Brothers...actually families. The point is? What is the point?

[Holdfast]

As the British authorities tend to be rather conservative in my experience, I suppose they would be willing to permit a name change only in similarly extreme cases as the German authorities.

I haven't really read the thread so can't really comment on the OP's situation, but skim-reading some of it, I spotted this.

Historically, the laws around this used to be incredibly lax in the UK. The UK has always had a very different attitude to this than the Continent (the same fiercely individualistic streak is the reason we don't have mandatory ID cards here). Technically you used to be able to use whatever names you wanted as long as your intent was not to defraud. You could disappear and start again with almost no effort. The name the government knew you as could bear little resemblance to whatever name you used at work, or for your bank account, or whatever.

This changed massively about 10 or so years ago, when strict international money laundering regulations were brought in. Now, you have to use your real name and prove it with official (photo-)documentation

Of course, even under the old system if you wanted to change your legal name, you did - and still do - need to inform the authorities and change it by deed poll. But this was - and is - a very straightforward process. You fill in a form, pay about £30, and that's it, job done. You can change it to almost anything you want (no numbers/symbols, etc).

 

[Kestra]

Having gone through the name change process after marriage, it was pretty easy. I went to the DMV and changed my license first. I wanted my maiden name to become my middle name and didn't know if that would cause a problem, but they just let me fill out what I wanted. Once I had my license changed, it was even simpler to go through the rest of it. It's about the same headache as changing your address of everything, really. I don't know about the school reports or whatever. Here you only need to change the things that are current.

It's probably more difficult if you're doing it without a marriage license though. I remember being able to skip some boxes since I could check off that I was changing my name because of marriage.

 

[PopBoy]

Oh i was pretty drunk when posting this! Please accept apologies. As for the surname change that was pretty easy. On some documents i still have to declare the old name though. Seriously, thanks for all the kind words. Didnt expect that...

I'm sorry, but I can't even fathom a family as strict and unsupportive as yours. Your brother likely acted out of fear. It's not an excuse, but that would be my guess.

I very much agree with that view.

I always considered family as some kind of natural force like migrating locusts, floods or blizzards - you can't avoid them and have to live with them somehow, trying to make the best of the situation.

If your parents happen to be rich, I'd not agree to that legal arrangement. Your heritage might be a good deal bigger than the appanage they grant you. And I think you'd stand a fair chance at court if you'd try to fight it. You were in shock, after all.

I also imagine that changing your name would not be all that easy. I doubt that a family quarrel would count in the authorities' eyes.

If it's not too personal a question: how old are you? If you are not yet of age, that contract could pretty easily be undone.
Yours is such an interesting case: I am sure many lawyers would take you on for free or almost for free as it'd be a splendid advertizing for them. You could also sell your story to the media - they'd be happy to have it, I'm sure, especially now in summer where good topics are so rare (I'm surprised nobody has seen Nessie yet).

If your parents decide to behave like morons, I think it's totally justified to strike back. And if you can make a nice sum of money from it in the same go - well, why not?

For about a year afterwards i was in shock at what had happened. I will admit now looking back, before i had come out I lived a pretty sheltered life and to an extent very much spoilt. Despite being a law student I was constantly spending my parents money on fancy holidays with my brother and our boyfriends abroad. We both had serious drinking issues all of which we managed to hide. As long as we turned up to mass on time. I laugh looking back at the amazing ability i had to manage it all.

So, when that was all taken away... i was forced to grow up and stand on my own feet. So yeah, i could fight them but i wanted that stipend to soften the blow. To make it easier on myself. Now i am truly clean of them and their manipulation. Going into legal action with them would be the last thing I want to do. I just want to to hug my brother and tell my brother that i love him so much.

Sigh.

 

[Scout101]

Except that, per your story, he screwed you out of your inheritance in the interim...?

 

[PopBoy]

oh yeah. but i dont want any of it at all. It was hard to come to that state of thinking but now id rather not have stuff like that waived in front of me like carrots. At first i was so angry at him. A whole part of my body still is. I don't understand how he could do that and take such active steps to do so considering our past. He's my older brother. He's the one who is supposed to look out for me.

 

[Kestra]

oh yeah. but i dont want any of it at all. It was hard to come to that state of thinking but now id rather not have stuff like that waived in front of me like carrots. At first i was so angry at him. A whole part of my body still is. I don't understand how he could do that and take such active steps to do so considering our past. He's my older brother. He's the one who is supposed to look out for me.

I'm saddened by your story, because that's so harsh. I've only once pondered doing something that probably would have cut me off from my family, but it was my choice to make. I hope that you have a good support network, but don't ever feel bad if you need to vent here.

