drop him to the deck...


50 BASHIR


RUNS into the room. Falls to his knees in horror. Gently lifts his fallen friend from the deck. Cradles him in his arms. And throws his head back with a CRY to the heavens...


BASHIR
NOOOOOOoooooooo.....!!!​


BLACK OUT


END OF ACT THREE​
 
ACT FOUR​


FADE IN


51 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


Kukalaka lies on a bio-bed, his tiny furry chest torn open and bleeding white fluffy stuffing. Hands reach and gently, carefully pierce the cloth of his chest with an old-style needle and thread, slowly pulling the wound closed.

PULL BACK until we see that Bashir is the one performing this delicate operation, slow and methodical, subdued as he works to bring his friend back to life.


RO (o.s.)
I’m sorry, Doctor.​


PULL BACK until we see Ro standing nearby, watching the doctor work. The Infirmary is otherwise quiet, although we might spot K’Uhllo still in the background out of earshot, being treated by Richter.


RO
(continuing)
At least you’ve found him now.

BASHIR
Yes... although he’s obviously
had a rough time of it on his
little adventure.​


Bashir continues to work, focused on his patient, mending him steadily and calmly, never taking his eyes off him.


RO
Where did you get the materials
to repair him?

BASHIR
Left over from Garak’s shop. I
inherited whatever he left behind
when he went back to Cardassia.

RO
You certainly act like you’ve done
this particular operation before.

BASHIR
It’s hardly the first time I’ve
had to repair him, Commander.
He was my first patient when
I was five years old.

RO
Why do you care so much?

BASHIR
Didn’t you have toys as a child?

RO
I was a refugee, Doctor. If it
wasn’t food or shelter or a
weapon, we didn’t keep it.

BASHIR
My family moved around so much,
trying as best we could to stay
ahead of any suspicious looks or
curious authorities... Kukalaka
is the only thing I kept hold
of. My only friend for years.

RO
But you’re not a child anymore,
Doctor. And you have friends
here. Dax, O’Brien, Garak... me.
You don’t need him anymore.

BASHIR
That’s not true.

RO
Why not? What’s so important
about this ratty, old, moth-eaten
toy that you turned the whole
station upside down to find him?​


Bashir keeps his eyes on the doll, mending him with care and delicacy. His voice is low and slow, almost a whisper.


BASHIR
Because I need to protect him.
He’s so small. Simple. Weak and
silly. He’s been torn apart and
sewn back together so many times,
just to make others happy. He
never hurt anyone. He only exists
to make people feel better.​


Slowly, Ro silently realises the truth, her face crumpling in sad understanding - Bashir is talking about himself. Kukalaka is him. She feels terrible about how she treated him. She quietly steps forward and lays a comforting hand.


RO
Then I’m glad you found him.​


He finally looks up at her, wearing a grateful smile with tears threatening at the corners of his eyes. The operation complete, he steps back with satisfaction. He pulls out his medical tricorder and begins to scan the tiny teddy bear’s prone body. Both Bashir and Ro know it’s all part of the game, like you would do for a child.


RO
What’s the prognosis, Doctor?

BASHIR
Good as new.

RO
Shall we put him somewhere safe?

BASHIR
I think he could use a bath...​


Bashir’s tricorder BEEPS, alarming them both. Bashir inspects the screen more closely, concerned...


RO
Wow. You really did bring him back
to life.

BASHIR
It’s not that...​


Before he can go into it any further, the Infirmary door opens and there is something of a commotion. Bashir leaves Kukalaka on his bio-bed and goes to see what’s going on.

The Gororm are there. ALIEN #1 is practically on death’s door - sweating and shivering, hitching his breaths, eyes rheumy and unfocused. ALIEN #2 is holding up his friend, in better health but clearly beginning to be affected as well.


ALIEN #2
(croaky)
Gassum-twa... ritta-me? Weh?

RO
What did he say? Is the universal
translator not working?

BASHIR
No, they’re Gororm - it doesn’t
translate for some reason.​


Bashir doesn’t speak Gororm, so instead he begins some broad gestures - not a full sign language, but enough to make his meaning known without being condescending.


