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Congratulations, Ensign. Captain Janeway has a new job for you.

Lt G... to Lt Hawthorne:

I'll be glad to approach Harry if you want to tackle Seven.
Click to expand...

If that were the case, Hawthorne and Seven would already be playing X:WP and Gabby on the holodeck. ;)

I am very willing to approach Harry on the subject, but I really don't think he's "up" to the task. Have you seen him without his shirt lately? :wtf:

What about Lt Nozawa? B'Elanna tells me he looks very good without his shirt (don't ask me how she knows, she wouldn't tell.). Perhaps we can get him, or Lt Ayala to "play" Hercules.

:drool:
 
I'm afraid I'm a one woman... :shifty: ...let's not get off topic here.

We're trying to help a fellow crewmate find someone. We're matchmaking, remember? This is all for Seven's happiness, after all.

Lt. Ayala is dating one of the Delaney sisters. You really don't want to upset them. They're nasty about their grudges.
 
Mariska, and you forget Felica and Emily

But, I'd drop 'em all in heartbeat for that one. You know which one.

Now, are you helping get Seven on board, or what? Come on, you have to be tired of cleaning the transporter pads with your toothbrush by now.
 
Hey, Rulz, hands off Ayala. He's MY backup date! No matter what the Delaney sisters might think!

Good, subtle, work with Seven, Hawthorne. Harry is working an extra shift on the bridge at the moment - he still has not figured out that this is NOT the most efficient way of currying favor with the Captain. Meanwhile, I'll be rehearsing various lines of approach. As we all know, Harry is not the always most conductive warp coil in the nacelle.

Wish me luck!

---------------------------------

Twenty minutes later, in Holodeck 1:

Holo-Harry: "I don't get it. Why should I ask Seven to play Hercules and Xena with me?"
AMG: "Well, you like swordplay, right? I remember your Beowulf program. Hercules and Xena are both swordfighters."
Holo-Harry: "But Seven might beat me up!"
AMG: "The safeties will be on! Besides, it's all just for a little fun."
Holo-Harry: "But it's SCARY!"
AMG: "Computer, reset to time index 015."

Holo-Harry: "I don't get it. Why should I ask Seven to play Hercules and Xena with me?"
AMG: "Because it would be FUN!"
Holo-Harry: "But she scares me!."
AMG: "But she has huge boobs!"
Holo-Harry: "They scare me, too!"
AMG: "Computer, reset to time index 015."

Holo-Harry: "I don't get it. Why should I ask Seven to play Hercules and Xena with me?"
AMG: "Because if you don't, you'll have to worry about whether or not the EMH is programmed to remove a clarinet from your . . . Oh, never mind. Computer, end program."
 
Now, are you helping get Seven on board, or what? Come on, you have to be tired of cleaning the transporter pads with your toothbrush by now.
Click to expand...

Lt Hawthorne, :devil: SURELY by now you have come to realize that I am REALLY tired of degaussing. So much so that I have been secretly working with a senior staffer to get her into the Captain's good graces. This NOT ONLY gets me off the degaussing team, it ties up my TWO main competitors for Commander Chakotay's attention.

There.

I've said it.

Now sue me.

:cool:

Crewman (formerly Lt Commander) J Rulz!
 
Crewman J'Rulz,

Your feeble attempts at a double cross will come to naught. Little do you know what Lt. Hawthorne and I have been secretly planning! Enjoy your time with Mr. Hubba Hubba while it lasts.

By the way, my brother is a JAG officer. I'll be sure to ask him for a little legal advice during my next turn talking to the folks back home.

Adversarialy yours,
Lt. G.
 
Well, that would explain why Seven is confused as to why Harry Kim is attractive to her, but people keep pushing her for a romantic relationship with the Captain. (Her words, not mine)

:sigh:

What to do?
 
No worries, Hawthorne. You and I can just continue with the Top Secret Plan. You know. The Top Secret Plan that I secretly told you about when J'Rulz wasn't around. That Top Secret Plan.

Plus! I have just had a brilliant idea for how to get Harry to agree to play Hercules. It's a sure-fire success! I'll take action as soon as he finishes his brown-nose shift on the Bridge.

Everything is going to work out juuuuuuust fiiiiiiiiine.
 
Ignoring J'Rulz's brazen treachery, the dauntless Lt. G carries on her quest to convert Harry to Sevenism.

