Conflict with My Neighbor's Family

[TremblingBluStar]

I don't generally share details of my life here, but I had an incident happen recently that I wanted to talk to people about who aren't my friends and automatically take my side.

For the past two years I have been living in a duplex split into two 2-bedroom apartments and a basement. The young woman living next door has been here about a year, and is a single mother a six month old baby. She and I get along, for the most part, and were friends until recently.

A few months ago, she mentioned to me that she wanted me to switch apartments with her because I had a bathtub while she had just a shower stall. Being a duplex, you'd think the two sides would be identical, but this is not the case. While my side had new appliances, new carpet, and hardwood bedrooms, hers had old carpet in all the bedrooms, carpet in the living room and kitchen, and appliances that look to be about 30 years old.

Needless to say, I told her that I wasn't going to do that. Well, she basically went behind my back to the landlord and told him she was going to move out unless he either put a bathtub in her side, or made us switch. I supported her asking for a bathtub, but wasn't about to move all of my stuff just for her convenience.

About a month ago, the landlord called and said he was going to remodel my side, putting in a third bedroom, and that my neighbor verbally indicated that she wanted to take that side and have an extra room. I told him again, I do not want to move my stuff, and since my contract extends until December he has no legal right to kick me out. He agreed to remodel her side of the building if I moved. I agreed to do this.

Last week, the neighbor moved the majority of her stuff into the basement while the landlord removed all of the carpet on that side and refinished the hardwood floors, and replaced the fridge. He told me that we have to switch over "this weekend".

Wednesday, the neighbor tells me I "better be" ready to move on Saturday at 9am because that is the only time her dad can help move her stuff. I told her I have clients I need to see at 9 and 10, and I wasn't going to cancel appointments with a three day notice. So around 11am Saturday, I began moving my stuff to her side and she moved her stuff up to mine.

I ended up hyper-extending my arm moving my massive couch, so I asked her if it would be all right to leave a few things, a few magazine boxes and some stuff in the pantry, until Sunday. She agreed, and the next day my girlfriend and I moved everything else out except a microwave the neighbor had asked to borrow.

Early Monday, I was getting ready to leave for work when I saw the neighbor and her dad moving stuff into her apartment. She always said that if her door is open, I can come on in. So I walked in to say hello. Her dad suddenly blew up at me, telling me "I don't want to see you! You were always too busy to help Megan (the neighbor) move! And you left stuff here! You are being more childish than the children you do therapy with!", blah, blah, I'm a bad ass, rinse and repeat.

I asked him to please calm down, and he yelled "get out! You don't live here anymore". I calmly said "neither do you. Megan does". His response to that was to order his daughter to tell me to leave. So I left. In the walkway between apartments, I heard him continue to rant and rave, so I said to my girlfriend "look at me! I'm a big tough guy who yells and screams to get my own way", and I may have accused him of verbally abusing his family. But, hey, that is what I heard directly from his daughter!

Probably shouldn't have said that, because it pissed him off even more and he ordered his daughter to lock the door.

Anyway, I thought I'd ask for reactions to this story. It sucks, because I don't think I was being unreasonable in not wanting to give up my side, which was a better side, on the whim of my neighbor. I also don't think I was wrong in keeping my therapy appointments on Saturday, since I wouldn't ask any other professional to cancel on clients just for my convenience.

Either way, I'm not on speaking terms with my neighbor, which sucks because I was pretty attached to her baby. But I also knew that we wouldn't be neighbors forever, and that I wouldn't be living in this town more than a few years, so I am not too upset about that.

I just don't appreciate being yelled at for something that was done to me! At the worst, I made it a bit less convenient for her to take my apartment. I generally don't like conflict with others, so this bothers me a great deal!

 

[doubleohfive]

I would never have agreed to the move. Stick it out till your lease was up and then get the hell out.

Your neighbor obviously feels no compunction about using her baby and her situation to manipulate the landlord and the living arrangement, which already makes her suspect in my opinion, but to then have her dad chew you out when she either knows all too well how much of an inconvenience this was for you already or b) she's just too self-absorbed to be aware of how it affects others is unconscionable.

You did the generous thing. I don't know if it was the right thing. It might have been the right thing for her, but not the right thing for you.

Lastly, as much as you might like her baby, the fact is life is too short to worry about whether or not people like you or get along with you. She obviously cares more about herself than whatever effect this has had on your life, so I say leave her alone and move on. There are better people in your life, I'm sure, who your time and energy would be better spent on.

 

[Mr Awe]

I don't generally share details of my life here, but I had an incident happen recently that I wanted to talk to people about who aren't my friends and automatically take my side.

From the faint memories of long ago, I seem to recall that yes, yes you did pretty much post personal details of your life. You then vanished for quite a while, at least from areas of the board that I visit. And, now you're back and you're posting details about your life. So, that is your norm.