BASHIR
(with gestures)
Come in, come in, we’ll help you.​


Alien #2 seems to understand, and helps Alien #1 stagger into the same room where K’Uhllo and Richter are.


ALIEN #2
Decuru... decuru...​


With a groan, Alien #1 slowly lays back onto the bio-bed, wheezing distressingly with Bashir and Richter’s help. Ro stays out of the way, but within earshot. Bashir begins an inspection, while Alien #2 stands by the bed, desperately trying to make the doctor understand...


ALIEN #2
Sepu Quamal, bin imork-se. Ipelaca
na fod gil-besh. Ritta-me!

BASHIR
Clearly another one of these
respiratory infections. I just
wish I could understand...​


Alien #2 recognises K’Uhllo, and excitedly grabs him from his own bio-bed, dragging him over towards his friend’s. The engineer is not looking much better than them.


ALIEN #2
Chom! Su basta Gororm-eh! Ritta-
me, gil-besh-od-feh, weh?

BASHIR
Wait, you speak Gororm?

K’UHLLO
A little. I did some field studies
there during my pre-Academy days.
(coughs)
Tejabu kanewa? Rempey.

ALIEN #2
(slowly)
Quamal depicacu. Gil-besh na,
ipelaca, esh-a, ni ba.

K’UHLLO
He seems to be blaming it on his
god. Apparently it’s a vengeful
god, and they tried to cast it
out, but it was too late.
(to alien)
Wait - su di Quamal. Bas ni
rimeca fal-desh?

ALIEN #2
Weh! Weh! Ritta-me!

K’UHLLO
Oh, dear.

RICHTER
What is it?​


Then the door opens again, and PIF is there, looking very worried as he carries little TIFF in his mouth by the scruff of the puppy’s neck. The child is sagging...


PIF
(muffled)
Doctor! Can you help us?

BASHIR
Pif!​


Ro runs over, gently takes the half-conscious puppy from his father’s jaws and carries him to a third bio-bed. Pif quickly follows. The limp puppy is hitching breaths...


PIF
Please help him. He said he felt
ill this morning, but he’s just
got worse and worse...

BASHIR
We will, I promise. Nurse, prepare
a general anti-bacterial agent for
all these patients. Ensign - why
did you say “oh dear” ?​


As Richter moves to do as she is told, and Bashir scans little Tiff with a medical tricorder, K’Uhllo explains...


K’UHLLO
Well, I told you I’d been in waste
extraction all week...

BASHIR
Yes, and that could explain your
condition. But how does it affect
Tiff and the Gororm?

K’UHLLO
Your toy. Your doll thing. The first
people I gave it to... were these
Gororm. They seemed to like it
- they called it Quamal. And
that’s the same word they used
to describe their vengeful god.

RICHTER
Your teddy bear is a god?​


Bashir gives an annoyed warning glare to Richter, then back to business...


BASHIR
Okay, who had it after the Gororm?

K’UHLLO
I gave it to the charity shop for
the Bajoran orphans fund.

PIF
That’s where Tiff saw it, and Sett
bought it for him!

RICHTER
And the woman from the charity
shop was one of the patients
I treated on the night shift.

BASHIR
(horrified
realisation)
Kukalaka is the disease vector. He’s
the one who’s been spreading this
infection around the station.

K’UHLLO
By the horns of Ho’nig...

RO
And the last place you found it,
before you brought it here...

BASHIR
...was the station pre-school.

PIF
You mean, my puppies? They’ve all
got this?

RO
All the station’s children.​


Ro’s combadge TRILLS - she taps it to receive.


NOG (comm)
Lieutenant Nog to Commander Ro.

RO
Go ahead, Nog.

NOG (comm)
Commander, we’ve completed our
investigation of Doctor Bashir’s
quarters, and we’ve figured out
what the problem was.

RO
That’s great, Lieutenant, but can
it wait? Kind of in the middle of
something here.

