The following vignette is a direct tie-in to the novel "Zero Sum Game", which takes place shortly after the love scene in Chapter 22. It also follows up on "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" and "One Person CAN Make A Difference"".
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Sarina Douglas had never felt more content than she did at this moment. Her breathing was slow and labored as she looked at Julian Bashir then up at the ceiling. Her mind went back to Lauren. Just a few minutes earlier, Sarina had quoted advice her former peer had given her back when she was a semi-cataleptic mute. They had secured a decent hotel room on the planet Salavat after getting in touch with a Breen dissident cell. It sure beat sleeping in a drainage tunnel to hide from the general populace.
In this more luxurious environment, they poured out their hearts to each other, confessing how much they missed each other in the preceding seven years and how they could not stand to leave each other again. They quickly gave in to their desires and made love.
Now that it was over, she was reminded of Lauren's way with the male gender. If allowed to live in normal society, Lauren would be sexually promiscuous; in one frivolous relationship after another. But what Sarina had just experienced with Julian was a spiritual, as well as a physical act. She now understood wanting to lose her virginity to someone special rather than to some random person. "Wow," she said, not knowing of any other words to describe the experience.
"Yes, wow," Julian sheepishly answered.
They stared soulfully at each other for about a minute, a very long minute, it seemed. As Julian drifted off to sleep, Sarina placed the palm of her hand on his cheek. She caressed his eyebrow with her thumb and brushed her fingers through his hair. She wished she could freeze this moment in time. She understood now the feelings that accompanied romantic love. She planted a soft kiss on Julian's lips, but that did not alleviate the sudden tingle in her mind She diverted her gaze from him as if carrying a tremendous burden.
Her mental solitude was quickly interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice. "I never pictured him this scrawny," it said.
Lauren lay down on the edge of the bed, propping herself upward with one elbow while caressing Julian's forehead. She was just a figment of Sarina's imagination, but Sarina instinctively pulled the blanket to her shoulders to conceal her nude body. She snorted while looking straight ahead to avoid looking at the intruder.
"I know he's yours now," Lauren continued. "But would he be if he knew your little secret? They're the 'Evil Empire' to him."
"Leave me alone," Sarina insisted, tilting her head to the right.
Almost instantaneously, Lauren was now kneeling down in front of her. "I may not actually be here, but I'm still a part of you. You think of me as a mother more than the woman whose womb you were inside of for nine months. I can go away, but I'll just keep coming back whether you want me to or not."
"Ignore her," another feminine voice. This voice was more quiet and reserved.
Section 31 agent L'Haan sat in a chair with her legs crossed. Her stare had a coldness that belied even the stoicism of the most traditional Vulcans. "Focus on the task at hand. Do not let emotional considerations interfere with what needs to be done. He is only a means to an end."
Lauren turned her gaze to L'Haan and gave a derisive scoff. "Like you know," she sneered. "Your kind get any only once every seven years."
"She is the past, Sarina," said L'Haan, ignoring Lauren's verbal jab. "I am the present and the future. Julian is a misguided idealist. He needs to see that the Federation needs people like us to survive. He is one of us whether he wants to admit it or not."
Hearing the word "us" to describe Section 31 chilled Sarina's skin more than the nippy temperatures she had already experienced on Salavat or her present lack of clothing. She covered her face with both hands. "Go away, both of you," she said, gritting her teeth. She slipped her hands away, her eyes closed. She blinked them open slowly and saw both the embodiments of her internal conflict had disappeared. All was silent. "I do love him," she whispered. "I do. I do."
Sarina now thought back to simpler times, from before she became entangled with Starfleet Intelligence and Section 31. Back to when she was a child in an adult's body. She could visualize the tearful goodbye when she left Deep Space Nine for the Corgal Research Center. She said she would miss Julian, and she hoped he would never forget in the event their paths never crossed again. He was special to her, but she did not fully understand all the emotions he had stirred up in her. She couldn't because she had never before experienced them. She needed to live her own life without being tied down to another person out of some misplaced and, maybe even, archaic sense of obligation.
Julian moaned softly. He strained to see Sarina still lying awake. "S-S-Sarina," he stuttered.
"Just had a strange dream," Sarina muttered. She rolled over and rested her head on Julian's bare chest. She felt the warmth of his skin on hers, hoping to fall asleep. She needed to for continuing her mission to prevent the Breen from unlocking the secrets of quantum slipstream propulsion. But the conflict within herself, this crisis of conscience, was far from resolved.
