Damn... not sure if I want this to happen.

[ed629]

The girl I've been seeing/dating for the last few months just told me that she will be moving in with me. It has come up before as a possibility and we have talked about it, but it was never a sure thing. But now it looks like it is, her parents want her out of their home and have told her she needs to go. Some background here, she doesn't have a job and will probably not be able to get one anytime soon. Not so much due to her inability to get one or hold one, but more to do with her history. She has a felony and a misdemeanor on her record along with some DUI's.

And because of her record and what is going to happening soon, she will not be able to drive legally for a while, as she will be losing her driver's license. She will have some income, but it's barely enough to cover her gas (if she does drive) and food expenses. I will basically have to support her for a while until she can find some job, and it will be a while before that does happen.

I don't know if I want to take on all that at this point, I do care about her and she doesn't have anywhere else to go at all. She can't afford an apartment, can't afford to be a roommate either. The only other option she will have is a shelter or some type of women's refuge. My conscience won't let her do either of those.

Basically I'm at a point where I have to decide do I want her in my life in such a way, or do I just call it all off and let her go to find some other way or place to live? Before it was just something that could happen and I felt that I didn't have to worry too much about it happening or not, now that it's here and she will be kicked out of her home I have to decide do I want that.

 

[Amaris]

The girl I've been seeing/dating for the last few months just told me that she will be moving in with me. It has come up before as a possibility and we have talked about it, but it was never a sure thing. But now it looks like it is, her parents want her out of their home and have told her she needs to go. Some background here, she doesn't have a job and will probably not be able to get one anytime soon. Not so much due to her inability to get one or hold one, but more to do with her history. She has a felony and a misdemeanor on her record along with some DUI's.

And because of her record and what is going to happening soon, she will not be able to drive legally for a while, as she will be losing her driver's license. She will have some income, but it's barely enough to cover her gas (if she does drive) and food expenses. I will basically have to support her for a while until she can find some job, and it will be a while before that does happen.

I don't know if I want to take on all that at this point, I do care about her and she doesn't have anywhere else to go at all. She can't afford an apartment, can't afford to be a roommate either. The only other option she will have is a shelter or some type of women's refuge. My conscience won't let her do either of those.

Basically I'm at a point where I have to decide do I want her in my life in such a way, or do I just call it all off and let her go to find some other way or place to live? Before it was just something that could happen and I felt that I didn't have to worry too much about it happening or not, now that it's here and she will be kicked out of her home I have to decide do I want that.

Do you love her?
Does she love you?
Do either of you feel like you could have a future together?

If so, this might be a good opportunity to see how that would work out. You never know, it may be a great thing.

 

[Kestra]

It sounds like a bad idea from here, but I don't really know what your relationship is like. Honestly, it seems like you'd be taking her on because you feel you have to, not because you actually want to.

I understand that you don't want her to have to go to a shelter, but those places exist for a reason. I don't know much about the conditions of them, so I don't know if I'm being entirely harsh here. But you're not responsible for her. And how much more awful would it be if she moved in, it wasn't working out, and then you wanted to kick her out? You'd feel much more responsible at that time.

If you love her and you see a future with her, by all means try it out. Just realize that it's going to be difficult to get out of this situation once you're in it. Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to both of you.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

It sounds like you don't really want the whole relationship though. If your options are let her move in or end it all together you can't have that much committed to the relationship. This doesn't sound like a good idea to me. It sounds like something you think you are being forced into doing because of your guilt. That's a good recipe for becoming bitter.

 

[WillsBabe]

You've been told that she's moving in with you? Unless there's more to your circumstances than you've just outlined, surely someone can't just tell you that someone is moving in with you?

 

[O'Dib]

The parents may be using the fact she has a boyfriend as an opportunity to kick her out. If you don't want the move-in to happen, chances are they'll let her stay a bit longer if you dump her. It sounds like, however, if you want to preserve the relationship, you'll have to take this on. Could it be you're just nervous?

 

[Pingfah]

If I was dating somebody who was irresponsible enough to get one DUI I would be extremely disappointed in them.

If they compounded that irresponsibility with the plain fucking stupidity it takes to get TWO of them they would be out the door without a second thought.