NO (comm)
I’m afraid not, sir. Some kind of
biological residue got into the
works, and I’m no doctor, but it
doesn’t look like something we
want in our environment systems.

BASHIR
An infectious agent?

NOG (comm)
That’s what it looks like to me.​


Suddenly Bashir’s combadge TRILLS as well - worried for what’s coming next, he taps to receive.


GAVI (comm)
Gavi to the Infirmary!

BASHIR
This is the Infirmary, go ahead.

GAVI (comm)
Doctor, I think we need your help.
All the children, they can’t seem
to stop coughing...

PIF
My puppies!

BASHIR
Understood, Gavi - I’ll get someone
down to the pre-school as soon as
I can. Infirmary out.
(taps badge again)
Bashir to all medical personnel.
Emergency conditions - report
for orders immediately.​


He looks to Ro - she understands and slaps her own badge.


RO
Ro to Major Cenn and Lieutenant
Commander Evik. We have a station-
wide contamination situation. I am
authorising full quarantine. This is
red alert - for real this time. As of
right now, no-one gets onto this
station... and no-one leaves.​


As Bashir and Richter continue to work on their patients, RED ALERT lights begin to flash throughout the Infirmary...


BLACK OUT


END OF ACT FOUR​
 
ACT FIVE​


FADE IN


52 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


The door of the Infirmary is open, and people STREAM in. While the RED ALERT lights flash, it seems like half the station is reporting sick, and Bashir, Richter and all the station’s medical crew are struggling to handle it.

CREWMAN #3 (who lost Kukalaka in the first place), OFFICER #1 (who threw him down the chute first), and many others are among them. K’Uhllo has stuck around to help - he receives the others and guides them in.


K’UHLLO
Come on through, come on through.​


Next to step into the door are NOG and CANDLEWOOD. Nog still wears his face-mask loose around his neck. On the other hand, Candlewood is grey and sweaty and coughing.


BASHIR
Nog! John!

NOG
He needs help - he must have caught
it from working in your quarters.

BASHIR
What about you - are you okay?

NOG
Ferengi immune system, remember?
(re mask)
Plus I had this on.

CANDLEWOOD
(super dramatic)
Leave me to die. Save yourselves.​


Bashir guides them to a spare corner, but stops to ponder. He is thinking things through. Then he turns and walks away. Confused, Candlewood watches him go.


CANDLEWOOD
Hey! I was only kidding!​


Nog and K’Uhllo follow Bashir through to the other half of the Infirmary...

...where they find Kukalaka now perched on a counter top. Bashir grabs his medical tricorder and begins scanning the teddy bear again...


NOG
Umm, Doctor? I really don’t think
this is the time.

BASHIR
It may be the only time we have,
Nog. Kukalaka is the disease
vector. Ro’s got Cenn trying to
track his movements around the
station, but that will take too
long. K’Uhllo - you said he kept
getting thrown in the trash.

K’UHLLO
After all the people I gave him
to threw him out, yes.

BASHIR
That means he’s likely got the
highest concentration of whatever
this infectious agent is, outside
of waste extraction itself anyway.
And that means he’s our best shot
at synthesising a counter-agent.

K’UHLLO
But you’ve got a counter-agent.
Whatever you gave me works,
I feel fine now.

BASHIR
But it won’t keep working if this
thing keeps spreading. We need
to hit it at the source.​


Bashir grabs a petri-dish and a utensil, and begins SCRAPING Kukalaka’s fur, tiny particles falling off and into the dish. That done, he carries the dish over to a scanning device, and places it inside.


BASHIR
Computer, analyse this substance,
identify infectious agent, and
devise a counter-agent that will
be effective on a mass scale.

COMPUTER
Working.​


As they wait, they look around at the Infirmary - getting more and more full with coughing, spluttering, wheezing patients. It will only get worse if they can’t fix this.


COMPUTER
Analysis complete.

BASHIR
Display results.​


The COMPUTER SCREEN shows complex medical data, which Bashir inspects. He grabs a padd off the counter, taps a few keys, then hands it to Nog.


