December Art Challenge -- Mr. Cellophane

[Mr. Cellophane]

Hey folks! I found this old book at my local thrift store:

What do you all think? It's pretty much finished, just need to add some text on the back. The look of the book is based on an old Bantam Book I have.

Oh, and in case that book was loved too much, here's one without the distressing:

Comments and critiques would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

 

[Kaiser]

looks and awesome and great colored brains there

 

[The Lensman]

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' bout!!!!!! I feel like I've seen that book in an old stack of books in a million used book stores.

 

[sojourner]

Great cover, but does it qualify for the contest? Where is the minor character? Does Spock's brain count?

 

[O'Dib]

Those brains apparently belong to some beings called the Providers.

 

[sojourner]

^They slipped my mind.

 

[Jamee999]

I like the front without the scratches, but prefer the back with them. Fascinating.

 

[Mr. Cellophane]

Thanks for the comments guys! Yes, the are indeed the Providers.

I fixed a few things and added the back text.

Looking at it now, I might have to fix a few minor things but then I think it'll be done!

C&C always welcome!

 

[O'Dib]

This is a little more grammatically accurate:

The orders of James T. Kirk, the Captain of the Enterprise, have divided the beings known as Providers into three factions fighting for control over the planet Triskelion.

Might also wanna include a brief explanation of quatloos.

 

[Klaus]

damn fine work... I can see plainly I'm going to need to add a back cover to mine.

 

[sojourner]

This is a little more grammatically accurate:

The orders of James T. Kirk, the Captain of the Enterprise, have divided the beings known as Providers into three factions fighting for control over the planet Triskelion.

Might also wanna include a brief explanation of quatloos.

Yea, I was gonna say the first sentence was a little awkward. Good rewrite. Explaining Quatloos might be awkward too. Maybe not use them? Or not worry about it since this is a Trek forum?

If you choose not to use them you might try something like:

"Now the stakes have been raised to the fate of an entire planet!".

 

[Ziz]

I think between "greedy aliens", "the rules of the game", "they must gamble with the fate of an entire planet" and the title being "All In" - a gambling term - that the non-Trekkie would be able to figure out that Quatloos are a form of "space money".

And personally, the "wear" looks good but it looks a little too "worn". Maybe you should tone it down a bit.

 

[O'Dib]

Oh, so that's what they are. In that case, something like "Instead of gambling for Quatloos, they must now place their bets on the fate of an entire planet" may be clearer.

 

[BK613]

man I really like the aged-book look...

 

[Ptrope]

Love it! This is excellent! The blurb lacks a good set-up, though, IMO. I'd replace the first sentence with something like this, that establishes how Kirk created the situation, who the Providers are, and what the original stakes were:

When James T. Kirk, captain of the starship Enterprise, won a bet against the Providers for the freedom of Triskelion's captive combatants, he didn't know he would tear the planet apart as the bodiless brains fought each other for supremacy, pitting their minions against one another once more.

It may be a little long (considering the source ... ). Maybe also replace the last sentence with something like, "After centuries of gambling for sport, now they must beat a new foe for the fate of the entire planet!"

YMMV

 

[sojourner]

^replace

won a bet against the Providers for the freedom of Triskelion's captive combatants

with "won a bet resulting in freedom for Triskelion's captive combatants from the Providers"

 

[Shawnster]

What about changing the font of "All In" along the spine to match the font used on the front?

 

[Mr. Cellophane]

Thanks again folks! Writing is definitely not my strong suit, so thanks for the help in that area!

I've made changes to the back text and toned down the overall distressed look. I think it works much better now, but I'd like to hear any comments on it:

Thanks again!

 

[Mr. Cellophane]

Sorry, I know I shouldn't post again so soon but I was bored so I made this. It's just text from the wiki plot synopsis for "The Gamesters of Triskelion".

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

^One suggestion on the blurb's first sentence. So that it reads crisper you might want to eliminate the appositive dependent clause after James T. Kirk. It would also help trim the commas in the sentence.

Something like this:

When Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise won a bet against the Providers for the freedom of Triskelion's captive combatants, he didn't know he would tear the planet apart as the bodiless brains fought each other for supremacy, pitting their minions against each other once more.

Awesome work! I love the inside page and how you can see through to the other pages.