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CG Sucks. Model Work Sucks.

Akiraprise

Akiraprise

Engage the Core!
Moderator
I demand that all the SFX in this film be left to our imaginations. This way nobody will be disappointed. Unless you have no imagination. In which case this film may not be for you. You know, since big imaginary space ships shooting laser beams everywhere requires a little bit of a suspension of disbelief.

Think of the advantages for the film makers going this way.
  • *They can save tons of money by not having any space shots
    *They can hire "A" list actors like Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Sigourney Weaver instead of these no name losers
    *They won't have to worry about the Trekkies wringing their hands over a newly designed Enterprise since they will be able to imagine it any way they want

Just imagine. You're sitting in the theater watching and listening to Tom Cruise and Matt Damon talking about how neat the refitted Enterprise looks while they're sitting in a shuttle. Then, just when they look towards the old girl, the screen cuts to black and says "Insert dramatic flyby of new ENT" then the movie cuts back to Matt and Tom smiling in awe of the awesomeness that is Enterprise.

Nobody screams "Canon violation! My god the ENT has foreskin on the nacelles! GASP, torpedo launchers visible! HERESY! JJ must die!"

So, JJ and crew, if you're reading this post imaginary effects is the way to go.
 
Actually an imaginary film will quell all discussion of canon violations, casting, and the era in which the film takes place.

JJ could call it a day right now.
 
I agree, but I think you don't go far enough.

The performances should also be left to our imaginations. The "acting" portions of the film should consist of still, black-and-white photographs of A-list actors, accompanied by dialogue as text (preferably in a suitably unobtrusive font, like Courier) above their heads.

And as we should also be left to imagine the costumes, said black-and-white still photos must be of the face only.
 
Oh, no. We need something to draw people into the theaters. "A" name actors, wearing bright primary colored costumes. That's the way to go. Paramount would still make money and we all would still have something to talk about.
 
Akiraprise said:
I demand that all the SFX in this film be left to our imaginations. This way nobody will be disappointed. Unless you have no imagination. In which case this film may not be for you. You know, since big imaginary space ships shooting laser beams everywhere requires a little bit of a suspension of disbelief.
Click to expand...

What about those of us who have excellent theorectical imaginations, but posess perilously substandard mental imaging?

They will be unable to enjoy the film's special effects! They are willing and able to suspend disbelief... but they can't picture the images.

I suggest J.J. Abrams films all suggested styles of special effect, from retro-futuristic to transhuman, from stop-motion to motion-capture to CGI.
 
Akiraprise said:Just imagine. You're sitting in the theater watching and listening to Tom Cruise and Matt Damon talking about how neat the refitted Enterprise looks while they're sitting in a shuttle.
Click to expand...

Would the shuttle conform to canon? :D
 
DrunkenSanta said:
Maybe the whole movie can take place on the holodeck.
Click to expand...

Or maybe the movie could consist of a single scene, in which two moviegoers walk out of a movie theater and rave about how good Star Trek was, and how much they want to see it again. Problem(s) solved!
 
I say forget the movie and just hand out scripts with red pens so the fans can pour over the script and then cross out the parts they don't like and they can rewrite it. Then give them hand puppets of the characters and they can act out their version of the script. It'll save Paramount a ton of money!
 
Marionettes. Star Trek needs a Thunderbirds/Team America interpretation. Nobody will notice if the spaceships aren't quite right if you have puppet sex.
 
Why don't they just go into space and film the real Enterprise (duh!). That has to be better and cheaper than using SFX. ;)
 
Akiraprise said:
...So, JJ and crew, if you're reading this post imaginary effects is the way to go.
Click to expand...

Ummm, yeah, I'm sure they'll get right on your sugggestions, since you're a moderator of such an important bulletin board and all.

So, absurd threads are okay again for everyone, we should conclude? Good, about time.

Akiraprise said:
I'm sure most everyone is aware that there has been some recent issue with all of the joke and parody threads overwhelming the forum as of late. To try and reduce some confusion on the matter this is the stance the mods are taking. This was posted in the thread discussing the issue by PKTrekGirl, but I'm pinning this to the top of the forum in it's own separate thread for everybody to see. If your joke thread is closed this is why.
Click to expand...

