Don't talk to strangers

[Miss Chicken]

I think that this is a lesson that most parents try to teach their children. I certainly used to told my children never to go with strangers except in very special circumstances. The main reason I told my children about these very special circumstance was because of a well known case in Australian history. A young boy became lost in his bush. His parents had told him 'never to talk to strangers' and as a result the child actually ran and hide from the people who were searching for him.

Do you think that the "Stranger Danger" message is taken too far, or do you think that children aren't warned enough? What did your parents tell you, or what did you/do you tell your children?

 

[Roger Wilco]

I think fear of pedophiles is probably exaggerated in general - understandably I guess because of the dreadfulness of those crimes, but still, what's the percentage of children who actually get sexually attacked by strangers? Can't be afraid of everything all the time. But I don't have children, so what do I know...

 

[SPCTRE]

I think it's fine if parents specify and explain these warnings (e.g. some people may try to lure you with candy, some people may tell you they're with the Police but don't wear a uniform, don't get in strange cars, stuff like that).

 

[RJDiogenes]

I always tell my Niece and Nephew to beware of clowns in vans.

 

[Jetfire]

I remember hearing or reading somewhere children are more likely to be kidnapped or sexually assaulted by someone they know more so than a stranger...that doesn't negate the threat of things like that happening to children by strangers...just more I guess parents need to worry about.

 

[SPCTRE]

I always tell my Niece and Nephew to beware of clowns in vans.

^ Don't forget to mention friendly, man-sized bears promising free hugs.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Yogi Bearhug strikes again!

 

[Miss Chicken]

I remember hearing or reading somewhere children are more likely to be kidnapped or sexually assaulted by someone they know more so than a stranger...that doesn't negate the threat of things like that happening to children by strangers...just more I guess parents need to worry about.

This is one thing I worry about when teaching children that stranger = danger, maybe children become more trusting of people they know?

 

[Jetfire]

When I was in elementary school there was a program called "Hugs & Kisses" which they tried to teach us what was good and what wasn't...stuff about strangers.

[edit] Plus parents should communicate better with their children.

 

[Cheapjack]

Encouraging kids to be self-protective and hyperaware, as well as letting adults do a lot of the protection, works.

No b****** got their hands on me, when I was a kid.

Talk, but stay within eight feet, and don't go any closer.

 

[Davros]

A stranger is just a friend you haven't met.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

It's definitely taken too far in many cases, and encourages distrust and fear on a level that really prevents any sense of empathic connection (which, I have no doubt, increases the dangers for the next generation). I know a family friend who's proudly informed me that her daughters have learned not to trust strangers. She told us her younger daughter has even said "I hate strangers!" (a seemingly serious comment, with genuine emotion in it). The mother told us of this with complete pride, while I was pretty much banging my head repeatedly against the wall.

You should encourage in children a healthy wariness of strangers, not open distrust, fear and hate. Those girls are basically being raised to believe that anyone they don't know is worthy of nothing but their fear and contempt on general principal. And then people wonder how things like xenophobia or disregard for other's lives come about.

 

[YellowSubmarine]

Do you think that the "Stranger Danger" message is taken too far, or do you think that children aren't warned enough?

Sadly, that message doesn't really work very well. The chance that a stranger will do something to your kid is little, so if you teach your child that the extra safety is minimal. If someone is going around wanting to kill, rape or kidnap children, they will eventually find a child that isn't well educated, so your message doesn't have a global effect either.

And most strangers aren't danger, so you need to be careful not to teach them something that is a lie. Strangers are not to be trusted, but they aren't dangerous yet.

I had these two situations when I was a kid. In one of them, some neighbours were trying to offer me an apple. I was with my parents. I refused, because I was had been taught not to accept anything from strangers. I had to turn down the offer like ten times because they were quite insistent, and finally said that I don't accept apples from bad people and told them to go away. My parents were very upset at what I did, because apparently these neighbours were their friends, and I created such a bad impression about their kid. Well, their intentions were good, they weren't danger, just morons (like most people), but there wasn't any way to know that.

In the other, a person tried to abduct me. He just picked me while I was walking on the street and started to carry me somewhere. Hadn't my parents been around, he might have succeeded. Point is, not talking didn't help, because the person didn't try to talk to me.

So I think that you need to teach your child to be careful, to not trust strangers, but at the same time not to assume malice on their parts. Teach them that some people are bad and dangerous, but most of them aren't. I don't know how you teach a little child something that complicated, because I don't have children of my own.

However, I don't think it's too dangerous if the child doesn't learn it's lesson well enough. It's unlikely that your child will meet someone who is a danger to them. However, you must teach them that such a possibility exists, and they should be careful. Talking is fine, taking rides is not unless the person is a very very close friend to the family, etc. If your child is clever, they'll understand.

During the lessons have in mind that you can't be really sure even in the very close friends of the family either.

 

[SPCTRE]

^ As I said, parents have to be more specific than "strangers are bad". I feel it is wise to teach your children not to get in a stranger's car for example.

It's not like anyone has any illusions about the added safety, but small things like that can definitely make a difference.

 

[Cheapjack]

I think Lewis Caroll would have had some difficulty in getting the research for 'Alice in Wonderland', now. Though I think 'Alice' was a relative, or knew the family.

I think if you just talk, within arm's length, that's OK and should be OK.

God, they take kids to the zoo, to see lions and tigers.

 

[RandyS]

I think it's fine if parents specify and explain these warnings (e.g. some people may try to lure you with candy, some people may tell you they're with the Police but don't wear a uniform, don't get in strange cars, stuff like that).

The problem with that one is that not all cops wear uniforms to begin with.

It really comes down to making a judgment call. and kids simply don't have the experience to make that judgment, unless they're taught to, which is what I think should happen.

 

[Mary Ann]

It's definitely taken too far in many cases, and encourages distrust and fear on a level that really prevents any sense of empathic connection (which, I have no doubt, increases the dangers for the next generation). I know a family friend who's proudly informed me that her daughters have learned not to trust strangers. She told us her younger daughter has even said "I hate strangers!" (a seemingly serious comment, with genuine emotion in it). The mother told us of this with complete pride, while I was pretty much banging my head repeatedly against the wall.

This woman is a complete idiot, and is probably ensuring that her children will never be able to form healthy social relationships. How can they ever learn to make informed judgements about people if they are The Enemy?

You should encourage in children a healthy wariness of strangers, not open distrust, fear and hate. Those girls are basically being raised to believe that anyone they don't know is worthy of nothing but their fear and contempt on general principal. And then people wonder how things like xenophobia or disregard for other's lives come about.

Exactly this. Abductions of children by strangers is still as uncommon today as it was 50 years ago. The rare cases that happen are tragic, of course, but equally tragic are the children who are routinely molested by non-strangers, most often family members.

 

[Iasius]

When I was quite young, I was walking in the neighborhood and a wedding procession on their way from the church was passing by in their cars.

They were handing out free candy along the way, but being the good boy that I was, I told the bride that I wasn't supposed to accept candy from strangers.

I do remember them being quite perplexed.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I once got yelled at by a customer at my store, just because I waved at her kid. How fucked up is THAT?

 

[Owain Taggart]

I think it's a blanket statement to prevent any kids from telling strangers any details that they aren't supposed to tell. As one grows though, we become more aware of the things that should stay private. If we were to not talk to strangers our whole lives, we'd not have any social lives, and I think we'd be pretty depressed.

At the same time, there come times when strangers are in need. Or rather to phrase it better, when strangers are in need of assistance. Would a kid then just stand there when a stranger needs help if they've been taught to not talk to strangers?