Confusion...little rant, advice welcome.

[TerokNor]

I feel a little confused at the moment with what I perceive within me.

First feeling is "growing colder"...somehow more heartless and indifferent to other peoples pains and joys (experienced that before, but it had worn off with time and now it comes back full force). Also even feeling annoyed by people in general. Which is not a good thing, because I work in a social field.

Second feeling is that of being unsure/ scared/ doubtful of who I am and of what my talents are. My head feels empty. And I am no teen, but an adult who should be...more mature, than this? I´ve lost my "role" somehow.

Both of these feelings make me angry and frustrated with myself. I start not liking myself anymore and thinking I just cannot do things good enough, never good enough, which again scares me, as I want to do things I do good...

Is that some sort of "adjustment disorder"? Reserved culture shock, mingled with grief over my dog, pressed back into a past role as "child" (have not yet found a new apartement to move in, so tingle between the house of my grandma and my parents), while to the same time pressed again into responsible working life, no internshipler anymore and clashing of my two careers, that seem not to fit in certain aspects, while my new working place demands I use both knowledges, of which my mind seems just blank right now...
And the languages..I have no idea if my English is better now, certainly not as fluent as I would have liked, but its in my head and I have difficulty to express myself in my own language. So now I suddenly have two not fluent languages? How can I talk with people?
And this week I will have a job interview for a permanent job, though not in the city I would like to live and work, but anyway, how can I prove to them I am fit for the job, when I do not feel that way at all?

Yearn for peace of my mind and for returning confidence. I never was THE most confident person anyway, but I had some..where the hell have I lost it?

My question: Did or does one of you felt/feel similiar? What did you do to clean your mind again, trust into your talents and like yourself better again?

TerokNor

 

[trekkiebaggio]

I have periods like that as well, and I'm going through one at the moment actually. I think it's important to remember it does wear off so don't put too much pressure on yourself, because that leads to more frustration. I don't know about you but I feel a sort of...fuzziness in my head. Sometimes getting drunk helps to clear out the cobwebs.

It also tends to happen when I think about the big picture of life, it's quite daunting and things you want can seem so far away it's very disheartening.

So what I try and do is slow down a bit, take a break (if there's a certain task that's frustrating you) and do something which brings you joy, whether it's watching Star Trek or going for a run or whatever.

 

[C.E. Evans]

I think everyone feels like that at some point in their lives or even on a regular basis. It's just being Human. And sometimes that brings up awareness that you're not perfect and the world around you isn't perfect either.

Everyone finds their own way of dealing their private insecurity or feelings of inadequacy, but it generally begins with a belief that it's okay not to be 100% perfect because others sure aren't.

 

[Kirby]

I think you're completely normal Terok and that's just part of life. The good news is that it's not a constant state so it will go away on it's own. I would recommend just spending a few days alone. Read, watch movies, sleep in, take long walks, meditate; really whatever you like to do. Just don't dewell on your worries.

 

[Spot's Meow]

I very much doubt that you are alone in feeling this way. I know what you mean about moving from being in internships and more temporary employment to something more permanent - it is an adjustment to your way of life, and brings on other necessary adjustments such as finding a more permanent living space and making decisions about who you are and where you would like your future to go that can be stressful and overwhelming. I also know what you mean about feeling like you are becoming more numb inside, I have been experiencing something similar lately as well. Emotions seem more muted and I feel less able to relate to the joys and sorrows of others. I wish I knew some great advice to give you, but all I can really say is that I know how you feel.

Also, please don't doubt your English skills. In fact, while reading your post (before your statement that English is not your first language), I thought to myself that you write very eloquently. I enjoy reading your posts around the board, because of what you say but also because of the way that you write.

 

[Lumi]

Everyone feels like that every now and then. I have certainly felt that way many times. I'm not really sure how I fixed it... I don't think I did. For me, feelings like that just sort of come and go.

This seems like a stressful time. That's probably all it is.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Shanndee]

I think everyone feels like that at some point in their lives or even on a regular basis. It's just being Human. And sometimes that brings up awareness that you're not perfect and the world around you isn't perfect either.

Everyone finds their own way of dealing their private insecurity or feelings of inadequacy, but it generally begins with a belief that it's okay not to be 100% perfect because others sure aren't.

Oh, 100% this! When I stopped trying to be "perfect" I became much more content. It also helps to not constantly rate yourself against where you are "supposed" to be at a particular stage in life.

"By age x I need to be established in my career." Really? Who says?

"You need to own a home to be secure" Really? I owned a home once...I never felt more secure than when I rented. In fact owning was quite stressful. I am much happier as a renter.

Try to do things on your own schedule...things will happen in their own time.

