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Congratulations, Ensign. Captain Janeway has a new job for you.

To: Rulz, Moral Officer
From: Hawthorne, Lt., Stellar Cartography

It was because she failed spectacularly in her recent job as my personal moral officer.
Oh my, Rulz. I do hope you can get in the Captain's good graces again.

Please let us know what to do with the holoprogram!

--------------

To: Janeway, Captain USS Voyager
From: Hawthorne, Lt., Stellar Cartography

Captain,

As has been made clear by your recent ship wide memo, I understand the position as your personal moral officer is open.

I would like to offer my personal services to you.

Aside from what you have already seen of my cooking abilities and our easy discourse, I am also very eager to please. Anything you may need taken care of, I am willing and able to do. per our run through the more physical activities in beta testing of my holoprogram, I know you aware that I am very able-bodied.

You appeared to have truly enjoyed the message program I gave you earlier this week, and I assure I have other holoprograms that are just as, if not more so, delightful and exciting.

I am an avid book reader, and I would be happy to add to your collection and be available for discussion at any time, night or day.

If you need a partner for anything, be that Velocity to bouncing something off of someone, I can be there for you.

I am discreet. I am professional. I assure you that I would never disappoint.

Respectfully,

Lt. Hawthorne
 
Scene: Sickbay

Janeway is sitting on a biobed, looking acutely uncomfortable. The EMH has just applied a hypospray to the Captain's neck.

EMH: "There. You should be feeling better in just a few minutes."
Janeway (wincing and rubbing her chest): "Thanks."
EMH: "I must say, this is the worst case of heartburn I have ever seen in a humanoid patient. You haven't been eating Bolian cuisine, have you, Captain?"
Janeway: "No, I think it was a delayed reaction to some BBQ I ate a couple of nights ago. The sauce had a lot of . . . tomatoes . . . in it."
EMH: "Yes, tomatoes are quite acidic and can cause problems for the human digestive track. Perhaps you should restrict yourself to BBQ with a vinegar based sauce. I hear that Lt. G----- in Security is quite an expert in its preparation."
Janeway (with a small, crooked smile): "Yes, I'm well aware of Lt. G-----'s expertise."
EMH: "That reminds me. She stopped by to see you when you were resting. She asked me to give you this." (Hands Janeway a PADD.)

Janeway reads:

Captain Janeway,

I want to thank you for taking the time to personally request that I apply for the position recently held by Lt.Cmdr. J'Rulz. As I stated earlier, I am very interested in the position and I am sincerely grateful that you consider me a good candidate for the job. You'll find my official application on your desk by the end of shift.

Kind regards,
Lt. G-----
Security

PS: Captain, I went to your Ready Room to deliver this, but Commander Chakotay informed me that you had taken ill. I went by Sickbay, but the Doc said you weren't to be disturbed. I do hope that you will be feeling better soon. I'll stop by your quarters this evening to check on you. In the meantime, if you need anything -anything at all! - please don't hesitate to let me know. (You can consider it a trial run as your personal morale officer, if you wish.)

See you this evening,
Lt. G.

---------------------

OOC: Admiral, I know it was a low blow to crack on your BBQ, but when you beat me to the application, I got desperate. My sincere apologies. ;)
 
ooc: Low blow?! That was down right evil.

---------------------

Scene
Captain's Quarters

Chakotay: You know, Kathryn, both of these lieutenants seem more than qualified to fill the position.
Janeway: I know. On top of all of that, they're both pursing it vigorously.
Chakotay: You do seem more tired than normal.
Janeway: Which reminds me, Rulz was to give me a report on what holoprogram won the contest.
Chakotay: I understand Hawthorne and G-----wound up collaborating.
Janeway: Did they? You know, that's not a bad idea...
Chakotay: Captain?
 
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Chakotay: I understand Hawthorne and G-----wound up collaborating.
Janeway: Did they? You know, that's not a bad idea...


:guffaw:

Oh my, Rulz. I do hope you can get in the Captain's good graces again.

Please let us know what to do with the holoprogram!

Grumble. Grumble.

Lt G.... , you can stick that program where the sun....

What did you say Ensign Vorik? B'Elanna isn't happy with the depth of my degaussing? Tell her to get in line! Evidently no-one is happy with the "depth of my degaussing".

:scream:
 
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OOC

You know, Rulz, this has been fun. I bet you didn't see how this thread turned out coming, but I hope you're having a blast, too!
 
I bet you didn't see how this thread turned out coming, but I hope you're having a blast, too!