Now, that's just fine. No problem there. But, let's be honest about it!

The situation as you describe is a pretty icky one. No one comes off looking good.

Mr Awe

 

[doubleohfive]

I don't generally share details of my life here, but I had an incident happen recently that I wanted to talk to people about who aren't my friends and automatically take my side.

From the faint memories of long ago, I seem to recall that yes, yes you did pretty much post personal details of your life. You then vanished for quite a while, at least from areas of the board that I visit. And, now you're back and you're posting details about your life. So, that is your norm.

Now, that's just fine. No problem there. But, let's be honest about it!

The situation as you describe is a pretty icky one. No one comes off looking good.

Mr Awe

I vaguely recall a debate about whether or not it was fair that he couldn't get a soda, leave for a few hours, and come back and still get free refills from that original purchase....

 

[TremblingBluStar]

I vaguely recall a debate about whether or not it was fair that he couldn't get a soda, leave for a few hours, and come back and still get free refills from that original purchase....

Yeah.That was four years ago!

Okay. Let me rephrase to say that over the past three years or so I have come to feel a need to be more private about my personal life when communicating online.

I would never have agreed to the move. Stick it out till your lease was up and then get the hell out.

I wouldn't have agreed to move had he not upgraded the apartment. However, I am quite pleased with the arrangement now. I love having hardwood throughout the place, ceiling fans, and a wash room in the basement. In the other side, the washer and dryer was in a bedroom for some reason.

Your neighbor obviously has feels no compunction about using her baby and her situation to manipulate the landlord and the living arrangement, which already makes her suspect in my opinion, but to then have her dad chew you out when she either knows all too well how much of an inconvenience this was for you already or b) she's just too self-absorbed to know be aware of how it affects others is unconscionable.

Thanks for the support! I have had others tell me that I was in the wrong, should have listened to my landlord and moved without asking for anything in return, and should have cancelled my two appointments Saturday, missing out on $100 in income.

I'm not really worried about people not liking me, to be honest. Her dad is a 65 year-old dude with a bad heart. It isn't as if I'm going to run into him at the bar. I just pride myself on being a reasonable person who knows how to set healthy boundaries, and felt a twinge of self-doubt when a few people thought I was being unreasonable throughout the ordeal.

I did do something a slight passive aggressive. Knowing that she and her parents are anti-homosexual, I moved this flag from my living room wall to the picture window at the front of the house. We shall see if they try getting me to remove it.

 

[Garak]

You gave away something for nothing, and it didn't work out for you?

I think you should have shown that you have a pair and never agreed to the move in the first place. The rights renters have over owners, at least where I'm from, are pretty substantial. If you had a spine all of the conflict would have been avoided and you'd be in a better apartment.

The real thing that's puzzling me is why weren't you manning the tent at your local Occupy site?

 

[TremblingBluStar]

You gave away something for nothing, and it didn't work out for you?

I think you should have shown that you have a pair and never agreed to the move in the first place. The rights renters have over owners, at least where I'm from, are pretty substantial. If you had a spine all of the conflict would have been avoided and you'd be in a better apartment.

Did you read my post at all?

The real thing that's puzzling me is why weren't you manning the tent at your local Occupy site?

Please don't bring your hangups into this thread.

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

You gave away something for nothing, and it didn't work out for you?

I think you should have shown that you have a pair and never agreed to the move in the first place. The rights renters have over owners, at least where I'm from, are pretty substantial. If you had a spine all of the conflict would have been avoided and you'd be in a better apartment.

The real thing that's puzzling me is why weren't you manning the tent at your local Occupy site?

​

Kerry and his perfect hair want you to remember where you are.

 

[Garak]

You gave away something for nothing, and it didn't work out for you?

I think you should have shown that you have a pair and never agreed to the move in the first place. The rights renters have over owners, at least where I'm from, are pretty substantial. If you had a spine all of the conflict would have been avoided and you'd be in a better apartment.

Did you read my post at all?

Yeah, you caved and moved into a shittier apartment for nothing when you didn't have to.

The real thing that's puzzling me is why weren't you manning the tent at your local Occupy site?

Please don't bring your hangups into this thread.

Hangups? You mean you aren't full time on an Occupy site? My mistake, I apologize.

I can't help but laugh at the irony here though - someone felt entitled to your place, you gave it up for nothing and had to downgrade as a result and the entitled people are now treating you poorly despite you engaging in such a selfless act.

Life's lessons sure come about in the strangest ways, don't they?

 

[Holdfast]

I would never have agreed to the move. Stick it out till your lease was up and then get the hell out.

Yeah, this.

OP has let her problem become his problem, for no reason I can identify.