--------------------------------

Scene: The Bridge. Harry Kim is in the Big Chair. AMG has just exited the turbolift. Various lower decks crew are working at consoles.

AMG: "Hi, Harry. I was expecting to see Captain Janeway."
Harry: "Oh, I'm picking up a shift so she can get some rest. She sure has been looking tired lately."
AMG: "Hmmmm . . . she must be . . . staying up late at night or something."
Harry: "Yeah. Hey, whaddya have there?" (Points at container in AMG's hand.)
AMG: "Oh, I was bringing the Captain some of my delicious North Carolina style BBQ. She can't get enough from me these days."
Harry: "It sure does smell tempting."
AMG: "Ew, what? Oh. Sorry. Yes! My BBQ smells very tempting. Would you like to have this container? I can always give Captain Janeway some tonight."
Harry: "Wow, thanks!"

AMG sits down in the empty First Officer's chair. Harry wolfs down BBQ.

AMG (whispering confidentially): "So, Harry. I bet you're coming up for promotion any time now, yeah?"
Harry (sighing): "I doubt it. I try and try to impress the Captain, but she never remembers me come promotion time."
AMG: "Oh, cheer up, Harry. Your time will come. Gosh, I remember when Captain Janeway promoted me from lieutenant j.g. to full lieutenant. It seems like it was only yesterday . . . ."
Harry: "Exactly how long did Captain Janeway wait before she promoted you?"
AMG: "Well, it was on Stardate 509 . . . No, that's not right. Let's see. I know it was after Seven came aboard. So it must have been Stardate 519-something. Yes, it must have been around that time, because I got promoted not long after Seven and I finally beat Jenny and Megan's high score at 'Tribble Tycoon' in the holodeck."
Harry (looking thoughtful): "You go to the holodeck with Seven?"
AMG: "Sure."
Harry: "And you've been promoted."
AMG: "Well, yeah."

Harry stares off into space.

AMG: "In fact, Seven is working on a new holo-program called 'Xena: Warrior Princess'". You should ask her about it sometime. It sounds like something you'd really enjoy."

Harry continues staring off into space.

AMG: "Can I have my empty BBQ container back now, please?"
Harry: "Hmmm? Sure."

AMG grins and slips quietly off the bridge. Inside the turbolift, she pulls a PADD from beneath her jacket and sends a quick message:

"Hope you have Seven nice & warmed up, Hawthorne. Harry's good to go!"
 
Cargo Bay 2

Lt. Hawth: Seven, do you have a moment?
Seven: Of course. Is this regarding your offer to assist with my holodeck program?
Lt. Hawth: You read my mind.
Seven: Our minds are not linked. I am unable to 'read' your mind. I was simply basing my assumption on your earlier contact.
Lt. Hawth: :) It's just a figure of speech, Seven.
Seven: I see.
Lt. Hawth: But! would you like to discuss it?
Seven: I would be interested to know what you think of the program so far.

*Hands Hawth a data PADD*

Lt. Hawth: This is some good stuff, but do you notice all the males you have programed here are on the 'bad guy' side?
Seven: Indeed?

*takes PADD back and examines it*

Seven: I was attempting to program based on scrolls I found archived in the Starfleet Database.
Lt. Hawth: Ah yes, the Scrolls of Gabrielle.
Seven: Yes.
Lt. Hawth: Well, those scrolls are just one side of a many sided coin.
Seven: Explain.

*Hawth explains the mythos surrounding both Xena and Herc*

Seven: You are suggesting that I should have a male and female main character: one representing Xena and one Hercules.
Lt. Hawth: I think that is a better working dynamic.
Seven: I had thought that Captain Janeway and I could run through the simulation together...
Lt. Hawth: You spend an awful lot of time with the Captain. Have you considered other companions?
Seven: The Captain and I have an agreeable relationship.
Lt. Hawth: I bet she's an extremely thorough teacher.
Seven: Yes.
Lt. Hawth: Right... but what about someone closer to your own age who can show you things the Captain cannot due to age and gender differences?
Seven: I could see where having that type of interaction would assist me in improving my social skills. Who do you suggest?
Lt. Hawth: I think Harry Kim would make a great Hercules.
Seven: Mr. Kim?
Lt. Hawth: Yup, he has all the personality traits that Herc does: strong character, good heart, willingness to help his friends, need to do what's right...
Seven: I see.
Lt. Hawth: Why don't you ask him to help you run the beta test on Herc and Xena?
Seven: Perhaps I will.
Lt. Hawth: Oh geeze, look at the time! I have to scoot off, I've got to be on shift on the bridge in 30 minutes.
Seven: You are on alpha shift today?
Lt. Hawth: Yes, the Captain said she wanted to watch me work.
Seven: She did?
Lt. Hawth: I'm not really sure what that means, but she's the Captain! Gotta run! Bye, Seven.
 