BASHIR
This is the counter-agent. I need
it replicated - as much as you
can, as quick as you can.

NOG
I’m on it.

BASHIR
You need it in two forms, Nog -
the first has to be really strong,
probably in a liquid base. It’s
to disinfect the entire waste
extraction section.

K’UHLLO
I’ll take that job. This is
basically my fault anyway.

BASHIR
The other form has to be lighter
and gaseous enough to spread
throughout the station via the
life support systems.​


Candlewood coughs from nearby - he has been listening in.


CANDLEWOOD
I can do that.

BASHIR
Are you sure you’re up to it?

CANDLEWOOD
I’m stronger than I look.
(coughs)
Although not by much. Show me.​


Still wheezing but powering through, Candlewood pushes Bashir aside and inspects the data on the screen. Nog and K’Uhllo turn and head out of the Infirmary. Meanwhile Bashir returns to treating the influx of patients...


53 INT. DS9 - INDUSTRIAL REPLICATOR


Where Nog creates all his biggest pieces of engineering machinery. He and K’Uhllo work together at the controls, until six large CANISTERS with a blue liquid (visible through their transparent walls) MATERIALISE on a platform.

Nog and K’Uhllo both move to carry the canisters off the platform, placing them to the side, where there are dozens more canisters already replicated. Then they return to the controls and begins preparing the next batch...


54 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


Candlewood stands at the medical computer, typing away quickly. He wipes his forehead, squinting his eyes against the flop sweat, forcing himself to concentrate.

On the other side of the room, Bashir and his medical staff continue to treat the many, many patients filling every spare inch of space...


55 INT. DS9 - QUARK’S BAR


Quark rushes around the bar, handing out glasses of water from a tray to his customers as they COUGH and SPLUTTER. He himself is feeling perfectly fine - although he does grimace in disgust as someone SNEEZES all over his arm.


56 INT. DS9 - STATION PRE-SCHOOL


All the tiny children - including the five puppies - sit on the cushions, wheezing and coughing. Gavi and his colleague are not much better. MEDICAL EXTRAS move silently among them, administering hypo-injections and damp cloths.


57 INT. DS9 - PROMENADE


Lt Cmdr Evik stands in the doorway of the security office, directing his officers MOS to help anyone they see in distress, wherever they are. As they move away, he also grasps his own chest, his breathing tight and laboured.


58 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


From his spot at the medical computer, Candlewood shouts...


CANDLEWOOD
Doctor! I’m ready.​


Bashir appears, hands full of hypos...


BASHIR
Then do it, Lieutenant.​


Candlewood glances at Kukalaka watching him from the counter, and then presses the big red button. The computer BEEPS in the affirmative...


59 INT. DS9 - PROMENADE


WHOOSH - air gushes out of the vents along the Promenade, spreading Bashir’s counter-agent.

Evik watches everyone take deep, hugely relieved lungfuls. He does so himself, and smiles - it’s like being able to breathe again. He moves to help someone nearby...


60 INT. DS9 - WASTE EXTRACTION


Nog and K’Uhllo both stand with face-masks over their noses and mouths, and giant Ghostbuster tanks on their back. They are firing streams out of the tanks nozzles, swamping the entire waste extraction set with the blue fluid.

They wave the streams back and forth, making sure every inch is covered. Nog looks to K’Uhllo, who is grinning beneath his face mask as he does so...


61 INT. DS9 - STATION PRE-SCHOOL


As the WHOOSH of clean, disinfected air spreads through the room, the children and their teachers all breath easier.

Bif and Fett both try to YIP with excitement, but their tiny voices are too hoarse to make much sound...


62 INT. DS9 - WASTE EXTRACTION


Nog and K’Uhllo fire their canisters of cure everywhere...

...and K’Uhllo CACKLES with glee, taking out his revenge for everything by spraying gallons of blue goo on it.

Nog looks askance at his junior officer, a bit disturbed...


63 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


They all feel the clean air spreading in here as well. Pif and Tiff, the two Gororm, all the other patients and staff - they breathe deep and relieved.