Oh definately.


:cool:

Now I'm going to leave and join Chakotay on the holodeck for that program based on Casablanca.

"Of all the gin joints in all the world, why did JRulz! have to walk into mine?"
 
To: Crewman J'Rulz, Equinox Degaussing Team
From: Name Withheld

Crewman J'Rulz,

A little bird told me you were recently playing the Casablanca program with Commander Chakotay. Is that the REAL Commander Chakotay, or are you just a glutton for punishment? I would never rat you out, but if that's a holo-Chakotay, well, maybe you'd be better off playing kadis-kot in the mess hall. Less risky.

Sincerely,
An Anonymous Friend.
 
Dear Name With-held.

Do I LOOK like Seven of Nine?

Of COURSE it was the real Chakotay.

Hubba Hubba!

:drool:

(Take THAT Captain Janeway, you misguided fool!)
 
Ensign Late reporting to duty, I created a Hot-tub with seat for nine and a floating bar. Any takers.
 
Ensign Late,

I hear you have an excellent holo-program suggestion involving floating bars. Would it be acceptable if Lt. Hawthorne and I included floating bars in the hottubs and/or pools we are programming for the Disney/Olympics program?

Sincerely,
Lt. G-----, Security.
 
Ensign Late reporting to duty, I created a Hot-tub with seat for nine and a floating bar. Any takers.

Crewman JRulz is counting the days until her 5 year suspension is lifted. :)



Hmmmm. The things you learn when you are down on your hands and knees, degaussing the transporter pads.

Did you know that Seven of Nine was overheard offering to write a program of her own for she and Captain Janeway to share?

Its called "The Xena Chronicles" and has some very interesting hot springs as one of its features. Evidently, Seven was giving Janeway her choice of playing Xena... or Gabrielle.

:drool:

Lts Hawthorne & G.... it looks like you are going to be a day late and a dollar short.

:devil:
 
Lt. G, you work security. Do you think we could take a look while they're playing that program out. You know, just to make sure everything is going well. ...for the Captain's safety. :shifty:


(I can get Astrometrics all for us, if you can just crack into the security cameras in the holodeck.)
 
Lt. Hawthorne,

Consider it done! You may expect a full report later this evening. Make sure you keep your combadge on and your phaser nearby in case I require "covert backup". Oh, and please pass my thanks along to Crewman J'Rulz for the heads up.

Lt. G.
 
Lt Hawthorne, if you got astrometrics hooked up to the program... I suspect you could sell tickets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8_Dh6lSIM0&feature=related


:)

Oh, and in case your 24th century self is not familiar with the concept... there's a lot of leather and sword play involved in this program too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15uBdlDmS1s



:cool:

OOC: I can't believe it, someone put BSG, Voyager AND Xena in one vid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o4U_u1_JKk&feature=related

Unfortunately for Hawthorne and AMG... NO Seven or Janeway!

(I know, I can't believe it either!)
 
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********************************************
BEGIN SECURE COMMUNICATION
********************************************

Ladies,

I was able to surveil the Suspect in Holodeck 2 this evening. It's probably best if you don't ask too many questions about how I managed this. Just know that it's not something that was covered at Starfleet Academy and that's enough said on the matter.

I am sorry to report that the situation is every bit as grim as J'Rulz suspected. Hawthorne, I see that J'Rulz has briefed you on the Xena stories while I was scouting the Holodeck. The program our Suspect is currently working on is true to that form - chock full of leather and cleavage! Not the kind of program we want to see our Friend participating in, at least not with our Suspect. (Or, well, actually . . . no, never mind, my goal is to eliminate competition. I must stay focused!)

The good news is that our Friend was not present, and that the program is not yet complete. The Suspect appeared to be beta-testing certain bits of code. What really caused me some concern was the little ditty she was singing as she worked. You can see and hear for yourself - I managed to get a short recording.

(Please excuse the audio quality - my covert surveillance techniques caused our suspect's voice to sound rather different than it actually does.)

The evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7pyH3l9nEs

As you can see, the program does look as if it's nearing completion, so we'll need to act quickly. J'Rulz, I am assuming you are in on this, too. After all, I'm sure you don't want Suspect running back to the arms of Mr. Hubba Hubba if she can't work things out with our Friend.

Naturally, I'd prefer to avoid violence if at all possible. I think Suspect is a nice girl at heart and I'd hate to have to phaser her. That leaves two options that I can see.

