'scuse the venting.
My beautiful fiancee and I are just under four weeks away from our wedding. Planning has been wonderful and organized, from the honeymoon to the reception to the photos and so on. Even the table seating has fit together perfectly and with almost no issues. The awkward family members who don't like the other awkward family members aren't coming. It's really been a lot easier than anyone told us. Until this weekend.
We have three members each in our wedding party. Three bridesmaids, three grooms. One of these bridesmaids has been a friend of my fiancee's since high school. My fiancee was her maid of honour almost a year ago and her wedding. She made perfect sense as a choice to be in the party.
She lives in Edmonton and we live in Calgary, a three hour's drive. She informed my beautiful fiancee this past Thursday that she was thinking about driving down the morning of the wedding.
"Oh no, this would not work," said my fiancee. "We are having a morning ceremony, we have 8 am hair appointments, you would miss the rehearsal, we don't have time to tell you the deal."
"Well, I don't know if my husband should miss the Friday of work. Perhaps I will just come down on my own then the night before," was the paraphrased reply. Good enough.
The bridesmaid came down on Saturday to pick up her dress. My fiancee asked her if the bridesmaid and husband had discussed their travel times any further.
"Oh yes," said bridesmaid. "We've decided to come down the morning of, leaving at 5 am."
"But [bridesmaid], I do not want to spend the morning worrying if you'll make it on time," said the concerned fiancee.
"There are always what ifs. It's silly to dwell on them."
"But [bridesmaid], I'm going to be annoyed at you if you come down the morning of."
"That is your choice," snotted the bridesmaid, and back to Edmonton she went.
I arrived home to a crying fiancee.
I'm mad. Madder than I've been for a long time, but I've stayed out of it directly, and am letting my fiancee handle the direct communication. My first reaction was to send her an e-mail myself and lay it out like this: "When you accepted the honour of being a bridesmaid at our wedding, you accepted the responsibilities with it. We weren't concerned about you not being as involved with the shower/bachelorette/planning as you're far away and we understand that. But coming to the rehearsal is the one thing we've asked of you, and you blow it off without even an apology. You broke the first rule of the wedding: don't stress out the bride anymore then she's already stressed. You come a day early, or don't come at all."
Instead my graceful and by then much calmed fiancee sent her a more calmly worded message: "Sorry if we weren't clear on this before: we both want you to be at the rehearsal. It is something expected of all of the wedding party."
The reply today was a mash-up of "wow, you were so laid-back before, I can't believe you're going off the deep-end about this" and "I feel like you're letting this come between our friendship. I do support you. I'm just not comfortable acting on that support by doing what works best for you [okay, I paraphrased again there]" topped off by "try to focus on this day as a celebration of the union between you and [Hunter X] before God. I'll leave you with that thought."
I really, really hope that it comes to my original message of "come a day early or don't bother" and she doesn't bother, cause I don't want to see this girl there even if she does back down. My fiancee has moved from being upset to being fed-up and pretty much indifferent to whether or not the bridesmaid comes. There has been history of her treating other people this way, but she's never treated my fiancee like this. So the fiancee is leaning towards the "you can pull this crap with other people, and I didn't like watching it then. I'm not putting up with it or backing down."
Go fiancee.
Anyways, I don't know what I'm looking for in response. I just felt the need to vent, and this is good venting ground. If anyone else has advice, go ahead and share it. If you just want to vent about your own crappy wedding experiences and how it really does show you who are and aren't your friends, fire away.
My beautiful fiancee and I are just under four weeks away from our wedding. Planning has been wonderful and organized, from the honeymoon to the reception to the photos and so on. Even the table seating has fit together perfectly and with almost no issues. The awkward family members who don't like the other awkward family members aren't coming. It's really been a lot easier than anyone told us. Until this weekend.
We have three members each in our wedding party. Three bridesmaids, three grooms. One of these bridesmaids has been a friend of my fiancee's since high school. My fiancee was her maid of honour almost a year ago and her wedding. She made perfect sense as a choice to be in the party.
She lives in Edmonton and we live in Calgary, a three hour's drive. She informed my beautiful fiancee this past Thursday that she was thinking about driving down the morning of the wedding.
"Oh no, this would not work," said my fiancee. "We are having a morning ceremony, we have 8 am hair appointments, you would miss the rehearsal, we don't have time to tell you the deal."
"Well, I don't know if my husband should miss the Friday of work. Perhaps I will just come down on my own then the night before," was the paraphrased reply. Good enough.
The bridesmaid came down on Saturday to pick up her dress. My fiancee asked her if the bridesmaid and husband had discussed their travel times any further.
"Oh yes," said bridesmaid. "We've decided to come down the morning of, leaving at 5 am."
"But [bridesmaid], I do not want to spend the morning worrying if you'll make it on time," said the concerned fiancee.
"There are always what ifs. It's silly to dwell on them."
"But [bridesmaid], I'm going to be annoyed at you if you come down the morning of."
"That is your choice," snotted the bridesmaid, and back to Edmonton she went.
I arrived home to a crying fiancee.
I'm mad. Madder than I've been for a long time, but I've stayed out of it directly, and am letting my fiancee handle the direct communication. My first reaction was to send her an e-mail myself and lay it out like this: "When you accepted the honour of being a bridesmaid at our wedding, you accepted the responsibilities with it. We weren't concerned about you not being as involved with the shower/bachelorette/planning as you're far away and we understand that. But coming to the rehearsal is the one thing we've asked of you, and you blow it off without even an apology. You broke the first rule of the wedding: don't stress out the bride anymore then she's already stressed. You come a day early, or don't come at all."
Instead my graceful and by then much calmed fiancee sent her a more calmly worded message: "Sorry if we weren't clear on this before: we both want you to be at the rehearsal. It is something expected of all of the wedding party."
The reply today was a mash-up of "wow, you were so laid-back before, I can't believe you're going off the deep-end about this" and "I feel like you're letting this come between our friendship. I do support you. I'm just not comfortable acting on that support by doing what works best for you [okay, I paraphrased again there]" topped off by "try to focus on this day as a celebration of the union between you and [Hunter X] before God. I'll leave you with that thought."
I really, really hope that it comes to my original message of "come a day early or don't bother" and she doesn't bother, cause I don't want to see this girl there even if she does back down. My fiancee has moved from being upset to being fed-up and pretty much indifferent to whether or not the bridesmaid comes. There has been history of her treating other people this way, but she's never treated my fiancee like this. So the fiancee is leaning towards the "you can pull this crap with other people, and I didn't like watching it then. I'm not putting up with it or backing down."
Go fiancee.
Anyways, I don't know what I'm looking for in response. I just felt the need to vent, and this is good venting ground. If anyone else has advice, go ahead and share it. If you just want to vent about your own crappy wedding experiences and how it really does show you who are and aren't your friends, fire away.
