Author : Rob Morris
Title : By Any Other Evil
TOS Episode Remixed : By Any Other Name
Rating : G
Characters : ST: TOS + Guests
Summary : In this reality, the Kelvans are all Calamari. Time for some REAL villains to put out a phony distress call!
By Any Other Evil
by Rob Morris
James Kirk and Crew approached the encampment.
"Excuse me, sir. We received your distress call. Did you crash land here?"
There were 13 of them, an odd and motley bunch. Their leader was a bald human in a purple uniform.
"Yes, Captain. We need your help to get out of here. Or more precisely--We Need Your Ship!"
As his landing party was grabbed, Kirk saw a creature with a squarish humanoid face speak to the bald man.
"Me have unsecured no prisoners. Now--they will never be captured. Me do usual lousy job. Defeating them hard."
"Excellent. Now, Captain--beam us aboard your ship or your crew will suffer for it."
So they came aboard. Wielding immense power, they bullied the crew of The Enterprise. An odd man in a jester's uniform ran engineering.
"Mister Scott--your engines all look like toys to me!!!!"
A red-faced humanoid ran security, with a helmeted man and a man in a blue parka. The square-faced being was accidentally wiped away by radiation harmless to everyone else. A growing woman broke through the shuttle-deck and imploded.
A simianoid and a green-skinned cybernetic ran the Science Stations.
"With this future-tech at our disposal...."
The Cyber finished for him.
"The Universe Is Ours!"
Of little-use, two men in garish uniforms stood watch over Kirk's imprisoned crew.
Aboard Kirk's Bridge, a chalk-skinned monstrosity enforced the bald man's rule. A cat-like woman watched and reported on all crew activities. She reported directly to her leader.
"The ssshhhipp issss oursss!!"
"And soon, the entire Alpha Quadrant will fall....To The Legion Of Doom! Best Of All- Our Enemies Have No Idea Where In Time We Are! I, Lex Luthor, have won!"
Just then, Kirk spoke in a much deeper voice than normal.
"I wouldn't count on that, Luthor!"
Now Spock, in a voice just as analytical, but nowhere near as detached.
"In any time--evil just never learns."
Uhura spoke with the voice of a queen--or at least a Princess.
"What we have here is a failure to communicate--that The Legion can never win!"
Chekov didn't sound at all Russian - but he did sound even more eager.
"That's one lesson these guys never studied."
Sulu spoke very quickly.
"This fight was over before it began."
Scotty held one hand over the other, as if he were gathering power. But as with Chekov, the trademark accent was gone.
"Time we showed them the Light."
McCoy just shrugged, and got off The Bridge.
"As The Saying Goes--I'm A Doctor."
Luthor looked at his 'prisoners'.
"You were warned, Kirk--now you'll all be destroyed! Just who do you think you are?"
Onscreen appeared---James Kirk.
"You on the Bridge. Why don't you tell him who you are?"
"With pleasure, Captain."
Luthor shook his head.
"Nooo!! If he's Captain Kirk, then that means you're----"
'Kirk' peeled off his mask and disguise, revealing a familiar red and blue uniform.
"Superman!"
Scotty's' hand then shone with a green light that transformed them all to their true identities.
Batman sealed Solomon Grundy in a constricting polymer.
"Logic dictates--you're not going anywhere, Grundy."
Luthor pulled out an Ace.
"Here, Superman--have some Krypt--"
But the Green rock was beamed out of his hands by the freed Enterprise crew.
One by one, the heroes brought the villains low. Sinestro took aim at Robin.
"Goodbye, Boy Blunder!"
Robin was quick, and struck the side juncture of Sinestro's neck with just the right force.
"Whaaat?...Aaahhh!"
The Korugaran fainted.
"Holy Vulcan! Score one for Mister Spock."
Cheetah smashed into the comm-console, and pulled out a silvery device, which she hurled at Wonder Woman.
"Allow me to Universally Translate your doom, Amazon!"
"No thanks, Cheetah--I understand you only too well."
Using her lasso, Wonder Woman tied Cheetah to the comm-seat.
"Now I owe Lieutenant Uhura a new seat!"
Flash and Green Lantern wrapped up the rest. Superman shook Captain Kirk's hand.
"That was good thinking, Captain--tracing the Legion's time-signal back to contact us."
"We couldn't have done it without you, Superman."
"I disagree, Captain Kirk. You see, good always finds a way to triumph over evil."
Spock nodded.
"Except, Kal-El, that axiom becomes even more accurate and truthful-if the good in question is represented by-The Super Friends."