 

[iguana_tonante]

The girl I've been seeing/dating for the last few months just told me that she will be moving in with me.

Big red alert.

 

[Valin]

The girl I've been seeing/dating for the last few months just told me that she will be moving in with me.

Big red alert.

Yes! If she TOLD you instead of ASKing you, that's a red alert indeed.

 

[USS Triumphant]

Yes! If she TOLD you instead of ASKing you, that's a red alert indeed.

Maybe I read too much into it, but I got the feeling while reading that part that she has told him she is moving in because something on the order of an open invitation for her to do so was issued at some point. Hopefully ed629 will clarify that.

 

[Finn]

Sounds like a bad idea.

 

[Shazam!]

Let her move in on the condition that she HAS to take it up the ass.

 

[ed629]

Yes! If she TOLD you instead of ASKing you, that's a red alert indeed.

Maybe I read too much into it, but I got the feeling while reading that part that she has told him she is moving in because something on the order of an open invitation for her to do so was issued at some point. Hopefully ed629 will clarify that.

It was there, but until yesterday it wasn't definite it would happen. And it was also very sudden that this is happening, before it there was a very open timetable, but now it's going to happen fast because she needs to be out quickly.

I do love her, it could just be a lot of nerves on my part and will be a huge adjustment for both of us as well, we both need to make changes

 

[data_lover]

wow...has this situation been resolved yet? because it sounds like a big old hot mess just waiting to happen. 1. if someone "told me" they were moving in i would "tell them" to eff off. if someone expected me to support them while they got their crap together i would also tell them to eff off. cohabitation is hard enough when on equal financial footing - what will she be contributing? will she do all the cooking and cleaning? run your errands? it might be okay if she has SOMETHING to contribute, financially or otherwise.

 

[Mr Awe]

Why would you want to date a jobless person with a criminal background, much less let her move in? The parents are obviously tired of her irresponsibility, and you soon will be tired of it yourself. There problem will become your problem. I'd tell her to go find her own place. She needs a dose of reality.

Mr Awe

 

[John Picard]

The girl I've been seeing/dating for the last few months just told me that she will be moving in with me.

Big red alert.

X2. This is a train wreck in the making. Someone prepare the popcorn.

 

[nevermore]

Why would you want to date a jobless person with a criminal background, much less let her move in? The parents are obviously tired of her irresponsibility, and you soon will be tired of it yourself. There problem will become your problem. I'd tell her to go find her own place. She needs a dose of reality.

Mr Awe

Yep. Her difficulties are her own doing, but she expects her parents and now you to bail her out. I suggest the "tough shit" approach, but then I'm not a very nice person.

 

[Shikarnov]

If you let her move in, make sure she's not a lieabed. If you come home to a dirty house and no hot meal after a hard day at work, throw her ass out. There's nothing worse than supporting somebody financially that plays World of Warcraft all day and then having to do the dishes and make your own dinner. Being jobless is not synonymous with "unable to contribute to the house" and supporting somebody doesn't mean "carrying the entire load."

 

[propita]

WTF are you doing with her?

She's got, not one problem that could be written off as "quasi-accident," but waaaay too much shit going on.

Gah! Another person who needs the white horse shot out from under him. You are not here to rescue this person. You've got way more than warning signs and red flags. Do NOT let this person move in with you. End the relationship before she sucks you into her sorry life.

If AFTER she gets her life straightened out and chooses to DISCUSS with you the possibility of you two living together (instead of TELLING you this), then, maybe, you two could have a relationship. You've only known her a few months. Do not fall for her "poor little me I'm helpless" routine.

Don't be a sucker. You've got lots of support from total strangers on this board if you choose to tell her to straighten out her life first.

 

[AJBryant]

Good Lord.

This is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard. How can anyone with self esteem be involved with someone like that?

Multiple DUIs *and* a felony conviction? I wouldn't even hang around someone like that, let alone live with the felon.

Her parents are trying to make *their* problem *your* problem. If she did move in with you, what would be the escape strategy if things don't improve? DO you have the fortitude to put her out, or is the sex so good that you'll just take whatever comes?