Caption Contest 52: Today on Jerry Springer...

[Nerys Myk]

But first, the winners

Harry Callahan Award

T'Pol: "Go ahead! Perform an action statistically likely to favorably influence my perception of this day!"

Consult Your Doctor Award

Archer: "What is it, Phlox."
Phlox: "It's... it's... well... it's green."
Archer: "God, I wish you were talking about brandy and not my penis!"

An Acquired Taste Award

T'Pol: "When do you people intend to inform the captain that you consumed his dog for sustenance?"

Tucker: "Never, veggie girl!"

Team Work Award

A win! Thanks!

Mayweather: Oh no! None of it was real. The whole island was an allegory for purgatory.

T'Pol: Thanks a lot for the Spoiler, Ensign!

S'mores for the winners!

And now this week's pics:

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[I am Surak]

Tucker! Turn around quick. Camera 4 picked up T'Pol entering the Pon-Farr and the only person close to her is Hoshi.

 

[I am Surak]

"Who could have known that Tucker would go into full anaphylactic shock over a little plomeek sprinkled with a smidgen of Trellium-D" thought T'Pol feeling a little guilty.....

 

[Admiral Shran]

Tucker! Turn around quick. Camera 4 picked up T'Pol entering the Pon-Farr and the only person close to her is Hoshi.

Trip: I don't know why he keeps this up Jerry. The whole crew knows he doesn't swing that way.

Archer: What do you think of these reading T'Pol?
....
Archer: T'Pol?
....
Phlox: T'Pol, what are you looking at?

 

[mirandafave]

When the artificial gravity failed when he was in the shower, Archer didn't mind, but when it happened when he was on the lavatory after last night's Chef's special curry it was a whole other matter!

T'Pol [thinking]: Is it really seven years until Pon Farr? If so why does Mr Tucker's bulge seem ... fascinating?

Reed: Captain! I'm detecting an anomalous reading. Within the ship ... wait ... I've narrowed it down to the bridge.
Tucker: Eh sorry about that ... pregnancy fart.

 

[F. King Daniel]

"These drugs are awesome!!!"

PHLOX: "As you can see, my sensor readings are being disrupted by what appears to be a sock stuffed down the front of Commander Tucker's shorts."

TRIP:

T'POL:

ARCHER:

PLOX: "Come on Malcolm, give it to me! Right here on the bridge! Doctor's orders!"

ARCHER: "You'd better do as he says, Malcolm."

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: Archer to the Bridge. What's going on?

Reed: T'Pol and Tucker are trying out Zero-G sex.

Archer: How long will this go on?

Reed: Oooooo, not as long as Tucker hoped.

 

[Mistral]

The water bubble creatures of Axanar 5 picked an awkward moment to make first contact.

 

[Rat Boy]

The envoy from Trisol was indeed kinky.

Berman (off camera): "Great, Connor! You get the part of the ship's doctor."

Keating: "Wait a minute. Wasn't there a southern doctor in the first show?"

Braga (off camera): "Pfffffffft. Like anyone will notice."

Phlox: "Bring out yer dead."

[Archer puts Tucker on the cart]

Archer: "Here's one."

Phlox: "That'll be ninepence."

Tucker: "I'm not dead."

Phlox: "What?"

Archer: "Nothing. There's your ninepence."

Tucker: "I'm not dead."

Phlox: "'Ere, he says he's not dead."

Archer: "Yes he is."

Tucker: "I'm not."

Phlox: "He isn't."

Archer: "Well, he will be soon, he's very ill."

Tucker: "I'm getting better."

Archer: "No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment."

Phlox: "Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations."

Tucker: "I don't want to go on the cart."

Archer: "Oh, don't be such a baby."

Phlox: "I can't take him."

Tucker: "I feel fine."

Archer: "Oh, do me a favor."

Phlox: "I can't."

Archer: "Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long."

Phlox: "I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today."

Archer: "Well, when's your next round?"

Phlox: "Thursday."

Tucker: "I think I'll go for a walk."

Archer: "You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?"

Tucker: "I feel happy. I feel happy."

[Phlox glances up and down the street furtively, then silences Tucker with a whack of his club]

Archer: "Ah, thank you very much."

Phlox: "Not at all. See you on Thursday."

Archer: "Right."

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Captain Archer should have listened when Willy Wonka told him not to touch the Fizzy Lifting Drinks.


BTW thanks for the win!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win...

Archer: "Archer to Trip, can you get a handle on this grav malfunction. I've got water floating around all over here."
Tucker: "You think you've got it bad. I was taking a leak."

Tucker: "I think this is a bad idea, Doc."
Phlox: "Oh, grow a backbone Commander. It's just a quick scan."
Tucker: "I'll believe that when you take down that 'Phlox's Discount Sickbay Cum Crematorium' sign from out front."

Reed: You know what would be good design sense?"
Tucker: "What?"
Reed: "Jelly Beans for console buttons. That way if you get peckish, you could lick the console."

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Archer knew something was up when his temporary tattoo of Spongebob Squarepants had disappeared.

Archer: Clearly this device is evil!

Dr. Phlox: There appears to be some sort of woolen piece of foot wear in Mr Tucker's groin. How did that get there?

Reed: Trip!! Stop leaning on the buttons! All our torpedoes keep firing off.

 

[Alrik]

Archer: "Damn. I'm going to have to remind Travis about missing those speed bumps again."

Trip: "Eyes are up here T'Pol, up here."

Malcolm: "Mmm. Smells good. What are you making?"

Trip: "Hot Pockets."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

T'Pol: "Oh, my! What happened to his other one?"
Phlox" "The ears aren't the only difference, Sub-Commander."

 

[Middleman]

T'POL [thinking]: Why did Trip refer to it as "his junk"? Highly illogical. Given it's size, I can think of a number of useful things to do with it, which certainly would not qualify it as "junk".

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: What's the prognosis Doctor?

Phlox: It's gonna get worse before it gets better. "Oasis" "Precious Cargo" and "Dawn" but I think he'll be saved by "Cogenitor" and "Similitude."

 

[jep]

Captain Archer learns, the hard way, why you don't use a shower stall as a urinal.



.

 

[Mach5]

^

 

[cooleddie74]

Space Scrubbin' Bubbles work hard!

So you don't have TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (TM)

PHLOX: According to my bioscans of Commander Tucker, his skivvies appear to be the cause of the shipwide fever afflicting female crewmembers!