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Caretaker - A new version

BrotherBenny

Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
I've had this germinating for a while and though I won't be writing it straight away, I thought I would get some feedback before I put pen to paper.

Please be brutal.

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Star Trek: Voyager

Caretaker​

Teaser

In the Badlands, Chakotay's Maquis ship is destroyed by the Cardassian vessel under the command of Gul Evek and the crew are beamed aboard. Before the Cardassians can leave the Badlands they are transported across the galaxy.

Act One

Captain Janeway is ordered to take command of Voyager and go looking for the missing Maquis ship and her tactical officer who was on board. She secures the release of former Maquis operative Tom Paris from his New Zealand penal colony in order to locate said ship.

Tom Paris arrives at Deep Space Nine with Voyager's helm officer, Lt Stadi, who does a flyby of Voyager before allowing him to disembark at the starbase. Paris heads to Quark's bar where he gets into a fight with Ensign Harry Kim, Voyager's Ops officer, over a tray of trinkets Quark is trying to sell. They both end up in the security office where Captain Janeway gives them both a stern talking to. They are released but Paris is transferred to Voyager's brig until departure.

Lt Cmdr Cavit, Voyager's first officer, informs Janeway that the ship is ready to leave and Paris is brought to the bridge, albeit carefully monitored by a security officer. Voyager leaves DS9 and heads into the Badlands. Janeway takes the opportunity to dictate a letter to her husband and sends it off and when she returns to the bridge, she finds Cavit and the temporary tactical officer discussing possible locations where the Maquis ship disappeared. She calls Paris over and while he is giving them a location, Kim informs them that he is picking up debris consistent with the Maquis ship, but also a Cardassian signature. Before Janeway can investigate the debris field, a displacement wave sends them across the galaxy.

Act Two

When Voyager is released from the wave, Kim tells her that the ship is 70,000 light years from home and there is some kind of Array ahead of them. Kim hails but there is no response. Cavit is dead and Stadi is badly injured. Janeway is called to engineering and with most of the major systems out, Paris decides to take the young woman to sickbay himself. Kim reluctantly gives a hand but when they arrive, they find the nurse dead and Doctor Kieran Fitzgerald fussing over her body, trying to revive her. Paris and Kim alert him to Stadi and the other patients and he snaps out of it, getting to work, activating the EMH in the process. Janeway is able to repair the engine problem with the help of Lt Joe Carey, the Asst. Chief Engineer. All of a sudden he disappears and then everybody else does too. In sickbay, everyone vanishes and the EMH complains that no one has deactivated his program.

Voyager's crew find themselves on the Array, in some kind of holographic Southern USA simulation. When Paris and Kim find Vulcan, Human and Cardassian biosigns, the southerners get less friendly and their leader informs them that the schedule has been moved up. The local area dissolves to a long corridor full of bodies on tables and Janeway recognises her tactical officer. In the next moment she, and her crew, are also on the tables.

Act Three

Janeway suddenly wakes up in engineering and seeing that everyone else is there, returns to the bridge. Paris wakes up in sickbay and sees Fitzgerald and everyone else, but not Kim, and he informs Janeway. After the computer informs her that Kim is not aboard, Janeway contacts Gul Evek and Evek informs her that Kim is not there, but one of the Maquis crew is also missing, and one of his own people. Janeway asks that the Maquis crew be handed over to her and that they work together to find out where their people are. Evek reluctantly agrees and beams aboard with the senior Maquis officers only, a compromise. Chakotay, Tuvok and Ayala beam aboard with Evek. Janeway welcomes Tuvok back and Chakotay sees Paris. After a brief altercation, Janeway, Chakotay, Paris and Evek beam over to the farm. The old man playing the banjo refuses to answer their questions and sends them back to Voyager. Janeway decides to set a course for the planet where the energy pulses are being sent and suggests Evek does likewise.

En route to the fifth planet in the system, Voyager encounters a junkyard and a cargo ship with a single lifeform aboard. Neelix agrees to help her find the Ocampa where the missing crewman are being held and suggests she stays away from the Kazon, who are on the surface. Neelix is beamed aboard and his ship is tractored into the shuttlebay. Neelix enjoys a bath and is then taken to the bridge where he provides a location for the Kazon encampment. Janeway, Chakotay, Evek, Tuvok, Paris and a Cardassian security officer beam down to the encampment and are taken hostage by the Kazon. Neelix arranges their release with water and in doing so retrieves a young woman being held, but the Cardassian officer is killed in the scuffle.

