Reuters:
J.J. Abrams, producer and director of the latest Star Trek film, titled “Star Trek,” has announced that he will return to the negotiation table on November 26th to hammer out a deal with the Star Trek fanbase which would allow production on the film to move forward. Previously, it had been announced that Abrams would halt production on the film due to his inability to live up to Trekkie expectations. In a press release, Abrams says that “We’re really excited by the possibilities this move opens up. As you know, we’ve faced setbacks due to fan pressure, but since the fans obviously know better than me what to do, we’ve come up with a bold new idea that we feel will put this production over the top.
“With the WGA unavailable to work on rewrites, my creative ability has been hampered even more than usual. So I thought, why not allow the people who really know Trek to do all the gruntwork? They do it all already with their fanfilms and fan art and slash fic. So our production team is going to sit down with the Star Trek fanbase—the entire fanbase—in Stockholm on the 26th and hammer out a production deal. We’ll let them write the script, do the visual effects, maybe even direct. We’ll have to get them all on the same page, but if they’re all in the same location, we figure that shouldn’t be too hard. I’ll be sure to call them “trekkies” the whole time; I hear they love that. Negotiations should take three hours, tops.”
What prompted this change of heart? After news of the shutdown was leaked to the internet earlier this week, the reaction was immediate.
“We’ve been flooded with email. Absolutely flooded. Our server crashed three times yesterday,” claims an inside source at Paramount Pictures, the studio behind Abrams’ production. “They also mailed in 20 tons of single-serving bags of salted Vulcan ears. Delicious.”
The method by which the bad news reached the fans may also have played its part in the outcry.
“I made the mistake of confessing the shutdown to a close friend, who posts on the TrekBBS. There he passed the word around, and the next thing you know…hooh boy. Those Trekkies are really insane. I mean, passionate,” said Abrams when this reporter managed to catch him as he was leaving Rick Berman’s house.
However, there may be other reasons for Abrams’ change of heart. After pressing Abrams further on the subject he revealed a sinister ulterior motive.
“Cash. I woke up late last night, covered with KY after my weekly visit with Bill Shatner, and had an epiphany: I can keep all the profits if I stay on as producer, while doing none of the work if I farm it all out. I mean, I’m only in this for the money anyway. Everybody knows that. And I’ll still be rolling in piles of the stuff as long as Star Trek moves forward. Uh, and by “stuff” I mean cash, not lube.
“This way, everybody is happy. I get what I want, the fans get what they want, and in the off-chance they are not happy with the finished film, then they’ll have only themselves to blame. It’s foolproof.”
It remains to be seen how the widespread Trekkie fandom will react to this news, but Berman is positive.
“We’re all very pleased. I was never able to reveal my involvement in this film before now, but I feel this is the perfect time to unmask myself and step out of the shadows. With the fans onboard, I feel like I’m going to be smothered in a suffocating blanket of love. I know how much they admire me.”
Tickets to the negotiations will be available for the next week through StarTrek.com’s main page for the special price of $11,000 dollars.
J.J. Abrams, producer and director of the latest Star Trek film, titled “Star Trek,” has announced that he will return to the negotiation table on November 26th to hammer out a deal with the Star Trek fanbase which would allow production on the film to move forward. Previously, it had been announced that Abrams would halt production on the film due to his inability to live up to Trekkie expectations. In a press release, Abrams says that “We’re really excited by the possibilities this move opens up. As you know, we’ve faced setbacks due to fan pressure, but since the fans obviously know better than me what to do, we’ve come up with a bold new idea that we feel will put this production over the top.
“With the WGA unavailable to work on rewrites, my creative ability has been hampered even more than usual. So I thought, why not allow the people who really know Trek to do all the gruntwork? They do it all already with their fanfilms and fan art and slash fic. So our production team is going to sit down with the Star Trek fanbase—the entire fanbase—in Stockholm on the 26th and hammer out a production deal. We’ll let them write the script, do the visual effects, maybe even direct. We’ll have to get them all on the same page, but if they’re all in the same location, we figure that shouldn’t be too hard. I’ll be sure to call them “trekkies” the whole time; I hear they love that. Negotiations should take three hours, tops.”
What prompted this change of heart? After news of the shutdown was leaked to the internet earlier this week, the reaction was immediate.
“We’ve been flooded with email. Absolutely flooded. Our server crashed three times yesterday,” claims an inside source at Paramount Pictures, the studio behind Abrams’ production. “They also mailed in 20 tons of single-serving bags of salted Vulcan ears. Delicious.”
The method by which the bad news reached the fans may also have played its part in the outcry.
“I made the mistake of confessing the shutdown to a close friend, who posts on the TrekBBS. There he passed the word around, and the next thing you know…hooh boy. Those Trekkies are really insane. I mean, passionate,” said Abrams when this reporter managed to catch him as he was leaving Rick Berman’s house.
However, there may be other reasons for Abrams’ change of heart. After pressing Abrams further on the subject he revealed a sinister ulterior motive.
“Cash. I woke up late last night, covered with KY after my weekly visit with Bill Shatner, and had an epiphany: I can keep all the profits if I stay on as producer, while doing none of the work if I farm it all out. I mean, I’m only in this for the money anyway. Everybody knows that. And I’ll still be rolling in piles of the stuff as long as Star Trek moves forward. Uh, and by “stuff” I mean cash, not lube.
“This way, everybody is happy. I get what I want, the fans get what they want, and in the off-chance they are not happy with the finished film, then they’ll have only themselves to blame. It’s foolproof.”
It remains to be seen how the widespread Trekkie fandom will react to this news, but Berman is positive.
“We’re all very pleased. I was never able to reveal my involvement in this film before now, but I feel this is the perfect time to unmask myself and step out of the shadows. With the fans onboard, I feel like I’m going to be smothered in a suffocating blanket of love. I know how much they admire me.”
Tickets to the negotiations will be available for the next week through StarTrek.com’s main page for the special price of $11,000 dollars.