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Well, Lt. Hawthorne, looks like we've solved that problem in our usual brilliant and hilarious style. What's next? Spy on "Herc" and "Xena" in the holodeck? Track down J'Rulz and make her wish she'd never seen Chakotay's akoochimoya? Argue about BBQ some more? Or shall we just wait and see if J'Rulz or someone else will pose us another challenge?
 
Crewman J Rulz! sneaks into the holodeck and places a virus that disables the Xena:WP program whenever Harry and Seven are in it at the same time, then runs away.

After hearing her two fellow Voyagers arguing about the correct way to correct the program as they stomp away from the holodeck, J Rulz! taps her combadge.

JR!"Rulz! to Commander Chakotay."

Chak: "Chakotay here."

JR!: "Hello Commander. I'm just calling to say that I have a few hours on the holodeck and wonder if you'd like to join me for a few rounds of Xena vs Hercules in the Warrior Princess program."

Chak: "Isn't that the program Seven and the Captain have been talking about, the one with the leather and the midriff baring/skimpy skirt outfits."

JR!: "Why yes it is Commander, its also the one with those wonderfully relaxing hot springs,"

Chak: "How should I dress?"

JR!: "Who said we have to dress, Commander?"

Chak: That's officer level thinking, Rulz!

:cool:
 
*************
United Federation of Planets
Starfleet Security
Ship's Security, USS Voyager, NCC-74656

Form I/D-10-OT

*************

Perpetrator: Crewman J'Rulz, Equinox Degaussing Team

Offense: Violation of Special Restriction #32

Time and Place of Violation: 1705 hours, Holodeck 1

Witnesses: Security Officer Lt. G.

Accomplices: Commander Chakotay

Brief Description of Offense: Crewman J'Rulz did knowingly and willfully participate in the use of a holodeck program in direct violation of Special Restriction 32, issued by Captain Janeway, which expressly forbids use of the holodecks by J'Rulz for a period of five years.

****************
For Office Use Only:

Form I/D-10-OT submitted by: Lt. G, Security
Form I/D-10-OT received by: Lt.Cmdr. Tuvok, Chief of Security
Action taken: Pending discussion with Captain Janeway.

​


​
 
***************************************************
***************************************************

Memo From Captain Kathryn Janeway USS Voyager

To: Crew USS Voyager

Re: Punishment of Crewmen J Rulz! and Chakotay.

After due consideration of the facts brought before me by Lt G.... Starship Security, I have concluded that Former Commander Chakotay did willfully usurp the punishment I had previously imposed upon J Rulz! for conduct unbecoming an officer and a holoprogrammer, not to mention a piss poor personal morale officer.

I am forced, therefore, to confine BOTH crewMan Chakotay and crewWoman J Rulz! to the Brig for the next 90 days. Lets hope the lack of holodeck distraction and the loss of personal space in the ONE small intimate cell of the Brig will teach them the combined errors of their ways.

Signed

Captain Kathryn Janeway

USS Voyager Registry # 74656


**************************************************
**************************************************

Secret Memo: Lt Ayala to Central supply

Re: Linens for delivery to the Brig.

For the next 90 days, please send an extra 6 pillows and a feather bed to the Brig on a daily basis.

If you have any leather nighties, or bullwhips, feel free to send them too.

Nota Bene: I HAVE Chakotay's underground cavern holoprogram.... and its NOT Henry Janeway playing Captain! :drool: Meet me on Holodeck 2, right after you deliver the linens, to sign up for your turn. Don't tell Lt G.... or she'll rat us out like she did Chakotay & Rulz!

Signed:

Lt Ayala. Security
 
^ That is so funny. I had no idea Belanna had an Olympics video. Too bad she doesn't post here more often. We could bring her into this thread and she and "Lt G" could sue each other for holo-program copyright infringement.
 
I think they should mess with the artificial gravity on the holodeck so they could do Mario style jumps.
 
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