Act Four

Meanwhile, Kim, Torres and a Cardassian officer are being looked after by the Ocampa with an illness they didn't have before. They are taken to get some food and later on get some help from an Ocampa who doesn't agree with the rules. They try to find a way out through one of the ancient tunnels. Once back on Voyager, while Dr Fitzgerald tends Kes, Janeway realises Kes and Neelix are lovers. Kes and Neelix beam down to the underground complex where the Ocampa live with Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Paris and Evek to find their missing crewmen. Kim, Torres and the Cardassian are climbing up the stairs in a tunnel when the ground starts to shake. Janeway and the others lose contact with Voyager but Paris, Kes and Neelix find the tunnel the others are in and begin climbing. Paris and co. meet up with Kim and co. and continue climbing together. They reach the top but when they try going through the barrier, the arrogant Cardassian is in too much of a rush and is vaporised.

They reach the surface after blasting a hole in the rock and Paris and Neelix go back for the others while Kim and co. are beamed back to the ship. Paris saves Chakotay's life and shows that he's not just a fighter. Voyager and the Vetar return to the Array and Janeway and Tuvok find out that the banjo man is the Ocampa's Caretaker, and he's dying. The Kazon turn up in a small scout ship and the Caretaker sets the Array's self-destruct. Voyager and the Vetar seem to be equal to the scout but then a warship turns up and the Vetar takes the brunt of the damage. Evek has his crew and the remaining Maquis beamed to Voyager and uses the Vetar to destroy the warship. He is beamed aboard and when the warship damages the Array, the Caretaker asks Janeway to make sure that the Ocampa are safe. Janeway and Tuvok return to Voyager and against everyone else's arguments, Janeway destroys the Array, preventing any of them from returning home.

Coda

While Chakotay and the Maquis agree to bolster the ship's numbers by becoming field-commissioned Starfleet officers, Evek and the Cardassians abjectly refuse. Janeway tells him that they must all work together in order to get home and Evek reluctantly agrees but plans to take control of Voyager at some point. An empty shuttlebay and cargo hold are turned into quarters for the Cardassians and Janeway gives a speech about making both enemies and allies, and promises them that they'll find a way back somehow, either from the Caretaker's mate, a wormhole, new technology. Whatever it takes.
 
Hi BrotherBenny,

Interesting idea you have here. I had an idea for a VOY remake myself, but never got around to it. You have a good feel for the characters and their reactions here, as well as some real possibilities for dramatic tensions with the characters.

The one thing I would say is that it doesn't seem different enough for my taste. I was hoping for some more extreme changes - maybe have the XO survive or the Cardassian ship to fly alongside Voyager. Really shake things up even further.

Anyway, that's my two cents. A nice idea, I'd be interested in reading what you do with it.

Joel
 
Hi BrotherBenny,

Interesting idea you have here. I had an idea for a VOY remake myself, but never got around to it. You have a good feel for the characters and their reactions here, as well as some real possibilities for dramatic tensions with the characters.

The one thing I would say is that it doesn't seem different enough for my taste. I was hoping for some more extreme changes - maybe have the XO survive or the Cardassian ship to fly alongside Voyager. Really shake things up even further.

Anyway, that's my two cents. A nice idea, I'd be interested in reading what you do with it.

Joel
I was thinking about having the Vetar fly alongside Voyager at the end, but the problem comes in destroying the Kazon warship. It was only Chakotay sacrificing the ValJean that destroyed the warship. With both Voyager and the Vetar both heavily damaged from the trip across the galaxy neither of them are capable of destroying the warp, not even together.

I do have an idea and I will make changes tomorrow. What if this is not a pilot episode but a six-part miniseries? That would give more scope to have the ships repaired with Neelix's junkyard before they go to Ocampa. It would also give me an opportunity to play to my strength and world-build the Ocampa and the Kazon better. And give more on the Cardassians too.

Thanks Joel, good points.
 
I love the idea of bringing some of Evek's people into the Delta Quadrant--that might add the conflict that was badly needed on VOY.

You know another crazy idea I heard in the VOY forum once? What if Voyager is destroyed and they end up living aboard the Vetar and the power dynamic is reversed? Wouldn't THAT be something, to see our characters face? (We'd have to change the name of the series, of course...)
 
An interesting take. I think lots of fans had ideas about redoing some elements of Voyager. The Cardassian angle is certainly a factor to spice things up and add a new and interesting element. The friction and conflict will cause a lot of potentially lethal situations.

I guess that's the one thing that makes people want to revisit Voyager - the inter-crew conflict that never really happened was a hugely missed opportunity for character development as well as providing some story arcs. So this idea will really capitalise on the conflict - Starfleet v Cardassians; Starfleet v Maquis; Maquis v Cardassians. The cardassians being aboard being a bit like how the crew had to react to a Borg drone becoming part of the crew.

And if developed further, just the same old of actually making ot difficult to seek repairs and resources.