I think we all feel like you do at different times in our lives. I hope you feel more like yourself soon. Take care.

 

[Captain_Nick]

I find that when things aren't going my way the best thing to do is focus on what I'm doing right now. It's a neat little trick that gets me through busy days at work. Stop thinking, and just focus on doing this one little task .. then the next .. then the next .. and pretty soon you find that you have immersed yourself and that half the day has gone.

It might work for you, it might not.

We all have bad patches and sometimes things just don't go your way. Learn to recognise these times, put your head down, focus on the little things, and ride out the storm. After every hurricane there's a rainbow.

 

[MacLeod]

I'm going to have to agree with the themes being mentioned above, most if not all of us go through periods like that. As others have already said these can come and go.

 

[Captain_Nick]

You get the opposite too from time to time ... nothing quite like a day where just everything seems to click for you

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Terok Nor when I read your post I felt that you are in a place of having no control, or at least feeling like you have no control over your life. It's transitional and you know that but it's still very disconcerting and leaves a person constantly stressed. As you gradually get stuck into what your new phase of life has in store for you it may well lessen.. you might not be super happy with everything but at least you will be settled. Looking at it as transitional would help me if I was in your place.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a difficult time at present, Terok Nor. As the others have said, most of us go through stages comparable to this. The details will be different for each of us, of course, but there's nothing glaringly wrong about having your current doubts and uncertainties. I think that's the first and most important thing to keep in mind - it's not a failing on your part, it's a common experience. Don't let the fact that you're feeling this way become a burden to your self-esteem; don't think less of yourself.

From what you're saying, I think you're feeling a sense of insecurity because there isn't much stability in your life at the moment; people like to feel settled through knowing where they belong - geographically, culturally, through the role they play in life. They also use that sense of belonging to help define their sense of self. From what you're telling us, your doubts and uncertainties seem concerned in part with not knowing your place in life. You've only recently returned to the country, you're not yet fully settled into any one home (you mention moving between two houses), a close companion has passed on (which must make "home" seem less familiar and comfortable), and there's no clear answer to where you're going next or what you'll be doing. That must mean a lot of instability and uncertainty, and trying to get a grip on your sense of identity must be hard (and who among us fully has a grip on that at the best of times?). I can understand why it's upsetting and frightening, and that's not a sign of "immaturity" but of trying to adapt to the absence of familiar comfort. If anything, isn't that the opposite of immature?

On that subject, though, the concern you mention about thinking you should be more "mature" than you feel at the moment - I think that's also a common perception and I don't think it necessarily goes away no matter how old you are. My mother is nearing 50, and recently she told me she doesn't feel fully "mature" (this was in response to my own uncertainties on the issue). She still feels like an adolescent at times. We all have hopes for the future and a sense of the ideal, but reaching it is difficult, and like some of the others have said, it's probably better to let things unfold and not let it worry you too much. When a goal presents itself, by all means pursue it, but please don't feel inherently lesser just because you haven't reached an arbitrary life marker.

One last thing I'll say is that I myself spend much of my time - too much - in critical self-reflection and frustration. When it comes to your question "how can I talk with people", remember that whatever doubts and frustrations you're struggling with, it probably won't affect how other people choose to perceive you. When you feel bad about yourself, it's easy to let those emotions take over and colour your interactions with everyone else. But keep in mind that they might have a different picture of you that you yourself do (excuse that tortured phrase). Look at what Spot's Meow has to say about your English, for one thing. And regarding your concerns about feeling less emotionally involved in others, "colder", it's easy to realize that something about you is currently diminished, and that can be very disconcerting, but you won't have lost it. It will be back. In this case, perhaps your mind knows it needs to put itself in order, and so has less time for others at the moment? That's not callous, it's just how it is.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[MHT1138]

Have you though about speaking to a Dr? What you're feeling seems pretty normal, but if your concerned, you should talk to your Dr. You may be experiencing some depression.

 

[horatio83]

My question: Did or does one of you felt/feel similiar? What did you do to clean your mind again, trust into your talents and like yourself better again?

Yes and the tricky thing is that it is a bit like a vicious cycle so you need a virtuous cycle to screw yourself out of it again .

Therapy, sport as antidepressant (hey, it only last for a few hours but better than nothing) and finally just doing things without wondering a dozens times over whether they are right or wrong.
I like to hasten to add that I doubt that there is any general formula to deal with such issues.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

I agree with the others who have commented that what you are going through is perfectly normal. It sounds like a lot of changes have taken place in your life, with more on the horizon. It's natural to be a bit anxious - it's a stressful time!

Just don't be too hard on yourself. Do the best you can...and that's all you can do, you know?

Good luck!