PKTrekGirl said:
We are okay with joke threads if they are well thought out, substantive, and cleverly done. But unfortunately, that is not the direction alot of these threads have been taking over the last couple of days.

TO ALL: The threads we are closing are largely the ones with little to no actual thought and/or content. We want to allow you guys to have your fun...but you MUST keep in mind that joke threads will be held to the same standard as any other post. A joke thread is not necessarily a spam thread...but alot of the ones being posted the last couple of days ARE spam threads. And a couple have been flat-out juvenile silliness that anyone who is old enough to have learned how to type should have outgrown years ago.

...

This IS, after all, supposed to be a serious forum - NOT a lounge.

...

But it is NOT license to post anything you like. And it is NOT license to push the juvenile silliness envelope as far as you possibly can.

...

In short - if it belongs in the lounge, post it in the lounge, 'fer cryin' out loud.
Click to expand...

I think the "SUCKS" aspect falls right in line with your own comments about what you wouldn't allow. In other words, how about we start posting things like "STAR TREK XI SUCKS" or "JJ ABRAMS SUCKS" or "NCC-1701 SUCKS", eh?
 
sturmde, you may desire to read what you quote. :vulcan: To requote the relevant sentence:
PKTrekGirl said:
We are okay with joke threads if they are well thought out, substantive, and cleverly done.
Click to expand...

Evidently, however you may feel about its humourous content, this thread can be seen as a substantive and clever satire, and thus applicable to this caveat. It is a couple of paragraphs long, it proffers an ingenious faux solution to the raging SFX debate. It qualifies.
 
sturmde said:
Akiraprise said:
...So, JJ and crew, if you're reading this post imaginary effects is the way to go.
Click to expand...

Ummm, yeah, I'm sure they'll get right on your sugggestions, since you're a moderator of such an important bulletin board and all.

So, absurd threads are okay again for everyone, we should conclude? Good, about time.

Akiraprise said:
I'm sure most everyone is aware that there has been some recent issue with all of the joke and parody threads overwhelming the forum as of late. To try and reduce some confusion on the matter this is the stance the mods are taking. This was posted in the thread discussing the issue by PKTrekGirl, but I'm pinning this to the top of the forum in it's own separate thread for everybody to see. If your joke thread is closed this is why.
Click to expand...

PKTrekGirl said:
We are okay with joke threads if they are well thought out, substantive, and cleverly done. But unfortunately, that is not the direction alot of these threads have been taking over the last couple of days.

TO ALL: The threads we are closing are largely the ones with little to no actual thought and/or content. We want to allow you guys to have your fun...but you MUST keep in mind that joke threads will be held to the same standard as any other post. A joke thread is not necessarily a spam thread...but alot of the ones being posted the last couple of days ARE spam threads. And a couple have been flat-out juvenile silliness that anyone who is old enough to have learned how to type should have outgrown years ago.

...

This IS, after all, supposed to be a serious forum - NOT a lounge.

...

But it is NOT license to post anything you like. And it is NOT license to push the juvenile silliness envelope as far as you possibly can.

...

In short - if it belongs in the lounge, post it in the lounge, 'fer cryin' out loud.
Click to expand...

I think the "SUCKS" aspect falls right in line with your own comments about what you wouldn't allow. In other words, how about we start posting things like "STAR TREK XI SUCKS" or "JJ ABRAMS SUCKS" or "NCC-1701 SUCKS", eh?
Click to expand...

You know, it's WAY past old now.

WAY past old.

sturmde, if you can't tell the difference between a legitimate parody thread and the "Ha! Made you look!" thread you posted a few weeks ago, even after I explained it to you about 5 times in such detail that even a 5 year old would understand, my only conclusion is that you are being intentionally obtuse in an effort to troll and further disrupt this forum.

Since I have also given you numerous friendly reminders about NOT trolling and disrupting this forum - ESPECIALLY with regard to this topic of parody threads, I'm now giving you a warning for trolling.

I have had ENOUGH. And so has pretty much everyone in here but you. If you wanna self-destruct over the fact that one of your threads got closed, that is completely up to you.

Since this is a continuation of the same issue you had before, I suggest you PM Bonz with any issues you might have with this warning. Because I don't know what else I can POSSIBLY say to help you to 'get it'.

I don't wanna see any more of your disruptions of this or any other thread because of this issue, which has already been ruled on by Bonz.
 
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