Bashir and Candlewood share exhausted nods of victory.


64 INT. DS9 - QUARK’S BAR


Here too, all of Quark’s customers fill their grateful lungs with clean air, smiling as they recover.

Seeing this, Quark moves around, collecting the free glasses of water off the tables and back onto his tray again. They don’t need them anymore.


65 INT. DS9 - WASTE EXTRACTION


Nog and K’Uhllo have exhausted their supplies of blue goo. As the last drops drip from the end of their nozzles, they look around - every surface has been smothered in blue.


NOG
Maybe no more shifts in waste
extraction for you...​


K’Uhllo looks at him like, “What did I do?”


66 INT. DS9 - INFIRMARY


Gradually stepping down the tension now that they have won, Bashir gently picks Kukalaka up off the counter and looks at him with love and relief.


ALIEN #1
Gnah! Gnnnnaaahhh!!!​


Bashir looks up in alarm, and sees the two Gororm standing and staring. Alien #1 is pointing in abject horror at the teddy bear in Bashir’s hands - his vengeful god.


ALIEN #1
Quamal depicacu! Desh imbur!
Funtey-gama esh-a! Gnahhh!​


Alien #1 turns and RUNS out of the Infirmary in terror. His friend shrugs bashfully and apologetically at Bashir...


ALIEN #2
Decuru.​


Alien #2 follows his friend out onto the Promenade. Bashir looks down at Kukalaka again. But slowly, the sadness returns to the doctor’s face...


67 INT. DS9 - COMMANDER’S OFFICE


Kukalaka is perched in Bashir’s arms. He sits in the guest chair, across the desk from Ro, downcast again.


BASHIR
I suppose this must be my fault,
really. If Kukalaka hadn’t got
lost, the infection might never
have spread around the station.

RO
There’s a lot of people I could
lay the blame on. The crewman
dropped him. Evik’s security
officer threw him down the chute.
K’Uhllo passed him out to whoever
wanted him, without even giving
him a wash first. But it makes no
sense assigning blame here.

BASHIR
Commander... Kukalaka and I, we
caused a station-wide epidemic.

RO
No, that epidemic was going to
happen anyway. It had already
reached your quarters before
Kukalaka went missing, remember?

BASHIR
Well, Kukalaka spread it faster.

RO
To a contained number of people.
If he hadn’t, we probably wouldn’t
have noticed anything was wrong
until the entire station was infected.
Kukalaka didn’t put us in danger,
Doctor. He probably saved us all.
(beat)
In fact, I’d go so far as to call
him a hero.​


Bashir looks bashfully to Ro. The subtext is clear. He looks down at Kukalaka in his arms, and smiles.


BASHIR
Thanks, Commander.

RO
Alright then. Nog said your old
quarters are fixed, if you wanted
to move back in...?

BASHIR
I think I’ll be fine.​


Off Kukalaka, resting comfortably in Bashir’s arms...


68 INT. DS9 - BASHIR’S NEW QUARTERS


...to Kukalaka cuddled up in bed, wearing a BADGE pinned to his furry chest that says STARFLEET BADGE OF AWESOMENESS.

PULL BACK to reveal that the teddy bear is tucked between Bashir’s arms, as the doctor sleeps comfortably and with a relaxed smile on his face. Everything is well in the world.

Pulling out back through the window into the stars...


69 EXT. DEEP SPACE NINE


Pulling away from the station to end...


FADE OUT


END OF SHOW​
 
Wow! That was wonderful! I sometimes have a hard time getting into these script/screenplay type things, but Kukalaka's adventure really gripped me, and the characterisation was spot on. I could easily imagine this playing out like a TV episode in my mind as I read it.
 
Thanks! Glad you liked.

When I was adapting the existing novels into seasons 8 and 9, there weren't very many comedy or even light stories, when the TV show itself had quite a lot of comedy. So when I was planning my own seasons, I made sure to bring back the comedy episodes. Not everything has to be doom and gloom all the time.
 
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