Cap Con 68: Travis & Jon Escape from Guantanamo Bay

[Nerys Myk]

But First the Winners!

Not Another Remake Award

T'Pol: I'm sorry, I was looking for the plot, have you seen it?

Shilat: DS9's "Shadowplay."

Soul Brother Number One, Sex Machine, Mr. Dynamite, The Hardest Working Man in Show Business, The King of Funk, Minister of The New New Super Heavy Funk, Mr. Please Please Please Please Himself, I Feel Good, and The Godfather of Soul. Award

So, this'll hold all my James Brown albums?

I Thought It Was Funny, But Don't Know Why Award

"Your eye smells nice."

STAR TREK 0 Reference Award

Altaira: Do you think he suspects, father?

Dr. Morbius: He seems to have become more suspicious... wait, no... he's just passing gas.

Your Prize

 

[Nerys Myk]

And now, this contest's pics.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Mayweather: (thinking) And yet I still don't have any lines.

Grat: Don't worry, we'll release you soon. As you can see, we're a very civilized people.

Archer: May I see a lawyer?

Grat: No.

Archer: May I contact my ship?

Grat: No.

Archer: May I be told the charges against me?

Grat: No.

Archer: So you use the term "Civilized" very loosely.

T'Pol: (over comm) This is quite a complicated escape plan we will need to have everyone in full understanding.

Mayweather: Baaba booey! Baaba booey! Baaba booey!

Archer: Do we really have to go through Every mission I've been on so far?

Grat: Yes, continue.

Archer: Okay, the Ferengi were this tall.

Archer lowers his hand to just below his knee

Archer: And this smart.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Mayweather: Somewhere on this blasted ship there is a script with more than one Mayweather line in it!

Archer: If this is about that girl I went home with after you tried to pick her up, get over it. Captain's perogative.

Archer: And then I went for the slam dunk, and everyone -- what? You don't believe me?
Grat: Jonathan, white men can't jump. Even in the 22nd century, white men can't jump. Why do you lie?

 

[Hopeful Romantic]

GRAT: Does this uniform make me look fat?

I once caught a fish thiiiiiiiiiiiis big.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Stockwell: "Did you add a couple more inches to your lifts?"

 

[6079SmithW]

Archer: And then there was the time we met the Long Cat. He was this long.

Interrogator: That's not really that long.

Archer: Oh, but it is once you take into consideration that my torso represents... the width of the galaxy!

Interrogator:

 

[Finn]

Al: Say "Oh, Boy!" one more time and I'll have you shot.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

After witnessing one of Trip's Vulcan neuropressure sessions with T'Pol, Travis curled up in a shell and would rarely speak to anyone.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Travis: "Heeeeere's Travis!"
Director: "Cut! You're not supposed to say anything, just look through the gap."
Producer: "Don't sweat it, we'll fix it in post, like we always do."

 

[Rom's Sehlat]

Ceiling cat is watching you.

AL: Sam, don't you recognize me? Sam, it's Al!

ARCHER: Travis, we only have enough power to beam one of us out of here.
TRAVIS: *out of lines*
ARCHER: Good, no complaints. I'll go and you can stay.

ARCHER: About this thick, this long.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

ARCHER: Hey, have you seen Travis? About this tall, doesn't say much?

 

[Bob Karo]

Thanks for the win!

Archer: So you see, one end of the string is your birth and on the other death. We then tie the two end together and roll it up in a ball....

Grat: Listen, just because we don't have warp drive doesn't mean we're idiots.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Archer: Archer to Enterprise. Beam us out of prison.

T'Pol (over comm): Stand by, Captain.

Archer (to Mayweather): You know, I got a glimpse of a communicator from the 23rd Century when I was with Daniels. It's a good thing ours are a lot smaller, because I don't know where we would have hidden one that big!

Mayweather: We, or me, sir?

 

[cooleddie74]

Mrs. Soffel...what are you DOING?!

COLONEL GRAT: Ziggy says there's a 93.7% chance that you're in this episode to make me look like I still have a career and friends in Hollywood.

ARCHER:So...what's it gonna be, Travis?

Do you want anchovies and black olives on it or not?

Of course I know a little German.

He stands about this high.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Brother Cavil: So THIS is number seven? No wonder we had him boxed.

 

[cooleddie74]

BAKULA: I see you're still doing the whole "Ziggy" thing with your props.

STOCKWELL: And I see you're still sucking in your gut.

 

[cooleddie74]

ARCHER: Any ideas?

TRAVIS: We could strip nude...start screaming...and act like invisible alien creatures are crawling all over us?

Then run out the door when they open it?

(*Pause*)

ARCHER: Remind me to leave you behind when we escape.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Bakula: "I'll try to contact the ship and... Anthony, what the hell are you doing?"
Montgomery "My acting coach says eye contact is very important."

 

[cooleddie74]

COLONEL GRAT: Permission to stage a road show denied.

This is a military internment camp. Not THAT kind of camp.