As for other significant changes, I look forward to your own take on the Ocampa and the Kazon. You always pull out a wow factor when you revisit species underdeveloped such as these.

Another factor might be to consider whether Neelix is the happy go lucky morale officer character of the series or a little darker more gritty frontier like wheeler dealer.

Good luck. Looking forward eagerly.
 
I was thinking about having the Vetar fly alongside Voyager at the end, but the problem comes in destroying the Kazon warship. It was only Chakotay sacrificing the ValJean that destroyed the warship. With both Voyager and the Vetar both heavily damaged from the trip across the galaxy neither of them are capable of destroying the warp, not even together.

I do have an idea and I will make changes tomorrow. What if this is not a pilot episode but a six-part miniseries? That would give more scope to have the ships repaired with Neelix's junkyard before they go to Ocampa. It would also give me an opportunity to play to my strength and world-build the Ocampa and the Kazon better. And give more on the Cardassians too.

Thanks Joel, good points.

Sounds good, Brotherbenny. I agree entirely with what mirandafave has said above - the reason we all wish we could rewrite VOY was to make more of that opportunity for a slightly more complicated crew dynamic. It's what I've tried to do in my Restoration series (although with original, not VOY, characters)

I also like the idea of developing the Ocampa and Kazon better by making it a mini-series. There was some real possibility for making them into interesting civilizations, but they came across as more cardboard cutouts to get VOY on their way.

Anyway, am looking forward to seeing what you do with it!

Joel
 
Here's the update.

--------------------------------------------------------

Star Trek: Voyager

Caretaker (miniseries)
Book 1 - Ride the Tempest

In the Badlands, Chakotay's Maquis ship is destroyed by the Cardassian vessel under the command of Gul Evek and the crew are beamed aboard. Before the Cardassians can leave the Badlands they are transported across the galaxy.

Captain Janeway is ordered to take command of Voyager and go looking for the missing Maquis ship and her tactical officer who was on board. She secures the release of former Maquis operative Tom Paris from his New Zealand penal colony in order to locate said ship.

Tom Paris arrives at Deep Space Nine with Voyager's helm officer, Lt Stadi, who does a flyby of Voyager before allowing him to disembark at the starbase. Paris heads to Quark's bar where he gets into a fight with Ensign Harry Kim, Voyager's Ops officer, over a tray of trinkets Quark is trying to sell. They both end up in the security office where Captain Janeway gives them both a stern talking to. They are released but Paris is transferred to Voyager's brig until departure.

Lt Cmdr Cavit, Voyager's first officer, informs Janeway that the ship is ready to leave and Paris is brought to the bridge, albeit carefully monitored by a security officer. Voyager leaves DS9 and heads into the Badlands. Janeway takes the opportunity to dictate a letter to her husband and sends it off and when she returns to the bridge, she finds Cavit and the temporary tactical officer discussing possible locations where the Maquis ship disappeared. She calls Paris over and while he is giving them a location, Kim informs them that he is picking up debris consistent with the Maquis ship, but also a Cardassian signature. Before Janeway can investigate the debris field, a displacement wave sends them across the galaxy.

Book 2 – Beacon in the Night

When Voyager is released from the wave, Kim tells her that the ship is 70,000 light years from home and there is some kind of Array ahead of them. Kim hails but there is no response. Cavit is dead and Stadi is badly injured. Janeway is called to engineering and with most of the major systems out, Paris decides to take the young woman to sickbay himself. Kim reluctantly gives a hand but when they arrive, they find the nurse dead and Doctor Kieran Fitzgerald fussing over her body, trying to revive her. Paris and Kim alert him to Stadi and the other patients and he snaps out of it, getting to work, activating the EMH in the process. Janeway is able to repair the engine problem with the help of Lt Joe Carey, the Asst. Chief Engineer. All of a sudden he disappears and then everybody else does too. In sickbay, everyone vanishes and the EMH complains that no one has deactivated his program.

Voyager's crew find themselves on the Array, in some kind of holographic Southern USA simulation. When Paris and Kim find Vulcan, Human and Cardassian biosigns, the southerners get less friendly and their leader informs them that the schedule has been moved up. The local area dissolves to a long corridor full of bodies on tables and Janeway recognises her tactical officer. In the next moment she, and her crew, are also on the tables.

Janeway suddenly wakes up in engineering and seeing that everyone else is there, returns to the bridge. Paris wakes up in sickbay and sees Fitzgerald and everyone else, but not Kim, and he informs Janeway. After the computer informs her that Kim is not aboard, Janeway contacts Gul Evek and Evek informs her that Kim is not there, but one of the Maquis crew is also missing, and one of his own people. Janeway asks that the Maquis crew be handed over to her and that they work together to find out where their people are. Evek reluctantly agrees and beams aboard with the senior Maquis officers only, a compromise. Chakotay, Tuvok and Ayala beam aboard with Evek. Janeway welcomes Tuvok back and Chakotay sees Paris. After a brief altercation, Janeway, Chakotay, Paris and Evek beam over to the farm. The old man playing the banjo refuses to answer their questions and sends them back to Voyager. Janeway decides to set a course for the planet where the energy pulses are being sent and suggests Evek does likewise.