 

[doubleohfive]

For me it boils down to one simple thing - this woman's situation should have not had any impact on the OP, legally or living situation-wise. The OP didn't move in to the property under the spectre of someday having to trade apartments like it was an episode of "Friends."

You sign a lease and you stick to it. That's what I do as a tenant and as a landlord. When the lease is up, that's when you can negotiate or make changes. Anything in between allows room for someone getting screwed.

 

[TremblingBluStar]

Hangups? You mean you aren't full time on an Occupy site? My mistake, I apologize.

Again, keep your personal hangups in the forum it belongs. Thanks again.

I can't help but laugh at the irony here though - someone felt entitled to your place, you gave it up for nothing and had to downgrade as a result and the entitled people are now treating you poorly despite you engaging in such a selfless act.

*sigh*

You are either having comprehension problems, or are purposefully trying to bait a response because you can't leave that sort of talk where it belongs.

I'll even quote myself so you don't have to trouble yourself with scrolling up:

I wouldn't have agreed to move had he not upgraded the apartment. However, I am quite pleased with the arrangement now. I love having hardwood throughout the place, ceiling fans, and a wash room in the basement. In the other side, the washer and dryer was in a bedroom for some reason.

You sign a lease and you stick to it. That's what I do as a tenant and as a landlord. When the lease is up, that's when you can negotiate or make changes. Anything in between allows room for someone getting screwed.

I know what you mean. If I were intending to stay in this town for more than a few years, I would have gotten a place of my own instead of renting. It is a huge headache.

 

[Holdfast]

For me it boils down to one simple thing - this woman's situation should have not had any impact on the OP, legally or living situation-wise. The OP didn't move in to the property under the spectre of someday having to trade apartments like it was an episode of "Friends."

You sign a lease and you stick to it. That's what I do as a tenant and as a landlord. When the lease is up, that's when you can negotiate or make changes. Anything in between allows room for someone getting screwed.

Exactly. There's a reason for a contract: it protects both tenant and landlord. Like you, as a prior tenant and current landlord, I do my negotiating before signing the contract, and then expect the other party to honour it.

Obviously, sometimes shit happens but in this case, I can't actually figure out what it was that triggered the OP to agree to move. At the very least, if I was going to agree to a move, I'd only have done so if I renegotiated to a lower monthly rent to compensate for the inconvenience.

 

[Garak]

Hangups? You mean you aren't full time on an Occupy site? My mistake, I apologize.

Again, keep your personal hangups in the forum it belongs. Thanks again.

I can't help but laugh at the irony here though - someone felt entitled to your place, you gave it up for nothing and had to downgrade as a result and the entitled people are now treating you poorly despite you engaging in such a selfless act.

*sigh*

You are either having comprehension problems, or are purposefully trying to bait a response because you can't leave that sort of talk where it belongs.

I'll even quote myself so you don't have to trouble yourself with scrolling up:

I wouldn't have agreed to move had he not upgraded the apartment. However, I am quite pleased with the arrangement now. I love having hardwood throughout the place, ceiling fans, and a wash room in the basement. In the other side, the washer and dryer was in a bedroom for some reason.

Before that you said:

It sucks, because I don't think I was being unreasonable in not wanting to give up my side, which was a better side, on the whim of my neighbor.

Sounds like you're just trying to justify the move in your head with the follow up talk.

In any event, I wish you the best in your new living arrangment.

 

[Mr Awe]

^^ Well, it's pretty obvious when you think about it. He had sex with his neighbor. She threatened to tell his girlfriend if he didn't switch. So, he switched.

At least that gives *some* logic to the situation. Otherwise, I can't think of any.

Mr Awe

 

[TremblingBluStar]

Before that you said:

It sucks, because I don't think I was being unreasonable in not wanting to give up my side, which was a better side, on the whim of my neighbor.

Sounds like you're just trying to justify the move in your head with the follow up talk.

In any event, I wish you the best in your new living arrangment.

The key word being was, which I repeated twice for clarification. My side was better, before the landlord remodeled it. I would never have moved had he not done this.

Are we understanding now?

^^ Well, it's pretty obvious when you think about it. He had sex with his neighbor. She threatened to tell his girlfriend if he didn't switch. So, he switched.

Stop confusing me with your dad.

 

[Mr Awe]

^^ Ah, interesting!

 

[Kestra]

She was obviously never your friend on any level. Look after your own self-interests a little more in the future and work on not losing your cool like that. Move once your lease is up if there are any further problems.

 

[MacLeod]

Well I would certainly have negotiated for a few things.

1.>Lower rental agreement
2.>Longer rental agreement at the lower price
3.>as well at what referbishments had to be made to.

 

[sojourner]

Followup question:

Did you sign a new agreement for the apartment? Would suck if you ended up being responsible for anything she screws up in your old one.