1. We damage or destroy the program.
2. We persuade Suspect not to invite Friend to share the program.

Option one may prove difficult. Suspect has tremendous skill with computers and may catch on to any attempts at tampering.

I'm more sanguine about option two. If Suspect is looking for a romantic relationship, perhaps we could get her interested in another party. The Doctor, maybe, or Harry Kim. Or, if she's serious about wanting a female companion, maybe Nicoletti?

What do you two think? Should we go with sabotage or mind games?

Make sure you answer on a secure channel! If we get caught, deguassing is going to be too good for us.

-G.

**********************************************

END SECURE COMMUNICATION
**********************************************

 
********************************************
BEGIN SECURE COMMUNICATION
********************************************

Ladies,

I believe the second option is more to our liking.

I suggest Harry Kim. Seven has already shown some interest in him, and he has clearly shown interest in her.

I have done some additional research into this matter, and I understand that Xena had a counter-part, Hercules.

If we can introduce our Suspect to this new concept and get Harry to play the part, we may have a chance to allow a Herc/Xena encounter

I am not as familiar with Mr. Kim as you are, Lt. G. Do you think this is possible?


**********************************************

END SECURE COMMUNICATION
**********************************************
 
Grumble, grumble.

Lowly crewmen do not have the clearence to read secure communications, but if the scuttlebut I picked up from Marla Gilmore is true about Seven's new program, I don't see why those uppity Lts are so upset.

Wouldn't they want to participate in a 4 person bath in those hot springs? Or is Lt Hawthorne afraid Seven's metallic implants will rust in the warm waters of ancient Greece?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGe_yR6LIwI

2 Lts... 2 superior officers. Seems like a win win situation for all those who DIDN'T manage to get them selves demoted today.

Sniff, sniff.

I wonder if Chakotay is still awake at this hour to teach me how to find my "spirit guide"?


;)

OOC: is Lucy pregnant in this season?
 
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Hawthorne, J'Rulz,

There are no rules against attempting to instigate a shipboard romance, so I think it's OK to discuss Operation Matchmaker in unsecured communications, as long as we remain discrete.

J'Rulz, we have decided that Seven of Nine and Harry Kim would make an adorable couple. Our only motivation in trying to arrange this match is the happiness of our crewmates. It has nothing at all to do with a Certain Person being indecisive enough already without being offered a third option. Right? Right.

To this end, Hawthorne had suggested the brilliant plan of getting Harry and Seven to play Hercules and Xena once the new "Warrior Princess" holo-program is ready. Once this is accomplished, it's a good bet that hormones will do the rest of the work for us. Meanwhile, I think it would be an excellent idea for us to start planting ideas in the happy couple's heads. Hawthorne, I'll be glad to approach Harry if you want to tackle Seven.

Meanwhile, I think J'Rulz can advance our cause with a little gossip mongering. J'Rulz, please keep your ears open for any interesting tidbits you hear in the transporter room. (There seems to be a surprising amount of chit chat going on in there.) And perhaps you could visit the Mess Hall and casually mention to a few people that you think Harry and Seven are meant for each other, etc., etc. Wouldn't hurt to get the idea out there in the zeitgeist.

Good luck, ladies, and remember: We're doing this because we think Seven and Harry are so darn cute!

Lt. G.
 
OOC: Yeah, Luc was preggers during that season. Renee was preggers the following season. Can you believe that?! :wtf:

==============

Lt. G and J'Rulz,

I find this plan to be an excellent idea. I talk to Seven all the time, which makes me a little nervous that I was unaware the WP program. I think, perhaps, some "girl talk" is in order with Ms. Seven.

I'm going to suggest a meeting to Seven. For the sake of helping our happy couple find each other (:shifty:), I'm going blind copy the two of you we can keep each other in the loop.

Lt. Hawthorne

---------------------------------

To: Seven of Nine, Astrometrics
From: Hawthorne, Lt., Stellar Cartography


Seven,

I understand that you are working on a holoprogram to enter into the contest. Lt. G and I are also collaborating on something.

I know that programing a holoprogram can sometimes be a bit much when it comes to dealing with the emotional interaction subroutines. I would be happy to help with that.

Besides, word is you're creating a program revolving around the Mythical Grecian period. That happens to be a period I'm very familiar with. My favorite mythos is from that time. Are you familiar with Hercules? He and Xena, the warrior princess, had a relationship at one time. I'm sure you've heard of him?

I'm available after shift tonight if you'd like to meet up to discuss.

Lt. Hawthorne
 
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