CapCon 81: Is this Thing On?

[Smellincoffee]

Phlox: Well, Mr. Tucker. Congratulations. You are once again pregnant.
Trip: Dammit, we used protection!

Tucker: Is that a pistol in my pocket or are ya glad to see me?
T'pol: If you have a pistol, I suggest you take it out and use it, as it would expedite our escape.
Reed, shouting over shoulder: For the love of god, Trip, stop setting her up.

Commandant: You are aware of the rule?
Archer: Yes. But -
Commandant: And yet you removed the mattress tags.
Archer: We needed a place to stick our gum!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Phlox: "Well Mr. Tucker I'm afraid you have a bad case of Orion Herpes, I'll have to confine you to sick bay for 3 months, then we'll know if you 'little buddy' has to be ..."
Trip: "Just toss me out an air lock doc."

 

[boco]

Officer: You've been hiding on our planet for days.but we've taken your medical scans.I must tell you that by our standards you both are female...

 

[boco]

Phlox: Did you touch your behind with that arm? It seems that you've got a bad case of hulcan hemorroids..and this is what happens if you touch yourself there..

 

[LeadHead]

Phlox: No, you still leave fingerprints, so I'd rethink the whole "Bank Heist" idea...

 

[bobarino]

General: You have been tried and found guilty of the desecration of of our sacred tree and will be summarily executed, do you understand!
Malcolm: I told you to leave Porthos on the ship sir!
Archer: I know, I know!

 

[bobarino]

Malcolm: The doctor tells me these are edible prosthetics for our disguises
Archer: Malcolm be my guest
Hoshi: Well don't get any ideas Lieutenant because you're not eating my prosthetics or anything else of mine either, got it!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Reed: "Huh! What do you know! This putty takes a perfect impression of the body part you attach it to! Say, Hoshi--"
Hoshi: "Forget it!"

 

[Finn]

Alien: We have recovered a picture of you from some years ago.

Archer: Oh, Boy!

 

[bobarino]

Phlox: According to these readings Commander, you have contracted a Vulcan STD
Tucker thinking: I'll have to have a chat with her, some science officer she is

 

[boco]

Alien: We have recovered a picture of you from some years ago.

Archer: Oh, Boy!

Lol! Winner!

 

[Starpaul20]

Phlox: I got good news, your arm has been shot off.
Trip: I thought you said you have good news.
Phlox: I do, I just saved 15% on my spaceship insurance by switching to Geico.

 

[boco]

Phlox: I have bad news and good news. Bad: I can't make visible your arm. Good : now you can grab the women's bums without them knowing it was you

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Malcolm: "These are quite tasty, not like chicken at all"

 

[TrickyDickie]

"What do you have to say about this evidence that you humans treat other beings with the utmost disrespect?!?"

Archer: "I never bought any of the products that Drew Barrymore endorsed. Well....maybe just once."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Trip: "Shouldn't you have read the instructions before we started this?"

 

[TrickyDickie]

Phlox: "No wonder you have been experiencing discomfort, Trip. This is not a jar of Vaseline. This is a jar of Vicks."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Trip: "I told you not to put up that nasty comment on Facebook."

T'Pol: "Should I shoot them, or you?"

Trip: "Which them are you talking about?!?"

 

[boco]

Phlox:All this for because he tried to stun a bug he saw crawling up your arm? I see the captain is still trying to learn how to use the phase pistol's settings..

T'Pol: Hold still, there's a bug on your pant's zipper. I'll stun it
Trip: I hope you shoot better than the captain, remember what happened to my arm last time he saw a bug crawling up my arm?

 

[TrickyDickie]

T'Pol: "Commander Tucker, many times I have mentioned the importance of researching the cultures involved in first contact situations. Now you have led us into a war because it was the Cardassians, not the Kardashians!"

Trip: "In 1986, didn't Admiral Kirk say something about 'One little mistake....' ?"