Ok, so, theres a knock on my door this morning, I open it up and who is standing there but OZZY FUCKING OSBOURNE! I immediately get tackled by Sharon, and as it turns out that Ozzy was on tour in Oklahoma in July of 84, Sharon gave birth to her son Jack in Clinton, Oklahoma July 7th, 1984, I was born early morning July 8th 1984 in Clinton, Oklahoma...or so I thought. Due to Jack's fucking around, a DNA test was ordered and it revealed that he is not thier biological son, we were switched by a drunk nurse, so, goodbye everybody, I'm off to get to know my new family.