Book 3 – Where the Ships Rest

En route to the fifth planet in the system, Voyager encounters a junkyard and a cargo ship with a single lifeform aboard. After trading water with Neelix, he agrees to let them use what they need to repair their ships. His ship is tractored into the shuttlebay and he enjoys a bath. Gul Evek finds a Cardassian ship and after removing everything of value from the vessel, he destroys it, which creates an unstable debris for Voyager's crew to work in to replace a large number of damaged parts and systems. Neelix agrees to help Janeway find out where the missing crewman are being held, underground on the fifth planet—called Ocampa—and suggests she stays away from the Kazon, a nomadic warlike race, who live on the surface and use any Ocampa that make it to the surface as servants or slave labour.

Meanwhile, Kim, Torres and a Cardassian officer are being looked after by the Ocampa with an illness they didn't have before. They are taken to get some food and later on get some help from an Ocampa who doesn't agree with the rules. They try to find a way out through one of the ancient tunnels.

Janeway and Evek are ready to depart and Neelix joins Janeway on the bridge where he provides a location for the Kazon encampment. He suggests they'll be able to barter water for First Maje Jabin's personal slave, who will be able to give them the location of the underground tunnels. Janeway, Chakotay, Evek, Tuvok, Paris and a Cardassian security officer beam down to the encampment and are taken hostage by the Kazon. Neelix arranges their release with water and in doing so retrieves the slave, but the Cardassian officer is killed in the scuffle. Once back on Voyager, while Dr Fitzgerald tends Kes, Janeway realises Kes and Neelix are lovers.

Book 4 – Worlds Apart

Kes and Neelix beam down to the underground complex where the Ocampa live with Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Paris and Evek to find their missing crewmen. It takes almost a full day to find out that they have escaped and during that time Janeway learns the truth about the Ocampa and the Caretaker. Kes learns that a group of Ocampa living outside the city provided them with tools to break through to the tunnels.

Kim, Torres and the Cardassian are climbing up the stairs in a tunnel when the ground starts to shake. Janeway and the others lose contact with Voyager but Paris, Kes and Neelix find the tunnel the others are in and begin climbing. Paris and co. meet up with Kim and co. and continue climbing together. They reach the top but when they try going through the barrier, the arrogant Cardassian is in too much of a rush and is vaporised.

They reach the surface after blasting a hole in the rock and Paris and Neelix go back for the others while Kim and co. are beamed back to the ship. Paris saves Chakotay's life and shows that he's not just a fighter. Voyager and the Vetar return to the Array and Janeway and Tuvok find out that the banjo man is the Ocampa's Caretaker, and he's dying. The Kazon turn up in a small scout ship and the Caretaker sets the Array's self-destruct. Voyager and the Vetar seem to be equal to the scout but then reinforcements arrive in the form of a warship. It is only working together that they are able to destroy the warship. The warship crashes into the Array, disabling the self-destruct and the Caretaker asks Janeway to make sure that the Ocampa are safe. Janeway and Tuvok return to Voyager and against everyone else's arguments, they destroy the Array, preventing any of them from returning home.

Gul Evek reluctantly hands over the remaining Maquis and they agree to bolster the ship's numbers by becoming field-commissioned Starfleet officers. Janeway tells Evek that they must all work together in order to get home and Evek reluctantly agrees. Janeway tells Paris that he is being given a field commission of Lieutenant (his grade before he was cashiered out of Starfleet) and will report to Lieutenant Stadi as beta-shift helm officer. Fitzgerald was rendered comatose during the battle and the EMH becomes the de facto CMO and Chakotay is made first officer.

Janeway gives a speech about making both enemies and allies, and promises them that they'll find a way back somehow, either from the Caretaker's mate, a wormhole, new technology. Whatever it takes.
 
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On the Cardassian angle perhaps many elements of the Vetar's crew being veterans of the war with the Federation and the recent Maquis conflict can DEFINITELY add spice to the inter-crew tensions.

If you want Cardassian viewpoints on things the experts on this forum are Nerys Ghemor and Thor Damar. I've worked with Nerys Ghemor for writing fics before and his inputs have been especially valuable with my works.
 
I know how good Nerys is and was planning on incorporating some things into my story at the appropriate time. But I'm not writing this yet, not for some time.
 
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