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Sarina Douglas had never felt more content than she did at this moment. Her breathing was slow and labored as she looked at Julian Bashir then up at the ceiling. Her mind went back to Lauren. Just a few minutes earlier, Sarina had quoted advice her former peer had given her back when she was a semi-cataleptic mute. They had secured a decent hotel room on the planet Salavat after getting in touch with a Breen dissident cell. It sure beat sleeping in a drainage tunnel to hide from the general populace.
In this more luxurious environment, they poured out their hearts to each other, confessing how much they missed each other in the preceding seven years and how they could not stand to leave each other again. They quickly gave in to their desires and made love.
Now that it was over, she was reminded of Lauren's way with the male gender. If allowed to live in normal society, Lauren would be sexually promiscuous; in one frivolous relationship after another. But what Sarina had just experienced with Julian was a spiritual, as well as a physical act. She now understood wanting to lose her virginity to someone special rather than to some random person. "Wow," she said, not knowing of any other words to describe the experience.
"Yes, wow," Julian sheepishly answered.
They stared soulfully at each other for about a minute, a very long minute, it seemed. As Julian drifted off to sleep, Sarina placed the palm of her hand on his cheek. She caressed his eyebrow with her thumb and brushed her fingers through his hair. She wished she could freeze this moment in time. She understood now the feelings that accompanied romantic love. She planted a soft kiss on Julian's lips, but that did not alleviate the sudden tingle in her mind She diverted her gaze from him as if carrying a tremendous burden.
Her mental solitude was quickly interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice. "I never pictured him this scrawny," it said.
Lauren lay down on the edge of the bed, propping herself upward with one elbow while caressing Julian's forehead. She was just a figment of Sarina's imagination, but Sarina instinctively pulled the blanket to her shoulders to conceal her nude body. She snorted while looking straight ahead to avoid looking at the intruder.
"I know he's yours now," Lauren continued. "But would he be if he knew your little secret? They're the 'Evil Empire' to him."
"Leave me alone," Sarina insisted, tilting her head to the right.
Almost instantaneously, Lauren was now kneeling down in front of her. "I may not actually be here, but I'm still a part of you. You think of me as a mother more than the woman whose womb you were inside of for nine months. I can go away, but I'll just keep coming back whether you want me to or not."
"Ignore her," another feminine voice. This voice was more quiet and reserved.
Section 31 agent L'Haan sat in a chair with her legs crossed. Her stare had a coldness that belied even the stoicism of the most traditional Vulcans. "Focus on the task at hand. Do not let emotional considerations interfere with what needs to be done. He is only a means to an end."
Lauren turned her gaze to L'Haan and gave a derisive scoff. "Like you know," she sneered. "Your kind get any only once every seven years."
"She is the past, Sarina," said L'Haan, ignoring Lauren's verbal jab. "I am the present and the future. Julian is a misguided idealist. He needs to see that the Federation needs people like us to survive. He is one of us whether he wants to admit it or not."
Hearing the word "us" to describe Section 31 chilled Sarina's skin more than the nippy temperatures she had already experienced on Salavat or her present lack of clothing. She covered her face with both hands. "Go away, both of you," she said, gritting her teeth. She slipped her hands away, her eyes closed. She blinked them open slowly and saw both the embodiments of her internal conflict had disappeared. All was silent. "I do love him," she whispered. "I do. I do."
Sarina now thought back to simpler times, from before she became entangled with Starfleet Intelligence and Section 31. Back to when she was a child in an adult's body. She could visualize the tearful goodbye when she left Deep Space Nine for the Corgal Research Center. She said she would miss Julian, and she hoped he would never forget in the event their paths never crossed again. He was special to her, but she did not fully understand all the emotions he had stirred up in her. She couldn't because she had never before experienced them. She needed to live her own life without being tied down to another person out of some misplaced and, maybe even, archaic sense of obligation.
Julian moaned softly. He strained to see Sarina still lying awake. "S-S-Sarina," he stuttered.
"Just had a strange dream," Sarina muttered. She rolled over and rested her head on Julian's bare chest. She felt the warmth of his skin on hers, hoping to fall asleep. She needed to for continuing her mission to prevent the Breen from unlocking the secrets of quantum slipstream propulsion. But the conflict within herself, this crisis of conscience, was far from resolved.
