Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Amaris, Feb 12, 2013.
As a single, lonely guy, I agree with this.
I hate the word soulmates..but I do think there are people who fit that description, its a sliding scale of compatability after that, and its possible for any number of people to get along amazingly well for any one person. The one person for everybody is a myth and fantasy, partially spread by religion and culture which makes for a lot of confused people all over the world. Monogamy is something we aspire to, but reality is usually quite different.
A long-term relationship is extremely rewarding but is hard work. As others have said, it involves a lot of compromise, and as people change over the years those compromises may also need to change. Another absolute must IMO is that you must be friends with your partner. There's no need to live in each other's pockets and do absolutely everything together (that would drive both me and my husband batshit insane), but there needs to be that connection and a true longing to do some things together and be comfortable with each other. If you can't laugh together, something is wrong.
My relationship with my husband sure as hell hasn't been all sunshine and unicorn farts. We were separated for 1 1/2 years, have tackled several demons, and still, after almost 18 years, have the occasional argument that must either frighten or amuse the neighbours (part of the joy of living in a semi-detached house with good acoustics). It's how we are. Our relationship isn't perfect, but perfection must never be the aim of a relationship, because that level of expectation will only lead to disappointment. It's about both of us being equally committed to make it work. We drive each other nuts sometimes, but I wouldn't be without him.
Everyone changes over time. The trick with a couple is for both people to change together "in sync". It doesn't mean you're doing everything in life together, but as you grow you find ways to keep an emotionally intimate connection but also continue forging your own identity. "You complete me" is doomed to failure. People need to have some freedom of independence in a relationship. Where I see relationships tending to fail is when one person is insecure enough to crave enmeshment above all else. "I don't want to live any minute of my life without you here with me." That's emotional smothering.
Oh yeah, you can believe that. Carpe diem! I repeated similar scenarios of not striking when the kettle was hot and so at this point I'm much more aware of the fleeting nature of it all. A passive stance is doomed to fail.
It took me a very long while, but I eventually learned that relationships are like being an actor going for an audition. You can guarantee that you will get rejected most of the time but you need to not see it as being inadequate but simply not a match. I used to treat rejection as being the loser, which was a vicious circle towards lowering my self-esteem. The healthy mindset is recognizing that the other person doesn't even know you yet. Rejection is often over superficial things that you have no control over. And, you wouldn't want to be with that person anyway if they can't see beyond them.
^^ It sounds like you came away from that with an awesome mindset!
The day I actually read a Misc thread about relationships is the day my balls wilt and fall off.
Iguana is Italian. They are genetically predisposed to be irresistible. Also he is a lizard, so all he has to do is wave a paw and change colour and the females are battling to get to him.
As an aside, here's the Facebook status I just posted as Husband and I were watching ST VI:
"As further proof [Husband] and I were made for each other, we're watching the scene where Kirk swims in the lower part of the ship to manually open the doors so the whales can escape, and while I say "Wow, that's some serious wig glue", [Husband] simultaneously says "Ah, the miracles of 23rd century wig technology". When two become one and all that."
I am Italian. I am Italian. I am the Iguana, goo goo g'joob!
This card has been dragged out for sale every year at my local dodgy newsagents and I finally bought it because it cracks me up every time I see it.
Someone else also said this earlier in the thread, and I agree with both of you. I'm insecure in a lot of ways but when it comes to relationships, I know what I can bring to one and what my strengths (and weaknesses) are. Everything's a bit too raw for me right now but I'm hoping that with some time, I can look back and see what I brought to my marriage and what I can do to improve so that I'm a better partner whenever that happens the next time around.
To be fair, people haven't been bitching too much around here. Which I think is pretty awesome. Maybe it's because I'm enjoying being freshly single, but I don't think it's that tough to be single on a day like today. Maybe if I was in high school that kind of thing would suck more, but otherwise, it's just a day that you can choose to participate in or not.
I totally high-fived with my bank teller today over being single. We were both in great moods. Sometimes things are only as bad as you make them.
Thank you very much.
The funny thing was for years nothing made me roll my eyes more than when people said "and you know it is when you aren't looking for it that it happens the most". Then one day this girl e-mailed me out of the blue asking about something I posted on a psychology newsgroup. 14 years later here we are.
How did I miss this?! Congrats dude!
I've been much more of a lurker here for awhile now so I don't think I mentioned it before. 2012 was quite a year for me. Believe it or not I am not at all suicidal and don't even consider myself a "depressed person" anymore. Hmmm maybe I just don't have anything else to talk about. Thanks always Kestra.
That's fantastic news. Really, it has made my day that much better to hear that you're doing well. Please continue to take care of yourself and be good to your lady!
Belated congrats! It surely was a happy Valentine for you, I bet =)
In that case, Berlusconi and quite a few others must be changelings from other countries
Well, I hate to admit it, but Berlusconi was relatively handsome in his youth. Of course, over time, the evil inside him seeped out in the form of black phlegm and hair grease.
So if a relationship goes bad, would that count as a 'warp core breach'?
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