 

[MacLeod]

I also imagine that changing your name would not be all that easy. I doubt that a family quarrel would count in the authorities' eyes.

I'n not sure what the laws are like where the OP is from, but in most places in the US you don't really need a reason to change your name other than "I want to change my name."

It's more less the same in the UK, the process is commoinly referred to as Deed Poll.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deed_of_change_of_name

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I don't get why you signed it.

Off the top of my head I could provide a reason or two:

We live in an idiotic/outdated socio-economic system that requires of a person to have 'money' if they are expected to live/survive (let alone do anything else), and the OP is financially dependent on his family (and this was an option to continue on with his life without finding himself under too problematic conditions as in 'no funding at all').

Plus in case you hadn't noticed, we live in a world that can automate 75% of the global workforce tomorrow if the decision is made, and in a system where 'money' is needed for survival, automation displaces numerous people out of jobs (needed to get the said 'money') while humans are incapable of retraining themselves in a field in fewer time required that can be used to program a computer/robot to do (which is 0 guarantee that the retraining will be of benefit because automation can/does already replace people faster than that).

In addition to that, we live in a world where majority of the human population did not receive relevant general education, and as such are relatively easily manipulated/used and are perpetuating numerous ways of thinking and traditions that hold no merit (often at detriment to their own children) and are holding the world back in social evolution.

uh huh. So he didn't want to go without the stipend which was presumably more than he'd be getting off govco in the UK for being a student.

 

[PopBoy]

oh yeah. but i dont want any of it at all. It was hard to come to that state of thinking but now id rather not have stuff like that waived in front of me like carrots. At first i was so angry at him. A whole part of my body still is. I don't understand how he could do that and take such active steps to do so considering our past. He's my older brother. He's the one who is supposed to look out for me.

I'm saddened by your story, because that's so harsh. I've only once pondered doing something that probably would have cut me off from my family, but it was my choice to make. I hope that you have a good support network, but don't ever feel bad if you need to vent here.

Thank you. I suppose i have (had) an idea of what family is. Which is what i think this topic is perhaps about. That jars with my reality.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

But with being rid of them all, you can now start not only a career of your own but a completely new life. The life *you* want. Without the ballast everyone else has to carry around with them. That's rather an advantage in my opinion.
It's a bit like moving: when you rent an appartment you have to make your stuff fit in somehow since the walls [aka family, job and other social ties] are already there - and more often than not they are exactly where you *don't* want them. You, on the other hand, can now build your own house around your furniture, making it fit perfectly

And when you need a hug we're always there for you.

 

[Kestra]

It's also important to remember that families are all different, and things change as people age. My family doesn't always fit my idea of how a family should be, but it's who they (we) are. I'm not saying you need to accept the ill treatment you've received, but rather that an idea of how a family behaves is just that ... an idea. Some people luck out and have close bonds with their families for life, while others forge those types of bonds elsewhere.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Oh i was pretty drunk when posting this! Please accept apologies.

Never apologize for a drunkl thread in Misc.

So, when that was all taken away... i was forced to grow up and stand on my own feet. So yeah, i could fight them but i wanted that stipend to soften the blow. To make it easier on myself. Now i am truly clean of them and their manipulation. Going into legal action with them would be the last thing I want to do. I just want to to hug my brother and tell my brother that i love him so much.

You have a very civilized attitude. I hope you get your wish.

 

[Gryffindorian]

PopBoy, my deepest sympathies for your loss, and i'm not talking about your parents or the inheritance you were dealt with. It sounds a lot like you still care about your brother, who had been your best friend, confidant, and true family all those years. You don't seem to want anything from your family, and it's good that you're not vindictive. But of course, you have every right to feel the way you do.

I don't want to repeat what everyone else has said, but I just want to wish you the best. If there was only a way for the two of you to get in touch again, though I imagine it would be difficult given the circumstances, you wouldn't feel so dejected. Hugs and good luck to you.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

I believe your brother is scared of what your parents would do to him if he'd come out. My appologies for sounding callous - I really don't know how to put this diplomatically - I am sure that after your parents have died he will restore the contact to you again.
I do hope that in the meantime, if he really plans to give in to your parents and marry a woman, he will have the brains to tell his wife beforehand, so as to spare her an unpleasant surprise later.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Not if progeny are involved.

 

[Scout101]

ANd of course, if you were BOTH out as gay, it would at least put them in the position of cutting off ALL their family, or accepting you...

Maybe I'm just a spiteful asshole, but when that paperwork showed up, I'd have had a meltdown. And my parents would have known within seconds that the son they were now favoring was just as gay as the one they were trying to reject, and had even shown me the ropes. I get him being scared, but going along with the rest, and watching them do this to do, unforgivable little chickenshit...