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Cucumber is so Gay.

Guy Gardener

Guy Gardener

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Cucumber

The odd weekly adventures of a peculiar man in his middle 40s coming of age, at least I think he's coming of age, it's 5 episodes in and he seems to be still spiralling from the cataclysm in the pilot. It's a perpetual mid life crisis really.

Gay themes + Gay Characters and lots of same sex kissing.

Not porn.

Cucumber is such fun, and there's this extensive speech in the pilot about how Ryan Reynold's penis has to be so attractive that it made Ryan gay. That even if Ryan at some point wasn't gay, that just being around his beautiful cock and looking at his gorgeous member day after day eventually tricked him into becoming gay. It's exactly like Ryan didn't have a choice.

Also Cucumber arrived already with a sightly racier spin off, Banana, and yet another spinoff infotainment series about real issues drawing form the show and the cast, called Tofu.

Someone is building an Empire.

:)
 
I love that I found out there is a "hardness scale", this will make picking up guys a lot easier...

"Hi, I need to check the hardness of your dick, it's for science. You are only at tofu, need to change that".
 
The scale is not fixed. Every man moves from tofu to at least unpeeled banana 15 times a day while he's awake and twice that while he's sleeping.

Cucumber is not for an accidental erections.

If there's a cucumber in your pants, (90 percent of the time) you are on a mission.

Where was I?

A friend I made watch this hates the "hero" because he's not attractive enough, meanwhile another friend hates Lance's gay curious crush because that guy was a nonce on Defiance... But if you track his career back to Primeval he's completely Mr. Sexy.
 
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My browser ate my post. :(

Basically, I love it too. Fisayo Akinade is hilarious as young, promiscuous Dean, whilst he was also sympathetic in his episode of Banana.
 
I'm not sure if Dean can't see 5 minutes into the future, or that he can and just doesn't care about the consequences of his actions.

Everything he does almost nearly makes him a murder victim.

(Or are all 19 year olds like that?)
 
The end of that episode was harrowing. I was expecting something to happen after the start with the years of Lance's birth and death flashing up, but the way it happened was shocking.

Poor Lance. And poor Henry.

Dead-Hazel flashing up was an amazing bit of meta continuity from Queer As Folk. 16 years since that first aired.
 
Okay that really was awful. Poor sweet Lance. Very well done.

Kind of creeped out by how they tied the Banana into that.

Did anyone watch Screwdriver? I wasn't very impressed, what was the point of it. And Cleo, where is that baby we saw the first time we saw her? You can't just give a character a baby and then never show it again or explain where it is when she's meeting a man for an affair or taking her teenager out for a pint. These disappearing babies always annoy me, just leave the baby out, it's not like there was any need for Cleo to have one. Will there be other shorts like Screwdriver? I like how there are so many permuations and minor characters can have center story for a bit.
 
Tried to go to sleep. Got bored of looking at the wall. Hello. Looking for screw driver. Found screw driver. Listening to a radio play of Good Omens by terry Pratchet and Neil Gaimen. Waiting. Waiting... Get back to you soon.

(25 minutes later)

What a fricking reactionist to nothing.

My nephews and nieces all they do with the computer is watch and re-watch e-celebrities comment on themselves playing Minecraft.

THAT is the end of the world.
 
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I thought I did too so you're not the only one. And the hair on the penis was frighteningly hilarious.

The very end of the episode took on a very strange tone though. I understand they were trying to convey the confusion and panic of everyone being evicted, and then of course Henry re-homing them all. That bit was perfect. It just felt like there were two seperate episode tonight with Henry struggling to grieve at first.

Banana was sad at the end when guy-with-nice-personality was brutally rejected by hot guy.
 
plllluckkkkkkk!

The ending of Cucumber felt like a finale montage, or a dream sequence.

Didn't the lawyer mention some treatment he was going in for way back in the first ep?

And yeah, Banana was.. well every relationships days are numbered whether by attrition or death.
 
The last sequences reminded me of the final minutes of the Prisoner.

One episode left and then it's another game of renewal roulette.

I might dust off my Queer as Folk DVDs, and see how much the world has changed since 1999. I did find it odd that there were no stories in Cucumber about the newer generations getting flakk from their parents. Well, sorry, Dean had a horror story, didn't he?
 
Yeah. I suppose things have been a bit easier since Queer As Folk first eyed, as we now have same sex marriage. It would be nice to see, but I suppose Cucumber is predominantly a mid life crisis.

Banana has been more focused on the youth, but I can only remember Dean having trouble with his parents. I did like the one with the transgendered lady who, amongst other things (a sexy video someone filmed was published on faux-Facebook, alerting her when everyone she knew saw it) kept trying to fight off her family's affection, purely because she was worried about what they would think of her. They turned out to be very loving and sympathetic which was all very sweet.
 
Dean lied about his family kicking him out and hating him because he's a little bit mental. We met his mum and dad in the first Banana and they were lovely and warm to him.
 
Oh that's right.

So no problem parents, except for Lance, who was an older character anyway. :o
 
An OOOLD man.

Young sex adventures are fine, but Henry looks like he's in his 50s.

Imagine if one of your children when they were 21 started dating a 53 year old?

On Glee, Kurt was dating Harry Hamlin from LA Law.

Weird as shit.
 
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