Title : By Any Other Evil
TOS Episode Remixed : By Any Other Name
Rating : G
Characters : ST: TOS + Guests
Summary : In this reality, the Kelvans are all Calamari. Time for some REAL villains to put out a phony distress call!
By Any Other Evil
by Rob Morris
James Kirk and Crew approached the encampment.
"Excuse me, sir. We received your distress call. Did you crash land here?"
There were 13 of them, an odd and motley bunch. Their leader was a bald human in a purple uniform.
"Yes, Captain. We need your help to get out of here. Or more precisely--We Need Your Ship!"
As his landing party was grabbed, Kirk saw a creature with a squarish humanoid face speak to the bald man.
"Me have unsecured no prisoners. Now--they will never be captured. Me do usual lousy job. Defeating them hard."
"Excellent. Now, Captain--beam us aboard your ship or your crew will suffer for it."
So they came aboard. Wielding immense power, they bullied the crew of The Enterprise. An odd man in a jester's uniform ran engineering.
"Mister Scott--your engines all look like toys to me!!!!"
A red-faced humanoid ran security, with a helmeted man and a man in a blue parka. The square-faced being was accidentally wiped away by radiation harmless to everyone else. A growing woman broke through the shuttle-deck and imploded.
A simianoid and a green-skinned cybernetic ran the Science Stations.
"With this future-tech at our disposal...."
The Cyber finished for him.
"The Universe Is Ours!"
Of little-use, two men in garish uniforms stood watch over Kirk's imprisoned crew.
Aboard Kirk's Bridge, a chalk-skinned monstrosity enforced the bald man's rule. A cat-like woman watched and reported on all crew activities. She reported directly to her leader.
"The ssshhhipp issss oursss!!"
"And soon, the entire Alpha Quadrant will fall....To The Legion Of Doom! Best Of All- Our Enemies Have No Idea Where In Time We Are! I, Lex Luthor, have won!"
Just then, Kirk spoke in a much deeper voice than normal.
"I wouldn't count on that, Luthor!"
Now Spock, in a voice just as analytical, but nowhere near as detached.
"In any time--evil just never learns."
Uhura spoke with the voice of a queen--or at least a Princess.
"What we have here is a failure to communicate--that The Legion can never win!"
Chekov didn't sound at all Russian - but he did sound even more eager.
"That's one lesson these guys never studied."
Sulu spoke very quickly.
"This fight was over before it began."
Scotty held one hand over the other, as if he were gathering power. But as with Chekov, the trademark accent was gone.
"Time we showed them the Light."
McCoy just shrugged, and got off The Bridge.
"As The Saying Goes--I'm A Doctor."
Luthor looked at his 'prisoners'.
"You were warned, Kirk--now you'll all be destroyed! Just who do you think you are?"
Onscreen appeared---James Kirk.
"You on the Bridge. Why don't you tell him who you are?"
"With pleasure, Captain."
Luthor shook his head.
"Nooo!! If he's Captain Kirk, then that means you're----"
'Kirk' peeled off his mask and disguise, revealing a familiar red and blue uniform.
"Superman!"
Scotty's' hand then shone with a green light that transformed them all to their true identities.
Batman sealed Solomon Grundy in a constricting polymer.
"Logic dictates--you're not going anywhere, Grundy."
Luthor pulled out an Ace.
"Here, Superman--have some Krypt--"
But the Green rock was beamed out of his hands by the freed Enterprise crew.
One by one, the heroes brought the villains low. Sinestro took aim at Robin.
"Goodbye, Boy Blunder!"
Robin was quick, and struck the side juncture of Sinestro's neck with just the right force.
"Whaaat?...Aaahhh!"
The Korugaran fainted.
"Holy Vulcan! Score one for Mister Spock."
Cheetah smashed into the comm-console, and pulled out a silvery device, which she hurled at Wonder Woman.
"Allow me to Universally Translate your doom, Amazon!"
"No thanks, Cheetah--I understand you only too well."
Using her lasso, Wonder Woman tied Cheetah to the comm-seat.
"Now I owe Lieutenant Uhura a new seat!"
Flash and Green Lantern wrapped up the rest. Superman shook Captain Kirk's hand.
"That was good thinking, Captain--tracing the Legion's time-signal back to contact us."
"We couldn't have done it without you, Superman."
"I disagree, Captain Kirk. You see, good always finds a way to triumph over evil."
Spock nodded.
"Except, Kal-El, that axiom becomes even more accurate and truthful-if the good in question is represented by-The Super Friends."
How sad is it that the "Challenge of the Superfriends" theme started playing in my head the minute I started recognizing the villains? 
